Chapter Text
Drawing the blade across his skin, Phil sighed gratefully as blood painted his near-white expanse of his arm, enjoying the sting and the following numbness it gave him in the midst of his turbulent thoughts.
Dan goes girl hunting. He'll bring someone home for sure; all he has to do is flash his dimple, or his smile. Makes sense, I'm not good enough. Never was, never will be. He'll never notice me. Not in that way. Guess is should be a normal thought now, Dan with a girl. Or a guy. Anyone not me... Another and another...
Phil watched as the blood dripped steadily into the already waiting tissues around his arm, stark white in contrast to the dark red running down from his elbow, readying his slightly shaking his hand to go deeper.
32,33,34…
Examining his arm as he made the cut once again, he noticed previous scars had almost blended with his skin, no distinction between the pale slivers and his pale skin, not unless someone looked closely, not unless someone saw the small, shiny scar that remained.
I'm glad I use such a small thing. It leaves close to no sign it was there… it's so small, it doesn't show the 'big' problems behind it. And who would notice them anyway?
Grinning at the sharpener blade in his hand, he put it back on his nightstand, devoting more attention to his arm.
No matter how much I want Dan to notice me, I really don't want him to notice these. That… would be… bad. I should head out before Dan comes home. Who knows who he'll bring back this time.
Bandaging his arm, he winced as the rough fabric brushed the new cuts, the burn feeling better than the initial sting, lasting longer. Like a long punishment versus a small reprimand.
Shaking his black angular hair out of his icy blue eyes, Phil grabbed at the blade on his table, almost ashamed that it was so out in the open. Putting the small thing in his pocket, he stumbled into the bathroom, clutching crimson tissues in his hand. Suddenly feeling lightheaded, he clutched at the counter, glancing up to see himself in the mirror. Ugh, no wonder no one pays attention to you. Shaking his head disgustedly to rid himself of his giddy-ness, he quickly looked away from the mirror and around him,before flushing the tissues down the toilet. Making sure there were no signs of what he had done, he guiltily made his way out of the bathroom, flicking the light off with an air of finality.
Let's go.
Phil paused in the hallway as he heard laughter, male and female. The door creaked open after a brief hassle of keys, and Phil quickly made his way to his shoes, barely hiding the scowl on his face, his teeth gritted. The scowl quickly vanished, replaced with a fake smile as Dan entered towing a slim, pretty, green eyed brunette, his faded converse the first thing Phil saw before looking up with a smile, the pain he felt hidden, folded away in a padlocked chest behind his eyes. Phil's heart hitched at Dan's laughter, the pleasant, teasing sound, making his lips twitch.
"Hey honey! I'm home!" Dan joked, calling out as his converse hit the ground behind them with a plunk as he kicked them off.
"Hullo. I was just heading out… Who's this?"
The brunette blushed, extending her arm as she shyly stepped from behind Dan, her bob cut at a fashionable angle, her clothing girly with frilly white lace and a traditional, yet short, blue skirt. Phil smirked, feeling his stomach twinge at disgust with himself. Nice taste, Dan.
"Hi. I'm Aisling. Dan's girlfriend?"
"Oh! Of course, sorry. I'm so bad at names."
"No worries. You must be Phil?"
Shaking her delicate hand, and at the same time glancing down to make sure his sleeves covered his arm entirely, he asked politely, his jaw slightly rigid with the scorn he felt towards her, "That's me...Ireland?"
"Indeed! I don't suppose you're from home aswell…?"
Phil smiled at her, seeing his distaste towards her had no good reason. His eyes lighting up slightly with curiosity, flicking his hair out of the way to get a good glimpse of her.I need to get out of here soon.
"No, I'm from England on both sides of the family. Right, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone. Dan, need anything?
Maneouvering himself behind Aisling to get his coat, Phil glanced at Dan, who was still staring, and blushing, at the quick exchange between the two.
Snapping out of it, Dan grinned at him, making his stomach do summersaults. "Er- no. Wait! Yes!"
Phil wrinkled his nose knowingly, quickly getting sick of the happy act he was putting up. "Maltesers?"
"Of course. I mean, what else should I want?" Me? What if one day you disappear with a girl..
Awkwardly shuffling out of the apartment and closing the door, he heard Aisling's high-pitched voice ask "Did we chase him out? I'm sure he didn't like me…"
Phil winced as Dan's tone switched from being teasing to reassuring.
"No, he looked ready to leave. He likes everyone. He just needs to warm up to them." Phil's cold demeanor broke as he heard Dan's smile in his voice, knowing that he, at least caused a smile out of him. Wrestling his coat on, he headed towards the elevator. He needed fresh air. Soon.