Chapter Text
Ugh, stupid alarm clock — I should’ve turned off the alarm yesterday and then saw it was only 8:00 . The start of school tomorrow is stressing me out SO much. Like, why can’t Clayton just send a schedule with exactly how tomorrow is gonna go? Because the timetable I got doesn’t even kick in until day two. It just really stresses me out when I have no idea what the day is gonna look like.
It’s not that hard, like, to put together a daily schedule for the first day. The teachers there or whatever are definitely getting paid enough for that. And then there’s this Izzie girl who’s apparently showing me around the school tomorrow — that’s what Coach Briggs said. But why does it have to be Izzie Taylor of all people? She was pretty arrogant and self-centered toward me at regionals last year. I really don’t want to have to deal with people like that. And what am I even supposed to say to Izzie tomorrow?
Like, I really hate introducing myself to new people. It always makes me so nervous and I end up saying things I regret afterward because they come out so weird and embarrassing. Like last year when Sharice talked me into coming to her friend Emma’s party — I hated it.
It was so loud it literally hurt my ears, and I felt super stressed out the whole time, just like in the school hallway or the cafeteria. I have no idea why that stuff stresses me out so much. And then this guy named Mike tried to make small talk with me, and I just completely can’t do that. I tried, and it didn’t go well at all. I felt nervous the entire time I was talking to him and had to force myself to maintain eye contact with him.
And then Mike said with a smile, like he meant it as a joke, “Case, why are you staring into my eyes like that? Are you trying to read my mind?” And I just kind of quickly felt overwhelmed by everything, no idea why, and then I said “uhh, so, Sharice my girlfriend called me” — and he gave me this kind of confused look I think — and I just ran off.
Like, looking back that was just so embarrassing. I meant to say “my friend” and not “my girlfriend.” And I’m scared that tomorrow when I have to talk to Izzie, something like that could happen again.
Okay Case, today’s morning plan: go downstairs to the kitchen, eat something, get dressed, maybe text Sharice or Evan, watch a movie or listen to music, and then it’ll already be noon — and after that I’ll figure out the afternoon plan.
Then I got up and went downstairs to the kitchen, where I saw Mom and Sam sitting at the table.
“Hey guys,” I said.
Elsa: “Hey Case, sleep well? Are you excited for tomorrow yet?”
Case: “Yeah, slept fine. And I don’t know if I’m excited — I feel more stressed out honestly,” I said, walking over to the fridge.
Elsa: said in a worried tone, “Case, what are you stressed about? Is it the new school? Maybe I can help with something?“
Case: “Elsa, just drop it,” I said, annoyed. “I have everything under control, and you’re better at destroying things than actually helping anyway.” And I grabbed the milk from the fridge for my cereal, which I have every morning.
Elsa: “Case, I’m really sor—”
Case: “Elsa, just leave it. Leave me alone.” And I sat down at the kitchen island and ate my cereal. Sam said my name and I looked over at him.
Sam: “Why are you so mad at Mom? What happened?”
Case: “I’m just having a bad day,” I said in a calm voice, looking down into my cereal bowl, stirring it around.
Okay so if I already have to talk to Izzie tomorrow, she might as well show me where room 4B is while she’s at it. But what if she doesn’t? Because honestly I’m more inclined to think she won’t bother showing me around the school and will just act as arrogant and self-centered as I’m expecting.
What am I supposed to do then?
Then my phone buzzed and I looked at it and saw that someone had written something in the Newton Track and Field group chat.
I read: “Hey guys, so me and Annika and Livia are going bowling and grabbing food after — anyone down to come?”
I don’t have the energy for that. And even if I did, I don’t think they’d even want me there. I’m pretty sure the whole track team is still mad at me for leaving Newton, and a few of them called me a dirty traitor. That honestly messed with me a little mentally.
Then I saw another message that read: “Hey can someone kick this Casey Gardner traitor out of the group chat, we don’t want any private school kids in here.”
And I slammed my fist on the table. “These assholes,” I muttered under my breath.
Elsa: “Case,” she said, concerned. “What’s going on? Why are you hitting the table?”
Case: “Nothing, leave me alone, Mom,” I said, annoyed. I gathered my stuff, went up to my room, lay down on my bed and put on some music.
Then I pulled out my phone and typed into the search bar: what to do about severe stress before first day at a new school and saw 20 results.
10 tricks that instantly help with severe stress
These are the 10 ways to reduce severe stress
How to reduce severe stress and feel relaxed again
And then I clicked on 5 of the results and read through them.
And then I clicked on 5 of the results and read through them.
Then I let out a long breath and put my phone down. That did nothing. These methods aren’t really doing anything for me — I still feel just as stressed.
And I could feel a stomachache slowly coming on. Then my phone buzzed. A message from Sharice: “Hey Case, do you wanna hang out this afternoon and watch a movie or something? Evan could come too if he wants.”
I ran my hand through my hair. Hmm, okay that’s actually not a bad idea. But what would we even watch? Maybe We Never Change Our Plans Part 2? Maybe I’ll ask Sharice.
I wrote back: “Hey Sharice, yeah that’d be a good idea. Would 13:30 work? And what about We Never Change Our Plans Part 2?”
Sharice wrote back: “Okay yeah, 13:30 sounds good — but could we maybe watch something else? I’ve already seen that movie 3 times.”
I let out a slow breath and bit my lip. I wrote back: “Uhh, I’d really rather watch that one, but okay, if you want something else.” And I rubbed my hands together.
At noon
I was sitting at the table. Elsa had made meatloaf and rice, and I wasn’t really hungry at all. When the smell of the food hit me, I felt a little nauseous. Elsa was talking about something from work and I just kept twirling my fork around in my plate.
Elsa: “Case,” she said, looking over at me. “Why aren’t you eating? Are you feeling okay?”
Case: “Stomachache,” I said, looking at her, resting my left arm on the back of the chair.
Elsa: “Ah, I see.”
Case: I looked at her, confused. “What do you mean, you see? What exactly do you see?”
Elsa: “Whenever you’re really stressed, you get stomachaches. Because on your very first track practice at Newton — guess what happened. Exactly. Stomachache. And as someone who knows your stomach pretty well—”
Case: “Oh really, Elsa, you know me? I thought I knew you too, but apparently you’re the type who’d rather tear things apart than build them up.
And apparently you also thought it was a great idea to walk into the nearest bar and hook up with the bar— Case, stop. Case, stop.” “Ugh,” I said, aggressively. “I can’t stand it here anymore.
I’m going for a run.” I heard Elsa calling after me — “Casey, Case” — and I slammed the door behind me and took off on the route I run every day.
I honestly cannot believe Elsa is acting like nothing happened. She’s the one who thought it was a brilliant idea to blow up our family and her marriage by starting an affair with that bartender. What, was her relationship with Doug getting too boring for her or something?
I stopped, bent over with my hands on my knees, and took a deep breath.
In the park around me there were all these happy families, and it just made me so angry — but also really, really sad.
Because our family is completely falling apart right now, and I don’t even know if Dad is going to leave Elsa.
And when I went to see the bartender at the bar, he said that Elsa needed it because she’d been stuck in a role for too long. Right. Sure. Maybe her sex life with Doug was just too
unsatisfying and that’s why she kept sleeping with Nick.
And I can’t get that image out of my head — Elsa standing in the bar parking lot, kissing Nick, the bartender.
And then I kept running.
Five minutes later I got home, went up to my room, showered, and put on fresh clothes. Then I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I went down and opened the door.
“Hey Evan, hey Sharice — you guys are early.”
Evan looked at me, slightly confused. “Early? It’s 13:35.”
“Really?” I said.
Evan looked at me. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” I answered. And then I saw Mom coming toward us.
Elsa: “Hey Evan, hey Sharice — Case didn’t even tell me you guys were coming. How are you both doing?”
Evan: “Good, how are you?”
Elsa: said with a smile, “Thanks for asking, I’m doing well too. So what are you guys up to today?”
Case: “Elsa, why do you always need to know everything?” And then I noticed Sharice and Evan looking at me, slightly confused. Why are they looking at me like that? Did I say something weird or something?
Sharice: looked over at Elsa. “We’re gonna watch a movie and then see what else we get up to.”
Then we sat down on the sofa and Evan asked, “Case, what’s it like going to such a cool private school?”
I ran my hand through my hair. “Uhh, good, I think.”
Sharice looked at me with a smile. “You think? Oh, that is such a typical Case answer.”
I gave her shoulder a light nudge and smiled slightly. “That’s not entirely true, Sharice.”
Then I saw Elsa coming over with popcorn and chips.
“Oh, thanks Elsa,” said Evan and Sharice.
“Okay so, what movie are we watching?” I said.
Evan: “I’m not sure — what about that comedy sci-fi film that came out two weeks ago?”
Sharice: said with genuine excitement, “Oh yes, that one looks really cool — the trailer I saw looked super interesting. Case, would that work for you too?”
Case: I interlaced my fingers. “I don’t know, Sharice — I don’t really find that one all that interesting, to be honest.”
Sharice: “Case, I think you’ll like it.”
Case: “Hmm, okay, we can watch that one then.”
Why does Izzie act so arrogant and self-centered toward me anyway? I never did anything to her. Because at regionals a year ago I could see she wasn’t like that with other people — she didn’t act that way with them at all. So what exactly is Izzie’s problem with me?
Evan: said in a slightly concerned voice, “Case, you okay?”
Case: “Uhh—” I looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, all good.”
After the movie
Sharice: “Okay that movie was absolutely amazing — just as exciting and interesting as the trailer made it look.” She looked over at Case. “Case, what did you think? Did you end up liking it anyway?”
Case: I could feel them both looking at me. I kneaded my hands and briefly met Sharice’s eyes, then looked toward the door.
“Uhh, honestly I thought the movie was bad and didn’t make sense. Like, especially — why do they just leave all those character storylines on that planet completely unresolved? They don’t wrap any of them up. I really hate it when someone starts telling a story set on some planet or whatever and then just leaves it hanging. That’s basically why I don’t really watch sci-fi or fantasy stuff. I much prefer comedy series where the storyline from the beginning of the episode is actually wrapped up by the end.”
Sharice: looked at Case. “The story was finished though, Case there really isn’t anything left to tell.“
Case: I glanced briefly at Sharice, leaned back, and looked up at the ceiling. “No, Sharice, the story didn’t wrap everything up.
Like, what actually happened to the mother and the baby? They were running from those bad guys, and then when they got captured it was just so sad — if they’d only waited a little longer in the ca… cave, the mother wouldn’t be so devastated right now and her… her…” A tear ran down my cheek. “Ba… baby would still be alive.
How can you just… j… just…” I fidgeted with my fingers.
Just do that to such a sw… sweet, innocent baby like that, just… just… uhh… and with Tina, that autistic character — that was so sad, she j… just wanted to save her best friend and she died, I… I…” I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands together.
Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, and it felt uncomfortable, somehow like too much, and I flinched slightly.
I glanced over at Sharice and saw that she had what I think was a confused expression on her face.
Sharice: in a calm, gentle voice, “Case, they didn’t actually kill the baby in real life — and in the movie it survived too. When the mother refused to give the Galaxy Raider the code to deactivate the shield on the village resource vault, they only pretended to, well… you know.”
Case: “It’s… it’s just so horrible. How can anyone even pretend to do that to a mother’s ba…” I let out a slow breath and unconsciously pressed my hands together, kneading them.
Evan: “Uhh, Case — they’re fictional characters. Nothing actually happened to the actors.”
Case: I stared at the floor. “I… I know, but… but…” Tears were running down my cheeks. “Uhh, sorry, sorry.” And I quickly went to my room.
Sharice: I looked over at Evan with a confused expression.
“Uhh, okay, so what exactly just happened?” And I could see Evan looking back at me just as confused. “I mean, I’ve never seen anyone show that kind of intense empathy toward fictional characters.”
And what was Case doing with her hands the whole time? I’ve noticed that with Sam too. And when I was talking to her today she barely made eye contact with me at all. Maybe the whole family situation is weighing on her mentally a lot more than she’s willing to admit.
“Okay so — did Case seem really on edge to you too?”
Evan: I looked over at Sharice. “Uhh, well — it’s not the first time I’ve seen Case react this strongly to fictional characters. So that part isn’t exactly new to me.”
Sharice: “Has Casey maybe told you how she’s been coping with the whole unstable family situation?”
Evan: “I mean, when I asked how she was doing she said she was fine, and she didn’t really want to say much more than that. But Sharice — do you get the feeling that the whole family situation is affecting Case more than she’s letting on?“
Sharice: “Yeah, Evan, I really do feel like it’s affecting her mentally more than she’s willing to let on.
Because over the last few days I’ve also noticed she seems really on edge, and she gets stressed really quickly.
And the last few days when I asked if she’d want to go get ice cream with some friends of mine or whatever, she turned it down every time — apparently she’s been doing something with her family every day.
But I know Case, and I know that right now, especially with Elsa, she would not be spending time with the family voluntarily. So maybe we should uhh… tell Elsa, so she can maybe talk to Case.”
Evan: “Sharice, I mean — you know that Case and Elsa have kind of a complicated mother-daughter relationship. So uhh… but I’m afraid we might not have another choice and might have to tell Elsa anyway.”
Casey
I’m lying on my bed with my headphones on, listening to music, staring up at the ceiling.
“Case,” I said to myself. “Why did you agree to watch that movie. I should’ve known scenes like that could come up. Those kinds of scenes make me so sad — I could actually feel the mother’s emotions in that film.”
I noticed my hands were trembling slightly.
And the characters’ storylines weren’t even properly wrapped up, and I really hate that. It stresses me out somehow. And I found it so sad that Tina died — she only wanted to save her best friend. I felt tears running down my cheeks. Tina’s mother had told her to stay hidden, and she didn’t.
And when Tina’s mother found out her daughter was dead — that was just so unbearably sad. I could feel exactly how devastated she was. I let out a slow breath.
I could faintly feel my heartbeat.
That’s why I hate sci-fi and fantasy films. They can be so incredibly sad sometimes. I’d much rather watch comedy series — it’s never that sad.
Then suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched hard. I could feel my heartbeat and my hands trembling badly.
I looked up and saw Sharice. She made a gesture for me to take off my headphones. I lifted one side off my ear and then looked back down at the duvet.
Sharice: in a worried voice, “Hey Case… uhh, do you maybe want to talk about what’s bothering you? Because when I walked in about 30 seconds ago, I could see you had tears in your eyes, and you were doing something with your hands and saying something quietly, so…”
Case: “Sharice, uh… uh…”
I put the other headphone back on, sat up, pulled my knees to my chest, and stared down at the duvet. I could feel a slight pressure on my chest and noticed I was breathing faster. Then I looked up at Sharice and hugged her tightly.
And cried softly.
And I heard her quietly saying, “Uhh… Case, it’s okay, it’s okay…”
10 minutes later
I slowly pulled back from Sharice’s hug.
“Uhh, uh, sorry, sorry, Sharice, I… I… I don’t know what that just was. Sorry.”
Sharice: in a calm voice, “Case, it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for anything. And uhh, Case — if something’s really weighing on you, or you’re really stressed about starting school tomorrow, you can talk to me about it. Maybe I can help.”
Case: I interlaced my fingers and looked up at the ceiling. “Uhh, Sharice, like — with Tina in the movie, just imagine if that had been Sam. And that also made me so… so uhh…”
Sharice: “Made you sad?”
Case: I nodded. And took my headphones off. Why does it suddenly feel so much louder in here than it did two hours ago?
Then I saw Evan come in.
Evan: “Hey Casey, you okay?” And he sat down on the bed next to me.
Case: I glanced briefly at Evan and then looked away. I just can’t look anyone in the eyes right now — that somehow makes everything even more stressful. “Uhh, good.”
Then I felt an uncomfortable, heavy silence in the room, and it made me feel even more stressed.
Do they think I’m really sensitive and weird now? Because back in elementary school this girl named Emilia bullied me once because it made me so sad that she’d killed a sweet, innocent ladybug — maybe it was a mom and now its babies wouldn’t have a mother anymore. And Emilia laughed at me for crying a little over it.
I couldn’t take the uncomfortable silence anymore and quickly went to the bathroom.
I sat down on the toilet lid, pulled my knees to my chest, put my headphones on, and listened to my favorite song.
Okay Case. I still want to try on my school uniform today. Hopefully it won’t have scratchy fabric or one of those annoying tags on the back of the collar.
And where is room 3B supposed to be? Why couldn’t they send me a map of the school building? Clayton is huge.
And why don’t you get a proper information sheet for the first day — instead just: “school starts 08:00, school uniform required.”
That’s it. That’s all. They might as well not have bothered sending the email at all. And the email also says I’m supposed to check in with the principal on the first day about my locker. So where is his office? Because when I was at Clayton a year ago for that interview — no idea why they even wanted to interview me, since they’re the ones who were recruiting me, not the other way around — I didn’t see any office with “principal” on the door. So how am I supposed to find it tomorrow?
Then I heard someone knocking hard on the door. I took off my headphones, walked over, and opened it. Elsa was standing there.
Elsa: “Hey Case — Sharice told me what happened. Do you want to talk about it? I didn’t know you were feeling this stressed about tomorrow being your first day.”
Case: “I’m definitely not talking to you about it, Elsa. Not to the person who just had to go have an affair with a bartender because she wants to destroy our family.”
Elsa: “Case, I’m truly sorry about the affair. It was a huge mistake. But I need you to know I never wanted to destroy our family.”
Case: “Right, Elsa. If that were actually true, you never would’ve started the affair in the first place. So stop lying and leave me alone. I’m going for a run.”
Sharice: I watched Casey run down the stairs and slam the door. I looked over at Elsa. “Uhh, Elsa — has Case been acting this… differently for a while now? It’s really only been this week that I’ve started noticing it more.”
Elsa: “Sharice, I’m probably the reason she’s been acting this way. Even before the affair things were already difficult between us, and now she’s furious at me. And — slightly personal question — have you two ever seen Case get uhh… how do I put it… very emotional like this before?”
Evan: “No, not really.“
Elsa: “Hmm, well — I might have an idea why she just took off running like that, even with you two here. Back in elementary school she was bullied for a long time by a girl named Emilia.
Emilia would show Case that she was killing ladybugs, and Case would start crying, and the others would laugh at her for it and make her out to be too sensitive and weird.
Case kept it to herself for a long time, until the day her class went on a field trip to the woods.
And at a moment when no teacher was watching, Emilia and her little friend group grabbed Case, forced her to watch videos of a crocodile eating an antelope or something, and then Emilia wrote on Case’s forehead with a felt-tip marker: ‘she’s as ultra weird as her brother.’
Then they poured forest dirt down her back. Case broke down crying, sat on the ground and just cried and cried, and scratched her forehead until it bled — because, as Case described it, the marker ink felt so uncomfortable and was really irritating her skin.
Then that same day Doug and I had a meeting with Case and her teacher, and the teacher told us that Case had also been rocking back and forth and kept repeating something over and over, and when the teacher tried to talk to her she wasn’t responding, and Case had scratched nearly her entire forehead raw. We went to the doctor that same day to ask if there was something to get the marker off and to have the wounds treated. And when I told the doctor what the teacher had described, he said Case might just have a more sensitive nervous system and that it might improve as she got older, but that if it got worse we should have it looked into. And yeah — Casey never really talked to anyone about what happened.”
Evan: “But if Case never talked about it, how did you find out all of this?”
Sharice: “Evan, because I was there — not for all of it, but I saw part of it and immediately reported it to the teacher. And later, when Elsa and Case and everyone met with Emilia’s friends and the school administration, one of Emilia’s friends told them exactly what had happened, because she felt so terrible about it afterward.”
Elsa: “And I don’t know whether that left some kind of trauma in Casey. Maybe the current situation has somehow triggered whatever that might be — and maybe that’s also part of why she ran away from you both.”
Evan: “Elsa, we would never do anything like that to her.”
Elsa: “I know, I’m sorry — I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that maybe in the moment when you both saw her so emotional, maybe she was suddenly back in that place — seeing Emilia and her friend group again. And maybe that’s why she ran.”
Casey
When Sharice and Evan saw me like that — so emotional — it immediately took me back to that field trip in elementary school, when Emilia and her group were bullying me.
At a moment when the teacher wasn’t watching, they pulled me behind a tree and someone covered my mouth.
Then Mia, one of Emilia’s friends, showed me videos of a crocodile eating an antelope and said “you love watching stuff like this, don’t you — so don’t cry, you little baby.”
And they all laughed quietly. And Emilia said “Casey, you’re just as weird as your brother — you do that thing with your fingers, you say weird things, and you cry at every little thing.”
And Mia added “you’re the weirdest kid in the whole school.” Then Emilia said “well, let’s see if the weird kid isn’t just emotionally sensitive” and they laughed at me again and shoved dirt down my back, stuffing it into my shirt and into my pants too.
It felt so unbearable — like thousands of needles stabbing into my body all at once everywhere. And after that I don’t remember things very clearly. I just remember my teacher suddenly appearing, and the moment they saw her they let me go, and I ran to Sharice and broke down crying and then fell to the ground. And that’s all I remember.
I honestly don’t know why something got triggered in me when Sharice and Evan were there while I was that emotional — because I know they would never do anything like what Emilia and her group did.
Then I got home, went to the kitchen, drank a glass of water, went up to my room, and tried on my Clayton uniform. I looked in the mirror. Yeah — the uniform still looks good on me, and it feels comfortable against my skin too.
I let out a slow breath.
“Okay, Case,” I said to myself. “Tomorrow is your first day at Clayton. You’ve got this.”
Then I heard Elsa’s voice from behind me.
Elsa: “Hey Case, so — oh wow, the school uniform looks really great on you. Better than the usual clothes you wear. Though the blazer is a little big — I can take it in for you.”
Case: I looked over at Elsa, annoyed. “Elsa, are you serious right now? So you think I look ugly in my regular clothes? Wow, thanks Elsa. Now get out.”
Elsa: “Case, that’s not what I meant.”
Case: “Sure, right. Another lie from you. LEAVE. Now.”
Elsa: in a calm voice, “Case, I just want you to know I didn’t mean that your other clothes are ugly. That’s not what I was saying.”
Case: “I don’t care. I just want you out of my room.”
And then she left.
I lay down on the bed. I honestly can barely believe that Elsa just told me I look ugly in my regular clothes.
I happen to like my regular clothes. Like what is she going to come out with next — “oh, your hair looks a little ugly today”? Or maybe “don’t you want to eat something different for breakfast for once”?
And tomorrow I think I have track practice at 15:00? I’m not sure though, because the info email doesn’t say anything about it. I should probably just pack my sports clothes anyway and put them in my backpack.
But where are my Clayton sports clothes? Maybe they came with the uniform — but where did Elsa put them? I want to try those on too, because the Newton High sports clothes honestly felt really uncomfortable against my skin sometimes, kind of scratchy. Maybe I should go check the laundry room.
I changed back into my regular clothes and went to the laundry room. I went through the clean clothes and found my Clayton sports clothes, then went back to my room and tried them on and looked in the mirror.
Hmm. I actually think the colors on this shirt suit me a lot better. And it feels comfortable against my skin — not scratchy like the Newton one.
Then my phone buzzed. I looked at it.
A message from Sharice: “Hey Casey, how are you doing? Feeling better? And good luck tomorrow at Clayton — I’m sure everything will go great, so don’t stress yourself out so much about it.”
How would Sharice know it’s all going to go great? Can she see into the future or something?
I wrote back: “Sharice, how do you know it’s going to go well? I didn’t know you could see into the future.”
Then I took off my sports clothes and opened my wardrobe — and noticed the blazer was missing.
Where is it? I definitely put it in the wardrobe.
I ran my hand through my hair and checked the floor and under the bed. Nothing.
What? Where is it — I’m pretty sure I put it in the wardrobe.
My hands were trembling slightly and I felt really stressed.
I have to have it tomorrow. Maybe Elsa took it to wash it — I don’t know, I’ll go ask her.
I ran downstairs to the living room. “Mom, Mom—” I called out, and then suddenly saw a sewing machine on our dining table and something that looked like my blazer. I ran over quickly.
And saw that small pieces had been cut off of it.
She destroyed it. Why did she destroy it. She didn’t want me to switch to Clayton and now she’s destroying my uniform too. How… how… how could she and I got a strange feeling in my head. Then I heard Elsa’s voice from the kitchen.
Elsa: “Case, I just wanted to take it in a little.”
Case: “ELSA, you destroyed it — why did you do that?” I ran my hand through my hair. “You didn’t want me switching to Clayton and now you’re destroying my school uniform too.”
Elsa: “No — I read online about how we could get along better again, and it said I should be more of a friend than a mother. And since the blazer was too big, I thought I’d make it smaller for you.”
Case: I raised my voice. “Elsa, right now you’re nothing to me — not a mother, not a friend. Why did you have to destroy my uniform? You just love destroying things, don’t you. That’s probably exactly why you had that stupid affair with that stupid bartender — and you were probably getting absolutely wrecked by him the whole time because you were so desperate for it.”
Elsa: “CASEY, that is ENOUGH.”
Elsa: “Case, I didn’t want to ruin your uniform. I thought I was doing you a favor by taking the blazer in.”
Case: in an annoyed tone, “Oh Elsa, just be quiet. Why do you always have to do things I never asked for. Unbelievable.”
Sam: “Mom — wait, you had an affair? Is that why Dad isn’t here?”
Case: “Damn it.” I looked over at Elsa. “See, Elsa? That’s why I didn’t want to keep your dirty little secret. Sorry, Sam.”
Sam: “So is that why Dad doesn’t live here anymore?”
Elsa: “Yes.”
Sam: “So he’s not building a deck?”
Elsa: “Well — he’s staying at Grandpa’s right now. He just needs some distance from me, not from you two. All of this is my fault.”
Sam: “Hmm. I’ve never met anyone who’s committed adultery before.”
—then we went into the kitchen—
Elsa: “Sam, do you want to talk about it?”
Sam: “No.”
Case: “Are you sure?”
Sam: “Yes.”
Elsa: I walked over to the calendar and saw the toothbrush. “Casey — the toothbrush again?”
Case: Damn it.
Sam: “YOU—”
Case: “Sam, I’m really sorry. I did all of that before any of this happened.”
Then I saw Sam grab the orange juice and wind up to throw it at me. I jumped out of the way and the entire glass of orange juice landed on the blazer.
I said in a quiet, devastated voice, “My blazer.”
How… why did he do that, I… I… I.
I could feel my heartbeat.
And then I lunged at Sam, shoved him to the floor, and hit him on the shoulders.
Elsa: “CASEY. CASEY GARDNER.”
Case: Then I felt someone grab me by the hips. I thrashed my upper body and arms back and forth. “Don’t touch me.”
Elsa: “CASEY—”
Case: Tears were streaming down my face and I was breathing hard. I looked at Elsa.
I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to, didn’t want to. Damn Elsa ruins everything.
And then I ran to my room.
In her room
I buried my face between the pillows and cried.
I… I really didn’t want to hit Sam. I didn’t want to.
Because I don’t even fully know why — it was just all too much, and… and… and when I saw the blazer soaked in orange juice I thought, what if it has orange juice stains on it forever.
And why I shoved Sam to the floor I don’t even really know anymore. I didn’t want to hit him. Is he scared of me now? I genuinely didn’t want to hurt him. I don’t know what just happened inside me.
Then there was a knock at the door.
“GO AWAY, ELSA.”
Then I heard the door open — and Dad’s voice.
Doug: “It’s me.”
Case: “Dad?” I sat up.
Doug: “Mom called. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
Case: “Me too.”
Dad came and sat down on the bed next to me and I hugged him.
Doug: “You okay?”
Case: I pulled back from the hug. “This is all my fault. I never should have written that stuff about Mom on the board. I’m the reason all of this is happening.” I ran my hand through my hair.
Doug: “This is not your fault, okay?”
Case: I glanced at him briefly, then pulled my knees to my chest, looked down at the duvet, and folded my arms across my forehead. I let out a slow breath and felt a tear run down my cheek.
Doug: “It was not your fault, okay? It was a little dumb, but… that’s just the kind of thing teenagers do.”
Case: I looked over at Dad briefly. “Sorry for disappointing you. I never should have hit Sam. Sorry.”
Doug: “Looks like Sam got you a little too — on your forehead.”
Case: I looked at Dad. “I think I did that to myself actually.” And I looked away. “I’m really sorry about Sam.”
Doug: “It’s all okay, sweetheart, okay?” And he hugged Case.
Then Dad went back downstairs to the kitchen. I lay down on my bed and looked at my phone. One message from Evan and two from Sharice. I just don’t have the energy to write back to either of them right now. I don’t know — today was just too much somehow.
Doug’s perspective
I walked into the kitchen and saw Elsa.
How did things escalate this badly? I was only gone three days.
Because the last time Case went at Sam like that was when Case was 12, and Sam had thrown something liquid at her then too, and Case had been a little on edge because she had an important appointment the next day.
“You had no control over things here when it came to our kids. Because if you had, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You should probably leave. I’m staying here.”
Elsa: “I could sleep on the sofa.”
Doug: “Elsa, do you really want to know how disappointed and disgusted I am with you right now?”
Elsa: “Uhh, okay. I’ll — I’ll go stay with a friend tomorrow.”
Doug: “It would honestly be better if you left right now.”
Elsa: “Doug, it’s 21:00. I don’t want to bother any of my friends at this hour.”
Doug: “No, Elsa. Please.”
Elsa: “Okay — if I have to, then I’ll go tonight. Let me call one of my friends.”
Then I went upstairs to tell the kids.
I knocked on Casey’s door.
…No response. I slowly opened the door and saw that Casey was already asleep.