Chapter Text
Ohgi: Sometimes having a reputation for being smart beats actually being smart.
Ohgi: I once beat my school’s chess champion in a game because he spent the entire match desperately trying to work out my strategy because I was “smart” and therefore good at chess.
Ohgi: We were playing with a Lord of the Rings chess set. I was moving the characters I liked best.
Ohgi: I’m terrible at chess.
Zero: You won that fair and square.
Zero: A really smart person would recognize you were playing some variant of the classic chess strategy, “I just like the horsies”
Euphemia: “oh no we’re all doomed by the narrative” maybe you are. i’m the narrative’s favorite.
Euphemia: update: turns out this is not a good thing for me
Kallen: the hands that cradled your face and tilted it upwards to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable quantities of blood.
Suzaku: But they cradled me, yes?
Rivalz: whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair
Rivalz: this goes for like, all of time. knights are serving the KING? the fucking KING?
Rivalz: you cant serve cunt and the government at the same time come on now pick the right side i know you have it in you
Shirley: Jesus said this. Matthew 6:24
Rivalz: wha
Lelouch: She’s right.
Lelouch: 24“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Rivalz: jesus said this
C.C.: I can’t be trusted with a large stick
Lelouch: You definitely cannot.
Suzaku: You simply aren’t strong enough to handle the power of the stick.
C.C.: The power of the stick corrupts my mind with thoughts of bonk
Zero: any Catholics online ? I got some questions.
Shirley: Yeah I’m catholic whatsup
Zero: how do i reach heaven through violence
C.C.: Its called a crusade and you need to get the Pope’s permission first
Tamaki: Boil up some mountain dew. It’s gonna be a long night.
Kallen: You could have said anything else
C.C.: Caldron boil and caldron bubble, baja blast to fuel my trouble
Suzaku: i diagnose you with gets no bitches
Zero: oh please by all means preach to me from your ivory tower of zero hoes
Suzaku: do you want to kiss
Tamaki: Do you think if skeletons were real “boner” would be a slur for them?
Everyone: …
Zero: Tamaki, I have wonderful news for you regarding the realness of skeletons
Kallen: I love when I wake up with new rights
Zero: Now i can get married in every state: solid, liquid, gas, and, most surprisingly, texas
Lelouch: Oh yeah but can a cis guy do this?
Lelouch: *washes hands with soap and water after using the restroom*
Kallen: Can a cis guy like, PLEASE do this?
Shirley: Pretty please?
Suzaku: when freud said bisexuality is what happens when you dont fully develop a brain he was right and im proof
Rivalz: mood
Milly: Freud is a lil bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have nothing to do with bisexuality and all to do with my own hubris
Kallen: i get offended when freud says i’m a dumbass becasue i’m bi, because i feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons i’m a dumbass.
C.C.: *posts a photo wearing a shirt saying “I eat oil paintings when security guards aren’t looking”*
C.C.: I went to the met today
Ohgi: Just an fyi cobalt is currently the most toxic oil paint usually. Older oil paints from old masters are also most likely made with lead.
Kallen: So death via oil paint isn’t impossible
C.C.: i can’t die but thank you :) im sure this information will be useful for someone who can
C.C., late R2: gay sex will not fix this situation. honestly it’d probably make it worse. that being said i think you two should give it a shot anyway
Zero: You’re about to find out whey they call me “The Bitch”