Chapter Text
The Mutation Monster is having A DAMNED DAY. They just got their shit rocked by some guy who likes green too much, an orange guy who looked like he should have a tiger companion, a clanker and some random girl with wind powers. Their Earth brother got slimed out by the green guy. Sources knows where the Acid one is. Mutation Monster wants nothing more than to kill themselves.
They wander the Merged Lands, doing everything in their power to get the fuck away from the Whispering Woods and the Arc Dragon of Morning Wood. Eventually they stumble across a very old looking town. That has a nice ring to it, they think.
The peace and quiet is squandered by a very annoying voice.
Frak: Look, I don’t think the old Imperium regime was that bad.
Sora: How would you know? You didn’t live through it.
Wyldfyre: YEAH, I’VE BEEN THERE. IT SUCKS BALLS.
Sora: Even if it wasn’t absolute shit, that doesn’t explain why you follow ‘Hot Claws of Imperium Girls.’
Frak: Because they’re hot???
Sora: They’re criminals you fucking dipshit!
Riyu: Roar (I’m fading into the background! Time for a growth spurt)
Wyldfyre: BLA BLA BLA - WAIT WHAT
Riyu grows up to become his new marketable form.
Frak: Woah… Wait, why does he have two chins???
Sora: Demented child of evil.
Mutation Monster gets a headache from their annoying voices and their even more annoying banter. Now they REALLY want to kill themselves. But wait… why kill yourself when you can kill the people making you want to kill yourself? The monster came up with a joyous plan…
Meanwhile, Frak found his father in this elderly village.
Frak: DAD! I’m so glad to see you!
Reggie: FUCK! I mean, I’m happy to see you too, son.
Frak: I’d like to introduce you to my girlfr- I mean friend, Sora.
Sora: I will murder your son in cold blood if you give me permission to.
Frak: Isn’t she the best?
Reggie: Worthless chud. Get out of my face.
Frak: Huh?
Reggie: Are you stupid? Your supposed girlfriend is planning your death and you’re too down bad to even realize it. She’s been pulling the strings to ruin everybody’s lives. I’ve known her for ten seconds and could figure it out. Let go of your sick perversions and accept reality. Nobody wants you.
Sora: I’d rather date Cinder than you I can't lie.
Frak: What??? This is impossible!
Reggie: I’m also disowning you. If you ever show your face here again I’m hiring this lady to slime you.
Frak breaks down sobbing as Reggie and Sora jump his ass. He sees Mutation Monster taking a stroll in the distance and puts together a flawless plan. He pushes his father and Sora off him and sprints towards the monster.
Frak: Dad, Sora! Watch this! You’ll have to love me if I impress you both with my awesome ninja skills!
Frak jumps up, his fist clenched as he prepares to hit Mutation Monster with a quake punch. The monster lazily swipes one of their tentacles at Frak. His body is sliced in half vertically, unceremoniously falling to the floor. Blood pools beneath it. The group is half horrified at the graphic sight but also relieved.
Sora: Thank the Sources that weren't us, am I right?
Sora, Wyldfyre and Riyu are all grabbed by Mutation Monster’s tentacles and torn apart limb from limb. Their screams of agony echo throughout the senior settlement. Eventually, silence returns. The floor and nearby houses are all covered in blood. Heads, arms, legs and whatever else are thrown in every direction. Reggie stands there in pure shock. Mutation Monster merely picks the Slitherbottom up and throws him away, not caring about his fate. They look around at the crime scene they have made as they catch their breath.
Mutation Monster: Fuck. I got blood all over my hat! Worst. Day. Ever!
They slam their fists downward, causing some blood and organs to splash upwards and further drench the poor monster in the intestines. It truly was A DAMNED DAY.