Chapter Text
The fresh air in the night made it a little easier to breathe. Maybe he had had a little too much to drink, maybe all this talk about moral and a place had Daichi weary and exhausted.
Maybe he just exhausted himself the most.
He leant his back against the backrest of the bench in the only quiet place in town - and the most shady looking one at night. No matter how bright the lights from the town were, they never reached this park and covered it in a darkness unrivalled.
It was the perfect place to be left alone. Or so Daichi thought.
There were footsteps and he thought whoever passed through here would also just leave him be and pass by but instead, a figure slumped down next to him without a single word. It wasn’t the only park bench in the vicinity.
Why did this person have to sit down next to him?
“You’re sitting on my favourite bench,” a voice growled and Daichi grimaced.
He didn’t need that kind of punk right now. He didn’t need any kind of anyone right now. Daichi could have chosen to simply ignore the guy and save himself the stress - he cursed his own righteousness for more than one reason on this very night.
“Maybe you should take it home then or other people might accidentally happen to sit on your favourite bench.”
Perhaps righteousness was the wrong word for this. It was a simple irritation that found a good outlet. Daichi took it either way.
The other person shifted and Daichi assumed he was looking at him but he couldn’t make out much in the darkness. It didn’t matter either way. “Look, buddy, I had a shit evening, so don’t piss me off. I just want some fresh air at my favourite spot in this park so get off my case and my bench. I don’t need anyone sitting with me here.”
“Don’t claim a damn park bench for yourself. I sat here first to recover from my own shitty evening so what’s your deal? You’re aware we can just sit on different ends and not talk.”
“You’re destroying my zen.”
“You’re destroying it yourself, actually.”
A sigh in the darkness told Daichi that he somehow won this argument. In an odd way, it was almost unsatisfying how easily this had tipped to his favour. He had been prepared for some punching and biting and arresting but the world had changed. Just as Akaashi said. In a better way, if people were less violent, less inclined to commit a crime.
It still made Daichi feel uneasy. It wasn’t the world he knew anymore.
“So, uh. Guess we’re both in a pretty shitty place then,” the other suddenly said. For someone whose zen had been destroyed a second ago, he was still very eager to talk to the very same stranger who claimed ‘his’ park bench.
“You know, I’d say it’s just really dark,” Daichi replied. “Not exactly shitty. It’s just a bench.”
There was a snort, sounding ridiculous but it did help Daichi to lighten up a little.
“I meant our evenings. You said you had a shitty one too. So… I don’t know. Wanna talk about it? From complete stranger to complete stranger?”
It was a weird request. This guy could have been anyone. He didn’t particularly recognize the voice even though it didn’t sound unfamiliar either. But he couldn’t quite pinpoint where he heard it. Maybe on TV. Maybe just on the street somewhere. It didn’t mean he knew the person.
“It’d be pretty weird to tell a stranger what I haven’t even told my friends,” Daichi laughed. “But I guess that’s the whole charm of it.”
“Right? So, tell me what’s up. Maybe the magical favourite bench was just what we both needed.”
“You make it sound like it’s some kind of confessional.”
Laughter again. It sounded so weird, a little rough but in a high pitch. Daichi liked it. It had something very honest about it.
“Maybe it is. So, confess your sins to me.”
Daichi stayed quiet. He folded his hands together and sighed. Was it a sin? Most likely. It wasn’t good that he thought of the past more than about fitting into what the world had become. Didn’t it make him horrible to even think for a second the world used to be… more for him back then?
“I wish the world weren’t as good anymore.”
And then, the other stayed quiet. Daichi could hear shifting and shuffling so he wasn’t gone. At least that. He seemed to simply opt for not saying anything.
“Shocking, huh? See, when I was younger, the world was full of all sorts of bad things. I grew up wanting to fight those bad things. Wanting to fix them and make the world a better place. But now that it is better and free of crimes, I…”
“‘...feel like I lost my place.’”
Daichi didn’t say it but the stranger was right. It was all about that. He worked years and years to be a part of a world that wouldn’t suffer under crimes any longer but what was it worth now, when it was all peaceful? What was he still worth?
“You’re a cop, aren’t you?”
Daichi pressed his lips together. He didn’t like being found out. Not by his co-workers who stuck their noses into his problems without consideration. Even less by some kind of stranger on a dark park bench. “Does it matter?”
“Eh, not really, I guess. I was just curious, sorry. Anyway, you know, I don’t really share your opinion but I do know how it is to feel lost. Like there is no place for you to still go to.”
“I do hope you aren’t in a sect of some sort, trying to convert me. I’ll have you know I’m not susceptible,” he laughed but he did mean it quite seriously. Daichi didn’t consider himself susceptible for being tricked into sects or the like but he was in a delicate phase of his life and his mind wasn’t working the way it normally did.
“Don’t worry, man. I’m really the most faithful nonbeliever you will find. If there were any kind of deities, they wouldn’t have cursed me like this, you know. So you’re safe.”
Daichi laced his fingers and slumped against the backrest, sliding down a notch. “You feel like you have been cursed? But if there are no gods, there are also no curses.”
“You’re confusing faith with magic. That’s not the same at all.” The other man sounded almost offended.
Daichi raised an eyebrow. “So you believe in magic but you don’t believe in gods? I guess that’s… a point of view. Fine then, do you think aliens exist?”
“I have a friend who’d be furious if I said otherwise so yes, I guess I do believe that. Though I’m more of a fan of calling them extraterrestrials, you know. It sounds smarter and I don’t believe in them looking like small green men. Your call?”
Daichi snorted. Extraterrestrials. Who still called aliens that? It was way too long. “I don’t think I believe in any of these. Gods, magic, aliens. That’s all… I don’t know.”
“How about ghosts?”
“I respect death as it is and I would never talk badly about the dead but I don’t think ghosts exist.”
There was a pause. Some shuffling. Feet scraping over the ground. Daichi was almost certain his conversation partner had taken full offense in his words and prepared to leave. But his voice sounded again. More ridiculously than ever.
“Alright, so you’re one of the very grounded type of people who have their own firm way of thinking. That’s pretty boring, you know. ...Then again, it’s my friends telling me to get whatever crawled up my ass out to have some fun so I am hardly one to talk.”
“That bothers you?”
“Trust me, it’s not that easy. I did call you boring but you know, maybe I am not that different from you. I said I don’t share your view regarding the world and how it should be more like it used to be.” A pause again. And a sigh. “I think I like it that people are happier and less likely to hurt others for their own good. But some things are getting way out of hand. I like my routine. I like doing things my way. But it’s been kinda messy lately.”
Daichi nodded quietly. “We’re pretty much on the same page then.”
“I don’t condemn you. I think feeling lost does that to you. Since you don’t know where you belong, you want the time back in which you did feel like there was a place for you. Just don’t let this feeling grow too much. It wouldn’t do you any good.”
This time, it was Daichi’s turn to pause and think. What that guy said - wasn’t it exactly what he thought? It was almost scary. “Wise words, I suppose. It’s not that easy, though. ...You said you once felt like this too, right? So how did you solve this?”
The stranger didn’t reply. For a long time, they both simply sat there, Daichi waiting and the other thinking, probably. Or doing whatever, really. For a moment, Daichi thought the other had left.
And then he spoke up again.
“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you. Let’s say, I found this group of people who were just like me. They were lost too. They had lost their entire existence, they had lost themselves, just like me. We were all these sad bastards until we found a new purpose. It’s pretty harsh, actually and it still doesn’t suit me right sometimes. ...I do wish I could be like I used to but I think what I do now has been the right choice.”
Daichi didn’t know what to answer. What that guy said made no sense in the slightest. Not to him at least. The part about people like him, that Daichi could understand. It was easier to find a solution when there were more like you. But losing their existence? New purpose? The right thing?
He didn’t find it in him to ask what it meant.
He didn’t believe the other would have answered, either way.