Chapter Text
*TW – mentions of self-harm*
At the sound of the door opening Shun practically leaps off the worn couch and bolts to the door, grabbing Arens shoulders. “Aren! You’re okay, how did it go, did she see you? What happened? Tell me everythi- wait! No, I don’t want to know. No, I do!”
Aren laughs, ruffling Shuns hair and shushing him. “baby, baby relax… it was okay! I got all the stuff from your room that you need, but I won’t lie to you, she did see me.” He responds cautiously, his hand dropping from Shun’s messy blue hair.
Kaidou gasps, his expression relief, then shock, then fear, before he can ramble off again Aren speaks.
“She hasn’t changed Shun, she’s still being stubborn and an asshole. I gave her a stern talking to, now let her come to you. Don’t put effort into someone who didn’t care enough to come find you, even if it is your mother.” His words were harsher then intended, but Aren’s not one to beat around the bush. It’s better to tell him all at once then to have him find out later on his own.
Shun’s frown deepens, leaning his head forward against his boyfriend’s chest, not crying, just, upset.
Aren wraps a tight arm around him, pulling the strap off his shoulder and placing the bag down, so he can wrap both arms around him. He plants a kiss on the top of his head, speaking into his messy blue hair. “I’m sorry… how about we watch a movie to calm down before heading out?”
Shun nods against his chest but makes no movement to the couch. He’s grateful for Aren, and all that he’s doing for him, but anyone in his position would feel sad about this as well. Or he’d hope so, finding out your mother refuses to love you for who you are is a real stab in the heart. He can’t help but still feel guilty for dragging Aren into all of his issues right after getting together, but honestly, he doesn’t know what he would do without him.
The pair spent the next couple hours on the couch; time slows down as they relax in each other’s arms.
“Shun, are you ready to go to the mall? We can go tomorrow instead if you like.” He asks Shun calmly, still holding him in his arms.
“no… It’s okay, we can go today. Let me just go and get changed first…” shun untangles himself from Arens arms and makes his way to the bedroom that they now share, picking up the duffel bag on the way.
He quietly clicks the door shut behind him, taking a deep breath. He unwraps his bandages around his arms sits down on the bed, running his hand over the wounds on his skin. His hands shake a little in guilt, shame and disgust, all at himself. Aren doesn’t deserve a burden like him. He’s so amazing and perfect and Shun’s just… a mess.
He slowly changes out of his dirty clothes, slipping into one of Aren’s comfy hoodies. Theres no point in sitting here wallowing in self-pity, it won’t do anyone any good.
The couple soon leave, their walk was silent, not in awkward way, it was actually quite calming. They soon arrive to the crowded mall, school ended not long ago so there’s a lot of students around.
Kaidou lets go of Arens hand, flicking his gaze to the ground as they walk. Aren didn’t question it, he understands if Kaidou isn’t comfortable in public yet.
They spend the next couple minutes walking around searching for a place to buy binders, neither of them had done this before so they have no idea where to look. A couple minutes turned to half an hour… then longer… and longer.
“Jesus Christ man, where the hell are we supposed to go!” Aren complains, as they stop to take a break and sit down.
Kaidou sighs, picking at his fingers nervously. “I don’t know… maybe we should just go home…” he suggests, he of course still wants a binder, but he also just wants to get out of this place before they run into someone they know, that would be terrib- “Hey, Chibi!” a loud recognisable voice boomed behind them. Damnit. Nendou.
Kaidou turns around to not only see Nendou, but also Saiki. “Hey guys…” he responds, trying not to show annoyance or disappointment on his face. Saiki can see right through it, obviously.
Kuboyasu gets up, standing beside Kaidou. “Hey guys, what are you at the mall for?” he asks politely.
“Apparently, there’s this new ramen place that opened up that’s really good here, so we’re gonna go pig out!” Nendou exclaims loudly “you guys wanna come?”
Aren smiles politely but shakes his head. “Thanks for the offer Nendou, but we’re actually here on a mission to find something. Maybe next time!”
“huh, well alright then…” Nendou shrugs.
“‘How come you guys weren’t at school today?’” Saiki asks, suspecting they were just skipping for the sake of it.
Shuns eyes widen, quickly trying to think of an excuse. “uh w-we were just, um, just, sick… yeah, sick!”
Saiki just raise an eyebrow, Kaidou is really bad at lying when it comes to anything other than the dark reunion. “‘why are you lying…?’”
Nendou tilts his head, confused. “were you guys skipping or something? I’d suspect that from Kubo’, but not you, runt.”
Kaidou stays silent, not knowing how to respond, so Aren jumps in quickly after seeing his boyfriends panicked face. “Theres just some… issues, going on at Kaidou’s place right now so I’m helping him sort it out. No need to worry!”
Nendou and Saiki exchange a glance, Nendou shrugs, oblivious or not really caring. “all right! Come on buddy, let’s go!”
‘“you go save a table for us Nendou, I’ll be there in a minute.”’ Saiki responds, watching Nendou walk off before turning back towards the couple. He stays silent for a moment, just looking at them, eventually he speaks again. “‘what are you looking for?’”
Aren opens his mouth to speak, about to come up with another lie, but Shun quickly interrupts. “It’s okay Aren, Saiki already knows about the whole, uh… thing.” He says calmy with a small anxious smile.
Aren furrows his eyebrows but nods, staying silent. Trusting Shun.
Kaidou turns back towards Saiki “we’re here to buy me a binder but we can’t find a place that sells them anywhere...” He asks, a hint of nervousness in his tone, it’s not that he doesn’t trust Saiki, this whole trip to the mall is just giving him a lot of anxiety.
Saiki nods, his gaze flicking between the two and then gesturing them to follow him. “‘Yeah, I’ve seen one. Just follow me, it’s just around the corner.’” He responds, slowly walking away, Aren and Shun following behind.
The group made their way through the small crowds of people until reaching a small, LGBTQIA+ store. It was dimly lit and neatly organised, two workers inside and a small group of teenagers at the back of the store looking at some pins.
Kaidou smiles a little and turns to Saiki. “Thank you… we would’ve never found it on our own.”
Saiki nods before walking off, no extra questions or judgmental glances, just a simple nod.
Shun and Aren make their way inside the store, the two employees greeting them energetically with a small bow, to which they return the polite greeting. One of the employees walk over, a young adult with colourful hair and a pin on their clothes with ‘they/them’ and their name. “Do you two need help finding anything today?” they ask with a sweet smile.
Shun shrinks a little, and turns away, suddenly having anxiety flare in his chest, to which Aren quickly notices, and steps in. “yes actually, we were wondering if you guys sold chest binders?” he asks, responding to the niceness of the employee with a small polite smile.
The Employee nods, their polite smile never wavering. “Yeah of course! Were you looking to get one fitted, or do you already have your chest measurements?” they ask, their gaze shifting between both customers, unsure on which it is for.
Kuboyasu looks down at Shun, who shakes his head, his hands shaking a little at the thought of getting measured in one of his most insecure areas. “Fitted please.” Aren responds for Shun.
The employee nods, understanding in their eyes. “alright, just follow me to the back.” They turn on their heel and slowly walk towards the back of the store, where there were multiple trans item varieties and a couple changing rooms. The employee unlocks one the doors and steps inside, the rooms were very spacious. “just step right in here for the measuring, if you would like, you can both come in If it makes the process more comfortable?” they suggest.
Shun nods quickly, dragging Aren in with him by the wrist. “y-yes please…”
The employee’s smile never falters as they shut the door behind the pair.
The process didn’t take that long, and the employee was extremely gentle and caring. They step out of the room to grab a couple options to try, leaving Aren and Shun alone in the changing room.
“Hard part over… you okay?” Aren asks, putting a gentle hand on Shun’s shoulder, a warm smile on his face.
Shun nods, taking a deep breath. “Y-yeah, it wasn’t too bad…! Thanks for staying.”
Aren nods, letting his hand drop back to his side, “would you like me to stay while you try it on, or would you rather some privacy?”
Shun takes a second to think. On one hand, having Kuboyasu see his bare chest would feel… weird, but he trusts Aren. He wants to learn to feel comfortable with or without chest binding around his boyfriend. So, he nods slowly, “you can stay… please.” He responded quietly.
The employee knocks lightly on the door before stepping in, handing over a couple different material options and colours, the warm smile never leaving their face. “Here you go! Just let me know if you need any assistance, okay?” with a final polite nod they exit the room, leaving Aren and Shun alone.
Kaidou takes a deep breath, slowly setting the binders on the hangers, as Aren quietly speaks behind him.
“would you like me to turn around, or help you put it on? Whatever you want I’ll do it, no questions.”
“You don’t have to turn around… but don’t stare.” Shun responds, slowly taking off the hoodie he had borrowed, and with a final deep breath, strips of the remaining layers, crossing one arm over his chest as he reaches up to grab one of the binders.
Aren keeps his gaze on Shun’s face, he flicked his gaze to Shun’s arm when it raised, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. The self-inflicted scars littered over his wrists and forearms… some looking too new for comfort. He froze, unsure if he should point it out, his shock quickly being swallowed by guilt and shame. How has he never noticed this before…? Of course he was self-harming, he should’ve gotten that from the bandages, he just thought Shun was super committed to ‘the jet-black wings’ character!
Kaidou slowly slipped into the soft black binder, a small smile falling on his face. It binded really well and didn’t restrict his breathing too much, making his feel… really good.
Aren quickly tried to mask his shock so that he didn’t ruin the moment, but the pit in his stomach made it hard to form words. “f-feel good?” he asks, masking a small smile.
Shun nods, slowly feeling over his flattened chest. “yeah… it feels amazing.” He slowly looked up at Aren, noticing his strained expression, confusion fell over him before the realization hit, he gasped in horror, shoving his hands behind his back. “I-I’m sorry!” he exclaims quickly, immediately avoiding eye contact.
Arens mask dropped and he frowned, not angry, but feeling terrible that his lover is in so much pain. He gently puts his hands on Shun’s shoulders, leaning down to his eye level. “Hey, hey… don’t apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for.” He kept his voice quiet and calm, though the worry is clear.
Kaidou presses his back against the wall slowly sliding down in with panted breaths, the changing room suddenly feeling incredibly small and suffocating.
Aren immediately moved to crouch down in front of him, watching as the boy’s eyes filled with tears of guilt. He gently reached out to cup his cheeks, not looking away from his tear-filled eyes. “Shun… it’s okay. Take a deep breath, I’m not mad or disappointed.” He reassures, trying his best to comfort the only ways he knows how.
Shun takes deep shaky breaths, small tears still slipping down his cheeks, his chest feels tight and he feels sick to his stomach with guilt and shame. “I-I’m sorry…! I kn-know that its gross, I’m trying to be better!” his voice cracks with fresh tears as he turns his face away.
Aren’s heart aches at the words, the pure devastation and guilt in Shun’s tone is like a thousand stabs in the gut. He shifts closer to the now sobbing boy, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, squeezing their bodies together, his legs overlapping Shun’s. “I could never find you gross, Shun. I love everything about you, scars and all.” He slowly took Shun’s forearm in his own hand, being as gentle as you would a kitten. He softly brushed his thumb over some of the older scars, lifting Shun’s hand to press against Arens slightly fast beating heart. “You are so strong, you don’t have to battle all these thoughts alone. I’m here for you, no matter how big or small. You are my world Shun and I’ll protect you no matter what.”
Shun’s sobs grew louder, drowning the sounds of the whispered concerns from employees just outside the door. He buried his face in Aren’s shoulder, all his pains spilling out through streams of tears.
Aren gently held Shun against him, slowly rubbing circles on his back, his thumb still lightly brushing his wrist, checking his fast pulse rate every couple of seconds almost as if making sure he’s still breathing. The thought of Shun being disgusted with himself hurts Aren more then any fight he’s been in, he thinks Shun is the most pretty, handsome, smart, funny and loving person in the whole universe, and he will not stop until Shun thinks the same of himself.