Archive of Our Own

“I dream of you almost every night. Hopefully I won’t wake up this time.” - Freaks by Surf Curse

The entirety of class 2-A had attended the funeral. In fact, it seemed like the entire school was there. And so many people from the public attempted to attend that they had to block the venue off.

Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki had volunteered to help arrange it when it was brought up and Inko Midoriya had been inconsolable. Unable to even think about arranging her son to be buried. All Might spent time with her once he was discharged from the hospital, basically absent from the school as he tried to help her through it. Though, he seemed to be a mess too.

Eijiro Kirishima had been in the front with the rest of his class, watching the casket be lowered with endless amounts of flowers on top. He’d never felt such a crushing weight in his chest before. It was worse than the war against All For One and Shigaraki. This was a new monster. One that tears and rips and bleeds without any hope of stopping. There was no villain to fight when it came to grief.

He’d glanced over to Bakugou, who was farther away than everyone else, standing off to the side like he always did. He never was one to be right in the middle of a gathering.

Eijiro had never seen Bakugou look like that before. His eyes bloodshot, his skin pale, dark circles heavy under his eyes. His expression flickered between stone cold rage and devastation, eyes trained on the casket. Eijiro had also never seen Bakugou cry before. But the tears cascading down his cheeks seemed endless, like no matter what he did they just wouldn’t stop. He was sure Bakugou hated it, he was sure he was doing everything in his power to make them stop. Eventually though, it seemed as though he gave up on trying to stop them, letting them flow freely, no regard for who saw.

He knew Bakugou’s relationship with Midoriya had been strained for a long time. But it seemed like they were finally getting closer after they’d gone to rescue Midoriya from his self destructive vigilante attempt. Getting close and then having it ripped away must be incredibly painful. To have a childhood friend taken from him…

Bakugou had even started calling Midoriya by his actual name. And their teamwork during the fight against All For One and Shigaraki had been like nothing anyone had ever seen. It was totally badass. It had given Eijiro hope that everything would be okay.

But as he tore his eyes away from his worn down friend and back to the hole in the ground, he understood that that hope had been foolish. A child’s dream.

----

Shouta Aizawa had been there at the very end of it all. He watched as Midoriya landed the final blow, clearing the stormy sky above them with a single punch. He felt the energy around him shift as everyone watched, as relief flooded the destroyed battlefield in waves.

Hizashi had put a steadying hand on his shoulder as he released a shaky breath. His legs were about ready to give out from under him.

But then he saw Midoriya start to fall from the sky, his eyes closed and his momentum not stopping. There were several cries from his students and other heroes to ‘catch him!’

He moved, but he was too far away. And as he ran, he knew he wouldn’t reach him in time.

As Midoriya neared the ground, there was a bang and a flash as Bakugou shot towards him. Shouta’s eyes widened as he watched him shoot out and catch Midoriya before he hit the ground. He wasn’t even sure how Bakugou was still moving with his current catalog of injuries. They rolled to a stop in the dirt and Shouta ran as fast as his prosthetic would let him.

As he neared, he heard a sound he was sure would never leave his memory. Bakugou was screaming. He thought at first that maybe he was in pain, maybe his heart was pushed past its current limit. But he quickly realized that it wasn’t the sound of Bakugou’s heart failing, it was the sound of it breaking.

And as his knees hit the dirt and he took the freckled boy out of Bakugou’s arms, he realized that no amount of CPR was going to save what had already been lost.

Shouta tried anyway. He performed CPR until his arms shook and his chest heaved with the effort. Bakugou just stared and stared, not saying a word, not making a sound. His eyes were completely vacant and Shouta doubted he even registered what was happening in front of him. He tried to help once, but Shouta shook him off, seeing the fresh chest wound bleeding and blood dribbling from Bakugou’s mouth. He was past his limit and he needed medical attention as soon as possible.

Shouta pressed the boy’s chest until his heard bones break, until he physically couldn’t do it anymore. When the paramedics arrived on scene, the truth of Midoriya's fate was spoken into existence and Shouta had never felt more sick.

He was only 16. He was just a kid with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

----

“Katsuki, would you…” Inko wiped at her eyes and huffed a half-sob as she sat across from Izuku’s best friend at her dining room table that now felt too big. “Would you speak at his funeral?”

Katsuki stared back at her with a blank expression, as if he hadn’t heard what she’d asked. The changes in him were subtle and could probably be blamed on his hospital stay and multiple heart surgeries. But Inko had a feeling it was much more than that. His skin was pale, bringing out the new scar on his cheek in stark contrast. He looked more tired than she’d ever seen him, dark circles and hunched shoulders.

He cared about Izuku immensely, she knew that. She knew they both cared about each other in a much deeper way than anyone else truly understood. That’s why she asked him over. To tell him that he was important to Izuku, that he should say something at the funeral. But his tea had gone cold in front of him untouched and forgotten, and everything she said seemed to hit a brick wall of nothing.

She gave him a minute, watched as his expression shifted from blank to confused to angry. It was the only reaction she’d gotten out of him the entire time he’d been there. It was obvious he hadn’t wanted to come, but came for her sake anyway. He’d always been secretly kind, always respectful under that rough exterior he put on with his peers.

When he finally spoke, there was no anger in his tone. His words were flat, emotionless.

“No,” Katsuki said. “I won’t.”

Inko let her gaze fall to her lap. “He would want—”

“I don’t give a fuck what he would want I–” Katsuki choked on his words, turning his head to the side as his mouth twisted aggressively. “You don’t want me speaking at his funeral. Choose someone else.”

“But–”

“No,” Katsuki snapped, turning his head back to look at her. “Choose someone else.”

He stood and she reached a hand out, taking his uninjured one between both of hers. “I know you’re hurting too. It’s okay to–”

He yanked his hand away and picked up his bag. “Ask Uraraka or Todoroki or even fucking Iida. I don’t care. Choose someone nice. Choose someone who deserves it. They were all good to him from the very beginning. They were all important to him.”

She opened her mouth to argue her side for choosing Katsuki in the first place, but he left the apartment without another word.

The silence closed in on her so quickly that it took her breath away. She crumpled in her seat, putting her face in her hands as she sobbed.

----

The silence in the dorms was deafening. It was full of grief and it suffocated the life out of everyone there. Midoriya had been like a glue for them all. He’d been their driving force. He’d been the reason that Shoto could embrace his quirk.

Shoto had never seen the dorms in such a state. They all stayed together, huddled onto the couches as they let the TV play whatever movie was on. None of them really paid attention to it. Sometimes someone would say something small, or try to joke. But it all fell on deaf ears as they tried to process losing someone their age to something so much bigger than them. Something they were never meant to be a part of in the first place.

Maybe if Shoto had been there then it wouldn’t have happened. He tried to think of a scenario where he was able to make it there on time and help. But it just wasn’t possible.

Midoriya had been so bright, like a light that guided his classmates to victory, someone that everyone had leaned on and learned from.

And Shoto hadn’t even known he was gone. Not until Aizawa Sensei made his way into his hospital room. He’d sat in the small plastic chair looking more worn out than usual. Shoto had expected that, he figured everyone looked a little worse for wear after everything. But there was something in his eyes that had Shoto sitting up.

When his teacher informed him that Bakugou was alive and okay, he’d relaxed a little. But then his teacher had hesitated. He’d choked on Midoriya’s name. And the dread of hearing his usually stoic teacher falter had settled heavily in his gut as he listened.

“Midoriya passed away.”

Shoto furrowed his brows, horribly confused by the words, as if they weren’t real or he didn’t understand what they meant. Because that just wasn’t possible. Midoriya was the strongest out of all of them. All Might’s successor. He’d trained everyday, every night. He put in all of the effort. He did everything in his power to make sure that he kept everyone safe. And yet somehow…

He was dead. Gone. Buried in the cold ground. Shoto would never get to talk to him again. He’d never get to try out a joke to see if it was funny and have Midoriya laugh no matter what. He’d never get to compete with him again. He couldn’t fully grasp it. Because how could someone he saw everyday just be gone? When he thought of him, he couldn’t just go see him. He couldn’t ask him questions. He still had so many questions.

He was mourning Touya and Midoriya at the same time and he’d never felt so heavy before.

He tried to talk to Bakugou, even though they’d never really gotten along.

“Bakugou…Can we talk?” Shoto had asked. Those dread-filled red eyes had simply looked at him. Red-rimmed, puffy and bloodshot. No light in his irises whatsoever. Not even his usual fiery anger was present. Bakugou was completely empty. He didn’t respond to Shoto, he just kept walking towards his dorm room.

Shoto didn’t really understand it. He knew they were friends when they were young, but he’d only ever seen them bicker and fight like they hated each other. So why was Bakugou so upset? Hadn’t he hated Midoriya? Or was it something different that Shoto wasn’t aware of. He’d have to ask someone that was good with understanding those types of things.

He wanted to ask Midoriya.

----

Eijiro watched helplessly as Bakugou changed. He didn’t even think it was possible for him to be so quiet.

He sat in class, a bored expression on his face like he always did. But he didn’t yell at anyone to shut up, he didn’t boast about his progress in recovery. He didn’t say anything at all. Most of the time, it looked as though he wasn’t even present, as if every word spoken didn’t make it to his ears.

Eijiro could see it. The pain underneath his impassive facade. Bakugou was in so much pain. He was in agony and Eijiro didn’t know how to fix it.

It had been 2 months and class 2-A was finally back in regular classes. Everyone was opening up just a little bit, talking more. Uraraka had said that Midoriya wouldn’t want them to dwell on it. That he would hate to see them sad. She said it all as if she didn’t have the deepest look of sorrow in her eyes. After losing Himiko Toga and then one of her closest friends all in the same day, in the same fight.

Eijiro could tell she was putting on the bravest face that she could manage. They all were, really. Trying their best to be okay. Whatever that meant.

The only one not trying was Bakugou, and as Eijiro continued his efforts to talk to him, he made no progress. He was worried. Bakugou would probably hate it if he said he was, but he was worried. He’d never seen… He’d never seen someone look so empty before, he’d never seen someone’s physical appearance change with their grief. It was scary. He was scared of what was happening to his friend.

When they would get back to the dorms, whether they spent the day helping with cleanup efforts or in class, Bakugou always went straight to his room. And on their days off, he stayed there. Eijiro would poke his head in as quietly as possible just to make sure he was okay and every time Bakugou was fast asleep.

He slept all the time. He said his pain medications made him tired, but Eijiro was pretty sure he was supposed to be off of the heavy ones.

Sometimes, he’d poke his head in and see Bakugou sleeping with tears streaming silently down his face and it made Eijiro’s heart squeeze and stole his breath.

The one time he’d tried to wake him up to ask if he was okay, Bakugou had startled so badly that sparks shot off from his body as he bolted upright. And then he cussed Eijiro out so thoroughly that Eijiro had learned new cuss words from the rant. The only other words he caught besides curses was ‘you ruined it!’ and he had no idea what that meant.

He wanted to help. He just wanted to help him. But he refused. No matter who tried to reach out to him, no one could get through. He was unresponsive to almost everything, practically catatonic unless he was given a specific task to do.

There was one day where he managed to get Bakugou to look at him and respond.

He placed a hand on his elbow as he tried to walk past the common room. He put on a gentle smile and spoke as normally as possible. He knew Bakugou didn’t like being coddled.

“Hey, man. Do you want to watch a movie with us?”

Those ruby eyes scanned the room, looking at his classmates who waved him over.

“You don’t have to stay for the whole thing. Maybe just a little while?” Eijiro urged gently.

Bakugou blinked and then shockingly, he nodded.

Eijiro gave him a sharp-toothed grin before walking over to the couch with him and starting the movie. Hope was bursting in his chest, he got him to spend time with them, that was a good step! He just needed to keep Bakugou present enough, get him to slowly come out of his severe depression. They could all lean on each other and get through this.

He only made it about 20 minutes in, his shoulder slowly becoming stiff with tension, his eyes becoming tired, before he stood.

“Wh-Where are you going?” Eijiro asked, desperate for him to stay. It had been such great progress to get him out there with them.

“Bed,” Bakugou’s rough voice grumbled out as he made his way to the stairs.

Eijiro couldn’t help it, he ran after him and caught him outside his dorm room.

“Bakugou,” Eijiro breathed out. “Hey, man. Y-You know you can talk to me right?”

The blonde turned his head, hand on the handle of his room. “I know.”

“I– You know you’re not alone right? A-Are you okay?” He took a step towards him.

“I will be, once I get to sleep,” was all Bakugou said before he made his way into his room and closed the door.

Eijiro deflated, completely at a loss for what to do as he stared at his friend’s door.

----

Shouta sat at his desk grading papers, trying to keep his mind off of the fact that his once joyous class was still so eerily quiet after 3 months. They were doing their best, and so was he. But the empty seat behind Bakugou was sucking the air out of the room, reminding him of his failures as a guardian for his students.

And Bakugou…

Shouta watched as the life was drained from the kid. He watched his skin pale, his clothes get too baggy, his eyes dull.

He watched as the depression took the fire right out of his soul. His problem child went through the motions of each day as if his limbs were simply too heavy to carry on his own. He wasn’t cleared for any kind of combat, so he would go back to the dorms while the other students participated in combat training.

One day, he let Vlaad watch his class as he made his way to the 2-A dorms and up to Bakugou’s room. He wouldn’t lose two students. To the war or to themselves. These were his kids, he would not let Bakugou slip from his grasp too.

He knocked and waited. But when no sound came from the room, he worried. Announcing his presence, he pushed the door open gently, light spilling in from the hallway into the dark room.

The kid was curled into a tight ball in his bed, eyes closed and the hand of his good arm clenched into a fist while his bad arm laid limply.

“Oi, leave me alone,” Bakugou grumbled as he opened one eye. “I’m trying to sleep.”

Shouta walked into the room and spotted the medication bottle on the nightstand before looking over at the boy.

“It’s 2pm. You’re sleeping?”

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” Bakugou snapped. But his voice didn’t even have the edge to it anymore. He just sounded tired. Shouta found himself wanting the snappiness and anger back. Any emotion was better than this.

“You’re still taking these?" He held up the bottle and Bakugou frowned.

“Yeah. My arm fucking hurts.”

Shouta hummed as he put the bottle down.

“I’ve been talking to Principle Nezu and we’ve decided to set you up with a therapist.”

Bakugou sat up with a scowl. “What the fuck? Why?”

Shouta eyed him and raised a brow. “You have to ask?”

Those red eyes shifted off to the side. “I’m fine. I just want to sleep.”

“Sleeping your life away isn’t going to help. It’s not going to bring him back.”

Bakugou froze, his body going stiff as his eyes narrowed into a scathing glare, his old fire igniting back to life in his gaze.

“Yes it fucking does.”

Shouta’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Bakugou looked away, shrinking into himself.

“Kid, what does that mean?”

“I dream about him…” his voice was barely a raspy whisper and Shouta’s eyes softened with understanding.

“Sometimes I dream of my friend who passed away too. But that doesn’t change what I said. You can’t sleep your life away.”

“Whatever, you don’t get it.” He laid back down with a huff and Shouta frowned.

“Just give the therapy a try okay? Your first session is tomorrow at 4. I’ll come and walk you over.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes but eventually sighed and said, “Fine.”

It eased Shouta’s conscience but he looked at the boy’s body and his smaller-than-before frame, “Can I bring you some food? Do you want to come to the teacher’s office and eat with Hizashi and I?”

“The meds are…gonna kick in,” Bakugou mumbled, his expression almost sad, as if he wanted to say yes.

“That’s okay. We can handle that when it comes. C’mon.” He held out his hand.

It seemed like he was going to reject it, but eventually, he took the hand and stood slowly and Shouta walked him back to the teacher’s lounge.

Bakugou didn’t say a word and his steps were a little uneven, like he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. Shouta occasionally put a hand on his back to guide him and the kid didn’t complain once.

Hizashi was as talkative as always, yapping at Bakugou even though he didn’t really respond. Shouta subtly watched the kid slowly eat the mapo tofu he got from the cafeteria, if eating could even be the word to describe it. He pushed it around more than he actually ate, but Shouta was just happy with the bites he was taking.

He’d lost one kid to this war, he was not going to lose another.

He sat next to him on the couch as he flipped through papers to grade and Hizashi talked the poor boy’s ear off.

Eventually, Shouta had to catch the bowl from Bakugou’s hands as he fell asleep, his body completely giving in to unconsciousness without a single thought of where he was or what he was holding. His body leaned into Shouta, his head landing on his shoulder.

“Well, I guess he’s all tuckered out,” Hizashi said with a sad smile.

Shouta nodded. “I’m gonna take him back to his room.”

He picked him up, his stomach dropping with dread at how much lighter he was, and walked across campus to the dorms.

He looked down at the boy in his arms as he walked and noticed fresh tears clinging to the corners of his closed eyes.

He was surprised to hear chattering from his class as he walked into the dorm building. It was much more lively than it had been for a while and it soothed his stiff shoulders to hear them sounding more like themselves.

“There he is!” Kirishima called out and multiple of them ran over. “Is he okay?”

“Calm down,” Shouta said quietly and they all matched his volume as they quieted down. “He’s fine. Just fell asleep.”

“Is he crying?” Uraraka commented and Shouta saw Kirishima’s eyebrows furrow in concern.

“He’s fine, it’s just his medication making him tired. I’m going to take him to his room.”

They looked like they wanted to argue but knew better, so they backed off as he took the boy upstairs.

----

Internal injuries is what they said it was. That he’d been bleeding out the entire time he was fighting. He was dead before Katsuki even caught him, dead as soon as he started to fall from the sky. He looked okay on the outside, he looked fine.

Katsuki doesn’t really remember the day it happened, and he doesn’t really remember anything other than his dreams for the last several months.

But he remembers once vibrant viridian eyes being half-lidded and dull. He remembered how they bore into him as he wondered where all of the screaming was coming from. He remembered Izuku’s body jerking over and over as Aizawa sensei pumped his chest.

He’d waited for that life to come back, for his eyes to shine and crinkle with one of his wide smiles. For his voice to say ‘Kacchan’ and his chest to move on its own.

It never happened.

Auntie had asked him to speak at his funeral and he’d wanted to laugh in her face. Him, of all fucking people, should not be the one to speak at the nerd’s funeral.

He’d only ever been terrible to Izuku. Why did she think he deserved to speak on his behalf? Why did she think he deserved anything?

Apologies spoken and forgiven or fucking not, he didn’t deserve it. Izuku could have forgiven him a thousand times to his face and Katsuki would never deserve—

Fuck. Why couldn’t it have been him? Or… FUCK. Somehow, he should have prevented it somehow. He should have fucking… Done something or… Or fuck.

He didn’t know.

He didn’t know Izuku had been bleeding out. He didn’t fucking know.

Katsuki gripped at his hair tight enough to hurt with his good hand, curling in tighter until his knees hit his chest. He begged silently for his medication to knock him out.

Please. C’mon. Please.

It was taking too long. His thoughts were spiraling until he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Izuku should never have been the one to die in this stupid fucking war. Stupid fucking league of villains and stupid fucking All For One. Fuck. Oh fuck.

His hand fell from his head to his chest as his heart tried valiantly to beat out of his chest. Lately it did a weird flip-like feeling that had him squeezing his eyes shut.

All Izuku had ever wanted was to be a hero. That was all he wanted.

Katsuki was haunted by those excited green eyes, the kid wearing his All Might onesie and cheering about how he was going to be just like All Might. How he’d taunted him and said he would be just like All Might. Creating banter and a competition that drove him forward.

And Izuku got exactly what he wanted. He even got All Might’s quirk. He got to be a hero.

So why in the fucking hell did it get ripped away? Why did Izuku get ripped away? That wasn’t fucking fair. That wasn’t fair. All he wanted was to help people.

A sound escaped him that he didn’t even register as being his own voice. It was a sob or a wail or something pathetic that he decided not to acknowledge as being him.

C’mon. Work. Work. Work. Please.

His wish was granted as the medication finally kicked in, as he felt his body go lax and he prepared for the only relief the world had granted him recently.

----

The first time he saw Izuku after his death, was at a park they used to go to as kids. Katsuki blinked sluggishly as he looked at the double swing set, taking in what was in front of him. The boy with fluffy green hair was looking out at the pond, swinging his feet back and forth.

Katsuki already felt hot tears sliding down his face as he walked up behind him on shaky legs.

When he opened his mouth to speak, no words came out. He frowned, tried again and huffed silently at his lack of voice.

Izuku turned his head and gave him the widest, most dazzling smile he’d ever seen and his knees nearly buckled. Oh, fuck he missed that.

“Kacchan! You’re here!” He said happily.

Katsuki just looked at him, took him in, watching the light dance in his happy eyes in an attempt to purge his mind of the memory of those eyes being completely lifeless, of his pupils dilating with death.

Izuku stood and basically tackled him into a hug. And Katsuki could feel it. He could feel his warmth as he collided with him. He could feel Izuku.

He shook himself out of his shock and quickly wrapped his arms around him too, clutching the back of Izuku’s shirt in his fists. His body shook against his will and he sniffled silently.

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” Izuku said as he let go and Katsuki reluctantly did as well. “You remember this park?”

Katsuki nodded.

“Ah, I used to love coming here with you. I miss it. Being a kid and all…” Izuku’s eyes were sad for a moment before they snapped back to their usual joyous light.

Katsuki’s JSL was rusty, but he remembered some of it. So he signed to him the best he could.

“Izuku.”

Izuku smiled. “Kacchan. You remember sign?”

“Kind of.”

“Well, you wanted to talk to me right? That’s why I’m here,” Izuku said as he sat back down on the swing and Katsuki sat on the other one, refusing to take his eyes off of him just in case he was gone when he looked back.

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess yes. I want to talk to you.”

“Well, go ahead,” the freckled boy gave him an encouraging smile.

His signs were sloppy and probably hard to read but he forged ahead.

“No I… want you back. I don’t just want to talk.”

“I’m right here, Kacchan.” Izuku swung his legs back and forth and leaned forward to smile at him.

Maybe he didn’t know. He didn’t know he was dead.

Dead.

Katsuki blinked his eyes furiously as he looked away.

“Ah! Kacchan, why are you crying? That’s so unlike you!” Izuku laughed awkwardly and waved his hands at him to try and get him to stop.

“Nothing. Sorry.”

He cursed his lack of JSL knowledge as he tried to remember how to communicate.

“It’s okay, Kacchan. We can just sit here for a while. I think that would be nice. The sun is so warm, I love it.”

Katsuki just nodded slowly and stared out at the pond. They could just… sit together for a little. That would be okay. He glanced over at him constantly, making sure he was still there.

They sat like that for a while, Katsuki’s body slowly relaxing. His arm didn’t hurt here, neither did his chest, and he was grateful for it. It was peaceful, quiet. The sun washed over them in a golden glow as it lowered in the sky and bathed them in a gentle warmth.

“I’ll be here waiting okay?” Izuku said suddenly.

Katsuki furrowed his brow, swiveling his head to look at him.

He opened his eyes and found himself in his dorm room, curled up in bed with tears clinging to his lashes.

Izuku.

He bolted up and raced down the hallway to Izuku’s room.

When he swung the door open, he was met with a cold, empty space. No All Might figures, no colorful bedding or notebooks scattered around. It was all gone. And so was Izuku.

He cussed and shouted at the empty room. Why did they take everything out of it? Why would they do that? He’d only been gone a week.

A fucking week.

He was vaguely aware of hands on him, pulling him from the empty dorm room. There were voices but he couldn’t make them out over the roaring in his ears or his own shouting. He lost his energy immediately, halting his fit and snapping his mouth shut as he yanked his arms away from Kirishima and Todoroki and stomped back to his own room.

He saw Izuku again the next night. And the next. He brushed up on his JSL when he was awake, and saw Izuku when he was asleep.

They were sitting on a large grassy hill, enjoying the sunshine again. Katsuki recognized it from one time when they were exploring the woods when they were brats. They’d found the hill and decided it was the perfect place to rest and compare shiny rocks they’d found.

“Kacchan, you look angry,” Izuku said from beside him.

Katsuki wasn’t happy this time. He was pissed.

“Fuck you,” he signed and Izuku’s eyes widened.

“Wh–What did I do?!” He asked incredulously.

“Fuck you for dying.”

Izuku didn’t seem surprised to learn he was dead. Katsuki supposed he actually knew the whole time.

Again, hot tears slid down his cheeks against his will as those pretty green eyes looked at him. Those pretty green eyes that he wanted to see alive. He wanted to turn around in class and see him. He wanted. Fuck… He wanted.

Izuku looked shocked for a moment before his expression softened and he leaned forward to wipe his tears away. Katsuki didn’t pull away as his thumbs swiped at his cheeks.

“You can’t be mad at me for that. We saved the world!”

Katsuki frowned and looked away.

“You left me.”

“I’m sorry.” Izuku’s response was a strained whisper.

He slid his crimson eyes back to see Izuku on the verge of tears, lip wobbling and eyes glassy.

“I didn’t want to go,” Izuku choked. “I just…wanted to spend some time with you now. So…Can we not talk about that? Please, Kacchan.”

Katsuki watched him fight his tears. He didn’t want to see him cry, not after everything. So he nodded slowly and laid back against the grass with a silent sniffle.

Izuku wiped his eyes and laid down next to him, their arms touching.

They stayed there, pointing at the clouds and saying what they looked like until Katsuki blinked and it was all gone again.

It continued for weeks, which turned into months. He continued to tell his doctor he was in pain, getting his heavy pain meds refilled and taking them every chance he got. Every time he could feel them lulling him to sleep he got a little excited to spend more time with Izuku.

When he sat in class, he could swear he felt Izuku still behind him. He could feel a gentle hand on his back. He could hear his ridiculous mumbling and the scratch of his pencil in his notebook. He didn’t dare look back to see the empty seat.

Kirishima tried to get him back into the swing of things, but watching his classmates try to go back to normal made him feel sick. A lot of things made him feel that way now.

He sat on the couch after agreeing to watch a movie with them. He didn’t know why he agreed. Maybe to get the look of concern off of Kirishima’s face or just… To not be alone for a little bit. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, it felt like years. But eventually, the buzzing under his skin and the nausea roiling in his stomach was too much and he went upstairs.

Kirishima tried to reach out to him, tried to get him to talk. But Katsuki just didn’t care.

His entire body relaxed as soon as he closed his door, reaching for the medication that was his only relief and laying in bed waiting for it to take him back to Izuku.

The day that Aizawa Sensei said he was going to go to therapy, every bone in his body screamed to not let it happen. He didn’t need therapy. He wasn’t weak…He…Maybe he was. Maybe he was weak now. Izuku had made him stronger. And he just didn’t have the desire to try anymore.

Aizawa Sensei was worried too, he could see it. It was a weird feeling to see his teacher so concerned for him. He was sure that at some point his parents would be contacted about his behavior. He’d been successful in avoiding them, only taking occasional phone calls and telling them everything was fine.

When Sensei had offered to take him to the teacher’s lounge, something ached deep within him. An old, long forgotten desire to be taken care of. Like a child. He didn’t want his parents to dote on him. They deserved a break from a son like him.

Aizawa Sensei though… Well, maybe he could burden him a little bit. He was available, he was there, and he offered, so surely it was fine if he took him up on the offer.

For a split second, he’d regretted taking his medication. Because maybe spending time with Aizawa and Mic would help a little.

He tried to keep up with whatever the hell Mic was saying, but the effects of the drugs were swift and merciless. He didn’t get to enjoy the time with the teachers as much as he’d wanted to.

But he got his reward.

He’d fallen asleep in the teacher’s lounge and before he knew it, he was looking at Izuku.

“Kacchan!” Izuku beamed at him and Katsuki gave him a gentle smile as Izuku ran and hugged him. It had become their usual greeting over the months.

He rubbed a hand up and down Izuku’s back and carded his fingers into his hair. Izuku pressed into him and hugged as tight as possible.

“How’s your heart doing? You said it was giving you trouble.”

Katsuki let him go and signed.

“It’s okay I think. It hasn’t done anything weird in a couple days.”

“I’m sorry I was too late…When I got to the coffin in the sky. I’m…so sorry, Kacchan.”

Katsuki shook his head, “I gave that son of a bitch a good beating. I did it for you. I knew what I was walking into.”

Izuku smiled a little sadly. “Kacchan…You look skinnier. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Katsuki nodded. “Just happy to be here.”

“You’re here a lot y’know. I want you to take care of yourself.”

“I am. This is taking care of myself.” He nodded sternly.

Izuku frowned and Katsuki looked around to see where they were this time. His brow furrowed as he saw they were standing on the small log bridge he’d fallen from when he was younger. He looked down to see the gentle stream underneath them. But the landscape only stretched a couple hundred feet before ending. The rest of the world was just…nothing. It was all white. Like they were standing in a cloud.

“What is this place?”

Izuku shrugged. “You remember that time you fell and I was so worried! You talked about it, said it was some turning point for you or something.”

Katsuki nodded slowly. “But where’s the rest? Where’s the sun?”

Izuku looked around again. “I see everything, Kacchan. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Katsuki frowned and looked around again before shaking his head.

“It looks different.”

Izuku opened his mouth to say something and then Katsuki was opening his eyes to his ceiling. He bolted up, his heart was racing and doing the weird flippy thing it had been doing every so often.

He frowned as he looked over at the medication bottle. They’d been talking! What the hell woke him up? He wanted to talk more. There was something he needed to tell him. He needed to talk to him. Fuck. He just…

He didn’t want to wake up and lose Izuku all over again. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to be with him always.

Aizawa Sensei said it wasn’t healthy, He knew that. He understood. But…It was the only thing keeping him going. Seeing Izuku was the only goddamn thing keeping him from falling apart completely.

He only had one pill left, and they weren’t going to refill it again. He clutched at his chest and let the tears fall into his lap. He didn’t want to lose what he had. It was all he had left.

He tried to save the last pill, tried to sleep on his own, but he never fell into a deep enough sleep. Or he woke up from nightmares too easily.

He only lasted a day before he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to just see Izuku before his therapy appointment. So he took the last one and laid down, waiting desperately for it to drag him under.

It was all white this time. There was no green grass, or gentle river. There was no warm sun or swingset.

Katsuki was on his knees as he looked up. Izuku stood in front of him, looking down at him sadly.

“You can’t get up?” Izuku asked, his voice wobbly.

Katsuki tried, but Izuku was right. He couldn’t get up.

“I think…Maybe it’s time for me to go then…” Izuku said, trying his best to smile.

Katsuki’s world came crashing down around him at the realization. No. No he couldn’t go. This couldn’t be it. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t lose him again. Please.

“Do you see the river?” Izuku asked quietly and Katsuki shook his head.

“I see nothing.” he signed and Izuku’s eyes were full of resigned acceptance.

“Don’t cry, Kacchan. I’m right here,” Izuku said with a gentle smile as his fingers gently wiped away Katsuki’s tears.

Izuku stood over him in the vast white landscape of nothing as Katsuki stayed kneeled before him. His careful fingers lifted his chin so they were looking at each other.

He tried to speak, tried to tell him how much he missed him. All he wanted was to talk to him, to let the words he’d been wanting to say spill out of his mouth. But he was cursed to never speak in this place. Only watch as Izuku smiled sadly and wiped his tears.

“I love you,” Katsuki signed with his shaking hands.

Izuku smiled. “I love you too, Kacchan.”

Katsuki shook his head and furrowed his brows to show he was serious as he harshly signed again.

“I love you.”

Izuku’s eyes widened slightly before softening. Tears formed and fell from those pretty green eyes.

“Kacchan. I love you too. You couldn’t have said that to me sooner huh?” His eyes were so full of affection that Katsuki knew he understood what he meant. Katsuki’s breath caught in a hiccup.

“You just had to die before I could tell you huh?”

Izuku took his hands into his own and gave him a watery laugh. “Yeah, I guess that’s my bad.”

Katsuki shook his head, his breathing becoming fast and shallow. This couldn’t be it. This couldn’t be the last time he sees him. His chest heaved as he looked up at Izuku with wild, panicked eyes. His heart was breaking all over again. He couldn’t lose him again.

“I’m right here, It’s okay,” Izuku soothed and when Katsuki blinked he once again opened his eyes to his dark, empty dorm room. His eyes barely able to see the blurry ceiling through his onslaught of tears.

A small sound of pain escaped him as he clutched at his chest. It was squeezing and twisting to the point of pain and he was suddenly very aware of something being very very wrong. His chest heaved with his panicked breaths.

He staggered out of bed, his shaking fingers dialing Aizawa’s number before he fell to the ground, gasping. He tried to break his fall with his bad arm and shouted when pain ripped through him.

“Hey, kid. I’m on my way to walk you to therapy. Everything okay?”

“Aiza–hah–tck–” Katsuki heaved a pained gasp as he lost hold of the phone and gripped at his chest. He couldn’t breathe.

----

Shouta never, ever thought he would have to do CPR on a student. Midoriya had been the first and he’d hoped he would be the only one.

He never thought he’d have to do it for two different students. Within a couple of months of each other.

As he burst into the dorm building, his class sitting in the common room yelped in surprise as he sprinted up the stairs 2 at a time.

“Aizawa Sensei what’s going on??” Ashido called out. They all scrambled to the bottom of the stairs.

“Call 119 RIGHT NOW!” He yelled out.

“I’m on it,” he heard Todoroki say.

He swung the door open to find Bakugou on the floor of his dorm room unresponsive. His bad arm was swollen and clearly injured, his other hand lay on his chest and he wasn’t fucking breathing.

----

“Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. Sometimes referred to as Broken Heart Syndrome. It’s a result of extreme stress,” The doctor explained outside of the double doors that lead back to the ER rooms.

Shouta just stared at the man. Hizashi kept a steadying hand on his shoulder as the doctor continued.

“You did everything right, your CPR was flawless. If his heart wasn’t already so damaged then it probably would have worked. I’m very sorry for your loss.” The words were scripted, something the doctor probably had to say to people all the time, but never something Aizawa had to hear about one of his kids.

Shouta put a hand over his mouth as nausea made his mouth water and his mind go fuzzy.

Hizashi squeezed his shoulder and turned him away from the man in the white coat.

“Thank you, doctor. His parents will be here soon,” Hizashi said quietly.

Hizashi guided Shouta down the hall, his face scrunched in an attempt to stop the tears that clung to his eyes. He was trying to be strong for him.

“He died,” Shouta choked out. “They both…”

Holy shit he couldn’t fucking do this.

He’d performed CPR on two of his lifeless students, breaking their ribs, breathing into their lungs and begging them to wake the hell up. He gave everything he had and neither of them lived.

They died.

----

Eijiro paced back and forth in the dorm common room. Everyone was waiting with bated breath to find out if Bakugou was okay.

When Aizawa sensei ran into the building, every single one of them went on high alert. And when Sensei ran back down the stairs towards the ambulance that hadn’t even parked yet with a very lifeless Bakugou in his arms, everyone stopped.

It was as if time was standing as still as they were. It stretched forever, it felt like years passed. They stayed exactly where they were, as if moving would cause everything to crumble. Like moving would bring the worst news imaginable.

“I should have checked on him, I usually check on him,” Eijiro whispered as he paced.

“W–We just got back from training. You can’t blame yourself,” Mina said and Eijiro looked at her with sad eyes. “We were just taking a break…”

The front door opened and they all stood and rushed to the front.

Eijiro stopped dead in his tracks at the look on Aizawa Sensei’s face. At the tears in his eyes.

“Oh holy fuck,” Eijiro said and Mina immediately started sobbing. He was going to throw up. There was no way.

Aizawa Sensei’s voice was incredibly rough as he forced the words out, “Bakugou has passed away. It was a heart complication.” He said nothing else as the class collectively fell into chaos.

“No…” Eijiro felt his legs give out and he staggered back. Shoto caught him and helped him to the couch. “If I had checked on him…”

“It’s not your fault,” Kaminari said as he cried.

But Eijiro just didn’t believe it.

----

Katsuki walked up the grassy hill, shielding his eyes from the warm sun. He was happy that everything was back to the way it should be. The landscape stretched for what seemed like forever, and as he reached the top a boy with green hair and freckled cheeks turned around with a big smile. Izuku.

“Kacchan! You’re back! I missed you!” He said happily. “I was really worried after last time!”

“I missed you too, nerd,” he said gently.

They both froze as Katsuki spoke the words aloud.

“Kacchan…” Izuku’s face fell. “No…”

Katsuki just wrapped his arms around him and held him as close as possible, savoring his warmth and the feeling of his chest moving.

“You weren’t supposed to join me…” Izuku choked. “You…You were…Supposed to be number one.”

“I didn’t plan to join you, to be fair.” He relished the feeling of carding his fingers through his soft fluffy hair and Izuku leaned into the touch. “But…I think I’m okay with it.”

Izuku sniffled and pressed against him with a broken hum of acknowledgment.

“I love you,” Katsuki said with a grin and Izuku looked up at him. “I wanted to say that out loud.”

Izuku sighed. “I’m mad at you for dying.”

He scoffed. “You died first, asshole!”

Izuku’s smile was sad as he said, “Yeah…I love you too.”

Katsuki held him tighter before pulling back and leaning down, pressing their lips together firmly. Izuku made a small sound of surprise that melted into one of happiness as he slotted their lips together.

“Now you can never leave me again,” Katsuki whispered.

“Ah it was all an elaborate plan huh, Kacchan?” Izuku joked.

“Oh yeah, totally planned on both of us dying at 16.”

Izuku’s shoulders hunched and his face fell. “I–I… didn’t want to go. I didn’t want us to– I mean I– I wanted us to live together. I wanted us to… Have an agency and work together as heroes.”

Katsuki looked off to the side and nodded. “Me too.”

“I really miss everyone,” Izuku said with a small hiccup.

“Me too,” Katsuki whispered. “We’re…never gonna see them again?”

“We can see them, they won’t be able to see us though.”

“Oh I’m gonna haunt the shit out of Kirishima,” Katsuki snickered and Izuku nudged his shoulder as he let go and took a step back.

“Kacchan,” he scolded and Katsuki laughed. Izuku’s lips tugged into a small smile as he shook his head at him.

They fell into a sad silence as they both stared out at the sprawling green landscape. Before long, Izuku quietly interlaced their fingers and began walking with him.

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Izuku asked.

Katsuki hummed. “Yeah. They’ll be okay. Nothing could keep those extras down for long.”

Izuku nodded slowly.

More comfortable silence followed and when the sun began to set, Izuku pulled Katsuki down the hill, rambling about this new place they called home.

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