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Today was a normal and completely boring day in 221B Baker Street.
That’s why air was quickly filled with the sound of gunshots and the smell of gun powder. Because for Sherlock Holmes, boredom is something of which he will not put.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!” The good Doctor Watson asked walking into his shared home also known as the armoury.
Something that Doctor John Watson, Mrs Hudson and the neighbours have to be constantly reminded of every second Sunday when there wasn’t an interesting and more importantly challenging case to solve.
“I’m bored.” Sherlock explained but his quiet calm annoyed tone was muffled by the sound of his shots.
“What?” Watson shouted.
“I AM BORED!” Sherlock said with a shot for every word.
“But you’ve had loads of cases these past few days.” Quickly snatching the gun of Sherlock before either of them did something they’d regret
“All of them open and shut, some I solved before I’d even left the flat.”
“What’s got into the criminal class?” He explained plopping himself down on the sofa after John had taken his gun off him. “It’s as if something has scared them into not being interesting……Oh god I miss Moriarty…..sometimes.”
“He did try to kill you and BLOW ME UP!” John argued.
“Yes well that was fun. A quick and painful explosion in a swimming pool is much better then a slow and painful explosion sitting around.”
“My god you’re a drama queen.” Watson said with an exhausted sigh “You know I get more sleep looking after Rosie than I do looking after you.”
“Oh right so I’m the drama queen then?” Sherlock retorted.
“Yes kind of, considering all you have to do is just stop being so bloody picky and find A CASE!”
“I’ve looked.” Sherlock then starts to explain the cases and the causes for his deadly boredom.
“There was a case In Stanford Wherevershire, several string of deaths going back decades all turned out to be stupid BORING accidents. Another case a famous old mystery writer found dead ruled as suicide, but then his will was suddenly changed to leave the maid his entire fortune.”
John perked up at that one. “Well that sounds great.”
“Sorry can’t, some annoying Kentucky Detective got there before me, I don’t work well with other detectives especially American ones and well……I’d hate there to be another murder.”
“I’m sure you wouldn’t annoy him that much.” John responded…..”Wait if the case is taken then why mention it at all?”
“I thought it’d be nice to talk about.”
“Well whatever just find something quick before the neighbours call the police.” Watson said to which Sherlock scoffed not being the slightest bit scared of any officer under the employment of Lestrade.
“Please that’s what I want.” Sherlock said climbing off the couch ceasing his stare at the celling and walked towards his (John’s) laptop.
“Really? You know not every criminal is going to be the next Moriarty, Sherlock.”
(Gotham City)
Riddler’s lair/ former Gotham underground.
The Riddler sat around free, free of the GCPD despite the Cat’s interference and robbery the great Edward Nigma had of course escaped true his previous jailbreak was foiled by his infuriating feline foe but luckily…..NO NOT LUCK PERFECTLY PLANNED the great Riddler had foreseen her or someone like hers annoying intervention and interruption to any of his plans he knew it was only a matter of time before someone realised his brilliance and realised the obvious threat he posed and he knew someone would obviously try to stop him.
THATS WHY he brilliantly thought of not one but of course two backup plans in case of the already small 99 percent chance he had failed to kill Batman and was impossibly foiled again. So with this brilliant foresight and his enemies of course idiocy he was able to freely prep his master planned jailbreak while all the heroes and idiotic officers thought he was as ill prepared and contained as Two face or Clue master.
So once again he was free, free of the GCPD free of annoying interruptions and free of Batman…….forever because as he had already seen and have been saying for decades the worlds greatest detective his greatest…..well one of his greatest distractions had foolishly had his identity as that spoiled rich boy Bruce Wayne outed to the world AND OF COURSE because Batman was the coward that he is he let the world believe this impossible charade and let that poor spoiled attention seeking brat,become the centre of every serial killer, maniac bomb maker and idiots attention so everyone of the thousands of thugs gunning for the caped crusader can finally have their chance in front of thousands of witnesses and provide the perfect albi for that costumed crook to finally disappear with all the criminals money he had collected the night before.
Even an undefeated genius like the GREAT (you get the idea) had to admit that on this very rare blue mooned occasion the Dark Knight had…..impressed him the plan truly was brilliant it fooled every dunderhead, detective police man and woman and murderer the idiotic hero had pissed off over the years.
But sadly the great Riddler was not so easily fooled he knew the worlds greatest detective couldn’t have been that spoiled brat. He REFUSED TO BELIEVE IT I…………However, no point dwelling on it now if Batman was Bruce Wayne or not (which he wasn’t) or if he was alive or dead (which he wasn’t) The Batman was gone Nigma’s one small distraction from this goldfish bowl of a planet. He of course could try again from his brief time at the GCPD Commissioner Gordon had been one of the few people who always understood his riddles so……….
NO! He couldn’t even think of using that moustached mundane mayor.
“Come now on a planet of 8.3 billion people there must be someone out there with a mind mighty enough to stump even his own (Be it only briefly)
(221B Baker Street)
Sherlock……Sherlock……SHERLOCK!” John shouted for his roommates attention who was only a mere few feet in front of him.
“Hmmm." Sherlock finally acknowledged (Oh but don’t think he looked up though o course.) He was still sat back lay on the couch starring at the ceiling only this time his mind was flooded with the helpful brain boosting surge of nicotine and also occasionally scrolling through his phone.
“You can’t just sit here…..wait what are you doing?”
“Nicotine patches.” Sherlock said showing his companion the patches on his arm.
“What five of them?” Watson said never used to Sherlock’s…..well Sherlock.
“Yep.” He responded with a pop of the P.
“Why?”
“Well they help me think?”
“But you don’t have a case why?…..”
EXACTLY!” Sherlock shouted startling John.
“Sorry….anyway since there’s nothing interesting out there, at least to the publics knowledge I’m trying to see if I can detect a crime the public isn’t aware of”
“Yeah well let me know how that goes so we can get back to actually working on a real case again. Molly can’t watch Rosie forever you know.”
“Well technically she can since she doesn’t have a boyfriend or a life anymore.” Sherlock responded with his usual non existent slight bit of guilt.
“Sherlock!” John said with a raised tone not visibility doing nothing to the detective. But Sherlock did silently say something like an apology under his breath.
(Gotham City)
The Riddler’s lair.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the most brilliant of them all?”
“You are the Riddler.” Nigma's computer abidingly responded.
“Thank you computer we all know that, but surely there is someone smarter than I. I need you.” Riddler started but before he could even finish like a good little computer design by a mind as brilliant as his had already come up with a…..long….erm list of potential foes.
“Preparing list of people smarter than the Riddler.”
“Erm yes well thank you computer.” Riddler said trying his hardest not to smash his infuriatingly brilliant machine. Of course it's only doing what it’s designed to do and its not its fault if it’s creator is such a genius.
“Okay lets see then……A Belgian Detective likes to constantly refer to himself in the third person and declares himself the worlds greatest detective ha I have no interest in playing with someone with such a large ego their idiotic brain would never rightful accept my brilliance and their own stupidity……Okay Benoit Blanc? No, a great mind such as mine cannot possibly humour playing against Fog Horn Leghorn. COMPUTER YOU HAD BETTER DO BETTER before I repurpose your servers, and state of the art mainframe into a toaster.
“Let’s see who’s next Jim Mori……..” The riddler said as his face suddenly turned as green as his suit after hearing that mans name. (Or more accurately reading it)
(FLASHBACK)
Arkham Origins all those years ago.
“Hello?” A already annoyed voice said into a phone in this extremely luxury office. (Clearly not Eddie then.”
“Hello there, is this Mr James Moriarty?” The cocky voice said on the other end.
“My phone number doesn’t exist idiot so of course you know it is.”
“Erm yes….well I think we need to have a chat you and I.”
“About?” Mr Moriarty said with his heard in his hand.
“About you, about the your vast criminal empire you command about how you have the nerve to call yourself the worlds greatest criminal about.”
“Mr Nigma.” Moriarty said having enough.
“What?
“That’s your name Edward Nigma…..well it’s one of them, real name Edward Nashton but also known as Enigma or here’s a cute one The Riddler. I think you should have stuck with that first one.
“Well I see that you’ve done your research…..good I wanted you to know all that so you know what kind of man you’re dealing with.
“That’s great then. Currently head of the forensic department at Gotham City police department lives in Park Row and…..”
“Yes I get the point!” The riddler shouted “Congratulations you managed to piece together my incredibly difficult to find information, am I suppose to be impressed?!”
“Well not impressed no. Scared shitless so you never go to Pauli’s Diner and sit in the corner booth like you do every day after work.”
“OKAY!….erm clearly to do this much research on me clearly means you know when you’ve met the one true mastermind of crime.” Riddler loudly boasted and Moriarty could definitely picture him doing some little dance of victory on the other end.
“So clearly I scare you enough that you know you should never reveal any of that information and we should both just do our best to avoid one another from now on.”
“Absolutely.” Moriarty said instantly hanging up.
(And we’re back.)
“Wait he’s dead.” Riddler said as he read that one of his greatest- was dead. “Killed himself……famous Detective seen jumping off roof……Only to be proven alive 2 years later.” Riddler read very slightly microscopically impressed.
“I guess he’ll have to do.....Computer find out everything you can about, Sherlock Holmes.
(221B Baker Street)
“Right well I’m leaving.” Watson said slowly walking out the door.
“What, What for?” Sherlock asked lifting his head out of his nicotine fulled trip.
“Because I need to go pick up Rosie.”
“You’ve not meant to pick her up from Molly for another hour?” Sherlock said knowing his friends whole life sometimes better then he did.
“How did you?…..Anyway it doesn’t matter I’ll find something to do something better than this which by the way is the bloody same as watching paint dry Sherlock! Just text me when you’ve chosen a case.”
“I told you they’re not worth my time.”
“Well it’s the best you’ve got because I’ll tell you this Sherlock. The next big problem isn’t gonna come knocking at your door!” Watson shouted finishing his point and turned around to finally walk out the door only to see Greg Lestarde standing in the doorway of 221B which only means one thing. There’s a unsolvable impossible case he of course needs help with.
“Did you set this up?” Watson said really not surprised if his companion did all this just to pass the time.
“Sadly not this time John……good idea for next time though.” Sherlock said quickly rising to his feet knowing the game is on.