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The thing that came first after was calling Hen. Buck supposed that he could have called Maddie. Somehow, though, he knew that as helpful as his sister was pretty much all of the time, this was meant for Hen. Tommy had been gone ten minutes…maybe fifteen. Tommy had kissed him.
Buck’s fingers touched his lips and he realized they were shaking.
Hen picked up on the third ring.
“Hey, Buck,” she said.
“Hi,” Buck said and he knew it came out strange.
“You okay?”
“Yes. I’m…yes. I just…”
“Buck, what’s going on? You don’t sound too—”
Buck let out a breath and he shook himself. “I’m good. I’m good. I just…are you busy right now?”
“Karen and I were gonna see what we can find on Netflix, but if you—”
Buck sat up a bit straighter. “Can I…can I come over?”
“Should you be driving?”
“I’m not drunk, Hen,” Buck shot back. “I’m just…” he trailed off and left it unsaid: I’m just bi.
Well, maybe. Probably. More than probably. That kiss…well, it had blown him away.
“I’ll bring wine,” Buck announced.
“Sure. See you in a bit, Buck.”
It was Karen that opened the door. She eyed him a bit. “Now I don’t let just anyone interrupt my one night this week that I got my wife all to myself. This better be good, Buckley.”
And he just blurted it. “I think I’m bi.”
At that, Karen pulled him inside, pushed him towards her living room and Buck just let her. He felt when she took the bottle of wine he was holding and then was handed a glass full of wine a moment later. Hen appeared with her own glass and Karen was right behind her.
“What happened, Buck?”
Tommy. Tommy at his door. Tommy in his kitchen. Tommy walking towards him. Tommy smiling. Tommy touching his chin. Tommy kissing him.
“Kissing,” Buck said.
“Kissing,” Hen repeated.
“Kissing with who specifically?” Karen asked.
There was something amazing about the way they sat together. Close, not just touching but fitting together. Buck had never paid close attention, he knew how he had always been with romantic partners but they had been girls. All of them shorter, smaller, fitting at his side in a way that left him holding them. It would be so different with a guy. With Tommy.
“Tommy kissed me,” Buck said and as an afterthought added, “I liked it.”
There was a moment of silence.
Then, “What?” from Hen.
Karen was calmer. “Tommy is the guy that flew the helicopter?”
“Yup,” Buck said.
“I need more information,” Hen said. “How did this even happen?”
Buck took a sip of his wine. He couldn’t even think about that, about how he’d wanted to reach out to Tommy as soon as they were back in LA and he hadn’t really thought about the why exactly other than how cool Tommy was. He’d hardly expected Tommy to be so welcoming and to invite Buck for a tour right away.
Then, Eddie was suddenly there and Buck…well, watching them walk away and then fly away, it left him feeling small and forgotten. Left behind. None of it made sense.
In the days following, he figured it was about Eddie. It was about how he and Eddie had barely spent any time together outside of work. They were both busy. There had been Natalia and of course there was still Marisol. Even Chris was a factor. Eddie had turned him down the last time Buck threw an idea out and then after that Buck had gone over to Eddie’s place to talk to Chris. So, hearing about Eddie’s plans with Tommy when Eddie hadn’t tried to make plans with Buck lately…maybe it left a bad taste in his mouth.
It didn’t help that despite talking about getting a drink and Buck getting some lessons from Tommy, Tommy never reached out. Too busy with Eddie. And then, when Eddie had mentioned going out on a night when Buck was free, it had felt like an invitation until suddenly it wasn’t.
Hearing about Tommy from Chris…that had made him pause because wait when had Tommy met Chris?
It was in getting Chim to invite him to the basketball game that opened Buck’s eyes because there was Tommy and he was…well, his arms were bare and he was running around getting sweaty and the sun was hitting him just right and he was bumping chests with Eddie and they were so much closer than Buck had expected. And maybe he hit Eddie a little hard and he should have taken it easy, but there had been something brewing inside him and there were no excuses for any of that.
“He came over,” Buck said to Hen and Karen. “Wanted to clear the air about the whole Eddie thing and I guess…well, I realized why I was feeling so weird about them spending so much time together.”
“What thing with Eddie?” Hen asked at the same as Hen said, “Wow.”
“Eddie’s been hanging out with Tommy,” Hen said. “They even went to watch a fight in Vegas.”
“Oh,” Karen said.
“We’re going on a date,” Buck added.
They both stared at him for a long time and then Hen jumped up and threw herself at him. Arms coming around his shoulder and her head ending up above his.
“A baby gay, in my own living room.”
Maybe telling Hen hadn’t been the best move.
“We’ll have to teach him the handshake,” Karen said with all seriousness.
Hen pulled back from Buck and she laughed.
“I’m kind of having a crisis here,” Buck said.
Hen sat back down. “What’s the issue?”
“I just…I never knew. I had…for so long I just didn’t realize and everything is making sense. This is who I am.”
“And doesn’t it feel good to finally know it,” Karen said.
“It does. It really does.”
The silence that followed was nice. Comfortable. It did feel good, like some part of him had finally been unleashed. Like Buck was finally complete…that missing thing he’d always been searching for unearthed and clear to him. Maybe he was still freaking out a little because he had kissed a guy and he was going on a date with that same guy, a guy that Buck found fascinating. Attractive. Enticing. The guy that had delivered an amazing first kiss. He was out of his element in so many ways.
Karen reached out, touching his forearm. Her hand was warm and small on him. When he looked up and met her eyes she was smiling.
“This is new territory,” she said gently. “Just go at your own pace. I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“Yeah,” Buck said.
“He will,” Hen added.
Buck let out a breath. He felt so light, like he could float away. The nerves weren’t gonna go away anytime soon, but behind them was excitement. There was freedom. There was knowing that all along this had been a part of him and that even if he hadn’t known it, it had been there waiting for the right time, for a moment when Buck was ready to embrace it.
“So,” he said looking at them, “did you find something to watch on Netflix?”
“All things considered, we have the perfect thing,” Hen said.