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I don't think I believe you anymore.
These were the last words he said to Oliver. That was 10 days ago. 9 days, 22 hours and 11 minutes to be precise.
Ten days ago they agreed to attend a small wrap party together. Just a couple of their cast members and a closed bar. Nothing fancy. They were supposed to arrive as a couple for the first time. To come out if you may. It would have only been to their closest friends. They agreed to hide from the rest of the world but their friends deserved to know.
At least, that's what Ryan thought they were doing.
He waited for half an hour before his phone pinged with a sharp sound of a received message.
Sorry, I can't.
Just three words. But Ryan felt the strength drain from his body.
The same three words he’d received when Oliver promised to have his back during the million hateful messages flooding his inbox. The same three words when he invited Oliver to join his friends on vacation. The same three words when he begged him to stop that strange thing Oliver had been having with his ex.
He reached out to Kenny to let him know he wouldn’t be coming. He spent the evening scrolling through friends Instagram stories. Oliver was there, laughing, drinking, as if he wasn't affected at all.
Ryan wanted to cry, but numbness wrapped around him like a heavy blanket. He could only lie on his bed staring at the ceiling as if it held the answers.
It was around 3 a.m. when another ping jolted him awake.
Can I come in?
Ryan hesitated but decided they needed to talk.
He opened the door and let Oliver in without meeting his eyes. He was angry, yes, but mostly hurt, and he didn’t want to see Oliver’s indifference pointed at him.
- What do you want? - Ryan asked, eyes fixed somewhere behind Oliver’s shoulder.
- Hey, listen, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t make myself do it today.
- You couldn’t say anything earlier? At any of the times we discussed it? Or at least earlier today? - tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them away angrily like trying to erase a bad memory.
Oliver swallowed hard, voice trembling.
- It’s... it’s just... everything’s so complicated right now. The timing feels all wrong. We still have to keep things under wraps a little longer. I’m scared... scared that if we’re not careful, everything could come crashing down. I wish it were easier, but it’s not.
- What the fuck, Oliver? No, what the actual fuck?
- I thought I was ready, but I’m not.
- It’s been three years. Three years, and I keep feeling like you’re ashamed to admit we have an actual relationship. Even to yourself. You say you want it, but you keep avoiding me. You say you’re ready, then back out at the last moment. You tell me we could be something real, but you can’t even stand by me when I need you most because you’re afraid of ruining your image? Am I really so unworthy that you can’t support me?
- No, no, of course you’re not! Ry, you’re everything to me. You’re...
- I don’t think I believe you anymore, - Ryan cut him off turning away.
He heard a sharp inhale but couldn’t bring himself to look. He sensed Oliver wanted to say more but gave up. Soon the door clicked quietly shut.
That was 10 days ago. Luckily for the first few weeks Ryan's schedule was free enough to just busy himself with his kids. Oliver never reached out.
Today was a day when he was all alone. He mindlessly scrolled through Instagram when suddenly a new story caught his eye. It was Oliver's, just for close friends. A little montage of moments from their relationship: quiet laughter backstage, hands brushing in secret, moments from their little dates and finally a photo of their intertwined fingers.
The caption read:
"Sometimes love needs time to find its voice. Here’s to the quiet moments that speak the loudest."
Ryan’s chest tightened, the numbness breaking transforming his soul into the lightest feather.
Maybe, just maybe, their story wasn’t over yet.