Chapter Text
You have entered the group: ‘hamsquad’
whambamthankuham: ELIZA IS SICK
angel(ica): ur username is too long my dude
whambamthankuham: THATS NOT THE POINT
whambamthankuham: ELIZA! IS! SICK!
lagayette: i agree about the name
whambamthankuham: am i going to have to make a dick joke to get u to be quiet
lagayette: couldn’t hurt ay lmao
whambamthankuham: TOO BAD
whambamthankuham: ELIZA! IS! SICK!!!!!!
heavens2betsey: i’m not sick
whambamthankuham: U R SICK
heavens2betsey: i sneezed once this morning
whambamthankuham: WHERE IS LAURENS
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
whambamthankuham: JOHN
turtle: stop
whambamthankuham: MY DEAR LAURENS THANK GOD
whambamthankuham: ELIZA IS SICK
heavens2betsey: i m n o t s i c k
whambamthankuham: i disagree
h0rsefucker: eliza u sick???
heavens2betsey: N O
turtle: r u tho
whambamthankuham: R U ??????
angel(ica): i’ve never been sick before
heavens2betsey: that’s tru actually
whambamthankuham: ??? eliza im concerned about ur health but also. what???
angel(ica): i got chickenpox once and that was all
heavens2betsey: i have a working theory about her immunity
turtle: explain
heavens2betsey: she is too perfect so the germs die before they get close enough to infect her
turtle: ok that seems true actually
whambamthankuham: i agree with that
h0rsefucker: yah imma say that’s real
lagayette: viruses don’t infect angelica
lagayette: angelica infects viruses
angel(ica): IJDFJAIDFJDAIOJFIADJIOAFJLIJ
angel(ica): THAT’S SO NICE IM CRYING
angel(ica): and also true lmao
angel(ica): it’s ok ellie ur perfect too
heavens2betsey: thank u seester ily
heavens2betsey: so if im sick who’s gonna get me ice cream??
whambamthankuham: no sugar
whambamthankuham: bad for ur immune system
whambamthankuham: no caffeine either
whambamthankuham: drink water
whambamthankuham: & broth
turtle: i will bring u ice cream eliza
heavens2betsey: john is my new bf
whambamthankuham: WHAT
whambamthankuham: OFFENSIVE CONTENT
whambamthankuham: SHOW ME LESS OF THIS!!
whambamthankuham: I! DONT! WANT! IT!
whambamthankuham: WAITER U SENT THE WRONG THING!! SEND IT BACK!!!
turtle: u brought this on urself alex
h0rsefucker: wasn't eliza already dating u AND john before this
whambamthankuham: THAT'S NOT THE POINT
whambamthankuham: When I Die, Then U Will Realize
angel(ica): Realize…
lagayette: stop this now
h0rsefucker: Real ize…
angel(ica): Real Eyes…
whambamthankuham: no one wants this
whambamthankuham: stop
h0rsefucker: R e a l E y e s…
angel(ica): R e a l L i e s….
h0rsefucker: REAL LIES
heavens2betsey: angelica and hercules u r both grounded
heavens2betsey: this family is so toxic
heavens2betsey: go to ur rooms right now
h0rsefucker: mother pls
whambamthankuham: that sounded weird
whambamthankuham: don’t do that
angel(ica): mom
h0rsefucker: mother
angel(ica): eliza more like e-u-give-me-LIFE-a amirite lmao
h0rsefucker: u took that one REALLLLY far but i think u pulled it off
lagayette: uh
lagayette: how u say
lagayette: what the shit is going on here
turtle: laf
turtle: don’t pretend like u don’t know how to say what the shit is going on here
lagayette: how. u. say.
turtle: pls don’t hurt me
lagayette: john laurens is a weenie
whambamthankuham: OOOOHHHH
angel(ica): ur all fucking lame
h0rsefucker: be quiet angelica i just heard the john cena theme play really loud
heavens2betsey: holy shit
turtle: betsey im going to buy u ice cream
heavens2betsey: omg nvm ilysm @ my new bf
whambamthankuham: liza this is a cruel joke
heavens2betsey: john is bringing me ben & jerry’s
heavens2betsey: what makes u think this is a joke
angel(ica): 911 hello yes i just witnessed a murder
whambamthankuham: why can’t i live in peace
whambamthankuham has left the group: ‘hamsquad’
heavens2betsey has added whambamthankuham to the group: ‘hamsquad’
heavens2betsey: and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always lovvveeee uuuuu
turtle: betsey im at ur apartment with ice cream
heavens2betsey: IM BUZZING U UP
whambamthankuham: im an orphan why do u guys insist on bullying me
whambamthankuham: When I Die, Then U Will Realize.
angel(ica): STOOOOP
lagayette: IM LEAVING THIS CHAT
lagayette: AU REVOIR
lagayette: ok so it turns out that i don’t know how to leave the chat. can someone help me pls.
h0rsefucker: that was literally the saddest string of messages i have EVER read in my LIFE
h0rsefucker: laffy taffy i am so sad for u
lagayette: i don’t need ur pity
lagayette: BUT
lagayette: i WOULD like someone to show me how to leave the chat
h0rsefucker: no
whambamthankuham: no
angel(ica): no
heavens2betsey: no
turtle: no
heavens2betsey: get comfy bih
lagayette: how u say ‘ur all fucking dickheads’?
h0rsefucker: like that
h0rsefucker: u said it just right
heavens2betsey: u coming over to share the ice cream tho alex??
whambamthankuham: I Thought Only Ur New Boyfriend Was Invited
heavens2betsey: childish. if u don’t come now, i will eat all the cookie dough bits.
whambamthankuham: JK IM ALREADY ON THE SIDEWALK OUTSIDE UR APARTMENT I’VE BEEN HERE FOR 15 MINS WAITING FOR U TO INVITE ME IN
turtle: i’ll get u a spoon
whambamthankuham: THX BABY BOY
whambamthankuham: ok buzz me up quick tho it’s rly hot out here
lagayette: i wanna be a part of ur world
heavens2betsey: ….come over then?
lagayette: CAN I MOM
whambamthankuham: STOP CALLING ELIZA MOM
whambamthankuham: I HATE THIS NEW TREND
lagayette: let’s make this a
lagayette: how u say
whambamthankuham: d o n ‘ t
lagayette: m e m e
whambamthankuham has left the group: ‘hamsquad’
heavens2betsey has left the group: ‘hamsquad’
turtle has left the group: ‘hamsquad’
angel(ica) has left the group: ‘hamsquad’
lagayette: how u say GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
h0rsefucker: don't worry laf i still love u
lagayette: :-) merci beaucoup mon amour
h0rsefucker: ♡♡♡♡