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"You look very handsome," Amy said, brushing the slightly wrinkled black jacket on Dennis's shoulders with both hands. It did little to help, but it felt like the small touch Dennis needed to calm himself.
The bells jingling in the soft zephyr, while drifting pollen quietly settled into the guests' hair, and smiles bloomed across everyone's faces. This was the sacredness of a wedding, the first step into family life. Every breath taken would bear witness to this luminous moment.
"Isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?" Dennis quipped, trying to stifle the uneasiness inside him with a joke. The bittersweet smile at the corner of his lips -perhaps an unconscious cry for help- was difficult to hide. Then again, Dennis had never been very good at hiding his emotions.
"The devil can't touch us," Amy said with a smile. She gently pressed her lips against Dennis's trembling ones before pulling away and continuing, "He's here."
"Who?" Dennis asked, furrowing his brows as he licked away the lingering strawberry taste of Amy's lipstick from his lips.
"Dr. Robinavitch."
Everything returned to the time when it had all ended for Dennis, or what he believed had already ended. Once he had left Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center behind and turned to rural medicine, Michael Robinavitch had been completely erased and placed away on dusty shelves with the rest of the memories of his past. And they had shared far too many memories, Dennis needed help extinguishing the fire of all of them. Amy helped him through that time; Trinity, too, never left his side. He went to a therapy clinic, trying to make himself accept himself; he turned to God and begged for forgiveness. But while he prayed for forgiveness in the mornings, at night he would think of Michael and desperately jerked off to his ex-boss like an animal in heat. Recklessly, shamelessly, he could still feel Michael's hands on his body, his thick dick inside him.
Meanwhile, his father had been overjoyed when he heard about him and Amy. According to his older brother Delroy, his father had always feared that Dennis was gay, and Dennis being with Amy had been one of the happiest pieces of news in his life.
Back when everything had ended (or not), Dennis had been forced to make a choice: between his honor towards his family and the man who had become the leading figure in his feverish dreams.
"Dr. Robby?" Dennis's voice wavered; whether from shock or helplessness, it was impossible to tell.
"Yes, we sent him an invitation too, remember?" Amy pursed her lips, finding Dennis's reaction strange. She furrowed her brows, trying to make sense of his behavior.
"I specifically told you not to send him an invitation." Dennis raised his voice. Although he immediately regretted it, he could not erase the irritated expression from his face. Beneath that irritation, there was a big unremitting anxiety too.
After Dennis raised his voice at her, Amy turned her back on her so-called future husband and walked towards the vanity mirror in the dressing room.
"Why? That would've been ridiculous. He's your-"
Dennis cut her off. "Stop pretending not to see things anymore. He ruined my life." By the time Dennis finished speaking, he had taken several angry steps towards Amy. As Amy stared at her reflection in the mirror, Dennis watched her. The way Amy looked, almost as if she were covered in fairy dust and that calmed him at least a little.
"Just because I choose not to dwell on those things doesn't mean I'm pretending they never happened, Dennis. Besides, you're the one ruining your own life by still being obsessed with him." Amy poured out everything she had been holding inside in a single breath. The deep breath she took afterward felt like both her victory and a silent plea for Dennis to calm down.
“I'm marrying you, so that’s over for me,” Dennis said, each word leaving his lips with confident certainty.
“I hope so.”
“It is.”
“Then you can act like nothing happened.” Amy slowly turned her body towards Dennis. She fixed her gaze on her future husband’s anxious, blinking eyes.
“I will, because he’s just an old memory I don’t want to think about.” Dennis pressed his lips together and let out an angry breath through his nose; his anger was less about Amy and more about Robby showing up here so boldly, revealing his face.
“Alright,” Amy could only say.
“I won’t let him ruin this, us…” When Amy looked away, Dennis cupped her face with both hands and gently turned her face back towards himself. “You and me, I love us.”
“I love you too.”
✰
Fairy lights stretched from one tree to another, their flickering glow accompanied by the crackling hum of fireflies. Laughter had intertwined, while bodies under the influence of alcohol swayed and spun across the dance floor. Horses neighed, the sun was preparing to set, casting its orange light over people’s faces. The scent of grass tickled their noses, while the breeze raised goosebumps and lifted the hems of women’s dresses; it also lifted the hair falling over the men’s foreheads. Everything felt like an old, proper American wedding.
Dennis was sitting on one of the wooden chairs. Amy was beside him, talking with Trinity. Their conversation blended into the music, turning into a muffled noise. Dennis, however, kept searching for him while holding his breath, still unable to deal with his demons even at his own wedding. He was going to try to ruin his life here as well, and Dennis could not allow it.
Dennis stood up, the wooden chair jolting backward. His sudden movement made Amy and Trinity turn towards him.
“I’m going to talk to him,” Dennis snapped, his chest swelling as he stole a deep breath from the air, trying to gather his courage.
“Dennis, no!” Amy gasped. Struggling to stand because of the dress trailing down to the ground, she tried to stop Dennis.
“Who?” Trinity asked, furrowing her brows in confusion.
“Him,” Dennis responded, biting his lower lip between his teeth and clenching it hard. The pain helped him restrain himself.
“Robby?” Trinity asked, still sitting in her seat.
“Yes.”
“Oh Dennis…” Amy sighed. The poor girl brought her hand to her forehead and sat back down on the chair she had just hardly stood up from in anger.
“Why do you even want to talk to him?” Trinity asked, while also glancing at Amy out of the corner of her eye.
“I’m going to tell him to leave.”
“Why are you doing this? The man has done nothing wrong.” Amy defended Robby, which only fueled Dennis’s anger even more.
“No, he came here on purpose, to ruin everything.” The words coming out of Dennis’s mouth were tumbling over each other; he was losing control and perhaps not thinking clearly enough. He could feel the effects of alcohol hitting him. What right did Robby have to make him feel melancholy on his wedding day? Hadn’t he already burdened Dennis enough with his sadness?
“No, you’re the one ruining it!” Amy shook her head and looked away from Dennis with disappointment.
Dennis, undettered, continued speaking without caring. “Where is he, Trinity?”
“I didn’t see him but does it matter? Stop bitchin Huck!” Trinity scoffed.
“Great! My best friend isn’t even on my side.” Dennis rolled his eyes, then placed his hands on his hips, wondering why everyone was trying to ruin this day for him.
“Don’t be ridiculous, for God’s sake, Dennis… Could you get a grip?” Amy raised her head towards him and, unable to hold back anymore, let all her frustration spill out.
“You sent him an invitation!” Dennis snapped again, but louder and more furious. At the same time, he leaned towards Amy and pointed at her with his index finger as if she were entirely to blame.
“My parents are watching, Dennis,” Amy hissed, completely unprepared for him to raise his voice at her.
Robby, once again, had brought out the worst in Dennis. Just when he had everything carefully lined up, Robby had thrown a wrecking ball into his carefully built structure.
“Fuck it, I need to calm down,” Dennis muttered. He turned around abruptly, his heavy steps crushing the neatly cut grass beneath his feet, and without knowing where he was going, he fled the loud torture of the music.
He walked past a field of purple hyacinths, while leghorns crossed his path in front of and behind him. Silos stood in the distance as if watching him, and the warm scent of hay rising from the barn blended with the sun-scorched dirt roads. Voices rose from afar, while the music seemed to fade with each rebellious step Dennis took.
A structure appeared ahead of him. It was clearly a horse barn. The paint on it had faded in places, and its gray stones had crumbled onto the ground. This place was the opposite of the wedding spirit. On the farm, it was likely somewhere the guests would never come. Unlike the atmosphere of celebration, this barn felt raw, more like a background than a decor. As the quiet wind pushed against its door, it swung slightly back and forth, as if the weathered barn itself were breathing. Dennis thought he could finally be alone here, far from everyone, to sort out his thoughts one last time.
He walked towards it and stood at the mouth of the barn’s old, breathing door; but just then, a voice stopped him.
“Dennis Whitaker.’’
Dennis slowly turned around. Michael stood there, with a field of purple hyacinths behind him. His hair was as tangled and chaotic as Dennis’s emotions. His eyes were full of mercy, and grey and brown strands were intertwined in his beard. The crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes seemed to have multiplied; his freckles, as always, had sworn to melt Dennis from within. He was wearing a gray jacket, and beneath it, a pair of well-fitted suit trousers that matched the jacket and wrapped neatly around his legs. The fabric swayed gently in the wind. Underneath, he wore a white shirt, its first few buttons undone, and the Star of David seemed to smile towards Dennis.
He looked breathtaking -something like God’s reflection on earth in Dennis’s eyes- and in that moment, Dennis prayed with his most sincere prayers for his beloved God to take his life there, so that the last thing he would see would be that sacredness of Michael Robinavitch.
“Why are you even here, sir!” Dennis shouted, though he could barely muster proper anger towards him. Even after a year, this feeling had not faded; perhaps it would remain in his being for years to come, like an irritating itch.
“Sir? So that’s how we roll with each other?” Robby questioned him, furrowing his brows, as if the most important thing here were the fragments of formality left between them. But he was right– who even cared about titles born from the power dynamics between bodies that had once seen each other naked?
“Why did you come here?” Dennis repeated the question, ignoring what the older man had said for the answer he desperately wanted.
“You sent me an invitation.”
“I didn’t, Amy did,” Dennis defended himself, but it was almost impossible. Even standing in front of him, even looking up at him, everything felt too strenuous. All he could do was pitifully wish he could cry in front of him.
“So your wife sent it,” Robby drawled, then smirked arrogantly, as if mocking Dennis.
“Yes.”
When Robby relaxed his raised lips, his face settled into an expressionless mask as he continued speaking. “Do you love her?”
“Yes.” Dennis didn’t even believe the affirmation coming out of his mouth. The lie hung in the air before it even reached his ears.
“Don’t lie to me!” Robby laughed out loud, shaking his head in disbelief. He threw the hem of his jacket back and placed his hands on his hips, continuing to look down at Dennis.
“Why are you doing this?”
“I need to know.”
“Know what?”
“That you won’t forget me.”
Dennis had spent nearly a year trying to get over Michael Robinavitch. Professional help, a quack healer, alcohol, nicotine, and sex– he had tried everything to completely forget Robby. Even this marriage had been part of his plan. He wanted to get married, have children, and become a classic American family guy. Maybe that way, he could erase the feeling he couldn’t get rid of from within. He would become a father to a child who wasn’t biologically his, then have his own children, and maybe his soul would never search him again. But no matter how much he tried to escape, the end of the rope always led back to him.
“I can’t forget you,” Dennis huffed, praying his voice wouldn’t tremble as he spoke. “I tried.. I even got help. Went to church regularly, attended therapy sessions to get rid of this thing, like I did everything I could and I, still looked for you in everyone.”
“And yet you still decided to leave me and get married.” Robby took his hands off his hips and crossed his arms over his chest. His jacket clung so tightly to his broad biceps that it looked like the fabric might tear. His bony hands wrapped around his elbows, his watch still in place. Once again, Dennis found himself lost in the power of his posture. He was incredibly seductive, sinful. If he didn’t care about the wrinkles in his suit, Dennis could have thrown himself at him right then and there. He could have made love to him until his death. He could have tangled his brown hair with his fingers, while his own golden curls traced over Robby’s bare skin.
“Since leaving PTMC, this place has been good for me. I went to church, confessed my sins. I tried having sex with Amy once a month; but whenever Trinity mentioned you, I found myself with another man. I wanted you, I couldn’t find you; and when I couldn’t find you, I repented, and it kept going on like that.”
Dennis had finally unloaded the heavy burden he had been carrying on his shoulders; telling this to someone had relieved him, especially since that someone was the very person who had caused him to do all of it.
“So you were with other men instead of me,” Robby raised his brows, tilted his head slightly to the side, and looked at Dennis with almost disgust.
“I couldn’t go back to you,” Dennis said, lifting his chest and trying to stand before him boldly.
Robby paused for a moment. He studied Dennis’s face. Dennis’s baby blues meet his browns. Then Dennis looked away, breaking eye contact and turning his gaze instead to the field of purple hyacinths behind Robby. With the wind, they danced back and forth.
Robby groaned, bringing his hands up to his face and, this time, he was the one acting bereft. He rubbed his eye sockets with his fingertips, then shoved his hands into his pockets. “I would have accepted you.” There was sorrow in Robby’s voice, born from being too late, and a hint of anger towards that sorrow could also be felt.
“I should have been with Amy,” Dennis said. When he weakened in front of Robby, he spoke as if drawing strength from Robby’s own vulnerability; trying to become the stronger man.
“Why, Dennis… why?” Robby reproached him.
“Because my father would have wanted that. I should have honored my mother. I should have been like my brothers.”
“You don’t even respect your own decision the way I respect it.” Robby took his hands out of his jacket pockets and, furrowing his brows, spoke as if he were advising Dennis.
“If you stand in front of me like this…” Dennis ventured, but immediately regretted it and brought a hand to his face. No, no, he couldn’t do this on his wedding day. His cheeks were flushed; maybe from alcohol-induced flushing, though he had always handled alcohol well. But he couldn’t handle Michael ‘Robby’ Robinavitch’s effect on him; he was utterly becoming deranged.
“I could have given you whatever you wanted.” Robby pressed his lips together; hidden within his beard, his mouth carried a mocking smile. It was obvious what he was trying to do. As if he weren’t already seductive enough, he was now being shameless and brazen as well.
“Take me back to the start,” Dennis blurted out. His heart began to pound as if it would burst out of his chest, the rhythm echoing up into his throat and throbbing there, but he ignored it and stepped closer to Robby. When he lifted his head to see him better, Robby tilted his head slightly downward.
“Can I kiss you one last time?” Robby murmured, tilting his head further to the side, leaving only a breath’s distance between them.
“Please,” Dennis whispered back.
Robby slowly brushed his lips against Dennis’s, barely grazing them, feather-light. Dennis parted his lips and let out a bold, eager tongue, gently touching Robby’s lower lip before drawing it back. Then Robby grabbed Dennis’s chin firmly with one hand. He placed his thumb on one cheek and his fingers on the other, trapping the younger man in his grip. Then, as if drawing breath into his lungs through the kiss itself, he pressed his lips against Dennis’s with deep, desperate intensity and began to kiss him.
They had not kissed each other in a long time; their tongues moved against each other just like before, lips refusing to part, sticking together. With every kiss, Dennis let out soft whimpers between Robby’s lips, which, for Robby, were the sweetest sound in the world.
Robby pulled his lips away from him and rested his forehead against Dennis’s. When he ran his tongue over his lips again, he tasted the trace Dennis had left behind. He let out a rough, breathy groan and spoke, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I know,” Dennis breathed. Then he tilted his head to the side, caught Robby’s upper lip between his own, and gently sucked on it. When he pulled back, he stepped away from Robby. He turned around and looked at the barn’s weathered door, then turned back to him.
“Are you sure?” Robby hesitated; without Dennis saying it, he already understood what Dennis was offering.
“Yes,” Dennis nodded. He swallowed hard, his chest rising and falling rapidly with each breath. He was barely holding himself up without collapsing in front of him. Robby’s scent wrapped around his body; it had soaked into his wedding suit. It felt like a sign that he had marked him.
Robby nodded back, then pointed at the door with his chin. Dennis obediently turned around and, following Robby’s signal, pushed the barn door open with all his strength. It creaked loudly as it swung open, and a mix of ammonia, damp earth, and dry hay hit Dennis’s nose. Maybe that foul smell would wash Robby’s scent off him, so Amy wouldn’t notice.
When Robby also stepped inside, the barn door creaked shut again. Now, inside this box-like barn, they were two bodies alone. No one else existed; not a single breath could be heard. The silence settled over the place, and the atmosphere suddenly shifted into a darker tone. The unsettling quiet was as disturbing as the heavy, foul smell. They stared at each other for a long time; two fools, two souls doomed to drift away from one another.
“I don’t want to be the bad guy at your wedding,” Robby finally said, breaking the silence between them.
“What if this is the last time we see each other?” Dennis said, voicing the painful truth as he felt the weight of the knot in his throat.
Robby grew irritated at Dennis’s words; his face tightened, and his soft expression faded into something sharper. “Why are you acting like a crying wolf?”
“What does that even mean?” Dennis lashed out, biting his lower lip and covering it with his upper one as he closed his mouth. He raised his brows, pursed his lips, and widened his baby blues.
“I mean you were the one who left me,” Robby said, a mix of shock and anger spreading across his face as he threw his arms out to the sides, continuing to confront Dennis.
“God!” Dennis cried out, lifting his hands towards the sky as if addressing God himself, letting out a hoarse groan from his throat. Then he stomped through the dry hay on the ground and sat on an old stool hidden among the straw by the barn wall. He placed his elbows on his thighs and buried his head in his hands. He started counting the straw on the ground, he was losing his mind. It was his wedding day, he was getting married, yet he was still trapped by this old man.
“If you sit like that, you’ll wrinkle your suit, kid,” Robby teased, letting out a rough smirk between his teeth, which only made Dennis feel more miserable.
“Fuck my tuxedo,” Dennis snapped, while Robby continued to smirk shamelessly.
Robby kept it up for a while, though he couldn’t stand seeing him so broken. He didn’t want him to be weak; he wanted to see him standing on his own two feet. He knew he was the one who had made him feel this devastated in the first place; but Robby also knew he was the one who had to fix what he had broken.
“Are you going to stop acting like a child and decide what you actually want like a real man?” Robby barked. He knew Dennis understood not through softness, but through ugliness, roughness, and harshness.
“I feel like I’m your bitch… I can’t get away from you… I’m done,” Dennis muttered, still holding his head in his hands, mumbling into the straw. Robby looked at what he had turned him into; this was his creation.
But at this point, what could Robby even do? Dennis was someone who had made his call but couldn’t stand behind it, a child in that sense. And sometimes, to fix something, you had to break it even more. Like forcing an alcoholic to drink until he vomits, like exposing someone to something in such high doses that they eventually became disgusted with their own addiction.
“Say it again,” Robby said as his brown oxfords slowly moved across the dry straw towards Dennis.
“I’m your bitch,” Dennis muttered again without lifting his head.
“Eyes on me, and repeat it,” Robby commanded, stopping when his steps reached Dennis’s knees.
Dennis slowly lifted his head, clenched his jaw, and gathered all his courage before repeating, “I’m your bitch.”
“Good boy,” Robby praised him, then slowly slid his hand into Dennis’s golden curls. As strands slipped through his fingers, Robby tightened his grip just enough not to hurt him, gently pulling his head slightly back before releasing him.
“You look perfect on your wedding day,” Robby murmured, drawn to Dennis’s blue eyes as a flirtatious smirk settled at the corner of his lips, the infatuation in them impossible to miss.
“Just for you,” Dennis purred, flashing him a teasing smile, fully intent on making the man in front of him weak at the knees.
“Wish that mouth of yours would do something useful instead of lying,” Robby shot back, his tone carrying a mix of mockery and condescension.
Dennis didn’t want to defend himself, nor did he want to snap back at him. All he wanted was to tear that suit right off him. But still, Robby looked mesmerizing in it; to Dennis, the sight surpassed even the finest painting in the Louvre. It was more precious than the northern forests, more powerful than the vast, endless ocean.
Dennis couldn’t take it any longer. Like a riled-up farm animal, he roughly buried his head into Robby’s crotch. Then he parted his lips and tried to mouth the bulge through the fabric. Robby let out a moan, and when the low sound echoed raspily through the barn, he gently pushed Dennis back by the shoulder.
“Wait, you’re creasing my pants.” He reached for his belt first and, after undoing the metal buckle, tossed the leather strap aside. Then he began unfastening the buttons one by one. He pulled down the zipper in a hurry, then the fabric slid down his legs. Without another moment’s hesitation, he quickly lowered his boxers as well, exposing his hard cock to Dennis.
Dennis gulped down, feeling his mouth drooling as he was reminded of how much he enjoyed pleasing him.
He parted his lips and took Robby’s girth into his mouth. He wrapped his hand around its root and began moving his head in a steady, rhythmic motion, sucking hungrily as he went up and down.
Robby let out a low groan before leaning forward slightly and planting his hands against the barn’s wooden wall. When he rooted himself deeper into Dennis’s mouth, Dennis was forced to pull his hand away from Robby’s cock.
“You’ve improved,” Robby said with a grin when he noticed Dennis wasn’t gagging. Then, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he pushed forward a little more. That was enough to trigger Dennis’s gag reflex, and Robby slid back out of his mouth.
A delicate, translucent bridge formed between Dennis and its tip, much like the fragile, raw bond that existed between them.
Dennis coughed, left breathless. Then, grabbing hold of him like a starving dog, he took him into his mouth again. He ran his tongue along him, sucked, and stroked him with his hand at the same time; almost as if he were worshipping him. Robby, meanwhile, felt the wet warmth of Dennis’s mouth surrounding him as he slid inside. Dennis’s lips wrapped around his thick veins, and it felt as though every drop of blood in Robby’s body was flowing there.
Robby threw his head back in pleasure and let out a breathy moan that bordered on a whine before pulling himself back. “Stop, you’re gonna make me cum.”
“Isn’t that our goal?” Dennis breathed, grinning as he looked up at Robby from below.
“Nope, I’m planning to fuck you.” Then Robby placed his hand on Dennis’s face and patted him twice without hurting him. “Get up.”
As always, Dennis didn’t hesitate and stood up immediately at Robby’s command. Once he did, Robby took the stool Dennis had just been sitting on and settled onto it, resting his bare hips on the seat. This time, Dennis stood right before Robby’s knees.
“Take them off,” Robby said, gesturing with his eyes towards the suit trousers that were part of Dennis’s wedding outfit.
After the command, Dennis reached for the buttons and undid them. He pulled the zipper down and slid the black trousers off his legs. He didn’t care if they got dirty in the hay and dust; he could brush them off later, or tell Amy he had tripped and fallen. Or he could say nothing at all, offer no explanation; right now, with the only thing he had ever wanted standing in front of him, nothing else mattered.
The coolness of the damp breeze drifting lightly through the barn made his bare legs shiver. Or maybe his body was already trembling because of the sight in front of him. Robby was sitting on the stool, his legs spread apart. His ankles were bound together by his trousers. And his cock was throbbing and leaking its precum, waiting for Dennis.
“Take those off as well,” Robby said, snapping his fingers at him. Dennis immediately understood and hooked his fingers into the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down and stepping out of them.
“Come a little closer to me,” Robby only spoke the words against his lips, and Dennis followed them. His mind was tied to Robby’s piper; he did whatever he said and offered whatever he wanted.
Dennis moved closer to him and spread his legs, so that Robby’s were between Dennis’s. Now Robby was right under his twitching cock. He was aching and leaking, utterly consumed and overwhelmed just by the sight of Robby, every feeling burning through him.
Robby brought two fingers to his mouth, keeping his gaze locked on Dennis as he slowly licked them slick, never once looking away. With their eyes locked in chains, he guided his damp fingers between Dennis’s hips and slipped one of them inside. Dennis gasped, his legs trembling, rising slightly on his toes as he allowed him deeper.
“Do you like this?” Robby rasped, moving his finger inside him.
“Yes sir…” Dennis whimpered, pressing his lips together before wetting his dry lips with his tongue.
Robby then slipped in another finger. He toyed with Dennis completely at his mercy, making him quiver and writhe under his control.
“Do you like it when I do this?” Robby repeated.
“Yes… yes please… sir,” Dennis answered him again without hesitation, even pushing and rocking his hips a little further into Robby’s fingers.
Robby kept fingering him, never slowing down or easing up. Dennis had wrapped himself completely around his fingers, as if the moment Robby pulled them away, something would tear out of Dennis’s body along with them. Dennis continued to moan, whimper, and breathe in broken gasps. He threw his head back, then, overwhelmed by the pleasure coursing through his every inch, lowered it again to watch the movement of Robby’s fingers. Meanwhile, Robby himself seemed to be getting aroused just by giving him pleasure, offering him rough, deep moans in return.
Once Robby had prepared Dennis enough, he pulled his fingers out of the younger man and brought his hands to either side of his waist. He pressed his thumbs against the sharp curves of Dennis’s pelvic bones and gripped his full flesh firmly with his other fingers.
“Take me inside you,” Robby husked, clenching his jaw and showing Dennis the rawness of no longer being able to hold himself back. Dennis grasped Robby’s girth, slowly guiding himself towards it, and for a moment he teased Robby by rubbing himself against it. Then Robby tightened his grip on Dennis even more and slightly lifted his hips, pushing himself towards him.
When Dennis finally took him completely inside, the moans they drew from each other filled the barn. If the barn’s broken wooden planks had mouths, they probably would have condemned them both to the cross. As Dennis wrapped his arms around Robby’s neck, he began to move his hips. He could feel him, that missing piece inside him had finally been filled; and their bodies became a perfect whole, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Meanwhile, Robby was controlling the rhythm of Dennis’s hips beneath his hands, guiding Dennis in how to ride him.
Outside, horses were stomping and jumping on their hooves, and the distant sounds of cows could be heard. The cold, damp smell of wood seeped into their lungs. In this lonely and isolated barn, surrounded by endless waves of dry grass swaying in the wind, they were making love. Moans blended together, breaths collided, and the wet sounds of skin against skin filled their ears.
“You take me so well, baby… Fuck,” Robby groaned, He furrowed his brows, Dennis tight little hole, wrapped around his thickness. Robby squinted in bliss, and threw his head back, letting out a moan from deep in his throat.
“Yes, daddy, just for you.”
Dennis wrapped one hand around Robby’s neck, almost hopping on him rough-handedly. Then he brought his lips to the man’s earlobe and began to lick it. He moaned into his ear, sucking and cooling it with his breath. This sent electricity through Robby’s body; all his synapses were focused entirely on experiencing this pleasure to its peak.
“Is daddy’s dick good for you, baby?”
“Yes… daddy I- I need more…” Dennis’s words seemed hell-bent on driving Robby out of his mind. Then Dennis continued to thrust like a starving, desperate dog. With every impact against his sweet spot, he drove his hips even faster.
“I can’t believe I’m fucking the groom at the first wedding I ever attended,” Robby snickered, then authoritatively spanked Dennis. “Slow it down, cowboy. Why are you this greedy, huh?”
“I’m sorry, I need you so fucking bad,” Dennis moaned, he ignored what Robby said and kept riding him eagerly, which only made Robby decisively spank him once again.
“Shit Dr. Whitaker, you’re so tight.” Robby felt himself getting closer to his climax; his body, warm with ecstasy, was being fueled even further by Dennis’s burning heat. Hellfire couldn’t possibly be this sweet, could it? If the worst torments felt like this, Robby would be willing to endure anything for Dennis.
“I’m gonna cu-” Robby coughed in pleasure and placed his hand on Dennis’s chest, pushing him back, “I’m gonna cum, you need to get off my lap, kid.”
“No, breed me Michael,” Dennis said in a steady tone, then brought his index and middle fingers towards Robby’s mouth. Robby closed his lips around Dennis’s fingers and gently ran his tongue over them. Dennis’s legs were shivering now, but he wanted more. He felt overwhelmed, as if he could barely breathe; and if he couldn’t experience this for the rest of his life, what was the point of living?
Robby let out a deep sound from his throat as he gushed out, and Dennis could feel his warmth. Meanwhile, Dennis’s fingers remained in Robby’s mouth; that was why his moan came out deeper and more muffled.
Dennis lifted his hips slightly, and when Robby pulled his cock away, warm white liquid dripped from Dennis’s pulsing hole. Their breaths tangled together like a twist. Dennis pressed his chest against Robby’s and rested his head in the hollow of Robby’s neck. He inhaled his scent deeply and let out soft whimpers of pleasure from moments ago.
Robby placed one hand on his back and wrapped his other arm around his waist. Then he slid the hand on Dennis’s back up into his hair, gripping him at the nape of his neck, and pressed his own head against Dennis’s neck. Their chests collided rhythmically with short gasps.
“Your turn,” Robby said. At that, Dennis straightened up and looked at him. Brown eyes, hidden behind long lashes, still looked at him with the same hunger and thirst as before. “What do you want from me?” Robby continued.
Looking up at him from below, Robby stood there like a loyal servant, devoted entirely to making Dennis feel good.
“I want to fuck your throat,” Dennis confessed, one of the few bold things he had ever said to Robby.
“Lucky man gets whatever he wants,” Robby said, as if saying lucky man didn’t hurt at all, turning the ache into a joke to make it more bearable.
Dennis slipped out of Robby’s lap and stood up. Then he remained right beside him, continuing to look down at him. Dennis ran his hand through the hair on Robby’s forehead, scattering the brown strands, and gripped them tightly.
“I hate you,” Dennis huffed and continued, “I hate you because I want you so much.”
“Stop whining Dennis and do what you want to me,” Robby rasped, brushing it off as if he didn’t care. Right now, his only intention was to give him attention, make him feel good, and ease him. He immediately reached for Dennis’s leaking, aching cock, and when his fingers wrapped around it, he stroked him slowly a few times. Dennis’s unsteady legs began to tremble again. Then Robby parted his lips, not breaking eye contact with Dennis, he brought Dennis’s cock to his mouth slowly. When Dennis felt Robby’s damp heat, he tilted his head back with pleasure and leaned into it.
Dennis didn’t let go of Robby’s hair; in fact, he tightened his grip even more, holding him in place and controlling the movement of his head. He was filling Robby’s mouth with bold, unruly hip thrusts.
Dennis continued his movements, not pushing Robby too hard, but still taking what he wanted. When Robby realized he wasn’t being overwhelmed, he placed his hands on Dennis’s bare ass and pulled him closer, which triggered his own gag reflex. He took a deep breath and then pulled back.
Then he unhesitatingly continued to suck him, taking in Dennis’s soft sounds and moans as they reached his ears; they gave him delight, like a euphoric drug or a sacred lullaby.
“Do you want it?” Dennis said quietly, with a small whimper.
Robby could only lift his eyes towards him and nod, unable to speak because his mouth was being filled. When Dennis caught the signal, he finally let go, his body reaching its peak as a sharp, breathless whimper filled the barn, “Fuck fuck fuck- your mouth is… God…” Dennis came into Robby’s mouth. As the bitter liquid spilled from the corners of Robby’s lips, part of it slid down his throat through his nasal passage, burning his throat. It tasted the same; he had missed the feeling of Dennis’s alkaline juice in his mouth.
When Dennis pulled away, his legs were so numb they could no longer carry him. He let himself fall into Robby’s lap, and Robby wrapped him in his arms, holding him tightly. He placed his bare ass on Robby’s upper thighs and let his legs hang down. He brought one arm around Robby’s broad back and the other across his chest, linking his hands together. He tilted his head to the side and buried himself once again in the hollow of Robby’s neck, as if he wanted to hide from everyone and be alone with him.
Robby’s breathing was transcendent to hear, as if it were a fragment of the most beautiful fairy tales. It would have been nice if the church bells had rung for them just once; Dennis was so foolish that, in that moment, he wanted to marry Robby. To build a life, to have his children– he had desires he would never be able to reach. Dennis Whitaker-Robinavitch, didn’t it sound so beautiful to be real?
“Run away with me, we can be happy together, it’s not too late,” Robby said, as if he could hear the storm breaking inside Dennis. Dennis lifted his head and looked at him; his white knight in shining armor, the one who had come to rescue him from here. He reached out and touched Robby’s face, slowly stroking his beard with his thumb.
“I came here with Bonnie; I always wanted to take you around with her,” Robby laughed, and Dennis joined him in his laughter.
“Oh, Michael…” Dennis murmured, then continued. “We wasted so much- ” Dennis averted his gaze from him, certain that if he kept looking into those dark eyes, he would start crying. The knot in his throat never left; it would not loosen, as if it were a cruel knot tied by some ruthless sailor.
“No, baby, no… look at me,” Robby said, placing his hand on Dennis’s chin and turning his face gently towards him, locking his eyes with his.
“We wasted each other,” Dennis said gloomily, his voice shaking.
“No, maybe it was meant to be this way,” Robby shook his head in denial. “I’ll take care of everything, I’ll write you a good recommendation letter, we’ll get out of here, I’ll do everything I can.”
“I know… please don’t leave me again.”
“Never.”
✰
Robby had crashed into Dennis’s wedding like a freight train and torn through it, and out of sight, two souls were planning to slip away, leaving everyone behind.
When they stepped out of the barn, fresh air filled Dennis’s lungs. It was already dark, and the music was still playing. Only the faint light of the moon reflected on the ground; maybe that was why he could barely see Amy standing in white in front of him.
“Are you serious, Dennis Whitaker?” Amy reproached, her face twisting. The heartbreak was written all over her face, and mixed into that expression was a touch of disgust towards Dennis.
“Amy…” was all Dennis could manage to say. Seeing her like this made him realize how despicable he was. A crushing weight of shame settled right in the center of his chest.
“Did I invite him here so you can have sex with him? I thought you’d wanted to see him, Dennis.” Amy protested, this time raising her voice, and her words fell apart like shards of glass.
“Amy… I’m sorry,” Dennis repeated. He wasn’t in any position to explain himself. While apologizing to Amy, he could still feel the lingering ache between his ass, left there by Robby. It was something like God’s comedy.
“I can’t believe you either,” Amy said, this time turning to Robby. Robby was a few steps behind Dennis, watching everything without saying a word. He knew he was in the wrong, but instead of looking like a cornered, guilty cat, he carried an air of almost pride in what he had done. When Robby didn’t respond, Amy continued, “As if you hadn’t already ruined our relationship with your existence, now you’re ruining our wedding too. Why are you doing this to me?”
“It’s all my fault, Amy, please.” There was nothing Dennis could do except plead. After all, he had dragged Robby into this mess too. In that moment, he felt like the most spineless person in the world. And still, foolishly, he was afraid Robby would leave him because of all this drama.
“Cut the crap! You never take responsibility when it comes to things like this,” Amy snapped, folding her arms across her chest. Her furious gaze shifted from Dennis to Robby before returning to Dennis once more. “You want to be with him, and you’re only using me as a shield against your family.”
“I can’t help it, Amy!” Dennis finally snapped. He buried his head in his hands and began pacing like he was losing his mind. The break in his voice, the crack in his composure; he was losing control. The moment Robby noticed, he slipped a hand onto Dennis’s back like a sly snake. With the back of his hand, he gently stroked him through his jacket, and even that was enough to calm Dennis down a bit.
“You could have left me out of this. But I was easy to love, easy to control, and all of it was because I cared about you, Dennis!” As Amy raised her voice even further, she tore her gaze away from him. Maybe she simply couldn’t look at him anymore; maybe the sight of him made her sick. She had always accepted him for who he was. She had never cared who he loved or who he had been with before. Amy loved people for who they were, not when they were liars and deceivers. And Dennis knew that very well.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m a horrible person. Dennis had no intention of coming across as brazen, yet there was neither a sentence nor a word, nor even a stray punctuation mark left at his disposal. The only thing available to him was an appeal to the tribunal of his conscience.
“How do you intend to be a father to our child? Who could possibly deserve a father incapable of being honest with the mother of his own child?”
Fuck.
A wave of searing dread washed over Dennis the instant Amy uttered the one thing that should never, under any circumstances, have been voiced in Robby’s presence. It felt as though boiling water had been poured over him.
“Wait a sec, is this true, Dennis? Are you actually going to be a father?” Robby demanded, taking a few steps towards Dennis and leaning in; his chest rose and fell heavily with the angry breaths he was taking. It was as if all his ribs were trapped inside this fracture of lies, ready to tear through his flesh. His eyes were like those of a predator; he had lost something that rightfully belonged to him, and Dennis had almost deceived him.
“Yes,” Amy said, nodding in confirmation, and she did not take her eyes off Robby until he turned to look at her.
“I see.” Robby shrugged, as if cold water had been poured over his earlier rage. He turned to Amy, straightening his back again before lowering his gaze towards the ground.
“No, you don’t see, and you never will,” Amy snapped, shaking her head again. She placed her hands on her hips and turned her back on the two of them.
“Amy, at least let me say goodbye to him.” His voice cracked as he spoke, and then Dennis reached out his hand towards Amy, even though she couldn’t see it.
“I don’t care, Dennis. From now on, I’m only enduring this for Theo and the baby,” Amy said, stepping away from them. Without even looking at their faces, she lifted the hem of her bridal gown and walked past the two of them.
Dennis watched Amy as she left, as if she still hadn’t learned everything; as if the unvoiced affair he and Robby shared still belonged only to them. But everything was there, as obvious as gravity, and what they would do from this moment on was anything but certain.
“Dennis, I have to go,” Robby managed to say. Dennis turned his body towards him. Moonlight had scattered glimmers across Robby’s cheeks, and those almost kissable freckles only made Dennis ache more. With Robby, his soul felt filthy, corrupt, and indecent, and yet it was also the closest he had ever felt to heaven. Robby was his sin; an illicit thing that made him feel paradise itself.
“No,” Dennis refused, shaking his head from side to side. Then he stepped towards Robby, his footsteps crushing the stony ground until he was right in front of him. “No-no-no…” Dennis repeated, over and over. “No-no…”
“I can’t be the villain in a child’s life. I can’t do that,” Robby said, resting one hand to his waist and running the other over his forehead, lost in troubled thoughts. Dennis, however, reached for Robby’s upper arm, gripping it firmly, refusing to accept it. “Michael… no…”
“Dennis, don’t. I can’t break up a child’s family.” Perhaps because of his own past, Robby was notably vulnerable to this; it was his threshold. Robby averted his gaze from the doe-eyed young man, his eyes heavy with disillusionment.
“Michael, please… you said you’d never leave me again,” Dennis begged, and then spread his arms and pulled Robby into him with all his strength, like a hunter who had caught his prey in a trap. Robby, nevertheless, placed one hand on Dennis’s chest and pushed him away; he didn’t need to push hard, just a slight pressure was enough to separate their bodies.
“You should’ve thought before taking actions you can’t undo. Act like a big boy for fuck’s sake!” Robby snapped, his voice rising, while Dennis could only stare at him, his lips slightly parted. Dennis stood there, looking sheepish. He was afraid of losing him, yet he already had. As he staggered a few steps back, all he could do was stand there and look at him without uttering a single word.
This time, he was truly trying to commit him to memory for the last time. His silhouette, his presence; the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips disappearing into his smokey beard, and the furrow of his brows.
In the same way, Robby found himself watching those oceanic blue eyes, reflecting the melancholy of the dim moonlight, and the stricken shape Dennis’s thin, cherry-colored lips had taken. He thought about how kissable Dennis’s lips were, and how the only way they could truly tear themselves away from each other was if he forced himself to be cruel.
Dennis, unconcerned, quickened his pace and once again spread his arms, pressing his body firmly against Robby’s and pulling him into a tight hug, resting his head against Robby’s chest as if he would never let go. Then, slowly, he slid downward, as though he were preparing to pray to him. He sank onto his knees, tucking his legs beneath his hips, and wrapped his arms around one of Robby’s legs instead. Without caring whether the knees of his groom’s trousers were getting smudged with dust, the man who had been prepared like a flower that very morning now looked like a wreck brought down by Robby.
“Don’t leave me, Michael. Take me with you.” Dennis rested his chin against Robby’s leg and looked up at him from below. No matter how much Robby tried to avert his gaze, he couldn’t tear himself away. Something inside Robby ached; he couldn’t bear to see him like this.
Robby sank down as well, mirroring Dennis, and straightened up on his knee while Dennis was still clinging to his other leg. He stared at Dennis for a moment, schooling his expression. Then he slowly brought his hands behind his neck and undid the chain of the Star of David around it.
“Open your hand,” Robby said. Dennis didn’t question him and pulled one arm away from Robby’s leg, opening his hand. When Robby placed his chain in his palm, Dennis lowered his head and looked at the piece of Robby now resting in his hand.
“Now give me your cross too.” As Robby said this, he cupped Dennis’s hand with both of his and gently curled Dennis’s fingers inward, closing his hand around the chain. Then he opened his own hand, just as Dennis had and waited.
Dennis pulled his other arm away from Robby’s leg and reached behind his neck, unclasping the chain of his cross. When he placed the cross into Robby’s palm, pieces they would carry with them for the rest of their lives rested in each other’s hands.
“That way, we’ll always be together.”
Though they had never spoken the words I love you aloud to one another -not then and not even now- Robby had just confessed his love to Dennis. It was the way Robby had always been, showing his feelings through actions instead of putting them into words.
This felt like an old, dying elephant between them; before death, they had drifted away from the herd, allowing themselves to share one last beautiful moment together. Unfortunately, this would be the last time they ever saw each other's faces.
✰
A few years later…
Dennis was in the kitchen. Lori was sleeping in her stroller in the living room, while Theo was playing with toy trains on the carpet. Amy, meanwhile, was sipping the instant coffee Dennis had just made for her and absentmindedly scrolling through random things on her phone.
Dennis walked over to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair before sitting down. Amy sat across from him, her face expressionless but peaceful. Dennis opened his laptop and lifted the screen. Trinity had told him that he should occasionally check the online reviews for their farm.
While continuing his work as a doctor in the countryside, Dennis was also running a small business with Amy. They sold what they produced on their farm, allowing them to save extra money for Theo and Lori’s education.
Dennis moved his mouse over to the business reviews section. Suddenly, a flood of comments appeared on the screen. Most of them were positive; their business had received a 4/5 rating. Then, as he kept scrolling through the reviews, one comment caught his attention.
Dr. Bobby Slippyhands: 5/5
A few years ago I visited this place. The barn guy has plenty of milk and very juicy fruit. :)
At first, Dennis frowned in confusion, not understanding it. Then he smirked, and a small laugh escaped his lips. Amy lifted her head from her phone and looked at him.
“What is it?” Amy asked with a laugh.
“I was looking through the reviews. Take a look at this...” Dennis said, holding the laptop by both sides and turning the screen towards her. Amy leaned towards the screen and narrowed her eyes as she read the review. Then she smirked and let out a small laugh, just like Dennis had.
When Dennis turned the screen back towards himself, he clicked on the user who had written the review. It was the only review on the account; no other businesses had been reviewed, and there was nothing else on the profile.
“Maybe it’s him?”
“Who?” Dennis asked, raising his brows as he looked at Amy.
Amy spread one hand out and widened her eyes as she spoke. “Dr. Bobby? Who else do you think it could be?”
“Why would he even write something like that?” Dennis asked. The possibility that it might actually be him made his breath catch in his throat, as if it had slipped from his lungs and gotten stuck there. A dull pain settled in his chest, and he lifted his head from the screen towards Amy with a flicker of nervous excitement.
“I don’t know,” Amy leaned back in her chair and continued. “Maybe just to remind you of himself.”
Robby had retired just a few months after the wedding day and changed all his contact numbers and accounts. Trinity could only pass along what she heard about him until he retired; after that, she lost track. The only person who could still reach him, who occasionally stayed in contact, was Dr. Abbot. According to him, Robby was traveling on his motorcycle, occasionally texting Abbot just to let him know he was still breathing. At least Dennis knew he was alive.
Dennis let himself get carried away by the possibility of Amy’s words being true. His face bloomed like the most beautiful petals of a flower.
“He still loves you, Dennis, just like you do,” Amy said with a warm smile. She pushed her chair back and stood up, holding the handle of her coffee cup tightly. She walked over to Dennis and gently kissed his curly tousled hair, then she left him alone with the thoughts of Michael Robinavitch in the kitchen.