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༄༅། །“Hey, you ready?” Zooble asked, their mismatched, calm eyes looked over to their partner.
“Yeah, I just forgot my notebook.” Gangle said, hurrying to the bus. The two stepped in front of that magnificent triple decker and, standing on her tip-toes, Gangle kissed Zooble and they got inside.
The bus was packed with pulchritudinous pairs of pretty partners and paramours pulsing with passion as they left to their massive, rhizomatic date across dimensions.
The triple decker bus shook and shot through the sky, and the stars truncated into a single line on the horizon before opening up into checkerboards of color; a Rubik's cube of condensed space-time where minutes felt like years and years felt like bananas.
The bus shuddered to a stop inside a parking lot of cracked asphalt along a busy street, flames along the ground from where the bus landed. The dinner date delicatessen was delicious, bathed the harsh neon red light of the sign overhead, and already brimming with customers inside.
(AN: This was basically like in Back To The Future but WAY cooler because the flames were green in some parts!)
The couples came out of the cramped and canned contraption, descending upon the Red Robin restaurant.
Chuck E. Cheese was excited to take The Grinch to a new venue after their falling out last Christmas. He still winced whenever he thought about the encounter.
The Grinch raised his voice, running his finger along one of the glass paintings of Chuck in his restaurant. The sharp, grating noise spiked Chuck’s cortisol levels as he held his ears to muffle the sound. “Babe I'm sorry, I—”.
“No, you're not sorry, you curmudgeonly nincompoop. You are a LOATHSOME employer, and SOO HIDEOUSLY OBSESSED with stamping your face on candy and tickets and boxes and bins.
Why, I can't think of a thing your face isn't in.
You give coins and tokens and tickets and bribes.
You even take rock-a-fire rigs from showtime.
You cheat Crusty and Munch and Pasqualy and Henny.
Why, you'd cheat your own mother for one pretty penny.
And I love evil and the crude and the gross.
And in those measures I love you the most.”
The Grinch said this, tenderly caressing Chuck's chin.
“...But the thing I can't stand, or want, or need.
Is a mean little rat, that's filled with greed.
So goodbye, farewell, and all of that.
Goodbye my greedy, consumerist rat."
And with that, the Grinch left his pizzaria and his life.
Chuck shook his head, looking along the streets of Hemet, California, at the very franchise location his heart was broken in.
(AN: This franchise is the last remaining one with a “Chuck E Cheese’s Photo Ride (Amutec)”, featuring cool chuck—the last existing of its kind in commercial use)
As they entered eagerly, a waitress behind a podium greeted them with a smile. “Hello, table for…um…” she started, a bit taken back by the large party before her.
“Don't worry, we'll be eating separate" Dr. Parnassus said, arm-in-arm with The Devil himself, dressed in a neat black suit with a cigarette holder under his pencil-thin mustache.
Outside, the Grinch had slowed down. He was still uncomfortable with Chuck after seeing him berate Crusty the Cat and disgusted by all his merchandise, and his eyes wandered from the sky to the street to anywhere Chuck wasn't. Then, he saw him.
There was an old man next to the entrance of the Red Robin wearing a well-worn toga, furiously beating himself off. He grunted, each elderly exertion elucidating his eventual eruption. The Grinch approached him “um, excuse me bud, but—”.
“I know, I know. ‘It’s illegal to jerk off in public’ WHATEVER. If you could cure your hunger by rubbing your belly you would do the same, so why can't I cure my lust by spanking my monkey?” he said, turning in anger until he saw the green, hairy, beautiful man before him.
“Oh, no, you got me all wrong. I was just going to say your form is marvelous.”
“Marvelous?” he said, confused.
“Yes, your death grip on your ancient shaft the bow-legged foot placement, the crazed look in your eye as you mad dog the Red Robin patrons. It's simply glorious. In fact…” The Grinch said.
“In fact?”
“Could I give you a hand?”
Chuck came into the restaurant after everyone else, sitting in a booth by himself, far away from everyone, burying his head in his hands.
Mordecai and Twilight Sparkle sat down at their booth. “You ready for the dinner of your life?” Mordecai asked, slamming the table with excitement.
“You bet!” She said, fist bumping him as they sat down.
The waitress approached the famous couple. “Hello, what can I get for yo—” she said, before looking at them in disgust.
Mordecai and Twilight stared blankly at the wall, mouths slightly parted and saying nothing, then suddenly gaining a large amount of weight. They ballooned in size until they pushed their chairs backwards, skidding across the tile.
Victoria sat down across from Percy, both dressed in their poshest attire. “It's so nice to get out of the house for a night.” she said, resting her hands in Percy’s.
“Yeah, and it's nice you erm, talked to your father again…wait, is that nice?” Percy asked.
Victoria shrugged, tilting her head and looking away. “Well, not exactly. But I'm glad he's finally found a partner after Mom. I mean, in some ways, he's been in a relationship for a long time, even if he didn't realize it.
“So, when are you going to tell her that I knocked you up 16 years ago?” The Devil asked Dr. Parnassus, lighting another cigarette. As the waitress approached, The Devil cut her off “I want a mai tai, a sirloin steak to go, and your number.” He didn't even look at her, but you can guess what she came back with, what was on the card she handed him, and who he walked away with that night to an apartment on the horizon before it exploded.
Albert Einstein sat at the table with Sasuke Uchiha and Akinator, already balls deep in free fries and all the available appetizers. “For the last time, that is not what I said about spacetime!” Einstein caterwauled as he housed another onion ring, looking down at the strange white stone on his ring. It was porous and brittle, encased in silver. He brought it to his lips, before licking it sumptuously. Akinator grimaced, holding up a hand “Hold on. Einstein, is that a mineral?” Einstein nodded.
He gave Einstein a finger gun “I got it! That's Sasuke Uchiha’s…kidney stone.” His smug smile soured in a second. Sasuke simply smiled and sat back, resting his head on Einstein's shoulder.
I.M. Meen sat between Captain Gantu and Montag the magnificent, biting into a burger with both his pinkies extended. Gantu held his proportionately tiny burger between his fingers, politely swallowing it in one bite. Montag sat with his burger, swiping his hand over it as the party was replaced with human flesh covered in blood. The three dug into their meal. “So then I slammed his dick into the hydraulic press, it was most amusing.” Montag said, pantomiming the act with his hands in their white gloves. Gantu nodded, then turned to a waitress. “Excuse me, may I have another one of your…burgers?” he said, leaning down. The booth they were in tilted from his massive frame.
He-Man leaned back, both his arms around Stu Pickles and Chas Finster’s shoulders. “Now boys, this is what I call fine dining! You must take me here again!” He said, Stu lovingly bringing a morsel of steak to his lover's lips. He-Man took a large bite out of the ribeye as Chaz ate his grilled cheese sandwich. He-man, brought his hand under the table and fondled Chas’s balls. “Now, that's what I call a package!” he said with a hearty laugh. Chas jumped in his chair before blushing bright red.
Jack Skellington looked across his table at Buddy the Elf, who was eating the fudge volcano after covering it in maple syrup. “You know what today is, Buddy?” Jack asked. “Yeah, today is the 23rd scheduled audit of the workshop by Santa.” Buddy said, shoving the ice cream and fudge into his mouth. “Well yes but today is also Valentine's Day.” Jack continued. “surely Santa has put all that Christmas business behind him with me, right?” Jack asked nervously.
Buddy continued housing his dessert, barely looking up at him “Oh no, he still hates you.” Buddy said.
Jack visibly cringed, recoiling heavily as his cortisol spiked. He had really jesterfumbled the bag (Santa's bag, that is) and was now guiltgooning and shamemogging the whole restaurant.
If only Jack had gone through the heart-shaped door in those days, if only he had made up for that by going in last week. If only he had met Cupid and the Cherubs so they could help him spice up this Valentine's Day. If only he had some Trojan magnums in his wallet.
Bonkers D. Bobcat giggled over and over as Harry Potter Obama smiled back. Another spike as Bonkers giggled to himself with the hedgehog. Harry Potter Obama moved faster than the eye could see, rushing across the table and grabbing Bonker’s dick. He jerked him to the point of cumming in an instant, only to sit down and watch him cum in real time. Right as his fair countenance gooned with unmatched pleasure, Harry Potter Obama ran back to his side and jerked him off furiously, making him cum a second time. He just kept jerking in one incredibly long unbroken session moving from pocket to pocket without stopping. It was really quite hypnotic.
Fry and Incidental #3 sat at their own table, Fry pouring a bottle of champagne for them both. “Inc, it's been a few years. A few years of weird smells, and stink lizards, and a shabby apartment with a fish person, and I just realized those might be connected, but it's been a few years of joy too and…well. Inc, will you marry me?” his heart was pounding as he took a knee, pulling out a small box and opening it. His hands were shaking like crazy. His heart felt like it was experiencing an earthquake, and he stumbled a bit, but it was something no one seemed to notice or mind.
When surrounding tables noticed what was happening, their conversations metastasized into murmurs and mutters before melting into silence. Incidental #3 slowly took the ring and put it on his finger. .
They say the applause on that night was deafening, like thunder that shook Olympus and the ear地 below. Waitresses quaketressed before joining in. And as Fry and Inc took their check and left early, waving goodbye to the many full tables of Valentine's lovers, everyone knew the bus would smell of fish and sex on the way back.
The hamburger helper glove sat across from Judy, resting his chin on his thumb and circling his glass with his pinky. Judy was looking back at him, leaning in and resting her chin on the back of her hands. “Fry and Inc was so romantic…I can't believe it.” she said.
“It really was,” Lefty agreed.
“I mean, the entire institution of marriage is a patriarchal ploy to reap women's labor, of course.”
“Of course”.
“But I am happy for them…anyway.” Judy Funnie concluded, going a bit off script from her usual tirades.
The two held hands in a warm, loving silence.
Guinea Pig #3 and Papageno leaned back, bellies full as Guinea Pig #3 put his arm around Papageno. He didn't seem to mind, leaning on him for support. The Batman goon slowly placed his hand on the bird-man-twink’s blue feathery pants, running his hand up and down the length of his long and luxurious leg.
Geordi LaForge smiled, scanning the auras of Squidward and Boris Yeltsin. Their SMV was mogging moids who market munted mercilessly, malefishing multiple mewers with their mewing mewstreak that mewed majestically with mastication of their meals unmarveled by most men.
Boris Yeltsin, chewed his steak, reaching under the table and grabbing Squidward’s penis. He tugged it upwards, jerking at full speed before twisting and tearing his dick off. Geordi learned forward, adding some much needed privacy to their corner booth.
Boris sat up slighting, leaning over the table and taking the impressive shaft into his asshole, sitting down as the cock was enveloped by his bountiful bouncing butt.
“Would you like a succ-tion, Geordi?” Squidward asked, half-lidded eyes and a wide smile. Before Geordi could respond, he felt a tentacle under the table glide along his inner leg. He was already hard as Squidward’s leg crept into his pants and encircled his cock, slowly playing his clarinet. Geordi’s head flung back as he was overcome with pleasure, hedons displayed in his vision like heat dissipating from a dying star as Squidward’s clarinet sonata became a klezmer solo, beating him off in 2/2 time. That alla breve burst of base desires kept Geordi quivering in his seat, shaking as the three hit three consecutive, simultaneous orgasms back to back to back. Synchronized in a symphony of sexual satisfaction.
You sat with your long-time lovers, lustfully looking at the looming and luscious lookers before you. Several Snape smiled as he squeezed your hand, rubbing his thumb along its back. Count Chocula looked you up and down, nodding as he flashed a fangy grin at you. The box Ghost rested his arm around your shoulder, dwarfing you in a way that felt comfortable. Count Chocula reached down and grabbed your nicely rounded [your gender] ass, getting a fistful of fuck-flesh like he was the Clint Eastwood of sexual crackfics.
Snape slid his tongue down your throat like a scallop of wet, juicy passion as you paid the check (Snape doesn’t get paid until next week and Count Chocula and the Box Ghost keep spending all their money on anime figurines (the box ghost keeps buying the boxes from Count Chocula)).
The bus zoomed back to your home, since you all live together. It’s a big, beautiful Queen Anne Victorian house with a familiar blue and yellow blockbuster sign outside. One of your partners went to the dump where they’re all stored and set up a pop-up store. It seemed like a dumb idea, but with the constant thread of Larry Elder and Peter Thiel stealing your data and banning anything adult from the internet you’d be surprised how many people were willing to go analog again.
Duckman walked by with armfulls of adult VHS tapes, grinning widely as he threw cash at Jean Paul Clusaret, who was forced to work the counter this week.
Jam Kuehnemund and Nicole Couch left with a copy of “Goodwill Hunting” in hand.
While you walked with your partners through the lobby/anteroom, you felt the Box Ghost’s ghostly hand on your asscheek, your cheeks turning red. You walk up the stairs, stepping over Jax and Thomas, who are using their tongues to spelunk in each other’s mouths. You finally get into your room, only to find the trio there.
Murdoc Niccals had Mok Swagger pressed into the bed, licking his chest as Muscle Man beat off furiously in the cuck chair using Hi Five Ghost as a fleshlight. Mok was fully erect, his Mock (Mok Cock) was more charged than Ohmtown mid-demon summoning ritual. The four reached their climax, bathing you in the sweet gooey erectoplasm only three mortals and a ghost can provide. As a splooge spritzed the spirit known as the Box Ghost, you saw a blue light emanating from behind you. As everyone in the room looked towards the door with fear, the box ghost loomed ever larger in the doorway. He grabbed you and lifted you from the ground, throwing you onto the bed. Count Chocula scrambled to leave the room, only to be grabbed by the cape like superman getting grabbed by Darkseid and slammed into the carpet then thrown onto the bed. Little stars and birds spun around his head as he shook himself sane (but still very horny).
Snape tried to defend himself with a spell, but the Box Ghost ripped the wand from his hand and shoved it all the way up his urethra. Snape looked up to the heavens and whimpered as he was thrown onto the bed with his.
Boxes descended from the sky, phasing through walls and landing on us. They closed on us and rearranged until there was only darkness and muffled movement. You heard a small sawing sound, getting louder and louder until light pierced through your box and you saw the Box Ghost cutting eye holes.
“Box Ghost? What are you doing?” You asked.
“Ooooh~ I’m making a gloryhole factory!” He said.
“What do you mean?” You say, looking up with a furrowed brow.
“There are three holes in that box, you do the math.” He said, flying away.
Suddenly, you move with a lurch. You look down and realize a conveyor belt is under you, and it’s taking you through the house! A green ass displayed in a glory hole is a the front of the line, and Murdoc is grumbling as Stretch and Dizzy take turns jackhammering the glory hole.
“Hold on Dizzy, it’s time for me!” Stretch whines.
“Hold on Stretch, I’m about to finish.” Dizzy says, glasses slipping down his snout as he crumples the box holding Murdoc.
The Landlady pulls the cigarette from her mouth and puts it out on Mok’s bare ass, his eyes wide as the landlord lazily grabs his hips and does some classic Tai Chi back-and-forth motion on his Mokussy. Donut and Coolie cream inside muscle man, only to be finished off by Tailor putting on his kung fu rings and deep fisting his asshole.
Then comes your turn, as I.M. Meen slaps your ass and giggles manically, slapping your ass over and over until it feels like a sunburn.
Lefty the Hamburger Helper Glove uses his thumb and index finger to spread your asshole, as Judy punches her whole fist in. You shriek as you feel your chest sink and she goes all the way in. You cry slightly as she pulls her fist out.
“Oh look. A present? For me? You shouldn’t have!” The Grinch says, his fluffy yet forceful hand finding your abused asscheeks and pulling them forward. You feel his cock grow three sizes in you, as he shouts the name of every Who in Whoville.
“Aardvarkian Abakenezer Who, I……FUCK YOU!” he shouted with his first pump.
“Aaaron B. Benson Who, I fuck you.”
“Fuck-fuck-fuck. Double fuck. FUCK ENTIRELY!!”
He keeps going, using his whole phonebook of memorized who names to pound you, elbowing others on the ass-embly line to commit to his mission. As he’s working his way through the Xs, his cock suddenly slips out of you. You sigh with relief, only for the box to lift off the ground. It keeps lifting and lifting, until you’re at the ceiling and eye to eye with Captain Gantu. His eyes pierce through your soul, then his lips form into a grin that reaches his ears.
It’s going to be a long night.༎ ༎