Chapter Text
Mike was really late.
His tie was on, his shoes were polished, and his bag was organised. But he couldn’t leave, not yet. Instead he opened up his medicine cabinet, greeted with bags filled with white powder. He grabbed two plastic bags, after a moment of hesitation he shoved one in his work bag and opened the other. Pouring the contents on his bathroom counter, he takes a large sniff. A sharp sting carries through his nose, which becomes less prominent as the seconds bore on. Without another thought Mike scoops the rest on his finger and rubs the white powder on his gums.
Immediately Mike’s posture straightens up, a slight buzz going through his chest and arms. The lawyer checks his work bag again, making sure he has enough to last him through the day.
Mike grabs his bike and makes his way outside, finally finishing his daily routine.
Tomorrow, he promises himself, tomorrow I’ll quit.
*
Mike walked into the office with a spring in his step. Confidence rolled off of him in waves, even though he knew the feeling of being invincible won't last long, he was still enjoying the ride. He feels his heartbeat thundering in his chest, but he welcomes the feeling with open arms.
Entering Harvey’s office, barely waving at Donna, he threw the files on Harvey’s desk with a small cheer.
“You’re late again,” Harvey says without looking at Mike, but he grabs the files.
“Einsten said “Time is relative” so maybe you’re early,” Mike quickly continues when Harvey shoots him an unimpressed look, “Orrr maybe this is the new “on time” ,”
Harvey rolls his eyes and starts to list off instructions on what to do next in their case. Mike’s bladder suddenly felt really full, and he squeezed his legs together to try to suppress the urge. The buzzing in his chest intensified and his palm grew more sweaty. His bladder pressed against each organ and felt caged underneath his own skin. He felt his neck pulsate, and he was sure Harvey could tell he was high, even though Harvey wasn’t even looking at him.
When Harvey finally looks up, he sees a sweaty Mike dancing in his spot.
Harvey scrunched up his eyebrows, “Rookie do you need the washr-”
“YES!” Mike shouted, running out of the room, his laptop bag bouncing on his back.
“I swear he was potty trained,” Harvey muttered.
Donna walked in, both of them hearing Mike’s steps fading.
“Something is up with Mike,” Donna stated flatly, closing the door behind her.
“Not now Donna,”
“Yes, now, Harvey,” Donna forcefully closed Harvey’s laptop while he protests.
Harvey sighs, “Listen Donna whatever is going on with Mike now, he’s a grown adult he can handle it.”
“A grown adult?” Donna puts her hands on her hips, “He just ran out of here screaming about the washroom. Also his hands were shaking, that's not normal.”
Harvey knew it wasn't normal, and he knew Mike was hiding something. But their relationship was built on mutual trust, and Mike's work was still as perfect as always.
“He’s been under some stress, it'll pass. He’ll be fine”
“Fine? Was he fine when he was sprinting out of the office like a headless chicken?” Donna took a step closer, “You should really ask him,”
“Whatever is happening it's not affect his work, so it's none of my business,"
“Harvey-”
“Donna,” Harvey interrupts, “if I check on him it'll be on my own terms,”
Donna opened her mouth to protest but Mike walked in at that moment.
*
When Mike is washing his hands, he can feel the effects starting to fade off. Making sure no one else is in the washroom, he locks himself in the stall and snorts up more. He coughs, rubbing his nose, but relaxes immediately as the buzzing in his head resumes. Checking to see there was no white powder on his nose, Mike leaves the washroom.
Donna and Harvey are deep in conversation as Mike strolls in.
“Okay what else do I need to do?” Mike asks, nodding in greeting to Donna.
Mike could feel his pupils were dilated so much that they felt like they were going to fall out of his eyes. He just prayed that Harvey wouldn’t notice.
Harvey checks his watch, “Right now we have to go to manufacturer of this case,”
He stands and Mike follows, “Uh how long is the drive?”
“Two hours,” Harvey turns to face Mike as they were walking towards the elevator, “You better not pee in the car,”
Mike does a fake salute, before they continue their march to the elevators.
The effects of coke usually last 30-45 minutes, so Mike hoped he took enough to last two hours. But he couldn’t find himself to care, the buzz in his head slowed down his thoughts, but sharpened them too.
Future Mike’s problem, Mike thought happily, fighting the urge to press the elevator button repeatedly.
*
Well future Mike did have a problem.
They’ve been driving for a little over an hour, Ray and Harvey talking about the latest basketball game. The effects have long since worn off, and all Mike could think about is the next time he can use it. What he should be doing is reading the papers Harvey gave him, but his mind feels like molasses, and Mike wants nothing more than to just sleep.
Mike read over the third line.. again.
Both parties must communicate through…
His mind wandered back to the stash in his bag. It was so close. He shoved his hand in his bag and gripped the plastic baggie. Mike wondered if he could take a snort right now, and would Harvey notice? He knew Harvey would notice, they were sitting right next to each other.
Mike bounced his leg up and down, sniffing and rubbing his empty nose. He kept dragging his tongue across his gums, trying to find any leftover coke. The hissing in his chest increased, and his thought seemed to go a million miles an hour, Mike knew what could fix it.
Glancing at Harvey, Mike tightened his grasps around the baggie, slowly lifting it out of his work bag. It’ll be quick, in and out. Harvey wouldn’t notice
“-ke!” Harvey’s voice was muffled, slowly becoming clearer, “Mike! Micheal!! Mike!!!”
“GAH!” Mike shouted, in surprise, dropping the baggie back into his work bag. He knew he was caught, “W-what?”
“You’re nose dumbass,” Harvey shoved his handkerchief at him, “It’s bleeding,”
“What?” Mike didn’t grab the handkerchief, the words not making sense in his mind.
“Your. Nose.” Harvey waved the handkerchief at Mike’s face, “Y’know the thing in the middle of your face?”
Mike was about to wipe his nose with his sleeve, but Harvey tsked and pried Mike’s hand open and placed the cloth in his palm. Mike wiped his nose, seeing a smear of red on the cloth.
“Oh. It’s uhh,” Mike pressed the cloth to his nose, “nothing.”
“Most people don’t say it’s nothing when blood is coming out of their face,”
“Probably just dry air or something,” Mike muttered.
Harvey rolled his eyes, “Last time I checked we aren’t in the Sahara.”
Now it was Mike’s turn to roll his eyes, “You’re hilarious,"
“I know,” Harvey readjusted his tie, “Want to explain why you screamed like you saw a ghost?”
Mike hesitated, “You startled me,”
“I said you’re name four times,”
“Well maybe you should have said it once!” Mike snapped, pressing the cloth harder against his nose.
Harvey studied him, and Mike was sure Harvey would notice his bouncing legs and the sweat rolling down his neck.
“You look like hell,” Harvey said blankly.
“You’re really good at boosting this car’s moral,” Mike lowered the handkerchief, pleased to see the bleeding stopped, “And anyways I was trying to look like you,”
The older man’s eyes bored into Mike’s. Mike felt like Harvey could sense the baggie filled with coke or the slight shake in his hands, or how his breathing was just a little too fast.
When Harvey opened his mouth Mike was sure he was going to say he was calling the police, instead he said, “Next time you scream like that I’m suing you. It’s not good for this car’s moral.”
And with that Harvey went back to looking over paperwork, and all Mike could do was trying not to scratch his scalp as his brain felt the itch to grab the baggie and snort.
*
When the car finally parked Mike ran out of the vehicle, claiming he had to use the washroom. Which was only half true. Sure he had to take a piss but also needed another snort ASAP, the withdrawals and cravings were insanely uncomfortable and borderline painful.
Finally in the washroom, after relieving himself, Mike looked at himself in the mirror. He really did look like hell, but he couldn’t find himself to care.
Tomorrow I’ll quit.
His hands were trembling as he quickly took a snort of coke. Rubbing his gums raw with even more of the white powder. Mike finally felt the buzzing come back, like someone flipped a switch in his brain. The tiredness that was weighing down on him in the car ride dissolved away, an electrically sharp rush filled his body, making him feel whole again.
With practiced movements, Mike wiped away any remaining powder on the washroom counter. He folded the baggie and placed it gingerly in his work bag, his hands already twitching for more.
Blood rushed in his ears like tidal waves, muffling everything.
That’s why Mike didn’t hear the footsteps.
The door swung open.
“Rookie the manufacturer is asking-” Harvey stopped himself, his foot frozen mid-step.
Mike’s heart was kicking against his ribs but he forced himself to act normally. He zipped up his bag and slinged it over his shoulder.
“-Where you went,” Harvey finished, narrowing his eyes slightly.
Mike leaned casually against the counter, like this was wasting his time.
“Washroom,” Mike stated, gesturing to the room around them.
Harvey’s gaze flickered from Mike to Mike’s bag to the sink back to Mike again.
“Funny,” Harvey said, leaning against the wall to match Mike’s position, “Last time I checked it doesn’t take 15 minutes to wash your hands,”
Mike shrugged, but his heart was slowly leaping towards his throat. He wanted to throw up, “Maybe not for the Great Harvey Specter, but some of us value proper hygiene."
“Mike,” Harvey scoffed, folding his arms, “You’re a fake lawyer, not a fake surgeon.”
Mike casually steps around Harvey to get to the door, “Don’t worry Harvey, I know you never wash your hands. Your secrets safe with me,”
Mike pats Harvey on the shoulder, but Harvey quickly shrugs him off, not before catching a whiff of something chemical. Mike quickly rubs his nose as Harvey’s eyebrows furrow.
“You good,” Harvey asked, trying to make eye contact with Mike’s fleeting eyes, which were too bright.
“Yeah,” Mike sniffs, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Mike could feel the buzz taking over his chest, arms and legs. The exhaustion left him like it was never there. And right now he wanted more.
More
MORE
MORE!
Harvey opened his mouth to argue but Mike interrupted him “C’mon the manufacturer is waiting,"
Together they walked towards the manufacturer, Mike slightly in front. His pulse was racing but his mind was clear and sharp.
Tomorrow I’ll quit
Mike said that yesterday. And the day before, and everyday since his first time.
Opening the door to the manufacturer Mike’s palms were sweaty. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to shove his head in a pile of coke.
But after this I’m getting more.