Chapter Text
The diner landed, and Caspar made his way over to the door to check outside and flip the sign. “Let’s see what we’ve got…” he said as he opened the door, and the little bell jingled above.
“Anything interesting, Caspar?” Zebulon asked, and Caspar hummed as he looked all around passed the parking lot.
“Looks like an Earth again, finally,” Caspar said. It had been about three weeks, give or take, since he had seen Earth, so the familiar trees and surroundings were nice. “Circa I-don’t-know, location…” he looked for any signs or other landmarks to give him an idea of where they were. A big billboard for a radio station, WBAB 92.4 “The best baby station in all of North Carolina!”, stood just a little ways away against the dark, cloudy sky. “I guess we’re in North Carolina?”
“Oooh, you know, I think I’ve got family in these parts!” Effie said excitedly. “Down in one of them little hollers, we had a big ol’ family reunion one summer and it was a hoot!”
“Yeah, that’s great, Effie…” Caspar said, barely listening as Effie recounted the tales of her childhood. He was fairly certain at this point that they were not on the same Earth Caspar had come from. For one thing, he had no idea what a baby radio station would entail. He had never heard of anything like that. Sure, he’d seen plenty of rock or country or “all the hits from yesterday and today!” stations, but a station specifically for babies? Maybe they had landed on some strange future version of Earth that was just what would happen if Boss Baby were real.
The other buildings that surrounded them did not help make anything clearer, either. There was a tattoo parlor with a sign that just read “All Littles must be accompanied by a Caregiver” as well as a toy store with a big “Toys for All Ages and Classifications!” sign in the window. That…definitely did not fit with Caspar’s Earth.
People walked around, and for the most part Caspar didn’t notice anything strange. A few people spotted the diner, but they mostly ignored it in favor of moving on with their day. That was pretty normal. Caspar saw a few people who he’d consider alt, people covered in tattoos or people dressed head-to-toe in pastels, he even saw a couple of people wearing fake tails, but nothing about that seemed out of the ordinary in hindsight. Caspar knew he was pretty boring, but a lot of people dressed cooler than him, dressed “weird” to him, and were just in general more exciting than he would ever be. So he didn’t think anything of the people he otherwise used to judge going down the street.
Storm clouds rolled over head, and a rumble of thunder sounded in the distance.
“Looks like it’s going to rain,” Caspar said as he ducked back inside. Just as he did, a downpour started outside. A flash of lightning lit up the sky, and thunder crashed in the clouds. “Shit!” he yelped, jumping away from the windows.
“Well, now that might put a damper on this evening,” Zebulon said with a chuckle.
“Are you alright, Caspar?” Effie asked.
“Yeah, I-I’m fine…” Caspar said. He clutched his shirt as his heart beat hard in his chest. He did not expect the storm to come so quickly, and really it scared him more than he wanted to admit.
He spotted a couple coming up the parking lot. Two men, though one had his jacket raised up over his shoulders to cover them both as they ran.
“We’ve got customers!” Caspar announced, dipping behind the counter as the two men came inside. “Welcome to Midnight Burger!”
At first, the couple completely ignored him. Whatever. Caspar could deal with it. The man who had used his jacket to cover them both stood in front of the other whispering to him, and it almost seemed…like he was trying to comfort him? Maybe the guy was scared of storms. Caspar could understand that. Storms were loud, bright, and scary, so it wasn’t so odd for one person to be scared and the other to try to calm them down.
The one with the jacket had the scared one take a seat, and he came up to the counter. “Pretty lucky for us that you guys were right here,” he said with a nervous laugh. “I didn’t even know there was a diner here.”
“We just opened,” Caspar said, his little line he always used to explain things. “I’m Caspar, by the way.”
“Eddie,” the jacket guy said. “And my partner over there is Mark.”
“Well, can I get you guys anything?” Caspar asked. “Coffee, maybe some food?”
“Um…” Eddie looked back at Mark, so Caspar followed his eyes. Mark sat at the booth with his thumb in his mouth and tears in his eyes. He looked so much like…like a little kid. Weird. Eddie looked back at Caspar and sighed. “He’s little, so maybe not coffee for him,” he said as though that made any sense. “Can we get a coffee and a chocolate milk, maybe?”
“A coffee and chocolate milk, right…” Caspar repeated. He didn’t quite know what was going on, but he didn’t think he was going to get answers straight away. Instead, he fetched the drinks. The drip coffee was the easy part, but a chocolate milk?
Well, at least they had milk. And they had chocolate syrup. Caspar just grabbed a regular glass and filled it with milk, and he squirted a good amount of syrup into the milk. He grabbed a spoon and mixed it up until it looked right. He grabbed a plastic straw, too, since it just felt like what he was meant to do, and he stuck it into the milk.
“Okay, coffee and chocolate milk…” Caspar said as he dropped the drinks off at the table. “Can I get you guys anything else?”
“Um…no, not right now, I don’t think,” Eddie said. Mark shook his head, and he grabbed the chocolate milk with both hands. “Careful, kiddo, don’t drop it!”
“I’m careful!” Mark insisted, and he fumbled with the straw until it made it into his mouth.
…Yeah, sure, that made perfect sense. Absolutely.
Kiddo.
Caspar knew for a fact what kids looked like. He’d been one! He had one! Mark was not a kid. So, why did Eddie call Mark kiddo?
Caspar retreated to the counter and leaned in close to the radio. “Hey, Effie, what can you tell me about this place? Things seem…off.”
“It appears that this place is very centered around caretaking and being cared for. I’m not so sure about most of the particulars, but it seems that most people here have a different understanding of mental health than what we’ve always known,” Effie said.
“Okay, cool, so…he’s treating that guy like a kid because he’s taking care of him. That’s…okay.” Caspar didn’t really know what to think.
“Do you guys have a kids’ menu?” Eddie asked, then, and Caspar perked up.
“Huh? Uh…no, no we just…make what we’ve got,” Caspar said.
“Really?” Eddie sounded so surprised.
“To be fair, we don’t get that many kids in here, so we don’t really need a kids’ menu,” Caspar added.
“What about the Littles?” Eddie asked. “Most of them that I’ve met won’t eat anything that isn’t dinosaur shaped or cheese covered, and this is a diner…”
Well, now Caspar was very confused. “What do you mean by Littles?” he asked, and then it was Eddie’s turn to be confused.
“Littles…” Eddie repeated. “What’s your classification?” he asked. “I’m guessing you’re neutral if you didn’t even think about this.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Caspar said. “What are you talking about?”
Eddie just stared at him, and Caspar waited. He had nothing else to add, so it was up to this guy to just explain what in the world was going on in this strange version of North Carolina that Caspar was 87% sure his North Carolina wasn’t like. Finally, Eddie looked over at Mark, who had just finished his chocolate milk and looked much calmer than he had when they came in.
“You seriously have no idea what classifications are?” Eddie asked.
“I know what the word classifications means, but as far as what you’re talking about, no clue,” Caspar said. “I’m not exactly from around here.”
“Okay…” Eddie gave him a skeptical look, but Caspar didn’t waver. It was true. He was definitely not from around here. “When a person turns 18, they are given a mental health screening performed by their doctor. There’s three different outcomes from that screening, you’re labeled as either a Caregiver, a Little, or a Neutral. Neutrals are the most common. I’m a Caregiver, so I have a desire to take care of people that goes beyond just regular helping-a-neighbor or raising a child. Mark is a Little, which means when he is panicked or stressed or anxious or…a ton of different reasons, his mind chooses to deal with that by regressing. So, he feels like a kid, and he needs to be cared for like a little kid. How do you not know these things? Where are you from?”
“We just, uh, don’t have this kind of thing where I’m from, but isn’t it…weird to you that people act like this?” Caspar asked. Though, if he were completely honest he did know that they had something similar back at home. It wasn’t a legal classification, but he did remember stumbling on forums online where people would talk about “caregivers” and “littles” that made no sense to him.
“It’s not weird at all,” Eddie said with a shrug. “Mark needs me, and I need him. We take care of each other, really, just in different ways. Our relationships are deep and wonderful, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s sad that you don’t have these classifications; Littles in your country must be so scared to be alone.”
…Something about the emotion in Eddie’s voice made Caspar’s heart ache. It felt ridiculous, really. There was no way he felt anything beyond curiosity at the different societal set-up about this.
“I doubt anyone feels alone like that, I mean…h-how did you guys meet?” Caspar asked.
Eddie seemed to perk up, and he looked at Mark with a smile on his face. Mark gave him a smile back. He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked to be a pacifier, though much larger than any pacifier Caspar had ever seen. Mark popped the large pacifier into his mouth and grinned around it, giggling as he scrunched up in the booth seat.
“There are many services that help Littles find a Caregiver that can meet their needs,” Eddie said. “We met a playdate event. I was actually just there to help keep order, but then I saw the sweetest little one playing by himself, and I went to talk to him. The rest is history.”
“Daddy’s always been super good!” Mark said, the first words Caspar had heard him speak this whole time. “He’s the bestest Daddy ever!”
Eddie blushed, and he looked down at his cold coffee.
“Sounds like you guys are really happy together,” Caspar said. He didn’t know why, but he could feel something in his gut. Something…sad? No, no, it wasn’t sad. He didn’t know what it was exactly, but he wasn’t sad. There was just…something about these two, this whole situation, that made Caspar feel some type of way, but he didn’t understand it. It was probably nothing.
Caspar headed back to the counter before he did or said something ridiculous. He stood beside the radio and rested his chin in his hands. “Mucklewains, what do you two make of all this?” he asked quietly as he tried not to stare at the customers.
“Well, it seems these two have found their purpose in life with each other, and that is something beautiful,” Zebulon said. “As far as the lifestyle goes, I’m not sure I quite understand it myself…”
“They seem real sweet, darling,” Effie said happily. “Though, it seems like you’re feeling a bit conflicted about this.”
Caspar groaned, and he watched out one of the windows at the rain. “I think it’s just that they’re clearly happy together, and I am talking to a box,” he said, ignoring the way specifically Mark made him feel. Having someone take care of him, just feeling like a kid when things get too much…it seemed nice.
The storm began to let up, and Eddie watched out the window. “We should probably get home, Mark,” he said as he got to his feet. “Do you need to go potty before we leave?”
“Nooooo…” Mark whined. He kicked his feet under the table, and he spat out his pacifier. “I don’t gotta go!”
Eddie sighed, and he rolled his eyes fondly. “Where’s your bathroom?” he asked Caspar, who finally snapped out of his stupor.
“Huh? Oh! Uh, bathroom’s right back there on the right,” he said, pointing the way.
“Thanks,” Eddie said. He clapped his hands together, and Mark grumbled his complaints as he got to his feet. They shuffled off toward the bathroom, and Caspar disappeared into the kitchen. He just needed a break to process all of this, really. He landed on an alternate Earth with the weirdest, most intriguing societal concept he had heard so far, and he liked it.
Away from Effie and Zebulon, Caspar could admit that. To himself, Caspar could admit that. He looked at Mark, thought about the concept of regression, and he…he really liked it. He needed to get this out of his head before the jump, though, because there was no way Caspar could take this feeling with him. He was alone with only an old-timey radio and the two people trapped inside it to keep him company. Caspar couldn’t want to regress like Mark when he was alone.
“Caspar?” came Eddie’s voice, and Caspar cursed to himself. He emerged from the kitchen and rested his arms against the counter.
“You guys heading out?” he asked while Eddie pulled his jacket back on.
“Yeah, we’re gonna get out of here before the rain kicks up again,” Eddie said. “Thanks, by the way, that storm was heavy.”
“Glad you guys could keep out of it for the most part,” Caspar said with a nod. He gave a tight-lipped smile at the two of them, and Eddie squeezed Mark’s elbow.
“Can you tell the nice man bye?” he asked. Mark beamed at Caspar, and he waved.
“Bye-bye, Caspar!” he said as he hopped toward the door.
“Yeah, bye…have a good one!”
The bell over the door jingled as the two of them left, which meant Caspar was once again alone. Once the two of them disappeared from view, Caspar sighed dramatically and went around the counter to clean up the cups. “Well, that was so much fun,” he said sarcastically.
“Are you alright, dear?” Effie asked.
“I’m fine, Effie,” Caspar said. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed the mug and glass off the table. But, then he noticed something else. Beside the napkin holder sat Mark’s pacifier. It was blue, and the nipple was large enough that it looked like it’d sit comfortably in Caspar’s mouth…
No. No, no, no, absolutely not.
Caspar took the two cups back to the kitchen and washed them. Perhaps he was a bit too aggressive in his cleaning efforts, but those cups had never been cleaner. He threw away the straw aggressively, too. Once the cleaning was done, Caspar came back out and plopped himself down on a stool in front of the radio.
“Well, that was quite the display,” Zebulon said. “Are you sure you’re alright, Caspar? You seem to have taken this strange version of Earth to heart.”
“I’m fine, Zeb,” Caspar insisted. He kept his back to the booth, to the pacifier, and stared straight ahead.
“Are you not going to clean the table, too?” Effie asked. She knew Caspar’s routine, and this was not it. “Or are you going to sit here moping?”
“I’m not moping, you’re moping.”
“Caspar.”
“The table isn’t even that dirty!” Caspar said. “It’s not gonna grow mold just because I haven’t wiped it down five minutes after they left.”
For a long moment, the Mucklewains were quiet. Then, “Caspar, is there a reason you feel uncomfortable going over there?” Zebulon asked. Caspar groaned, and he dropped his head onto the countertop.
“Mark left his pacifier here…” Caspar mumbled.
“What was that?” Effie asked.
“The pacifier…” Caspar mumbled again.
“Dear, we can’t hear you when you—”
“He left his stupid fucking pacifier here! Are you happy, now?!” Caspar yelled. Then, he deflated, he held his head in his hands. “Sorry, sorry…I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just…sorry.”
“Is there a reason that the pacifier is effecting you this way, Caspar?” Zebulon asked.
“I don’t know…” Caspar breathed out. He sniffled, and he sat up straighter. “I’m not like him. I don’t know why it’s getting to me, but it is.”
“Maybe you and he share more in common than you think?” Effie suggested. “And if you do, is that so wrong?”
“Feeling like a child young enough to want a pacifier when you’re in your 30s is pretty weird, yeah,” Caspar said.
“I didn’t say anything about if it were weird, Caspar. I asked if it was wrong.”
Well, that made Caspar stop for a moment. It was weird as hell, yeah, but…it didn’t hurt anyone. It didn’t start wars, starve people, spread the plague…it was just a weird thing. Caspar chose not to answer Effie, though, because it was starting to get very annoying when she was right.
Caspar didn’t clean that table until after the jump. They didn’t get anymore customers, so it wasn’t like he needed to clean, anyway.
Once he finally did wipe down the table, though, Caspar grabbed the pacifier. He took it back to the kitchen and tossed it in the sink with a lot of hot, soapy water. After scrubbing it down and making sure it was as clean as physically possible, Caspar dried it off. He sat it on the counter in front of the radio and stared at it.
“Caspar, are you trying to drill a hole through it with your mind or something?” Effie asked.
“I’m thinking,” Caspar said.
“Well, make sure you don’t think too hard. We wouldn’t want you to start a fire in here,” Zebulon teased.
“Ha ha, very funny.”
Caspar continued to stare at the pacifier, though it didn’t get him anywhere. He wanted to use it. He wanted to throw it away. He wanted someone to take care of him. He wanted to shove everyone away from himself. This damn pacifier was going to be the bane of his existence.
Caspar awoke in a cold sweat. He gasped and heaved as he tried to get the sense of his surroundings. The mattress below him squeaked, and Caspar sighed in relief. He was in bed. He wasn’t being chased by zombies or thrown out of a plane or anything crazy. He was just in the diner, in bed, and everything was fine.
He could see the glow of the exit sign out of the office window, and that brought him a little comfort. Caspar got to his feet, and he grabbed one of his blankets to put around his shoulders. The blanket was fuzzy, soft, and he liked how it felt to rub between his fingers. Slowly, Caspar shuffled out the door and into the kitchen.
There were a few plastic souvenir cups in the glasses racks. Caspar had gotten them along the way, and they made him smile. He grabbed one that was for Sydney, Australia in 2001, and he grabbed a jug of milk from the cold storage. The jug felt unusually heavy, and Caspar struggled to get it open. Once he did, though, he poured himself a drink in his cup. He managed to spill quite a bit of milk, though.
“Oopsie…” he whispered, and he grabbed a rag to mop up the milk. Satisfied, Caspar grabbed his cup and went to the dining room. He sat at a booth with his milk and his blankie, and he watched time and space whip by outside the windows. It was pretty, he thought.
Caspar rubbed his sleepy eyes, and he let out a big yawn. He drank the rest of his milk, and he felt a little calmer. His nightmares were gone, and all he felt was the desire to curl up in bed with his new pacifier and go night-night.
…
Hang on, he didn’t have the pacifier.
Caspar huffed as he got to his feet. He found the pacifier right where he’d abandoned it a few hours prior, and he stuck it between his teeth without a second thought.
It was as nice as he’d hoped it would be. He gave a few test sucks, and he felt comfortable and calm. With his pacifier in his mouth and his blankie around his shoulders, Caspar shuffled off to bed once again. He tossed himself down on his mattress and curled up cozily. As Caspar drifted off to sleep, he thought he heard a lullaby playing. It was nice. This was nice. If this was regression, then Caspar could see himself doing it again.