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Xiao Heng was nervous.
The hands were Xue Fangfei's only clue. His face was composed—maybe less severe than usual, soft and slightly flushed from the wedding wine, yet very much still the mighty Duke who was always in control. But his hands gave him away. So strong and steady when flicking open his fan or guiding hers around the shaft of a bow. Now they trembled ever so slightly as they struggled with the ties of her wedding sash.
When he fumbled it a third time, Xue Fangfei gently covered them with her own. Xiao Heng looked at her, startled.
"Can it be?" she said, softening the words with a small teasing smile. "The great Su guógōng has grown clumsy now that he's a married man?"
The light in the bedroom was dim, but the flush on his cheeks was visible all the same.
"Isn't it natural to be nervous, when it's something you've never done before?" he finally admitted, as fearless in this as he was on the battlefield.
Something clenched deep in her chest. She'd long understood her new husband was a man capable of great emotion, though he liked to hide it behind a carefully constructed facade of indifference. But every time he let her see a little more of his soft underbelly, it still felt like a precious gift.
"Don't worry," she said, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his lips. His eyes fluttered obediently closed, letting her take the lead. "I'll show you what to do."
"I place myself in your capable hands then, furen," he murmured. "Instruct me."
And, oh, that was potent. Xue Fangfei kissed him again, pulling herself onto his lap before letting her hands drift down to the belt of his heavy robes. She'd already laid her claim here, the jade pendant dangling freely as though this was where it had always belonged. Now, she carefully laid both the belt and the pendant aside. Xiao Heng helped her slide the red robe over his shoulders then the lower layers as well, until only his thin pants remained.
Her mouth went dry. This sight, at least, she'd glimpsed before, when they'd infiltrated the mine. Then she could only look; now, she let herself finally touch, stroking her fingers down his clavicle and across his taut nipples, enjoying his sharp intake of breath as she traced the tense muscles of stomach, stopping just above the waist of his pants.
"A'Li," he murmured, just a hint of complaint, and she laughed softly, shifting her weight.
"Patience, Su guógōng."
He gripped her hips and leaned close, breath hot in her ear. "Have we both not been patient enough?"
She shivered at the thread of want that shot through her. She'd been far more patient waiting for this man than any woman should have to be. But still, first things first. Pushing him back with a gentle but firm hand, she gestured at her hairpins.
"Help me with these?"
His eyes darkened, then narrowed with focus, and he made quick work of the elaborate pins, setting each one carefully aside until the headpiece was freed and her hair hung long and loose across her shoulders. Xue Fangfei smiled her approval.
"Thank you."
As a reward, she slid her own gauzy outer robe off her shoulders, letting it puddle around them, then guided his hands back to her wedding sash. Together, they slipped it loose, and freed her from her bodice. The look on Xiao Heng's face was very gratifying when she finally sat before him in only her pants.
"A'Li," he breathed.
"Touch me," she instructed, and he cupped her small breasts, rubbing his thumb lightly across the nipples, then again with more force when she made a small noise of encouragement.
While he was thus occupied, she removed his head wrap, then curled her arms around his neck and pulled him back down to the bed. He landed on top of her with a soft oomph, immediately raising himself up on his elbows to keep from crushing her. But Xue Fangfei didn't want that—she wanted to feel him, all of him pressed against her until there wasn't an inch of space between them. She pulled him back down, kissing him and kissing him and kissing him until she was dizzy with it.
Xiao Heng's hips were moving restlessly against hers, a distinct hardness obvious underneath his thin pants. And suddenly, she was the impatient one, ripping open the ties to shove the pants down over his strong thighs. Xiao Heng helped her, kicking them off, then groaned and buried his face in the side of her throat when she took him in hand, spreading the wetness at the tip down the shaft in lazy strokes.
"Like that?" she murmured, and he nodded wordlessly, breathing hot and heavy into her neck. She spread her legs, making room for him there, then tugged his head up to kiss him sweetly. "So beautiful, my husband," she murmured against his lips, and he shuddered.
"A'Li," he gasped, "I want—show me how… for you—" and his hand drifted down to tug at the ties of her own pants.
"All right," she said, and helped him pull them off, then guided his hand down between her legs, through the damp curls to the spot that ached the most. Since he first drew her into his web, how many nights had she lain in her lonely bed, imagining the touch of his clever fingers instead?
They did not disappoint.
Xiao Heng was, in all things, a quick learner; following her lead, his fingers circling with just the right amount of pressure.
"Like that?" he echoed.
"Mmm," she managed, breath already coming a little faster. He'd noticed, too, eyes attentive on her face, watching her reaction to every movement. "You can—can also…" she managed, feeling herself blushing fiercely. She licked her lips.
"Ah," he said, understanding lighting his face. So he wasn't completely innocent to the kind of things men and women did in the bedroom.
She shuddered when he ducked down to lick at her, delicately at first—experimental. He made a small thoughtful sound, and then he was gripping her thighs and shoving them up, unceremoniously hiking her calves over his shoulders as he lowered his head again and sucked.
"Ahh!" her gasp came out breathy and high pitched. Xiao Heng glanced up at her when she reached down and slid her fingers into his hair. Then he sucked harder.
"You can also… inside," she gasped.
"Show me."
So she slid her hand down and pressed two fingers inside where she was already slick and ready, sighing at the pleasure of having something to clench around.
Xiao Heng's gaze was hot and intent. When she pulled her fingers out, he caught her hand, eyes never leaving hers as he drew them into his already glistening mouth.
"Husband," she whispered, and he shuddered and released her fingers, immediately dropping down to trace their previous path with his tongue. Xue Fangfei sighed in pleasure, closing her eyes. When he finally drew back, it was only to replace it with his own fingers.
"Crook your fingers," she instructed, gesturing, and then cried out as he obeyed, mimicking her with delicious precision.
He paused. "Did I hurt you?"
He really was so sweet, this husband of hers, much as he pretended to be fierce.
"Not—" she managed around her suddenly dry throat, "not at all. Keep going—just like that."
She'd heard enough whispers from other women to know not all men cared about the pleasure of women. Had seen horrible proof at the brothel that some men only found their pleasure in causing pain.
Shen Yurong had always been very gentle with her, considerate and eager to please. How lucky she was, she'd thought on their wedding night, to have a man who treated her so gently. Now she knew: gentleness could be a lie. Anyone could pretend to be kind so long as it didn't cost them anything.
The only way to truly know another person was to see them at their worst. What would they be willing to sacrifice?
"Harder," she said, "I won't break," and he took her at her word, obediently increasing the pressure until she was rocking her hips helplessly. Then Xiao Heng bent his head to suckle at her most sensitive spot again, and the combined sensations were too much. Xue Fangfei's back arched, crying out as the pleasure crested and broke.
He kept his mouth and fingers moving until she finally squirmed away with a laugh, pushing his head back.
"Xiao Heng!"
He just grinned at her, clearly very pleased with himself and entirely unrepentant. She pulled him back up, tasting herself on his lips as she kissed him, the hard line of his cock pressing into her belly.
"Xiao Heng," she repeated, softer, "come here," and pulled them both up, leaning him back against the headboard before climbing into his lap and lowering herself down. They both made a sound as he breached her; he was thicker than his fingers, and Xue Fangfei moaned at the hot sting of pleasure.
Xiao Heng's hands clenched around her hips as he bottomed out. "Wait," she panted into his mouth, and he went very still, though she could feel his hands trembling ever so slightly. "Just—" She wiggled a little, settling into the stretch, the deliciousness of being filled so completely.
"A'Li…" he groaned.
"Shh…" Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she braced herself, and began to move, lifting herself up as she rolled her hips forward. Xiao Heng groaned again, head falling back as she slammed back down.
Xue Fangfei trailed her lips across his sweaty forehead, the crisp lines of his cheekbone, the tip of his perfect nose. Xiao Heng made a sound of protest when she bypassed his mouth, followed by a soft gasp as she drifted down to his chest instead, wrapping around one of his nipples, sucking at it until it was stiff and red, then drifting to the other to pay it the same attention. When she finally returned to his mouth, it was hanging open, his eyes closed. She slid her fingers into his hair, kissing him hungrily.
Her thighs were already beginning to tire—but it was a pleasant ache, and Xiao Heng's strong hands slid down around her bottom as she settled into a rhythm, helping lift her as she flagged.
"Xiao Heng," she cried in entreaty as her strength finally failed, and like he'd been waiting for permission, she found herself swiftly flipped onto her back.
Xue Fangfei wrapped her legs around him as he thrust back inside, pulling him in as deep as she could. Xiao Heng had her wrists in his hands, his forehead pressed to hers.
"Harder," she urged him. "Harder, I—"
"You won't break," he panted. "I know," and fucked her hard and fast, like he knew just what she wanted and knew just what she could take, and she loved him loved him loved him—
Already, his thrusts were growing wilder and more uncontrolled. She tugged one hand free and wiggled it between their bodies, closing her eyes as she felt him stiffen and cry out, rapidly following him over the edge.
Xiao Heng collapsed panting, then rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. She brushed a tangle of silky hair back from his forehead, catching her breath. She'd really made a mess of it. "Did you know you're really very good looking?" she wondered, studying his face.
"Someone mentioned it to me once," he said, voice wry.
"And also very talented. A quick study," she added.
"Mm. It helps to be properly motivated." He shifted. "Did you know, furen, that you make the most intriguing sound when I…" His fingers moved and she gasped. Xiao Heng smiled smugly. "Yes, just like that."
Xue Fangfei smacked his shoulder. "You're insatiable."
"I can't help it. Who knows how long it will be, after tonight, before I get the chance to have you like this again?"
The reminder of how little time they had felt like being dunked into a cold river. "You should rest," she said, careful to keep her voice steady, although from the look on his face, she wasn't quite succeeding. "You have a long journey tomorrow."
When she crawled out of that grave, she didn't think she'd ever have this again. The idea of trusting a man, touching a man, letting him close enough to see every part of her was unthinkable. She'd been nothing but a ghost. She would see justice done and then fade away.
That woman, that desperate wraith laying by the river to die, would probably have called her a fool if she could see her now, curled up in the arms of the most dangerous man in the entire kingdom. This man who made her feel safe in every way. This proud, brave, ridiculous man who saw her for who she was, and loved her all the same. This man who had never let her down even once.
Now, she wanted nothing more than his hands on every inch of her body, to have him learn those parts of her just as completely. And she wanted to claim all the parts of him as well—the ugly scars on his back and chest, the rough calluses on his hands, the soft skin behind his knees where he was just a little ticklish. She wanted to pull out every expression from his beautiful face, see what he looked like with all his defenses lowered, when he was lost in pleasure, and the only thing he knew was her.
She couldn't lose all that after only just finding it. She wouldn't. Xiao Heng would come home to her and that was the only possible outcome.
"Hey," he said, bopping her on the nose, "Quit thinking so hard, Xiao Li Mao. You're supposed to be lost in raptures at my marital prowess."
She made a face at him, knowing exactly what he was doing, but willing to let him. "Quit fishing for compliments," she said, and bopped him back before laying back down across his chest. "When you come back, you can hear all about your marital prowess."
"All right," he agreed softly and kissed the top of her head. "When I come back."
They lay there contented silence for a few minutes. Xiao Heng's hand was stroking soothingly across her back, slower and more erratic as the minutes dragged on. She knew he really did need to rest, but Xue Fangfei didn't plan on sleeping. If the memory of laying in his arms this night might have to sustain her for many months to come, then she was determined to remember as much of it as possible.
But still, there was one question niggling at the back of her mind.
"Xiao Heng?"
"Hmm?"
She pushed herself up on one elbow, looking at him. "Does it not bother you? That this is not my first marriage?"
He looked surprised by the question. "Should it?"
"Many men wouldn't want…"
Used goods, she didn't say. As if hearing the words anyway, Xiao Heng ducked his head and kissed her fiercely.
"It bothers me that he wasn't worthy of you," he said, when he'd kissed her quite breathless. "It bothers me that he hurt you. Anyone who cares about anything else is a fool. Besides," he added with a small smile, "one of us should know what she is doing."
Her heart fluttered. This impossible man…
"If you don't come back to me, Xiao Heng," she promised him, "I will hunt you down. Right to the ends of the Earth."
He rolled her underneath him. "Don't worry, Xiao Li Mao. Now that I've tasted the sweetness of your bed, how could I stay away for too long?"
"Xiao Heng!" she laughed, despite herself.
He bent his head and kissed her. He'd grown very good at that already. "But just to be sure," he said seriously against her mouth, "don't you think we'd better have another lesson?"
"Mm," she nodded. "Perhaps several."
Neither of them actually got any sleep that night.