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Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die by 0MissE0, Artimus_Pax, ArtistRedFox, Athena_Muldrow, Baze_loves_bugs, biggirlscantcry, Blank_Error, BlindayEverlien, carpetchewer, cottonmouthcandy, CrypticMushroom, CthosEris, DarkLordOfAwesomeness, Dimonds456, Djdjdjmk, egg_with_a_pen, EmS (EmilienSancier), Kyle_committing_Arson, lackinggravitas (espansivo), MariDraws, Oatmeal_Archive, pickledoesfanfic, ryeBread1825114, SpookyArchivist, stayweirdalways
Fandom Gravity Falls
28 Oct 2025
Summary
Have you ever looked at an old man in a cartoon show targeted for kids and wondered “Hm… I wonder how many times this guy (who only has 5 fingers {LAME!!}) almost died?”
Well, WONDER NO MORE!!! Here in [Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die] you will find most of Grunkle Stan’s NDEs!! But what is an ‘NDE’ you may ask- why, it’s short for [Near Death Expirience(s)] Of course!!This fanfiction is centred over what would happen if the elder twins weren’t such little ***** and actually ******* held hands!! WOW!! Crazy! It is also based on the fandom’s dire need to see this old man in pain! Constantly! And needing to see this old man’s brother see his brother in pain! For guilt! It’s yummy!!
As the setting is the [Bill-Cipher Zodiac] the characters involved in this series (written by various writers in the fandom) may consist of: Shooting Star, Pine Tree, ?, Ice Ice Babyy and other characters only very specific people care about!“I'm a very relentless individual and have a lot more insanity coming”
- Alex Hirsch- Words:
- 147,569
- Works:
- 35
- Bookmarks:
- 62
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Summary
“Look at me Neal,” he said in a commanding tone. “You’re going to be okay. You’re fine. It’s fine.” He was still stroking his hair - cringing at the blood, he couldn't do anything else to comfort him, though.
Neal’s bloodshot eyes met his tearful ones. “You're scared. I can see it in your eyes,” he commented, still writhing in agony.
“Of course I'm scared,” Peter said, voice cracking. “You're shot, and I don't want to lose you.”
“I'm sorry,” Neal whispered, the strength in his voice fading fast. “Nononono, stay with me. Stay with me, bud. Please,” Peter begged.
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Summary
TW: Mentions of self-harm (not described, but clearly mentioned and implied.)
"Neal felt his facade crumble, as the beating in his heart overran his instinct to laugh it off. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t.
“Neal..why,” he paused. His brown eyes met Neal’s, and Peter looked at him with worry, his eyebrows creased while his lips were parted slightly. Neal let out a shaky laugh, covering his arm. “Peter, this might not even be what you’re thinking. Don’t get so worked up.”
But Peter knew. He could tell by the messiness of his words, the slight tremble in his hands that Peter had found out something he never wanted anyone to know."
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Neal Caffrey trusts Peter more than anyone else. Even so, using that trust is hard when Peter does things to make sure he's okay. He's not.
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Summary
Neal yawned into his fist, eyes watering, and sat back in his desk chair. It had already been a long day and it was only two o’clock in the afternoon. There was a lingering dryness in the back of his throat that had him dreading the congestion he knew was coming.
Bookmarked by Oatmeal_Archive
01 Jul 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Neal steals Satchmo by being absolutely miserable
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Summary
With panic fizzing through his veins, Neal was finally able to force his eyes open. He blinked against the glare of fluorescent lighting and flicked his eyes around the room. He still couldn’t move his head, but what he could see left him cold.
He was alone in a small, sterile room, with white walls and a grey floor. He was strapped to a metal chair with restraints holding his arms in place. And there was an IV taped to the back of his hand.
Or:
Peter rescues Neal. Everyone does their best to support Neal in the aftermath and Neal does his best to let them. -
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Summary
Neal crashes on the Burkes' couch after a long day.