Chapter Text
'If you hadn't disobeyed orders then your brother would still be-' ..
silence. Jake stopped himself from completing that cursed sentence. He was angry. Maybe even upset. But grief is a funny thing. Jake's way - to blame others?
Actually, it was not his way at all. 'Keep quiet, stay busy.' Was what Jake had been doing all this time. And in this very moment he finally let it out, although he immediately regretted it when hearing the words aloud. Deep sorrow seeped in his heart when Lo'ak began to tear up in-front of him, darting eyes as if trying to stop himself from crying. Lo'ak was always doing that - trying to appear strong, even when he couldn't be.
Just like Jake.
There it was once again, Lo'ak thought. He was a disappointment, he was to blame, he was a failure. He was the son that everyone was ashamed of. Neteyam being there was bad enough, now he's gone, it only got worse. And the worst part was that every-time he turned to his brother for advice, or onr of those brotherly teases, he was met with an empty room. Neteyam left a gap in the family. And it was obvious.
'No....
It wasnt my fault!' lo'ak finally burst, allowing all of his rage to surface like waves. He was unable to control his tears any more. Ears dropped, a vulnerable look smeared upon his face. He didn't like looking weak, especially in-front of his father, most of all. But he was done. He was tired of it all. 'No.....' Lo'ak pleaded quietly, trembling. Jake's eyes softened with realisation, his ears followed. Now he really regretted his words. He wasn't proud of himself for that. Not at all.
Lo'ak felt something under that sadness within. Rage. 'That's not my fault!' Lo'ak suddenly screamed, even pushing his father away with his bare hands. It was a bold move, and the slight look of fear on his face right after showed Jake that he was hesitant to push him. However all Jake could do is stay still and take the hit. Lo'ak began to slowly, but with a panic, back away before fully sprinting away onto the intricately woven path.
'Lo'ak!' But Jake's cries were not heard. He had messed up. And His son had run off yet again. He knew that taking out on his other son was bad, and Lo'ak didn't deserve that, but he never really realised it until now.
Yet, he had been doing it his whole life. He felt Lo'ak slipping away every day, ever since.
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In a hut which didn't feel like a home at all. Jake tried to not think. He sat there, a delicate bottle of Na'vi style alcohol, yet he handled it roughly. It reminded him of his old self - his human self. Neytiri became increasingly worried, pacing around the hut like a hamster. She eventually peered over Jake like a Teacher scolding a student.
'Go and find him.' She said with a slight hint of anger, taking the drink from his hands and slamming it firmly away onto the table. 'Or you will loose another son.'
The words hit Jake like how he had been pushed away earlier. Coldly. The feeling of your own child pushing you out. It rested on his mind like an itch . Neytiri's words only lingered in the air, adding to it. The guilt of argument after argument with Lo'ak never failed to put Jake on edge. That's when he turned to drinking again. His old ways. His 'demon' ways, as Neytiri put it. The Na'vi alcohol was supposed to be enjoyed as a gift.
'I got nothing to say to him...'
followed by a pit of silence that ate Neytiri from the inside out. The look she gave Jake said it all.
'He'll be fine..' Jake said blandly. 'He's on one of his hissy fits. You know him.' He looked over at his annoyed and upset wife.
'You push him too hard. in fact, We push him too hard.' She paused. 'We push too hard and one day he will... he will never come back..' She swallowed, not even wanting to think about that reality.
No sound came from Jake, apart from a soft grunt of anger, unable to say anything. Maybe because he was angry, upset. Or maybe because after every argument he never knew how to apologise and make up. One reason why he was such a 'bad' father.
'Jake, go and find him.' She demanded. This time rage bubbling. Jake did not have to be told again.
He got up. 'He'll be fine.' Is all the comfort Neytiri received as she watched her husband run out of the hut.
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'Lo'ak, do you copy?' Jake tried the comms, but nothing. That boy never listened, he regularly went out without comms. Jake however had never took them off after neteyam's death, fearing the worst. He was always anxious like that. He must have scanned the whole village like a hawk, only for no sight of Lo'ak. He was starting to think those thoughts again. Lo'ak always returned eventually. So how could it be any different?
'Damn, Lo'ak! Where the hell are you boy?' He thought to himself, frantically running around the outside of the village into the distant sandy hills surrounded by endless sea. Nothing. That boy had to be somewhere.
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It was a gun he stole from his Dad's secret stash. Despite Ronal forbidding metal weapons. But who would his dad be if he followed the rules?
'maybe if i was gone, i wouldnt be a burden anymore.' That same thought plagued him. His knees fell to the sand as he swiftly pointed the gun to his jaw in one quick motion. As his fingers gently wrapped around the trigger, he trembled. Could he really do it?
His face shaked on its own, tired eyes forming tears and fingers faltering. 'One pull, Lo'ak, and it's done.' He kept saying. He inched closer and closer to the slight bit of 'relief' which was moments away, but also thinking about what might be afterwards. 'Will they see me now? Will they come running?'
They wouldn't. They wouldn't even be by his side as he took that last breath. They wouldn't even see him all this time until now when he'll be bleeding out and it will be too late. The thought of it was sad.
'I'm sorry Big Brother.' He secretly prayed that he would be with him soon. Soon, by whenever his finger was ready to pull the trigger.
A loud bang pierced through the whole village. It was so alarming that Lo'ak himself jumped. He collapsed to the floor, adrenaline made him feel nothing, but his body would not move. Everything faded to black, as he wondered if they would see him now...