Archive of Our Own

If it’s not the coldest night of this winter so far, Omar will immediately book a ticket to any place where the temperature is at least a few degrees above zero.

He is freezing his arse off, but there is no other way or time for this job to be done. 

He has already had a shitty day, not to mention a shitty week. And if they don’t film this visualiser tonight, they will never do it properly. 

They have everything on set. His song is playing, the light is making everything red-hot. The mood is right: Omar is sad as fuck, almost crushed, and so freaking lost. 

Since there is enough drama on his face and in his eyes, he tries to think of something good. It won’t spoil anything, but it will help him get through the whole process.

Because all he wants is to be back at his flat, on the sofa or in his bed, wrapped in a cosy blanket, with a hot beverage in his mug. Probably, some company would be nice too, but he’s not sure right now.

No, he thinks to himself, moving in front of the camera. He’s fed up with companies . He has to pause this “dating and career-making” marathon. Nothing would be more tragic than flushing his future down the toilet because of a stupid relationship with somebody he isn’t even in love with.

So he needs to work and work really hard. He can do it. He wants to do it.

He changes outfits a few times and sips lukewarm tea from the 24-hour Starbucks just around the corner.

The props aren’t many, but since they aren’t making a full video, it’s somehow even better. He wants to start small in this new era—one baby step at a time, as he tells himself.

All this personal drama suits him well and makes for a damn good picture. When he and the crew check the frames, they turn out absolutely perfect.

Finally, they’re done, and Omar changes back into his clothes. While waiting for an Uber, he goes through his iPhone.

There is a bunch of messages from his fucking ex, which he deletes right away without even reading or scrolling further. He probably should block him, but it’s suddenly not as easy as he thought, and he lets himself adjust to the idea.

His mum is checking in on him, sweet and caring as always, and he quickly sends her a short reply. 

Also, a couple of friends gave him a heads-up about a club night—luckily, not this weekend but next Friday. He’s really considering going. Why not grab some shots and lose himself dancing with his friends?

And his manager leaves him an update on the calendar for the upcoming week. He scrolls through the dates and sees that he has a couple of days for himself. No filming, no interviews, no recording. 

He knows that he will end up in the studio no matter what, just messing around, but it’s nice to have a choice.

A few minutes later, the Uber arrives. It’s cold inside as well, and he asks to turn on the heating, but there isn’t much difference after all.

Omar is frozen to the bone, and only a hot shower and some self-care routine will bring him back to life, he thinks.

The ride is no longer than 30 minutes, but he dozes off for most of it, not even paying attention to what is happening outside.

This morning he heard on the forecast that snow was expected this weekend. And now it’s this weekend, but it catches him by surprise when the car stops and he gets out.

Actual snow is falling from the sky. He looks up, and it’s beautiful. 

There is a light wind, but it hardly affects the snowflakes, which are slowly drifting along their own trajectories. 

The sky is overcast with clouds, all purplish tones from the urban lights. 

Omar can imagine what the city will look like tomorrow: all white and quiet—a perfect day to spend at home.

The flat greets him with barely perceptible warmth from the heaters, and Omar makes an annoyed sound. He should have called a service to get it fixed, but the timing is never right.

He manages to take off his coat and boots when his iPhone starts buzzing. It’s Edvin, and he’s about to answer. He makes his way from the hallway directly to the bedroom, switches on the lamp on the nightstand, and throws himself onto the bed.

‘Hi,’ Omar says, pressing his phone to his ear.

‘Hey! Erm, listen, have you already finished on set?’ Edvin asks. There is distant street noise and muffled voices in the background, so it’s clear he’s out.

‘You definitely have a third eye or some kind of devilishly strong intuition. I’ve only just stepped in. Why?’

Edvin laughs, and it’s a warm sound that makes Omar close his eyes.

‘Of course I do! I’ve told you, all Aquarius people have insanely good intuition.’

‘Indeed. So, what’s up?’

‘I’m not far from your place. I thought if you’re done with shooting and aren’t scheduled for anything, I could pop in.’

‘Why, nothing to do this Friday night? Omar teases lightly.

‘I wouldn’t call you “nothing,”’ Edvin jokes back, and they both burst into laughter. It’s always like this—Edvin is the king of really dirty flirtation.

‘Okay, but seriously. I’m not much of a company right now,’ Omar says uncertainly. ‘I really want to wrap myself in a nest of blankets, drink something hot, and not move.’

‘Sounds perfect. We can make a nest together; your bed is spacious enough. Netflix and chill, for real.’

Probably, Edvin is the only person Omar would be happy to see right now. He always knows how to cheer him up, putting maximum effort into everything he does. Such an inborn talent for making people happy.

‘Okay, but can you grab something to eat? I’m starving and have literally nothing in the fridge. But not healthy stuff, okay? Something really, really gross.’

‘Yay, that’s what I’m talking about!’ Edvin shouts. ‘Alright, see you in 30 minutes or so.’

They hang up, and Omar stretches his whole body, giving himself a couple of minutes before he gets up and jumps in the shower. After all, it’s a truly great idea to have Edvin here tonight. They can stay up late, eat rubbish food, and talk about nonsense.

Edvin is always there for him—the best person he’s ever met. 

Since it was said 30 minutes, it could be any amount of time. So Omar gets up, undresses, and heads to the shower.

It’s nice to stand under the hot spray and finally feel his toes and fingers. He completely melts in the steamy air, which is filled with the scent of his shampoo and soap, something called “winter berries” that smells both delicate and delicious.

Omar finishes his usual fifteen-minute shower and dries himself with a towel. He feels much better, comforted by the hot water and his favourite scents.

How clever of him to always ask his ex to bring his own basic toiletries or just provide something he never uses himself. He has quite a sensitive nose, and it’s a nightmare to catch the same scent from him and another person. Moreover, if someone is going to steal his time and play with his feelings, only to leave in the end, it’s quite fair to at least have the opportunity to keep his favourite scents to himself.

It’s clever indeed, but Omar can’t help but think that it speaks volumes about his readiness to accept that all his relationships are destined to end in a breakup. But that’s what he knows; this is how things have worked in his life for quite a while now.

He finishes up in the bathroom, leaves his curls slightly damp, and changes. Somehow, he starts to feel chilly once again, but a nice pair of socks, warm joggers, and an oversized tee with a thick jumper immediately take him to the next level of comfort.

Omar makes the rounds of the flat, checking on some trivial things. He switches on the soft light, grabs some pillows, finds an extra pair of joggers and a hoodie that will fit Edvin, and makes a pile of them on the sofa. 

The doorbell rings, and he goes downstairs to let Edvin in.

‘Are you moving in for a week?’ Omar giggles and takes some bags from Edvin’s hands after they hug tightly.

‘Why, are you finally proposing?’ Edvin replies with the most serious expression on his face but cracks a smile the next second.

Laughing and chuckling, they make their way to Omar’s flat. Edvin is all dressed up as if he were heading to the club; his hair is done perfectly despite being dusted with snow that melts quickly. He smells of cologne, nicotine, and a hint of alcohol, but looks completely sober.

Interesting. What made him choose such a domestic evening over clubbing? Lately, they might reach the point where they talk about it, or they might not; it doesn’t really matter. For now, Edvin looks gorgeous, smiles, jokes, and lights up the mood effortlessly.

‘Please, make yourself at home,’ Omar says with a mocking bow as he lets him in. ‘I’ve prepared some comfy clothes right there on the sofa, so you can change first.’

‘Perfect, thanks. You know, I’m not dressed for the occasion,’ Edvin smiles widely, picks up the clothes, and heads to the bathroom. ‘I’ve grabbed a little bit of everything. The choice is all yours,’ he shouts from the bathroom.

‘Okay, thanks.’ Omar checks the bags and, as expected, Edvin doesn’t lie. There are frozen pizzas and Chinese dumplings, two bags of flavoured crisps and ostbågar, a bubbling Marabou bar, a pack of super sour S-Märke lollies, a box of cocoa in sachets, and a bottle of cola. On top of it all, there’s half a grilled chicken.

‘You are completely mental, you know that?’ Omar says as he greets Edvin. ‘You’ll take half of it back with you, I swear. Or I won’t fit into any of my clothes.’

‘Come on. We have a long night ahead, and, please, some of your clothes can be wrapped three times around you,’ Edvin smirks and leans on the counter.

‘Oh, I’m going to hate myself tomorrow.’

‘Well, save all your regrets for the next day and dig in!’

Omar smiles and starts to prepare bowls and plates so they can load them with snacks.

Finally, they’ve put all the pillows on Omar’s bed, crawled under the blanket, and turned on Netflix on the laptop.

It’s not in question what they are going to watch. The last time they had such a chill evening was when the final season of Edvin’s favourite TV series was released. There are a few episodes left, so Omar simply goes back to the history, finds the show, and presses “play”.

Truth be told, he really misses Edvin and such quality time. He has been buried deep in his relationship drama over the last few months, and it has completely slipped his mind how comfy and relaxed it can be just being around someone else.

They crunch on crisps in unison, occasionally bumping their hands into the bowl and finding it hilarious.

Omar knows that Edvin can’t sit calmly and watch something in one go. They constantly pause to make comments, fetch something from the kitchen, use the bathroom, share a joke, make hot cocoa, and then start all over again.

It’s two in the morning when they reach the episode with Maeve's mum’s funeral. It’s a good episode, Omar thinks, slipping deeper into his thoughts. So different from the rest of the series, it takes you by surprise.

Even Edvin freezes and watches without interruption.

It’s curious how the relationships between the characters have developed and led them to this exact point. When Erik and Adam finally talk, it stirs something inside his chest.

What people deserve and what they think they deserve are often completely different things, aren’t they?

He is so stuck in this pit of bad relationships with the wrong people. Or is there something wrong with him? Why can’t he be with someone caring and loving, allowing himself to relax a bit and not constantly worry about what others will think of him because of the person he chooses to be with?

Deep down, Omar believes that he’s doing this to himself. If the issue keeps repeating, it must be him. There might be something twisted and flawed in how he views relationships between people.

He likes to feel wanted, appealing, and seductive; he craves the power of others and wants to be taken with passion. It makes him feel on edge, thrillingly so. He enjoys being submissive, playing this game, making people lose themselves in pleasure because of him, and then proving them wrong. He will win eventually and teach them a lesson. He is the one with the power here; it’s he who can control them.

But it doesn’t seem to work as he expected.

There is definitely something wrong with him, something broken. Omar still thinks of himself as a kind person, and he doesn’t know how to do it all properly or when to stop. He gets attached every single time and lets these people crawl under his skin, leaving nothing of him behind.

And now, it seems he’s fed up with this pattern.

He feels used, and it’s not a pleasant feeling. He doesn’t deserve it.

“You deserve better,” he reminds himself, and these words always echo in his head in Edvin’s voice.

Edvin has been telling him this all along; they even had a few arguments about Omar’s dating history. But it hasn’t changed anything.

And what does he do with these insights right now? 

Omar sighs and stops that train of thought. The last thing he wants is to delve deeper into his own mind when he can have a really good time with Edvin.

And Edvin is so close to him. Omar feels his warm body pressed against his hip under the blanket, his shoulder next to his. He looks so soft and relaxed in the dim light from the lamps and laptop screen, the changing frames making his face appear different with every moment.

This makes Omar recall the last time they were in a club together. It was a wild night full of laughter, sweet and sour cocktails, and joy. He and Edvin danced to every song, the purplish and pinkish lights making them feel like they were in Alice in Wonderland—delusional and ready for anything. Edvin’s face was close to his, its unfamiliar angles shifting with the stroboscopic lights.

It was the first time he asked himself: What if he kissed Edvin for real?

They get along like a house on fire. Their chemistry is insane, and their heavy flirting makes people blush and squirm. They’ve shared dozens of kisses on set, and most of them have been heavenly good.

And he dares to imagine how good they could be in the heat of the moment.

How Edvin pushes him to the wall, all hands, hot lips and lean body pressing into his. His warm palms slide under clothes, caressing the bare damp skin. 

So why do they never reach the point where they cross the line and move to another level?

Perhaps this is it—a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

Every relationship Omar has ever had has eventually fallen apart. There’s always something that goes wrong. He will provoke Edvin and drag out all the worst in him. 

At least, that’s what he’s been told.

And Omar isn’t ready to do this to Edvin or himself just yet. After all, it’s really simple and even a bit clichéd, like something out of a typical rom-com.

This thought makes Omar shiver and shift, leaning closer and resting his head in the crook of Edvin’s neck.

‘Alright?’ Edvin asks, freeing his hand, which has been squeezed between their sides, and hugging him.

‘Yeah. I’m just still not completely warm. It was absolutely freezing out there on the set, and my flat is no better.’ It’s not a lie, but Omar can feel his cheeks heating up.

‘Move closer, then,’ Edvin suggests, bending his knees so Omar can tuck his feet under.

Omar does so and closes his eyes. The next episode starts, but truth be told, he’s not sure he can focus on the plot now.

Wrapped in Edvin’s warmth, he melts, feeling his presence so fully. He drifts in the moment, feeling grounded, almost falling asleep.

‘Hey,’ Edvin suddenly calls, and it’s clear he’s paused the show—probably with his foot, as he doesn’t move. He also finds Omar’s hand under the blanket and intertwines their fingers. ‘Mind if I ask you something?’

‘Mmm, go ahead.’

‘How come you’re all alone on a Friday night? Not that I’m complaining, but where’s your boy?’

Omar doesn’t open his eyes, but his heart races as if he’s panicking. Edvin is good at masking, but it’s clear he’s finally asking the question he’s been dying to ask since their call.

‘What are you on about?’ Omar asks, mindlessly stroking Edvin's hand with his thumb, trying to pull himself together. ‘My boy is right here with me. But my fucking ex -boyfriend is where the hell he wants to be.’

He feels Edvin’s body tense; it’s clear this wasn’t the answer he expected. Edvin seems a bit in shock, completely missing out on the flirtation punch. And Edvin never misses a chance to flirt.

‘Wait, since when is he your ex? We just talked yesterday, and you were planning holidays together.’

‘It’s all fresh news. Since this morning,’ Omar answers, pulling away to finally look at Edvin. At this moment, he decides he wants to see Edvin’s reaction.

‘No way! Such a loss,’ Edvin gasps, his reaction so fake it’s almost ridiculous.

‘Please, stop! I know you didn’t like him,’ Omar giggles, feeling something warm bloom in his chest.

‘Sorry, but you’re wrong. Me, not like him? I hate him! He was a total cunt and treated you unbelievably badly,’ Edvin blurts out. ‘Seriously, fucking finally, he can go back to that satanic pit from which he crawled.’

Somehow, Omar finds it all hilarious and laughs openly. It’s a bit hysterical, but he doesn’t care. Edvin accepts him the way he is.

And it works both ways.

This reaction is so Edvin, and Omar can’t imagine how dull his life would have been without him.

‘Yeah, I guess. But it still sucks,’ he adds, all his joy vanishing. He doesn’t want Edvin to pity him, but he’s really crushed and could use some reassurance.

‘What did this motherfucker do to you?’ Edvin asks, his gaze full of worry and something else, unrecognisable.

Oh, but this worry is almost unbearable. Edvin cares too much for others but always keeps it all to himself. It will break his heart sooner or later.

And suddenly all Omar wants is to lay his head on Edvin’s lap. There’s an urge to feel all this care directed towards him. He feels vulnerable and small, and he needs it badly.

So he does, shifting to make himself comfortable, keeping his hand tightly clasped with Edvin’s, and settling into a half-hug. His gaze wanders over the familiar items in his flat through the open door from his bedroom: a coffee table with some magazines and a notepad where he jots down ideas; one side of the sofa; an armchair near the dormer window where he likes to spend time, especially on rainy or snowy days. Everything is in its place but looks somehow abandoned.

‘You know him. He really knows how to get under my skin.’ Omar tries to laugh, but the sound comes out as more of a whine, shaky and unsteady. It takes him a moment to get a grip, probably only thanks to Edvin’s other hand gently stroking his curls. ‘He made a scene while I was on the phone with my manager discussing potential TV roles or starring in a film. He started shouting that he wanted to see the scripts too because “Why you, you’re not even a proper actor?” Then he moved on to my music, which apparently sucks, and that I was… only good at being fucked. That was the last damn straw.’

‘Jeez, Omar, I’m so sorry. You didn’t actually believe that nonsense, did you? He’s just a total cunt, an arrogant prick, and a fucking liar.’

Omar hums uncertainly, remaining silent.

‘What? Don’t tell me you still haven’t noticed it,’ Edvin adds softly, continuing to stroke his hair.

‘I’ve noticed, thank you very much,’ Omar snaps, but his lack of energy makes it come out weakly. ‘I just can’t understand what’s wrong with me, why I keep ending up with people like this over and over again.’

‘Me neither. Because you deserve nice things. Much better than this douchebag.’

‘Nice like you are,’ Omar says almost inaudibly before he can think it through. But he knows Edvin has heard him.

Edvin is nice—generally speaking and to him as well. It’s just unclear if Edvin wants him in a certain way.

Omar is torn apart and doesn’t know what to do. He feels like shit after this morning, after filming in the streets, and after being cold to his bones for hours.

He feels useless, alone, and broken. But Edvin is here with him. Omar doesn’t even need to ask for it. It’s a complete game-changer.

They stay silent for a couple of long moments, Edvin’s lean fingers in his hair, stroking and massaging his head in a small, soothing circle.

Omar sighs and turns, now looking up at Edvin.

There’s something in Edvin’s eyes that draws Omar in. It’s not passion or desire, but something warm and reassuring. He can’t resist; he wants to feel it.

So Omar starts to shift, and Edvin follows his lead, their eye contact unbroken. Omar presses his back against the bed, and Edvin moves above him, almost lying on top of him. Their perfect nest of pillows and blankets is disrupted, letting the warmth escape, but neither of them cares.

The laptop goes into sleep mode, darkening the screen and reducing the lighting in the room just in time.

Everything is so still and quiet that the sound of their breathing is the loudest in the room. The moment feels fragile, and Omar is afraid to break it.

He reaches out to stroke Edvin’s face with the tips of his fingers. Blinking slowly, he finds the gesture oddly familiar, as if they have been doing it forever.

Edvin lowers himself, pressing his elbows into the bed on either side of Omar’s head, and leans closer. 

He waits—so noticeably, so patiently—but it's not what Omar is used to. No one has ever waited for him to make the first move. Others always claimed him right from the start.

So he slides his hand forward, into Edvin's hair at the back of his head, and pulls him closer.

The moment their lips touch Omar shuts his eyes. He is not relaxed; he can feel his muscles tensing, a mix of anticipation and vulnerability building inside him. But Edvin kisses him, pulling on his lips slowly, sweetly, tasting like cacao and lollies.

And Omar lets himself go. He opens his mouth, inviting Edvin to deepen the kiss, to feel more of him. He gasps when Edvin's tongue actually slides between his lips and reacts by arching his back, letting his hand travel from the nape of his neck to his shoulder blades

Omar’s mind goes blank, and he can only register what he senses. The hot waves of pleasure rush through his body and he feels warmth spreading from head to toe. It’s better than a hot shower, and he melts completely.

Edvin squeezes his hips with both hands and strokes his waist and his shoulders, while he touches his neck, hot open-mouthed kisses, light like feathers. It makes Omar shiver with his whole body.

Slowly, kisses become messier, all tongues and teeth, quiet sighs and muffled groans. 

Edvin is like a flame in his hands. He makes him warm but doesn’t burn to the ashes. And he touches Omar carefully but steadily, clearly knowing what he desires. 

It’s intoxicating, and Omar can’t help not touching in return. He lets his palms slide lower and lower until he can squeeze Edvin’s ass with both hands, pushing his hips into him. 

And it seems too much for both of them, Edvin moans right in their kiss, desperately, and pulls away, taking the hoodie off in one go and throwing it away.

He starts to pull Omar’s jumper up as well and suddenly it becomes so real. If Omar doesn’t stop him right now, it’s going to happen. They will have sex right in his bed and Omar is sure it will rock his world as far as Edvin will keep kissing and caressing him like this. 

He is getting hard and wants Edvin so badly, but… But what’s next? What if it’s just a cry for help? 

Edvin’s hands are already on his chest, brushing his sensitive nipples in the most arousing manner and it pulls a whine from Omar. He bites his lip, feeling himself on the verge of tears.

‘Wait-wait, Edvin, wait,’ he hears himself whispering as from a distance. And Edvin stops in no time, freezing completely. And his readiness to actually stop makes something break inside Omar.

‘What’s wrong?’ Edvin asks breathlessly. He still looks so lost in pleasure, even in the dim light. His cheeks are flushed red, lips swollen and wet from all the kisses, eyes sparkling with intensity. It’s almost unbearably beautiful to look into those eyes. Omar imagines how it would be, feeling the warmth of his hands all over his body, looking at these eyes, tripping over the edge, Edvin deep inside him. 

He sighs shakily and shuts his eyes close. He can’t, he just can’t look at Edvin right now or he’ll change his mind again.

‘It’s not right. It doesn’t feel right,’ Omar lies with an effort, hoping it goes unnoticed.

‘Why, don’t you want it?’

‘I want.’ Omar lets out a muffled whine. ‘But I’m sad as fuck, Edvin. Such things should not happen when one is crushed like I am. Everything is shit right now. My day, my week, my ex-relationships and this fucking gloomy time of the year.’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I’ve thought… M-mm, okay.’ Edvin pauses for a second, looking like he’s trying to adjust to a new reality. He bites his lip for a moment and finally continues, a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. ‘So, should we wait until it’s a sunny day?' he asks, and Omar can’t help but let out a giggle in response.

‘Well, I guess, we can keep it in mind?’

‘You know pretty well that winter in Sweden is quite sunless.’ Edvin’s expression starts to change bit by bit again. He looks calmer and more focused now. But still, there is a smile forming in the corner of his lips. It gives Omar hope that they don’t ruin everything with this making-out session.

‘I’ll take the risk,’ Omar jokes back, watching Edvin’s reaction closely.

‘Okay, then. But can we still finish, em-m, what we’ve started?’ Edvin leans closer and makes almost imperceptible movement with his hips, but bursts into laughter in no time. ‘Sorry, sorry, I mean the season!’

But it’s too late. Omar grabs the pillow and sends it to his face.

His freaking stupid beautiful smiling face, Omar thinks to himself but doesn’t say anything out loud.

They actually finish the season, pack leftovers in the fridge, and Edvin asks to stay over on the sofa.

Everything feels good between them like nothing has happened. None of them say anything, and it seems to be a mutual feeling, just to leave that moment aside and keep going.

Edvin just hugs him tighter and longer when they say “good night” and shortly kisses his temple.

After this, Omar lies in his bed for a good part of the night and still can’t fall asleep.

He can smell the scent of Edvin’s cologne on his pillowcase, and it triggers a dozen thoughts at once.

That he’s wanted it to happen. That he wants Edvin’s scent all over his sheets, wants to wake up together and stay at home all day long, drinking this bloody cacao and taking each other apart over and over again.

Clearly, they want each other back. But it seems that Omar follows his wants all the time. And nothing good has come out of it.

There is a bunch of stuff to busy himself in the near future, he thinks, and no need to be romantically or sexually involved with other people all the time . 

He knows that once he starts something with someone, it's almost impossible to stop until everything is spoiled and ruined. It might be a nice change to focus on himself, he tries to convince himself, finding a way to feel confident without seeking validation in someone else’s eyes. 

Even in Edvin’s. Especially in Edvin’s. 

It’s a bit dramatic, Omar admits, but Edvin has become a part of him. Losing him is like losing a part of himself. And he finally wants to be whole, at least once in his life.

He is going to manage all this, he has to. One way or another, he thinks, looking into the gap between the curtains. 

Big, fluffy snowflakes are still falling from the sky, like in a fairytale, and he realises how long this winter is going to last.

He doesn’t know that Edvin can’t fall asleep as well in the next room. Looking at the same part of the sky, following snowflakes with his eyes, pushing his wants and thoughts away with double effort. Edvin wasn’t expecting such a turn of things, not so soon. But deep down he was so ready for it. Kissing Omar, caressing his body, pulling out from him every possible sound. Telling him, how good he is, how precious. That his voice is so melodic, so sweet and arousing at the same time, only this can drive Edvin crazy.

That he never hurt him the way others did. 

Oh, he has so much to say to him. But apparently, it’s bad timing.

Edvin was at the club when he saw Omar’s boyfriend, ex -boyfriend he corrects himself, with a stranger on his lap, making out like there was no one around them.

The first thought was to come closer and bite the shit out of this motherfucker. But it wasn’t Edvin’s job, and most likely, he’d end up with his face black and blue for nothing. With this prick, nothing was going to change so easily.

At that moment, he wasn’t sure if he should tell anybody what he saw. His mind was completely out of place. 

He left his friends and sneaked out into the cool night air. The promised snow had arrived, and he looked at the sky for a few long moments. He thought about Omar the entire time; everything in Edvin’s life was connected to him. Even the snowfall reminded him of Omar being on set that evening. 

So Edvin pulled out his phone and called him. 

And now, he doesn’t regret it. After all, he can wait a bit longer. 

Edvin only hopes that Omar doesn’t meet anybody else before an actual sunny day for both of them happens.

* * *

One of the most unusual things about this place is the constant muffled sound of soft waves crashing against the shore in their own rhythm somewhere in the distance. 

At first, Edvin couldn’t quite identify what it was that drew his attention away from the conversation with the driver on the way from the local airport. 

But now he realises it's the sound of the sea.

Edvin wonders if Omar notices it as well. Is he aware of it first thing in the morning when he wakes up, if it soothes him before he falls asleep at dawn, or wraps him when he’s on his way back to a hotel room after clubbing or swimming? Does it make all previous sounds and voices fade away, leaving only the soft waves?

He imagines Omar dozing on the beach under an umbrella, surrounded by this quiet noise, and wonders if it makes him dream of nice things.

The other thing is the sun. Edvin feels its hot rays with every cell of his bare shoulders the minute he steps outside, even though there are only a few hours left until sunset. He turns his face to it and can’t help smiling.

Edvin is aware that his pale Nordic skin will be immediately covered with dozens of freckles despite the sunscreen, but he doesn’t care. He likes to bathe in this warmth every moment he travels somewhere sunny. 

He smiles to himself at the thought of Omar’s tan skin. 

The way the sun paints him in a deeper, warmer shade of gold leaves no doubt that he will look gorgeous in white or beige clothes. They FaceTimed a few days ago and Omar confessed that he set aside all the colourful items he brought on this vacation and slipped into pale, light outfits with no regrets.

It’s a small detail, but even this speaks volumes about how significantly he has changed over the last couple of months.

But for Edvin, Omar is still the same. He has always seen him this way. But finally, it seems that Omar is close to seeing himself through Edvin’s eyes as well. At least, Edvin hopes so. 

Something is missing, though, and he knows exactly what it is. Omar hasn’t lied when he said that he would never say ‘no’ to love. It’s his element; he needs to love, to give and take, to feel it in everything.

So Edvin watches from a distance as Omar fills this void with all his passion, music, and work. With beautiful things and new people, nice people, loud clubs, and quiet nooks.

And Edvin’s stupid little heart melts every time he sees Omar smiling, happy, relaxed. Or sassy, powerful, hot as hell. 

He is proud of Omar for continually finding his own way, recognising what he truly likes, not what others expect him to like, and winning over his fears and insecurities. Omar’s career is bright and beautiful, blooming with all the colours. Everything is so real and perfect, even if there’s always something more to want. He is living his best life right here and now.

And Edvin wants to be a part of it so badly. He believes he has waited long enough, and if not now, then when? He doesn’t even want to use the word “never”.

So, the next day, after finishing his filming in London and with the cast having a couple of weeks or so before moving to another location, he simply books a ticket. Of course, he checks with Omar to make sure it’s alright. It wasn’t clear if Omar understood him when Edvin mentioned on the phone that he was literally dying without good weather and could use some sun.

Because Edvin misses him badly, especially since that evening a couple of months ago when he was an inch close to having it all at last. 

Since that night, they have hung out multiple times, but it was never on a sunny day, literally or figuratively. No jokes, it’s become Edvin’s personal challenge.

Of course, he realised that it was a joke, but still. Omar went through a hard breakup and, truth be told, wasn’t ready for anything new. But he still doesn’t regret anything.

So, Edvin has been telling himself that all in good time. There are still a few days left in this heaven of Omar’s vacation, and the timing is perfect.

At the hotel, he is met by the concierge, who hands him the card for Omar’s suite.

They’ve discussed this as well. It’s a spacious place that can accommodate at least three people, so there’s no need to book another room, especially for just a couple of days.

So, Edvin goes directly to the room to drop off his suitcase and take a quick shower after the journey.

Omar is somewhere else, but his presence is noticeable in the small details.

Edvin makes his way around the suite, recognising various items. Omar’s notepad sits on the coffee table, several pairs of sunglasses and pieces of jewellery are scattered on the nightstand, some clothes are draped over the unmade bed, and a familiar suitcase rests in the corner.

Edvin selects one of the other rooms with a nice courtyard view. He recognises the citrus trees, already past bloom but still without bright orange and yellow fruits.

The air smells delicious, and everything feels slightly unreal compared to the gloomy, rainy London weather. 

There are fresh towels in the bathroom, and Edvin jumps in, eager not to waste any more time.

He quickly gets himself ready and heads down to the lobby. Omar hasn’t responded to his text, so he’s going to try his luck and look for him somewhere outside.

He’s indeed fortunate, as he steps outside and runs into one of Omar’s travel companions on the terrace. He and Edvin have known each other for a couple of years but have never become actual friends.

Still, he learns that Omar is on the beach, somewhere near the pier.

The sun is almost down, but the water should be warm, Edvin thinks. He didn’t bring any swimming shorts with him, but there’s always the option to find something in the local stores or to ask Omar if he has any spare that might fit him.

He’s seen Omar’s suitcase; there should be plenty of spare clothes.

As he gets closer to the beach, the sound of the waves becomes clearer. Finally, he not only hears it but sees it. The blue, sparkling surface seems endless. It’s hard to distinguish where the water ends and the sky begins. Even as the sun steadily sets, the colours remain fresh and transparent.

When Edvin reaches the sand, he takes off his trainers and socks. The sand is warm and feels amazing under his feet.

He looks around and almost immediately notices Omar, jumping from the pier into the water and then surfacing a few metres away.

Edvin moves closer, climbs onto the pier, and waits until Omar, swimming underwater, reaches the ladder again. He surfaces, water dripping from his hair, and gasps, clearly caught by surprise. He climbs up, the water running from his shoulders and down over his chest and stomach.

‘Jeez, you scared the hell out of me!’ he says in an annoyed tone, but it’s clear that he is being goofy. Omar smiles, putting his wet hair back with his fingers. The way he looks makes something fall deep inside Edvin. He is hotter than all this southern sun ever can be.

He wants him right here and now.

But this isn’t news. Edvin has never stopped wanting him.

‘I’m glad you’ve relaxed enough that I can make you jump so easily,’ he replies, opening his arms to offer a hug.

‘I’m all wet; don’t you care?’ Omar chuckles.

‘Oh, I like that I’ve created such an effect!’ Edvin admits, knowing it’s too much even for him. But Omar bursts into laughter and makes a swift motion to hug him tightly.

‘Okay, you bring it on yourself!’

So they hug for a good couple of minutes. Edvin feels his clothes soaking where their bodies touch, but he indeed doesn’t care.

He misses the feeling of Omar in his arms so much; if necessary, he’d jump right into the water fully clothed just to hug him like this every day.

Finally, they part. Omar gathers his things, and they stroll back to the hotel.

There’s no one on the terrace, so they go straight to the suite.

‘So, are you hungry? No, don’t you dare!’ Omar raises his hand in a stop gesture. ‘I’m dead serious now. Do you fancy a dinner?’

Edvin does his best not to make a corny joke out of it, but he somehow manages. Feeling his face redden and burn, he finally shakes his head.

‘Only if it’s just a bite? I grabbed something while I was waiting for the transfer from the airport. What about you?’

‘Well, I’m famished! You know, all this swimming takes away loads of energy,’ Omar smiles and disappears into his bedroom. Edvin can see through the slightly open door that he’s going through some clothes on the bed. ‘Let me slip into something appropriate first, and we’re all set,’ he shouts from the room.

He sees a glimpse of his naked body, just a blurry shape while Omar is changing, but it’s enough to make Edvin’s heart jump. 

Less than five minutes later, Omar is ready. He’s in a simple white long-sleeved shirt and pale blue jeans, jewellery on his neck, fingers, and ears and somehow it looks stunning and exquisite.

They eat in one of the restaurants on the embankment with a lovely view, just catching up. Omar talks about his plans, upcoming shows, and travelling for work. Edvin shares details about the shoot and his excitement about working with such impressive actors.

Eventually, Edvin is surprised by how dark it’s already gotten, feeling as though he’s entered an entirely different reality. The realisation of where he is now, with whom, and what is happening hits him hard. 

Everything feels so real, and he knows he can’t miss his chance.

‘You know,’ Edvin starts while they are strolling back to their hotel, ‘you do look really happy, don’t you? It seems that you are finally on your way to getting everything you want.’

‘Everything I want?’ Omar laughs, throwing his head back. He climbs onto the narrow pavement and tries to walk a straight line, balancing with his hands. Once or twice, Edvin catches him by the elbow and helps him not to fall. ‘Like what?’

‘New music, nice people, travelling, success. No more gloomy days, right? Everybody loves you and…’ Edvin catches him once more, this time by the waist. He doesn’t let him go and picks Omar up from the pavement to lower him back onto his feet and on the ground. ‘You finally love yourself. I can feel it.’

Omar looks right into his eyes, and Edvin would give anything to know what is happening in his head right now.

Because they are standing pressed together, Edvin’s hands are on Omar’s waist. The night air is cool and fresh, a light breeze messing with their hair. Dark curls look gorgeous thanks to the salty seawater, and Omar’s golden skin is warm and soft to his gaze.

‘Thank you,’ Omar finally breaks the silence. ‘Thank you for always being there for me and always believing in me.’

Edvin blinks slowly, waiting. Omar doesn’t move, and something falls inside him. Probably, that’s all; they’ve reached their limit of closeness and intimacy.

Probably, Omar has finally forgotten about that time at the beginning of winter and doesn’t want him this way anymore.

They part, and the rest of the way to the hotel is spent in silence.

*

Edvin goes straight to his room, not even turning on the lights. He says that he’s tired as hell and that it’s better to call it a night. He claims that tomorrow he wants to spend some time wandering around and go swimming at least twice; this summer he still hasn’t been near open water, and it’s such a loss.

He smiles, but Omar doesn’t believe him. At least not on the “tired as hell” part.

He watches him closely, registering every change in his facial expression. Edvin seems to be on a swing; one minute he’s smiling and laughing, and the next moment there’s a deep abyss in his eyes.

Omar knows what is happening; he’s a part of it, after all. He's changed so much and, at the same time, remains completely the same person that Edvin has always seen in him.

They have enough sunny days now, haven’t they? It’s stupid as hell, but it’s their inside-damn-it joke.

Probably, it simply isn’t meant to happen between them.

Omar has his friends here with him and complete strangers. He can easily fall into bed with anyone; he knows how to be seductive when he overcomes his shyness.

But he doesn’t want anything meaningless anymore. It’s not enough to chase these mixed wants and twisted fantasies.

Truth be told, he is ready to try something new. And he still hopes it might be with Edvin.

They’ve suddenly traded their places, and it seems that Edvin is really insecure now, while he finally feels whole.

Perhaps, Edvin needs a small push.

So Omar strips off all his jewellery and clothes, wraps himself in a bed sheet, and approaches the slightly open door to the next room.

Edvin is awake, plastered on his back with no pillow under his head, looking straight through the open window.

Omar steps in, and Edvin jumps in his place.

‘Jeez, Omar! Why do you always need to be so quiet?’ Edvin whispers in frustration, sitting on the bed cross-legged.

‘Oh, not always. I can show you exactly when I can be loud as fuck,’ Omar says, trying not to miss Edvin’s reaction.

He rarely flirts with such dirty jokes; it’s always Edvin who makes him blush. But now he feels it coming naturally. Besides, he isn’t joking.

Edvin bursts into laughter, throwing his head back. Even in the moonlight, it’s clear that his cheeks are hot red.

‘You are good!’ he says finally, still smiling.

‘Both can play this game,’ Omar remarks and comes closer. He feels a bit funny all wrapped in the bed sheet, but he can’t imagine coming here naked or in stupid clothes that he hopes wouldn’t have stayed on him longer anyway.

Omar knows what he wants, what he has been wanting since that one time they kissed not in front of the cameras. But it doesn’t mean that it’s still mutual.

‘Hey,’ he calls softly. ‘I’m happy you are here.’

‘Mh-hmm. Me either,’ Edvin nods. ‘Everything’s good, right?’

‘Yes, everything is perfect,’ Omar agrees, his gaze following Edvin’s shoulders and hands, then his legs. ‘But you know what?’

‘What?’

‘There is so much sun; I can’t believe that only a couple of months ago I saw snow. All these sunny days have brought me back to life.’ Omar shifts on his feet and moves closer to the window, turning his back to Edvin. He gazes at the courtyard, which is adorned with streetlights that resemble fireflies in a magical forest. Omar smiles at the thought and lets the bed sheet slide down a bit, exposing his bare shoulders. He can feel Edvin’s eyes on him.

‘Mh-hmm, everything about this place is beautiful. And all this sun suits you well,’ Edvin mumbles, clearly distracted.

‘You know what else suits me?’ Omar asks quietly. He knows exactly what he’s doing, but it doesn’t feel the same as before. He suddenly realises that nothing has changed between them, and Edvin won’t do anything unless Omar permits it.

There is a tension in the air, a trace of anticipation. It can be felt on the bare skin, at the back of the head, in the tingles at the tips of the fingers.

There is a dead silence, even the usual sound of the sea vanished. And Omar is sure that he has all of Edvin’s attention right now.

‘Any thoughts? I can give you a hint,’ Omar says, letting go of the bed sheet, which pools on the floor at his feet. ‘Wearing nothing.’ He waits a moment before slightly turning his head to see Edvin’s reaction.

It’s absolutely worth it. Edvin looks completely mesmerised, his mouth slightly open and his eyes darker than usual.

‘Omar, please,’ he finally manages to say. His voice is raspy as if he’s been silent for far too long. ‘If you don’t really mean it…’

‘What if I mean it? What then?’ Omar interrupts, turning around and casually leaning against the window frame. He appears relaxed, with his hands resting at his sides. He only shivers from the cool night air or from Edvin’s gaze, which travels from head to toe—he can’t be sure.

Omar thinks he should feel vulnerable and exposed, but the feeling doesn’t come. He likes what Edvin does with only his gaze. As if this haven’t been his eyes, but hands caressing his bare skin. It’s so freaking hot, he can’t hold a quiet sigh.

‘Take off your clothes,’ Omar tells him. He doesn’t move, not yet. It’s his turn to watch and he wants to see how Edvin will be undressing under his gaze.

And Edvin doesn’t disappoint him. He tries not to break their eye contact and stands on his knees on the bed. Firstly, he pulls up his tee in one smooth gesture. His skin is pale, tiny dark birthmarks remind him of constellations. Omar traces them mentally, anticipating the moment he will touch each one with his lips.

Secondly, Edvin slips his fingers under the elastic band of his underwear. He slowly pulls it down, then shifts, sitting back, and takes it off completely. 

Omar finally allows himself to move. His knees hit the edge of the bed as he climbs onto it on all fours.

He hears Edvin’s shaky breath and smiles, while he is getting closer. And Edvin slides down and lies on his back, letting Omar loom over.

‘So, I guess it’s at last sunny enough?’ Edvin whispers, his gaze focused on Omar's lips so openly.

Omar giggles and lowers himself, nearly lying on top. He slightly rubs his body on Edvin’s, pulling a soft sigh from him.

Finally, he gets even closer, their noses brush and the next moment, they are kissing each other's lips.

It’s better than Omar can recall. Edvin’s lips are a bit dry, but not for long. He licks them with the tip of his tongue as if he asks permission to make this kiss deeper.

Edvin opens his mouth in no time and puts his hands on Omar’s waist, stroking and pulling him closer.

While his tongue slides into Edvin’s mouth, he thinks about how he wants it to happen. Slowly, gently, taking each other apart? Bit by bit, caressing the bare skin, kissing lips, the curve of the neck, softly licking nipples and hip bones?

Or, the opposite? Fast, rough, messily, all tounges and teeth, biting and squeezing, probably leaving a few marks somewhere no one can see them.

But it seems that Edvin’s energy is all at once. He kisses so deep and slow, while his hands travel down on Omar’s ass and squeeze with both palms, his fingers brushing between cheeks, making Omar groan from the feeling.

It’s hot as hell and he doesn’t want anything and anyone else.

‘Edvin,’ he whispers in his mouth, breathing shakily. ‘I want…’

‘...to stop?’ Edvin interrupts immediately, a familiar abyss in his eyes.

Omar giggles shamelessly.

‘No, you twit! Want you. Just you.’

Clearly, relief washes over Edvin’s body. He hugs Omar in the middle and makes a swift motion to turn them around.

‘You killing me, you know?’ He groans. ‘Don’t go anywhere, better, don’t move ,’ Edvin pulls away and makes a beeline to the bathroom. Omar has seen his travel kit there, so it’s no surprise when he returns with it in his hands.

Edvin climbs back on the bed, and lies on his side, next to Omar. He reaches to his face and starts another kiss.  

Omar feels how he melts from the sweet slow moves of Edvin’s lips. He kisses as if he wants to tell him something, to make him understand. 

And Omar believes that now he can finally understand. 

All this time, Edvin has been waiting, patiently, and never stopped caring for him. It’s truly been Omar who needed all this long sunless winter and spring to let him go, to get warmed from the inside. To finally love himself so he can love somebody else.

It stirs something deep within him, and he feels a hot tingling all over his body as if small fireworks are going off.

Long lean fingers slide in his curls and Edvin break their kiss only to trace his jawline and press his lips to Omar’s neck.

He kisses lightly, leaving wet open-mouth kisses all over the skin.

‘You taste like the sea,’ Edvin whispers, reaching his ear and biting on the earlobe. It makes Omar let out a quiet moan. 

Suddenly he sees it so clearly and feels it so sharp. He truly wants Edvin, but he wants to be in charge, to fully taste it. Probably, just for once, but it’s exactly what he needs right now.

‘I want… like really, really badly, to top you,’ he confesses breathlessly. ‘Are you… into it?’ 

Edvin lets out a husky sigh and nods shakily and it hits Omar hard. He groans, feeling how he is getting even harder only from the thought. He pushes Edvin onto his back and straddling him, fondles his bare shoulders, and chest, brushing over nipples, and stomach. 

He watches how Edvin reaches for the kit, pulling from it lube and a few condoms. 

Everything seems like a dream and at the same moment, it’s the most real thing that Omar has ever sensed. He wants to make this good for both of them, so he takes his time, preparing Edvin slowly, and carefully. Not asking anything, only watching him closely, catching every reaction, reading everything he needs from his face.

Edvin looks completely new to him at this moment. He bites on his lips, eyes closed, head thrown back. He pulls one knee to his chest and hooks it with his hand, making Omar tremble from the hot waves of arousal washing over his body from the view.

It is a slow realisation that he sees Edvin this vulnerable and exposed for the first time. It’s beautiful and precious and makes him feel dizzy.

If it’s not love, then what is it really?

He leans closer, catching Edvin’s nipple with his lips and pushes his fingers a bit deeper. It makes Edvin moan and move his hips up.

It’s almost too much, for both of them and Omar shifts, now stroking Edvins knees, making them fall apart and leans to his body, pressing tightly. 

He slides into Edvin carefully, and smoothly, moaning on the sensation of tightness. There is no rush, at least, not for now, so he rocks his hips measuredly, slowly.

‘Jezz, oh, fuck…’ Edvin groans and clings on Omar’s shoulders. It makes Omar slow down to a complete stop, but it seems that this isn’t what Edvin wants from him. ‘Please, it feels so good.’

Omar slimes and leans closer, so they can kiss. He pulls on his lower lip and starts moving again, not believing that it’s all happening. 

It really feels so fucking good that all his body is shaking from the sensations. Edvin in his hands is pliant and solid at the same time. He reacts to every move, pushing his hips up and down to make these trusts deeper, longer, more sensually. It’s probably not Edvin’s first time, but Omar truly couldn’t care less. 

Others don’t matter. Now Edvin is with him. He feels it with all his bare skin, with his lips that finally find Edvin’s birthmarks, with his hands and fingers, sliding over the hot body covered in a light sweat.

It doesn’t even matter that Edvin smells exactly like his shower gel and shampoo. Now it’s the most arousing scent and Omar inhales deeply. 

He senses how something hot is tightening in his stomach, he feels how the tension in his body is getting stronger, he’s like a taut string. 

Edvin sighs and moans when he pushes deeply when leans closer again and crushes their mouths in a kiss. 

It’s hard to move slowly as at the beginning, Omar quickening a pace bit by bit, feeling how he is getting closer; how good it is, to be wrapped in the heat of Edvin’s body, whose hands sliding all over his spine, and shoulders, fingers getting tangled in his curls.

Edvin pulls on his locks and slightly bites his neck, one of the sensitive spots right under his ear, and suddenly it’s too much. Omar is cumming with a whine, mouth open, rocking his hips hard. He almost misses how Edvin starts to slide his hand between their bodies but manages to do it first. Omar closes his fingers around Edvin and pulls fast and steadily until he is cumming too, arching his back, looking completely blown away.

Omar pulls out and collapses on top of him, not caring that they are both sweaty and sticky or that he can crush him. He knows that for Edvin he doesn't weigh much. And it’s hotter than hell. He wants to be lifted up and pushed to the next wall, to feel Edvin deep inside him, rocking his world upside down.

Not now, later. But for sure.

Because now he can’t move and need some time to recover. Edvin is nothing better, breathing heavily, and looking completely messed up, but somehow he manages to break the silence first.

‘I’ve seen you on stage so I know what you can do with your hips,’ he starts, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. ‘But now I truly know it.’

‘Oh, I’ll make sure that you’ll get the best tickets to all my next shows,’ Omar giggles, feeling something bubbling in his chest. ‘But, you know, I like being in a first row myself,’ he adds, smirking.

‘Wait, how come you so good at dirty flirting?’ Edvin hugs him closer with one hand and pulls a few curls from his forehead with the other.

‘I’ve had a great tutor,’ Omar simply replies.

‘Do I happen to know them?’ Edvin asks, following the lead.

‘Well, who knows? Blond, tall, beautiful eyes, really nice personality, probably great in bed…’ Omar brushes his jaw with his lips, leaving light kisses in a mix with giggles. 

‘Hey, probably ?’ Edvin gasps offended. 

‘Well, we need to try… other stuff to make sure, right?’ Omar smiles, and since there is affection in Edvin’s eyes, he knows everything is fine. ‘But I can definitely name one flaw. It’s the middle of the summer and you still haven’t swam.’

Edvin laughs, closing his eyes for a moment and then answers:

‘Oh, I guess that can be fixed. But I don’t have any shorts or whatever. I can't go to the beach naked.’

‘It’s a night swim, Edvin. You have to be all naked. Naked and mine.’

No matter, if it’s snowing, raining or a fucking tsunami out there, Omar thinks, leaning for a kiss.