Chapter Text
It's been 5 years since a question has shaken Mai Taniyama. On the lake side, by a tree, she could still vividly remember the question:
"Me or Gene?"
She never gave him an answer. Could anyone really blame her for that?
She suddenly finds out the smiling Naru in her dreams actually existed as a separate person from the Naru in her waking hours. That the person who navigated the horrible imagery that her dreams brought with warmth and open arms versus the cold, precise, proud, emotionally stoic teen who gave her rare smiles, made her tea during her first death dream, saved her from falling down a well…
Well the answer was obvious in retrospect but the answer didn't come when she still had the chance to say them. Now he's miles away and worlds away.
'He's probably doing lectures in front of bright parapsychology students or terrorizing the BSPR office for someone to make him tea.' She thought. She didn't have a slightest idea what he could have been doing because he'd answered 1 email in the 5 years between now and when he left Japan.
The one email was about her severance pay when he left a month after. He used his official BSPR email and it felt so formal and distant. She couldn't really blame him for the emotionally distant email as he hurriedly left for his brother's funeral that it must have been an afterthought.
April Thursday
She looked away from the old building in Dogenzaka, Shibuya where SPR used to be and shook her head. She saw boxes outside. Someone must be using the space again after all these years.
She was walking to Shibuya station from a part time job. She tapped her Suica card on the station gate NFC and navigated her way through the station back to her apartment.
She was now 20 years old. A 1st year student in Tokyo University in a Psychology Major with minor studies in Religion. Todai was all by some miracle but mostly through after school study sessions with Osamu Yasuhara, her bestfriend, who called her 'Sunshine' in a platonic, endearing way. He was the type of person who could belong anywhere really. He could be emotionally propositioning Bou-san with a straight face then suddenly giving her life advice over wine in mugs in her apartment when she turned 20. Yasuhara could see through her and researcher by nature, observant that he could read what she was feeling from 10 feet away.
Her phone buzzed. The message thread with Yasuhara popped up. She hopped onto the train
Yasu: Sunshine! did you finish the reading for the Gen Psych class?
Mai: almost! thankfully the cafe didn't have much customers.
Mai: i was able to read about the 5 personalities so far
Yasu: great. let me know if you need my notes :p!
Mai: thnx. love you
Yasu: i know you do.
Mai locked her smart phone and leaned her head against the train window on the Keio-Inokashira line back to her small apartment in Shimokitazawa. She often thought about a lot of things on her ride back to her place. She rested the side of her forehead on the window. She watched the scenery blend from Shibuya to her side of Tokyo.
Her phone buzzed again a notification from Yasuhara. She could see her wallpaper the last photo she had with whole of SPR with Lin and Naru. Yasuhara would tease that she set it as her wallpaper as soon as she earned enough for a new smartphone earlier that year was because that was the only way she could still look at the narcissist's face. Yasu had received the box of that phone squarely on the face.
Yasu: … did you get an email?
Mai: what email??
Yasu: …
Yasu: i don't know if i should say.
Mai: yasu. what email?
Three dots kept appearing on the bottom of her message thread with Yasuhara indicating he was typing and then deleting whatever he wanted to say. Yasu hadn't finished typing when she received an email notification and it was on her old email too… the one she used for spam and high school.
To: Mai Taniyama (taniyama.mai703@ jp)
BCC: JSPR@JSPR . co . jp
Fr: Oliver Davis (o.davis @ BSPR . co . uk)
Subject: SPR Employment Offer
Taniyama,
Your assistance during our past investigation has been proven useful. SPR is currently reopening and is in need of an additional research assistant for field observation, documentation, and administrative support.
Your enrollment at Tokyo University will not interfere with the position. We conduct our investigations irregularly but office responsibilities can be arranged around your class schedules. In case of travel, we will discuss this individually.
You are not required to accept immediately. However, due to your familiarity with SPR's operations, employing someone else would be inefficient.
If you intend to accept the position, report to the same office Saturday at 9:00am.
Do not be late. Feel free to respond to this email if you have any inquiries.
Dr. Oliver Davis, PhD
Chief Executive Officer
Japan Society of Psychic Research - A Branch of the British Society of Psychic Research
Yasu: he's back…
Yasu: and before you kill me, just know i love you sunshine and i hope you remember all the times we studied so hard for todai entrance exams
Yasu: i sort of
Yasu: gave him your schedule.
Mai:…
Mai: how do you have my schedule?
Yasu: he sent me an email offering me a part-time researcher position
Yasu: like 3 days ago
Yasu: he asked me about u and i told him the part time job u have at the cafe was only until like tomorrow
Yasu: then i sent him ur schedule
Yasu: i might have taken a pic of ur bullet journal schedule page during our biology class. u fell asleep
Yasu: pls dont kill me :(
Mai: i'm debating it.
Mai switched back to the email and stared at it.
'Who the hell sends a random employment email after 5 years of no contact?'
She locked her phone. She'd think about the email when she got home.
Ten minutes later, she arrived at Shimokitazawa and the walk to her tiny apartment took less than 10 minutes. She moved here about earlier in the year when she got accepted into Todai. Ayako, Bou-san, John and even Masako had helped her move. It was a small studio with a small kitchen, a mini fridge a bed, a study table with shelves, a dresser, and a laptop and a bathroom.
She removed her shoes and hung her bag on a hook near the entrance. On her dresser was a silver chain that hung the key to her old house and also the old key to SPR which Lin gave her before they left. She glanced at it for a bit before opening the email again while heating water to steep the tea leaves for her hojicha and for her cup noodles.
She read the email. She read it three times. She locked the phone with a tight grip on the lock and put it down.
Employing someone else would be inefficient?
That was it? What the hell?
No "Hi! How have you been doing?". No "Thank you for all the help the first time". No "We would appreciate if you would come back".
She sighed because what was she honestly expecting from someone like him. It's funny because in some part of her brain, she thought: he hasn't changed.
She made her tea and instant noodles and waited for them to cool before she transferred them on her floor table. She sat down and enjoyed what could be considered a meal in deep thought.
Feel free to respond to this email if you have any inquiries.
She opened her phone again and pressed reply. She couldn't type anything. What was she supposed to say?
She typed on her phone:
Dear Naru, What the hell?
She deleted that of course.
Dear Naru, You disappeared for 5 years—
She also deleted that. She sighed and placed her forehead on the table. A groan came out of her mouth. She obviously needed the job as she couldn't keep the cafe job. It had its quiet moments but when it was busy, it tired her out that studying became impossible. The position wasn't also permanent and the pay wasn't enough.
SPR paid her quite generously and with the mounting Todai tuition fees and living expenses, it seemed like a logical choice. SPR also had a lot of down time which could be used for her to study if she wasn't filing or taking notes during client interviews.
She took another sip now that the tea had cooled enough to drink, trying to think of a reply. She switched to her professional email. The one she used for business things.
To: Oliver Davis (o.davis @ BSPR . co . uk)
BCC: JSPR@JSPR . co . jp
Fr: Mai Taniyama (taniyama.mai @ todai. edu. jp)
Subject: RE: SPR Employment Offer
Davis-San,
Thank you for considering me for the position. My current schedule at Tokyo University allows some flexibility for a part-time job but I would still like to discuss how we can work around it.
Saturday at 9am is acceptable.
Mai Taniyama
Mai closed her eyes as she tapped send. The whoosh notification confirmed its delivery. She read the correspondence over and over. She tried to dissect between the lines of his email and re-read hers to make sure it didn't seem too eager or too excited. She locked her phone again and plopped down on the floor slowly. Did she reply too fast?
She thought about how he'd react to her reply. Would he think much of it?
Would he realize?
She opened the message thread with Yasuhara.
Mai: i sent a reply.
Yasu: and?
Mai: i'll be there on saturday 9am
Yasu: ;)
Mai: [sends a screenshot of the correspondence]
Mai: he sounds the same
Yasu: you totally read this over and over and overthought it, didn't you?
Mai:…
Yasu: sunshine. stop catastrophizing.
Yasu: get some sleep its 11 and we have a 9am class
Mai: alright. see u x
Mai closed her eyes and hope she wouldn't dream about piercing blue eyes that sees through her soul and feel like being submerged in ice.
April Friday
Mai and Yasu sat on their usual seats in the middle row. The front felt too teacher's pet and the back would have her snoozing 30 minutes in. The class was going to start in 15 minutes. Mai had brought out her notebook, the reading material and her multicolored pens and Yasu, being the genius that he was, brought only his tablet and pen.
He looked at her and saw the dark lines beneath her eyes.
"What?" Mai yawned and rubbed her eyes.
"Nothing, sunshine." He gave a small smiled before he asked. "So you're coming back to SPR with us?"
"Yes. The pay is good. The work hours and work load are not too heavy. I get to study." She fiddled with the pens on the desk in front of her.
"What about Big Boss?" He looked at her cautiously. "The question by the lake."
Mai continued absentmindedly fixing the pens on her desk. She didn't want to look Yasu in the eyes. It's not like he doesn't know how much she's been trying to avoid that topic entirely. It's just if she looks straight at him she'd have to acknowledge that part that has been laid dormant for 5 years.
"What about him?" Mai asked still not looking at Yasuhara.
He took her in. How despite trying to act like she couldn't care less, her shoulders were tense and her eyebrows were furrowed.
"Nothing, Mai." He smiled sadly and straightened up as the teacher walked in. Mai sat up and put all her focus on the lesson.
They were on attachment theory now. The professor had started on lecturing on Adult Attachment styles. She could feel Yasuhara shifting in his seat as Professor Tanaka started on Anxious-Preoccupied attachment styles.
"…they tend to hyperfixate and overanalyze communication especially after prolonged absence of the attachment figure."
Mai could feel the weight of Yasuhara's pointed gaze at her. She remembered re-reading a job offer email until 2am for context clues and overanalyzing her own response if she sounded that needy.
She glared at Yasuhara who held his hands slightly up in surrender before they went back to the lecture.
Professor Tanaka continued on with the lecture and Mai continued scribbling on her notebook.
"Attachment Systems." He said calmly. "Often reactivate upon prolonged separation."
She stopped writing. She looked at her notes.
Reactivate upon prolonged separation.
Yasuhara took another glance at her direction as she stared blankly at what she had written. He sighed and went back to his own notes.
Outside, the morning blues faded into bright noon sunshine then eventually the beginnings of the starless night sky of Tokyo.
Mai wished time would suspend because saturday felt like holding her breath.