Work Text:
“I’m gay,” his voice came out wobbly and uneven. He had laid awake imagining this moment for almost the entirety of the previous night with many nights previously being spent in a similar way. He assumed he would’ve picked up some courage from it. Apparently not.
So maybe coming out to them after purposely avoiding them for almost a week wasn’t the way to go about things but Dream was just trying to figure things out. Figure himself out. And the week alone had done him some good. He had managed to work up the courage to do this, and hey, that was somewhat impressive?
Staring down at his scuffed sneakers Dream laboured in a breath. The silence was suffocating and laced the air in a thick coat of what felt like tar burning his throat as Dream anxiously awaited their response. The silence stretched on for far longer than Dream was comfortable with. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal. It wasn’t going to change anything. Right?
He slowly lifted his gaze to the individuals in front of him. He feared what their facial expressions might read but if they weren’t going to say anything he may as well find out for himself. Appearing to snap out of his own trance, Sapnap, his beloved best friend, rushed to reassure him, “hey, that’s cool man.” A slightly awkward smile was tagged onto the end of his response.
Dream breathed out. One down, one to go.
“Uhm, are you... Sure? Really, Dream?”
Dream’s head snapped towards the other male. Sure? Yes, he was bloody sure. He wouldn’t be telling them if he wasn’t! Countless nights he had contemplated that very same question. Too many to count. This wasn’t some dumb phase that he would grow out of. God, if he didn’t know what a phase was. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought. Dark times, very dark times, he reminded himself.
Now, maybe if he had only felt this way for a year, perhaps he could brush these thoughts. Call them ridiculous and laugh. That would be fine. Two years? That was pushing it a bit, though he supposed it was feasible all the same. But three? Denying it longer would be a crime. Though the surly expression that was poorly hidden by mock concern on his friend's face made him wish he had. Committing murder was a fate better than this, he mused sourly.
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Was the curt answer Dream threw back. If he didn’t want to accept the fact that Dream was gay, he didn’t have to. Maybe it would hurt… A lot, but it was nothing Dream wouldn’t get past. He had thought his friends wouldn’t care about his sexuality. Clearly, he didn’t know his friends as well as he thought he did. Dream chanced a look over to Sapnap’s face, the other looked practically fuming. At who? Dream couldn’t tell.
Maybe he was just being dumb? Maybe telling his friends wasn’t something he shouldn't have done? He was fine being closeted before, he never had to come out. Okay, maybe it did hurt a little to have to pretend to find some girl in his class attractive just to seem normal. And the dates his friends were persistent to attempt to set up for him were downright awful. But at least then they weren’t looking at him with pity and disgust. He glanced over to Sapnap again, his facial expression hadn’t changed. And anger too, he supposed.
Water formed in the corners of Dream’s eyes as he desperately tried to blink it away. Forcing himself to get a grip on his breathing, Dream curled his hands into fists and pushed his blunt nails into the skin of his palms. “Look, maybe it's nothing okay? Let’s just… Forget about this, yeah?” He would have crossed his fingers and prayed if he wasn’t already trying to stop himself from looking like a floundering idiot.
“No, it does matter.” No it doesn’t. Just let it go Sapnap. Why are you so eager to leave me? “It’s okay, if you’re gay Dream, that doesn’t change anything.”
And maybe that would have made everything better. A genuine tone and soft smile. It was all he was hoping for really. If the topic just ended there everything would have been fine, but then the other voice chimed in, “really Sap? I mean he’s saying that he’s gay, shouldn’t help him, not just live with… Whatever this is?”
Bile rose in the back of his throat. There was nothing wrong with me. I wasn’t sick or confused. I didn’t need help. The tears gathered in Dream’s eyes and pushed against the shabby defences held up against them, and after only a moment water was dripping down his cheeks. He hung his head in shame. Squeezing his eyes shut as if that would whisk him away to some fairytale where none of this mattered. It didn’t, however unfortunate Dream found that fact to be. So he just stood there hopeless and fixed to the spot.
The thoughts bouncing around his head started buzzing louder as he brought up a sleeve of his jumper to mask the sound of the quiet sobs he was making. If the two were looking at him, and they likely were, the effort was pointless. The sharp words of Sapnap didn’t quite make it to Dream. The sound of his own thoughts and sobs drowning out whatever Sapnap was telling… Him? His friend? He didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss, after all.
After a short moment, the hash tone that Sapnap was throwing around ceased and loud, angry footsteps made their way towards the door. It was only after the door had been slammed that Dream risked a chance to look up and see who was still in the room with him. Typically he would’ve been able to tell you who someone was purely from their footsteps but he was currently a little preoccupied with his own emotions.
With his gaze lifting Dream opened his eyes to see Sapnap still in front of him. “Hey, Dream, it’s alright.” It really wasn’t, but at least Sapnap wasn’t yelling anymore. The other was never good at comforting people anyways, always a little too awkward to know what to do. The number of times Sapnap had stood around looking helpless only to bring over a tub of ice cream to avoid having to use his words was borderline laughable. Dream had asked why he did it and Sapnap had just shrugged sheepishly claiming, ‘everyone likes ice cream’.
“Hey, uh, I know he was pretty uptight about all that, but it doesn’t change anything between us. I don’t care who you like, I'll be here for you either way.”
Dream wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear, but it still helped a hell of a lot if it wasn't. He took a moment to compose himself slightly, dabbing his tears with the sleeve of his jumper. “You promise?” Dream muttered out in a weak response. He lifted his eyes to meet Sapnaps. There was a lot you could tell from looking at someone's eyes. Particularly if someone is being genuine.
“I promise,” there was a soft smile and truthful eyes to accompany the assurance. And if Dream couldn’t cry from that there was something wrong with him. He knew Sapnap wasn’t good with words but he also knew that Sapnap had tried for him. However Dream didn’t care enough to force Sapnap to continue, he had said enough. So Dream simply moved closer and hugged the other. Without even a moment's beat passing Sapnap had hugged him back.
Whilst it hurt a hell of a lot to lose one friend, at least he hadn’t lost two. At least he hadn’t lost Sapnap.