Chapter Text
Police work wasn’t half as fancy as everyone made it out to be even if the entire town swooned over their tightly fitted uniforms and fluttery coats. Frankly, Daichi would have chosen a different attire to hunt down thieves but alas, his boss fancied fashion over utility.
The thieves of this town didn’t think any differently, every second one wearing either an extravagant mask or an equally outrageous coat. The worst had been that one thief that got caught whilst retrieving his beloved tophat from the jewellery store he stole from. Daichi wasn’t sure whether to laugh at this sort of stupidity or appreciate it. It did make his job and consequently his life easier but it didn’t speak for the city.
Playing thief and detective had become a game in their town, most stealing for the mere kick of being hunted down, for the adrenaline it gave them to having committed a crime. Daichi wouldn’t have deemed it possible but a good show mattered to them more than money and wealth did. Mostly, at least, they usually did keep a small amount of their loot to pay for their horrendous outfits but other than that, what the thieves stole was eventually put on display and for the police to retrieve after their hauls.
“You look as bright as ever, Daichi.”
“Spare me your sing-song, boss.”
He turned to Suga with furrowed eyebrows because he knew he’d meet an utterly amused expression. “You could have been my boss if you didn’t value field work as much. You were the one who declined the offer.”
“If I had known you’d make us look like a mixture between Sherlock Holmes and Catwoman, I would have agreed to sit in the office the entire day but you reap what you sow. I can’t believe this.”
“Get used to it already, it’s been two years. Besides, even the thieves agree that it’s worth getting thrown into jail if they get to see a policeman up close,” Suga said and lowered himself gracefully on Daichi’s desk. Of course he was wearing a completely normal uniform, shirt and pants loosely fit. Daichi threw him a glare but Suga reacted to it with putting up an even gentler smile. “With me as head of the police in this town, the crime rate sunk considerably. There hasn’t been a murder in… oh, two years? Aw, you don’t have to flatter me.”
“I didn’t.”
“You should. Look, Daichi,” Suga said and leant in closer, “If a change of our image helped, then what gives? It’s not like we’re taken less seriously. Trust me, it’s plenty serious when people say they want to be handcuffed by you.”
Daichi stared at Suga in disbelief and was met head-on with a soft gaze that was all too traitorous. Suga would have made for a good villain in another life and suddenly, just a little bit, Daichi was grateful he was on the same side as him after all. If only because he knew that Suga was positively a danger to everyone surrounding him aside from himself.
He got up and sighed, grabbing his coat off his chair with a headshake before taking off. He did hear Suga say something but swiftly ignored it. Whatever it was, it had probably nothing to do with his job.
---
“Okay, objectively speaking, who has the best legs on the force? Come on, guys, we all saw them up close and personal at some point.”
“As up close and personal as you can get with a cop. Aren’t we supposed to be talking about… I don’t know, our plans for tomorrow night?” Kuroo groaned and leant his back against the chair’s backrest blinking tiredly at Bokuto leading the whole thing today. These ‘secret’ meetings were a complete joke and so were they as a whole. The entire brigade of masquerade thieves, one more ridiculously dressed than the other. He wondered if the cops found out yet that they were all just a large gang rather than lots of individuals searching for wealth and adrenaline.
“As up close and personal as you always get to everyone. Oh wait, that’s no one, I’m sorry. ...I’m not.” Kuroo didn’t have to turn around to know Oikawa had to interject something to personally attack him. When the party wasn’t about him, he quickly got lonely, or so he said. Kuroo just so happened to be everyone’s favourite topic (nothing he appreciated, most of the time.)
“Shut the fuck up, Oikawa, no one asked you. At least I don’t get chummy with like three cops at once, what are you, a---”
“Whoa whoa whoa, first of all, no fighting,” Bokuto interrupted and earned a glare from Kuroo. He should back him up and not protect Oikawa, that son of a bitch and his flashy show stealing all of their attention. They were supposed to share the spotlight, not draw it to themselves. “And second of all, he only likes that one cop and let’s be real, we all kinda want a piece of Ushijima. Congratulations, by the way,” he said, waving to Oikawa and winking. Like an embarrassed teenager, Oikawa sunk into his chair with a huff, murmuring something no one still heard.
“Back to my question,” Bokuto declared loudly and had all attention back on him once more. Kuroo revised what he thought earlier - Bokuto was allowed to have the spotlight to himself, mainly because otherwise he started sulking and was entirely useless - a catastrophe because despite his demeanor, he was one of the best thieves. Kuroo grinned to himself.
“Okay, so,” Terushima announced from the back and stood up like an idiot. He looked stupid in his yellow leather suit, more like a superhero than a thief but Kuroo had given up on trying to make sense of most of the people he sat in a room with. “That small one? You know, the red-haired one? You say you never get up close and personal to a cop, but once he chokes you with his legs because his arms are too weak to catch you, you get the definition of ‘up close and personal’, I swear. I vote for him.”
“Alright,” Bokuto said and wrote Hinata’s name down on the whiteboard next to him. Good thing he never chose to become a teacher, his handwriting was awful. “Who’s next? Oh, wait, I’ll take one vote from Oikawa for Ushijima.”
“What the hell!? I didn’t even say I’d vote for him!” Oikawa darted up his chair, feathers flying around like of a molting bird. His cape was ridiculous. The fact that he wore a cape in the first place was, well, ridiculous but feathers? White feathers? And Kuroo didn’t want to get started on the glitter in his hair and his overly enthusiastic excuse of a mask that was a Venecian mess with jewels and gems draping his eyes.
“Quit being hysterical, everyone knows you’re in cahoots with him now,” Futakuchi said, quietly filing his nails. Kuroo called him Robin Hood before he knew his name because he looked like a forest ranger. Not entirely as flashy as his moves were but he guessed Futakuchi had that as his main attention magnet. Maybe he simply wasn’t creative enough but in a way, Kuroo appreciated that. At least someone showed some decency even if Futakuchi’s tongue was anything but that. He had yet to meet someone on Futakuchi’s level of impudence.
“Who did you call hysterical!?”
“Now, now, gentlemen,” Kuroo said and both Futakuchi’s and Oikawa’s eyes were ready to murder him in very different but equally painful ways. He grinned. “Aren’t we all going to agree that Sawamura has the best legs? For real now. There is no room for discussions.”
“Oh, good one,” Bokuto said and jotted Sawamura’s name down.
“Doesn’t Sawamura have the best everything for you, every week?” Futakuchi’s lips slowly turned into a smile. It looked nice enough if it weren’t as fake as Kuroo’s story that he was born with his hair the way it was. He reciprocated the smile in kind. “You know, you should really do something about that thirst of yours.”
“To be fair though, Sawamura’s legs are very nice,” Terushima said and was regarded with a single look before the others turned onto Kuroo again. And there it was, the same procedure as every week.
“Futa-chan, haven’t you learnt your lesson? Kuroo is too much of a coward to do anything about this. Oh, how he wishes he’d be in a thighlock of his once,” Oikawa purred. Kuroo only found that mildly revolting, much to his own horror.
“Maybe he should just get arrested by him. Handcuffs and all. Are you too vanilla for that, Kuroo-san?”
“I don’t like the way you talk to me, Futakuchi.”
“I don’t like you and I still talk to you so who’s the bigger person here?”
“I said no fighting!” Bokuto’s voice made Kuroo growl. He couldn’t believe the meetings always ended this way. They would always try to break his perfect score of never being caught instead of simply working harder not to get their own scores ruined. Assholes.
“I can see the temptation burning in his eyes. Oh, is he finally going to do it today, is he going to---”
Kuroo smacked his palm into Oikawa’s face before he could finish his sentence. As if he would risk his reputation for a cop. Frankly, a very attractive cop in a very tight suit and a very pleasant voice but a cop.
This wasn’t going to be an easy heist.