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it happened in an unspectacular way. the reason that Tai and Van found themselves back in the woods together, after decades of steering clear of any wilderness related activities, was that Van´s car had started giving them trouble about three hours before reaching Lottie´s compound.
Van thought “of course. of course today of all days, this happens” when the engine started making suspicious sounds. at first, both of them agreed to just see if it would go away, but it didn´t, it got louder, and since neither of them had any interest in getting stranded in the middle of the highway, they pulled over and looked up the nearest auto-shop. luckily, a small town nearby had a place that seemed to be open, so soon after, Van was talking to a buff guy in his 50s about her beloved truck, like a parent inquiring about their sick child, while Tai snooped around the garage and took a long, appreciative look at a faded pin-up calendar on the wall, waiting for Van to come to her with the diagnosis.
“okay, it´s not that big of an issue, thank god. he´ll need like two hours” she said, clearly relieved but also slightly pissed off by the whole ordeal. Tai considered this, it wasn´t ideal but they could manage, it wasn´t too long, “okay, right. so, what do we do?”. they´d looked around on google maps and the town was nothing more than a few streets and shops glued together, no cafes that would offer oat milk or iced coffee and they´d already had a big lunch an hour before, so getting food was off the table. they had no interest in shopping for stuff they didn´t need either, so, after a beat of silence and a long glance at the lush greenery surrounding them, the miles and miles of foliage, they locked eyes, Tai voicing their shared thought: “I mean.. we could…” she started but Van interrupted her with a laugh, “wow. you´re really gonna suggest it?”. “weren´t you gonna?” Tai hit back, so Van admitted “maybe. but it´s insane, you do know that right?”. Tai stared off into the distance, pondering. “is it that insane? I mean, it´s just a bunch of trees and we have nothing to do. and it´s healthy, you know, fresh air, all that”, Van wasn´t entirely convinced by that logic, aware of the overly casual way Tai was phrasing that, contrasted with their dark history connected to landscapes like that one, “sure, healthy, totally. nothing could go wrong if we made our way into the woods, no memories could be brought up, just two old friends taking a lovely walk”, “old lovers” Tai corrected with a grin, which earned her a look that said “shut up” from Van, who had her hands in her jean pockets and shifted her weight the way she usually did when she was having an intense conversation, an endearing sight to Tai, one that almost made her reach out and touch her, but she had no idea where to possibly put her hands, so she didn´t.
“I mean if it´s too triggering for you, I get that, we can just find a bench to sit on or something” Tai said eventually, her tone faux sympathetic, clearly teasing Van, and that switched something in the stubborn woman across from her then, “triggering? you think I´m that fragile?”. Tai shrugged, continuing her little mind-game, enjoying how easy it was to get a rise out of Van, who was determined to prove her wrong then, “if anyone should be triggered by trees it´s you”, she pointed at her “climbing champion.”, alluding to the other Tai´s habit of ending up in trees. Tai was impressed by that quick clapback, a raise of her eyebrows, “damn Palmer, you´re cold”. “shall we?” Van said, unwilling to back down then, her mind made up about not letting herself get spooked by an innocent forest, nodding over to the start of a trail that would lead them somewhere pretty, a sign that signaled that it was a national park of some sort.
Tai was not going to admit that she was in fact a bit worried about possibly awakening something in herself, so she nodded, forcing a cheerful vibe that amused Van because it was so clearly overcompensating for something. “sure, let´s go” Tai said, taking the lead, “let´s be outdoorsy lesbians again, we´ve fallen off in that regard, haven´t we?”. Van couldn´t help but laugh then as they crossed the street, “yeah, can´t remember why we ever stopped doing all that. care to remind me?”, Tai looked back at her and smiled, “can´t recall”, the wind blowing in her hair, a deep contrast to how Van had seen her the day before, a liveliness that was nice to see, after all the despair before, it made her match Tai´s genuine smile.
the first part of the route into the woods did not faze them at all, it did not freak them out, they were relaxed, no different than before, taking a good look around, deciding which of the two paths ahead to follow, appreciating the feeling of being somewhere quiet and idyllic after a good few hours on the road. a few minutes in, they got into a conversation that flowed easily, they laughed a bit, they continued some thoughts from earlier, brought up some inside jokes that they´d already come up with after just one day of reuniting, they both thought “why were we ever apprehensive about this? it´s been ages since then, we´re all good here”, confident that their little break would stay uneventful.
once they reached a spot where some bushes bearing fruit stood out to Van, she stopped walking and stepped closer, ripping a few of them off to inspect them, eventually turning around to ask Tai “you know these?”, holding out her open palm. Tai was unsure if it was a joke, giving Van a confused look, “are you serious? you of all people should know I was never the plant expert, ever”. Van shrugged, not really bothered about knowing the exact nature of the thing she was about to eat, “okay whatever”, putting a good amount in her mouth then and chewing. “Van what the fuck??” Tai exclaimed, shocked by the odd decision to just abandon all care, she took note of the way she seemed to have no issue taking a moderately serious health risk, “passively suicidal” might have been a dramatic place to jump to just from that, but still, it didn´t escape Tai, how Van didn´t think twice about possibly eating toxic fruit, not even hesitating before she dropped them on her tongue. “okay, well, I´m not watching you die, so, give me that”, she grabbed the remaining berries from Van´s hand, squashing a few of them in the process, and stuffed them in her mouth, hit by a wave of sour sweetness, twisting her face for a second before swallowing. Van was amused by her theatrics, eyeing Tai as she felt the aftertaste coating the inside of her mouth. she couldn´t help but mess with Tai then, so she summoned all of the acting skills she had and rubbed her temples, a pained expression as she uttered “um, I think my vision is blurring…”.
the sheer panic that washed over Tai then made her whip her head around so hard she almost gave herself whiplash, she didn´t even say anything, instead she immediately spiraled into fatalistic thoughts: this is it. we´re dead. we´re gonna puke and pass out and nobody is around to help and we´ll die a miserable slow death and they won´t find our bodies for ages.
Van eventually dropped her hands and stood upright again, clearly completely fine, a smug grin on her face, a barely suppressed laugh. Tai groaned, followed by a sigh of relief and high-pitched “fuck you, that´s not fucking funny!!”, slapping her upper arm as an attempt at punishment. Van could´ve apologized but she didn´t really feel all that bad, “it is, kinda”. Tai shook her head, her heart rate only slowly calming down, grabbing Van´s hand to pull her towards the path forward again, “okay I´m done here, let´s go, lunch is over. and don´t you dare put anything else in your mouth, we didn´t make it this far to die this pathetically”. Van almost blurted out “well it sounds better than dying of cancer” but stopped herself in time and let herself be forced forward, not entirely displeased by the rough nature of Tai´s touch, a little disappointed when she relaxed her fingers and let go.
it didn´t escape either of them as they continued onwards, that the previous interaction could´ve played out the exact same way when they were teens. somehow, being around each other, being out in nature, was forcing them to get in touch with old ways of being, buried memories steadily seeping into the present, coloring their interactions with something so familiar, they both felt the danger lurking in the depths of that tingling sensation, it was obvious that a good amount of restraint would be required in order to act like they weren´t intrigued by it, the possibility of abandoning all reason and letting themselves be those girls again, starving, for so many things, but mostly for each other. each step they took further into the woods, each breath of that fresh, earthy air, each sound of a bird singing above them, each crack of a twig under their shoes, each sight of a particularly large tree, it all affected them on a visceral, primal level, at first they weren´t aware, but it became clearer and clearer, how their minds were slowly blurring with all the sensations that had once been around them for days and months on end, that once signaled two things: danger and desire.
danger because of all of the horrors they had experienced out there, the hunger, the thirst, the fighting, the violence, the bloodshed, the grief. desire because of their bond, the fact that they´d mostly had sex out under the sky, in order not to be overheard by everyone in the cabin, sneaking out at night or at times during the day, hair full of leaves sometimes, their clothes ruined by damp earth, the feeling of small stones under their bodies, digging into their backs as they felt the other person on top of them, the taste of soil mixing with the taste of each other, the elements a constant feature in their sexuality back then, hardly any memory of being intimate out there not including some earthy and natural sensation.
the foundations of their sexuality had been built out in the woods, had been solidified in that environment, their coming into their bodies as sexual beings mostly happened in that context. after they got rescued, they were all so overwhelmed with the shock of being thrust back into society, into their childhood homes, that their sexuality evaporated into thin air during their reintroduction to civilization. Tai and Van didn´t have sex for a while after, even thought they weren´t broken up yet, and even when they did start again, it felt odd, to be on a soft bed, to be all clean and safe, to be in a silent room, to fuck in such a regular way. neither of them admitted it back then, but it was clear that they had lost something out in the woods, many things, including that primal, uninhibited, utterly free way of being with each other, they´d lost it the day they got rescued and mourned it quietly in the aftermath, reassuring everyone around them that they were glad to be “saved” when it did not feel that way, not at all.
it was so unheard of, two lesbians in the 90s, living together, not having any judgemental eyes upon them, being openly in love, openly attracted to each other, it was the one paradise-like aspect of the purgatory out there, those hours they´d spent naked and undisturbed beneath the trees, by the water, feeling strong and beautiful as the only witness to their lust was mother nature, who never found a fault with them, shielded them, gave them a space to be the animals they wanted to be with each other, all teeth and tongues and claws, eating and being eaten. neither of them had ever tried to convince a partner to fuck out in nature, it would have felt like a betrayal in some way, they pushed those memories all the way down, but that day, it hit them, that for the first time since their rescue, they were all alone in the woods, nobody around to see what they did, nobody around to tell them to stop. it was undeniable, they kept glancing at each other from the side, thinking, “I want it back. I want that kind of desire back. I never stopped wanting it back”.
they kept walking and felt all of those conflicting feelings swirling around in them. it was unspoken but they both went suspiciously quiet for a while, almost paranoid about if it had been a bad idea after all, to just say fuck it and venture in there, if they were somehow bringing up things that should stay way down in their subconscious, but it was too late to turn around and too late to get scared. besides, deep down, both of them felt the desire outweighing the fear, their drive towards the thrill overpowered the drive away from possible danger, it always had, it always would, each step they took was a step they took away from civilization, from reason, from anything that tethered them to a reality where they weren´t two starving things, less and less able to conceal that they weren´t eyeing each other with watering mouths, with the need to be both prey and predator, to devour and be devoured. their lips weren´t just parted from the strain of walking.
they were stubborn, so to prove to themselves and each other that they could control themselves, they attempted small talk, they tried their best to ignore the heat between them, the way no amount of distance seemed to make them unaware of each other´s bodies, Van pointing out different kinds of flowers she thought she recognized, Tai recounting a story of how she´d once been invited to some weird conference for politicians upstate in some fancy cabins that she´d declined in a split-second, Van in return saying that she always immediately swiped away when a girl on a dating app described herself as “adventurous” or “sporty” on dating apps because she knew they´d suggest hikes as dates; they tried their best, they did, and for a moment they convinced themselves the attempt to squash the tension was working, but it wasn´t, there was only so much distraction in a forest, they ran out of topics, they ran out of willpower, they kept looking at each other with more and more intense eyes, it was getting worse, not better.
at one point they both had to catch a break. they wanted to sit down, desperately, but there were no benches or tree stumps in sight, no large rocks either, so they just stopped once they reached a clearing near a creek and stood there for a moment, agreeing that they´d take five, then walk a bit further, and eventually turn around in order to not be late.
Tai was slowly pacing around in a circle, eyes on the floor, as Van braced herself against a tree, her back turned to Tai, which was the one mistake she had to make in order for any self-restraint to leave Tai, it was done, it was over, in that moment something shifted, “don´t turn your back to a wild animal”, something like that. the sight of Van´s hair spilling down her back, her hand flat against the tree, her slightly weak stance, it made Tai need her then, desperately, her body won over her mind in that moment, for good.
she stepped closer, slowly, and Van was unaware at first, until she felt Tai´s presence looming behind her and knew not to turn around, knew not to break the moment, the suspense, her eyes forward, her breath hitched as she felt Tai mere inches from being flush against her back. she felt trapped even though she wasn´t, she felt trapped because she wanted to be, because she was waiting for it, the point of no return, the final break of her composure, she wanted it, Tai could sense it, she was not doing anything that wasn´t invited, so she moved even closer, snaking her hands around Van´s waist and leaning in close, her mouth near her ear, a gasp, their breaths syncing up, getting heavier and heavier, neither of them changing a single thing, neither of them moving, for a moment just getting deeply turned on from the sensation of hearing each others labored breaths, feeling each other struggling not to whine or sigh.
it was thrilling, the way they stood there, fully clothed, no skin contact, and yet, already aroused, that needy breathing, it was like the nature sounds had suddenly quieted down so they could hear it loud and clear, like an invisible audience was eager to see them give into each other. eventually, Tai moved her hands up, slowly to Van´s chest, her voice low, whispering, “you feel it too right?”, a nod, a sigh from Van, she knew exactly what Tai was referring to, she did not need clarification. “yes…”. less hesitant then, Tai started groping Van´s tits through the fabric of her jacket and shirt, Van´s head falling back in response, her pale neck exposed like sacrifice to the blade, Tai had yet to put her mouth to use, hot breath against her skin as she kept teasing her, the sweat that had formed on Van´s skin driving her crazy, the pheromones stirring her hunger, so, she broke the suspense and kissed her neck, an immediate shudder running down Van´s spine, a shift of her head to give even more access, a lingering kiss before Tai needed more and licked over the skin, a broad stroke of her tongue over Van´s pulse-point, as she still braced herself against the tree, Tai pulling her back against herself, her hips pressed against Van´s backside then, fully on her, increasingly desperate sighs from Van as she got more aggressive with her, biting the flesh that was exposed over the neckline of her shirt, sucking on the most sensitive areas, eliciting faint whimpers, an unrestrained bite once she grew hotter and hungrier, completely lost in the feeling of having Van back in that state, all helpless and open for her.
“I knew it” she thought, while moving her lips further up Van´s throat, to her jaw, “I knew it was still there, this perfect softness, beneath that front she puts up, its still the same as then. and it´s all mine”, she was right back in that place, when they were teens and Van was loud and feisty all day until Tai laid her hands on her and felt her quieting down, turning all docile and sweet in an instant, Van´s submission to her had always been her deepest turn-on, “let me do this” she always thought, “you do so much for others, for me, let me take charge now” and she always got it out of her, Van´s willingness to surrender, to be tended to, especially sexually. something about it was impossible for Van to deny, how much it had always soothed her, to be lead into the depths of her needs by Tai, to be safe in that space with her, to be her girl, all lamb-like and vulnerable, not the big wolf she usually pretended to be, there, in that moment, against that tree, feeling Tai on her like that, grabbing at her, turning her skin red with kisses, with her teeth, it was too much, she already grew insanely needy just from that, a heat between her legs, a loud moan stuck in her throat, barely stifled, they were both beyond reason, all body, all sex, pulsing with it, their long-awaited coming back together as two bodies, desperate to be one.
in a less heated moment, Van would have been too prideful to did what she did next, but she couldn´t take it any longer, she needed more, so she turned around and pulled Tai in for a kiss, the kiss, the one they´d been dancing around all day, a shared, desperate “hmm” sound the second they touched lips, hard, there was no way of going slow, no way of making it pretty or sweet, no smiling or pulling back and waiting for more, it was instant making out, aggressive grabbing at each other´s faces while they kissed again and again and again, each time sloppier and nastier, no shame about swapping spit, tasting a faint residue of berries on each other´s tongues. within a minute they were so out of control that they took turnings sucking on each other´s bottom lips, biting down lightly, eventually a hint of iron, of blood in their kiss, unsure who it belonged to, who had gotten bitten the hardest, turned on by the memories it brought back, when one or both of them had been on their period, when it didn´t stop them, when it made it even more animalistic somehow, Tai´s hands under Van´s shirt by then, thankful that Van was not wearing anything under her tshirt, her palms over her tits, both moaning into each others open mouths as Tai squeezed her sensitive skin, a slow brush over her nipples, eager to harden them, to tease her to a point of whimpering, which was working, Van was growing weaker and weaker for her, needier, Tai knew the sound, the one she made when she was ready to stop kissing and get to it, so they broke the kiss, swollen lips and messed up hair, an almost sickening desire threatening to pull them apart at the seams, neither of them able to form full sentences- Van leaning back against the tree as Tai eyed her up and down, clear about whe she wanted, what Van needed, their eyes locked for a second, no confirmation other than Van´s pleading expression was needed, so Tai nodded and got on her knees.
the light pain she felt from the uneven forest floor beneath her only added to her pleasure of finally looking up at Van from that position again, her hands reaching up to her waistband, helping her with shaky hands to unbutton her jeans and pull them down, a gasp from Van as Tai quickly pulled her underwear down to her ankles too, a whispered “fuck…” as the cool air hit her exposed skin. Tai´s gaze feel to Van´s freckled thighs, her hands on either of them, freeing Vans left leg from the restraint of her clothes and hooking it over her shoulder to lean in and kiss her inner thigh, sighing as she savored the feeling of utter softness, her fingers firmly holding her in place as she left light love bites all over the pale skin; she´d always had a thing for how fast splotches of red and pink appeared all over Van´s skin when she was aroused, and right then was no exception, she was obsessed with her thighs, time had passed but she still couldn´t help but suck light bruises into the skin leading up to where Van needed her. she made pathetic sounds as she tangled her fingers in Tais hair to hold onto something as the heat between her legs grew nearly unbearable from the teasing lead-up. Tai got lost in it, so Van tugged on her hair, a needy tone, “please..”, which switched something in Tai then, her mind back to her initial need, the need to finally taste Van, to devour her, so she skipped the usual things she´d do: light kissing and gentle licks, to go into it full force, her mouth on Van´s cunt in the blink of an eye, her tongue sliding in, not one moment for Van to adjust as she let out a sound of relief and closed her eyes. Tai immediately moved her hands to Van´s hips to pull her down onto her face, fully, to have her smothering her, which left a burn from the rough bark of the tree on Van´s ass, which she did not mind, she liked the image of marks on her backside, both of them willing to pay any price to fuck like that, in a place that matched their buried needs, that forced them back into their animal selves. Tai moaned from the sensation, loudly, the way the thick wetness immediately coated her lips, spread all over her mouth, driving her to eat Van out with broad, messy stokes, moving from sucking on her aroused lips, to sliding her tongue all over her, again and again, a steady, hungry rhythm, perverse slippery sounds because Van was already soaked from their previous actions, increasingly pathetic moans falling from her open mouth, her head thrown back as she tried to brace herself somehow, her eyes briefly open, on the sky, the exact same sight she had when she had been a teenager in this position, being pleased by Tai out in the wilderness.
she couldn´t control how violently her hips rocked against her mouth then as Tai tongue-fucked her, and Tai loved it, how Van´s composure had already fully crumbled, how much she clearly still enjoyed getting head from her, whining from it, the overwhelming sensation of Tai´s passionate delirious way of getting drunk on her taste, her scent, it made Van think “this is what I missed”, other lovers were too timid at times, waiting for her approval before going on, but Tai had that deep confidence of knowing exactly what Van needed and how, a hint of cockiness to it that never failed to make Van all hers, the same way in that moment the way it had been back then, she loved being grabbed and taken like that, being pleasured by someone who knew her to her core, who knew where to put their hands, how hard to grab her, where to kiss, where to bite, it was all still there, Tai´s expertise on her pleasure, and it was undeniable, how much she´d missed it, how much of a rush it was, to feel that good, that deeply aroused in every part of her body, to already feel satisfied before even cumming, slightly scared of being wrecked by it, the good kind of fear.
while she got more and more worked up from all those feelings Tai just kept adding to it with her movements, her tongue on her clit then, relentlessly applying pressure, unbothered about the feeling of Van trying to close her legs somehow, holding her open, “fuck, like that, don´t stop” Van got out, breathless, eager to finish as hard as possible, she wanted the kind of climax that would leave her wrecked and Tai had the key to it, they both knew it, so she kept going, switching to a sucking sensation to really make Van unravel, a high pitched cry as she did this, Van´s hands pulling her hair to a point of hurt then, a humm of pleasure from Tai as she kept up the suction, switching between that and deliberate flicks, the blood rushing to Van´s cunt, her core muscles tight and in need of that violent release, “fuck, Tai, I´m-”, she couldn´t finish the thought, but Tai knew, briefly getting out a “it´s okay, I got you” a reassuringly hard grip on Van´s thigh, holding her in place as she encouraged her to abandon all restraint and cum against her mouth, which was fully slicked up by then, heaven for Tai, pure heaven, to be between Van´s legs and have her turn into such a mess. she wished, so desperately, that she could have had a third person view then, she wanted to see how Van looked while she was pleasing her like that, she was greedy with her desire, she wanted to pause time and see every detail, Van´s face up close twisted in lust, wanted to kiss her exposed throat, wanted to suck on her tits, wanted to do it all at once, and it was clear from the erratic energy of her pussy-eating, that she could never get enough of her, unwilling to let up or slow down. she was overcome by that insane need that had driven them together in that moment, possessed by it, that ancient visceral devotion to Van, religious, feverish, all-consuming, Van as a god, an angel, something so beyond just a lover to her then, the one she´d lost and missed all her life, so maddeningly, all of a sudden so close, and yet, not close enough, Tai´s face was buried in her and yet she wanted more, and Van could tell, sighing and moaning from all the pent up desires they were both letting out in that moment, driving each other insane with it.
it didn´t take much longer then, Van pushing Tai´s head against her cunt, holding it in place, leaving no room to breathe or escape, as she moved against her tongue, throbbing and aching for release, moans that sounded angelic, perfect to Tai as she was hit be her orgasm, shuddering and struggling to stay somewhat upright against the tree as she rode it out, Tai eagerly holding her tongue in place to let her do what she needed to in order finish, just listening and staying in place, massaging her thighs through her climax, moaning against her as she felt her nose getting slicked up too from the reckless rocking against her, just what she wanted, to be used. eventually, Van´s breathing became steadier and her noises quieted down, her grip on Tai´s head loosening as she was taken over by the aftershocks of it all, flushed and panting and totally out of it, the breeze hitting her hot face, her exposed lower half, Tai still down between her legs, happy in her subordinate position, caressing Vans legs and kissing her messed up, oversensitive core, a sweetness to it then, self-indulgent licks to get as much of her taste as she could get, she wouldn´t stop until Van told her to and for a moment she didn´t, letting herself be worshiped like that, just listening to the birds nearby, letting herself be washed over by all the sensations, waiting for her heart rate to lower until she could think clearer again and tapped Tai on the head to signal she was done.
with a groan Tai did as she was told and got up from her knees, brushing off the dirt and trying not to stumble as Van quickly pulled up her underwear and jeans, suddenly aware of her more than vulnerable state, her face still bright red. once she got a good look at Tai, she saw just how worked up she´d gotten, how her breaths were still coming out unevenly, how she seemed to feel an ache between her legs that made it hard to stand normally, her legs shifting their weight, so she pointed at Tai´s lower half, her voice at its full potential again, “should I help you out there?”. Van´s voice went straight to Tai´s core, it had gotten raspier from all the moaning and it was enough to make her want to let out a sound too then, she did not expect her to return the favor, she would have been more than happy to take what she´d gotten and leave it at that, she´d always been the main giver in their dynamic, but in that moment, when they locked eyes, the way Van stared at her, confident and calm in her offer to please her, she realized that that was exactly what she needed, desperately, so she nodded, “yeah..”.
Van moved away from the tree then and pointed at it, “okay, your turn then, come here”, and the “come here” was enough to turn Tai all submissive in a way she wasn´t used to, this side of Van was not a side she knew, and it brought up a new desire, the desire to give up control. she realized very quickly then, that she loved it, how weak she felt taking Van´s place, waiting for her to do what it was that she wanted to do, her back against the wood, her gaze on Van as she moved closer to her.
what Van realized in that moment, in an almost predator-like fashion, smelling it in the air, was that she had the upper hand: she had already finished. she´d gotten it out of her system, she was calm again by then, but Tai was still right in the middle of her need, pent-up and eager, easy to tease, easy to overpower, easy to please, and it was thrilling, she understood it then, why Tai had always been so okay with not receiving each time Van did.
the way Van felt then, as she was chest to chest with Tai, breathing against her face to rile her up even more, it was delicious, it was addictive, those wide eyes staring at her, that hitched breath, the shudder when she lowered her hands and started messing with Tai´s jeans, it all pushed her right into a dominance she´d hardly ever tried on before, and it suited her, they could both tell.
the moment Van pushed her hand into Tai´s underwear they shared a gasp, followed up by a whispered “jesus…” from Van as she felt how wet Tai had gotten from going down on her, it was the same as back then, and part of her felt proud, that her effect had not lessened, that it seemed somehow even stronger then. Tai immediately started squirming even though Van wasn´t doing much yet, so she used her left arm to hold her in place, her forearm across her chest, pushing her back up against the tree, as she started moving her fingers in achingly slow motions, getting them slicked up, watching Tai´s face for a moment as she just teased her with up and down motions, Tai´s mouth hanging open, savoring the feeling of being trapped by Van, being rendered weaker and weaker with each move of her fingers over her cunt, a whimpering sound followed by a plea that Van did not expect, “please.. put them in”, Van remembered that Tai wasn´t big on penetration, that she preferred being jerked off, but Tai sounded like she´d cry if she wouldn´t do it, so she nodded.
“you want me to fuck you, hm?”, her voice husky, an erratic nod from Tai, “yes… please Van”, her name uttered that needily was enough to make Van abandon restraint and do as she was asked, Tai soaked enough to make it easy for her to push two fingers in, all the way. she had a feeling Tai didn´t want her to be gentle, and she was right, Tai bit down on her lip, hard, a hint of pain to the sensation of being stretched to make Van´s fingers fit that was exactly what she wanted, she wanted the ache, the overwhelm, she wanted to be pushed beyond what she knew from Van, she wanted to helpless for her and she was, her legs instinctively moving further apart as Van breathed heavy herself, turned on from the sensation, not used to it anymore, doing it that intimately, fingering usually not what she offered to her hookups, and she loved it, how it felt to have Tai throbbing around herself, to have completely control over what would happen next, to make her unravel from the inside out, immediately targeting her sweet spot, a bit sadistic perhaps,
“fucking hell..” tumbling from Tai´s lips, “relax.” Van responded, not in a soothing but in a commanding tone, which did not help with Tai´s quick descent into lust-fueled insanity, Van´s rough way of going about it so far beyond what she expected to happened mere minutes ago.
Van did not waste any time on getting Tai used to the sensation, angling her hand to really hit the right spot over and over, a series of undignified whines leaving Tai then, broken up words like “god” and “fuck”, quiet cursing under her breath as she felt herself growing hotter and hotter, unable to breathe properly, unable to do anything but grab Van´s back and lean down to briefly bite her shoulder over her jacket to stifle the sounds that almost embarrassed her then. Van could feel it, not soon after she started to apply that relentless pressure, that Tai´s muscles were clenching hard, that she couldn´t keep still, that she wouldn´t hold out for long, so after a while of feeling the velvety heat around her fingers and fucking Tai the right exact way, she stopped, abruptly, partly to tease, eliciting a pained cry of protest, but she knew Tai, and she knew she wouldn´t cum the hardest from that, she knew she´d cum harder from outside stimulation, so she quickly moved her fingers to her clit, the pressure much harder than expected, a fast, aggressive pace, focusing on effectiveness, knowing how little it would take to see Tai lose it then, and she was right, the moment Tai felt the intense friction on her most sensitive area it was done, she shut her eyes and whined pathetically. she wasn´t used to it, being so submissive, and somehow it drove her crazy with need, to do it with Van of all people, to let her be the one to see her like that, it was undeniable, how much she loved feeling Van´s arm forecfeully pressed against her chest to hold her in place, hearing the woman´s labored breaths, her little whispered comments, her piercing gaze, her unyielding power over Tai, so, eventually, she held onto her, nails digging in hard enough to make Van wince from it, as she came against her hand, a quieter orgasm than Van´s, almost collapsing into herself, a shudder that was sudden and violent and gone as quickly as it came, leaving her an utter wreck, in need of Van´s support, steading herself against her as she tried to calm her breathing, savoring the sensation of Van´s hand sill lingering in her underwear as she leaned her head against her for a moment and felt her whole body shaking from the aftershocks, a pleased smile on Van´s face as she eventually gently pushed Tai away from herself and removed her hand, reminding herself not to show how turned she´d gotten as well, a bit too prideful to show the full scope of her enjoyment.
for a moment Van thought she was done, but she wasn´t, not quite yet, one more thing came to her then, she´d never done it to Tai before and it was pure instinct, she didn´t even think twice about it before she reached up and pushed her slicked up fingers into Tai´s mouth.
Tai was caught off guard yet again and surrendered without protest again, immediately, still weak and unsteady from before, but her mouth instantly open, eager to see how far it would go. Van was slow with it at first, deliberate, only partially putting her fingers in, but Tai leaned her head back, clearly asking for more, so she gave it to her, pushing her fingers in until her knuckles hit Tai´s teeth, the feeling of Tai´s tongue slowly swirling around to clean her off getting a deep sigh out of her, Van´s lips parted too then as she watched, a hint of a nod, an involuntary “hmm” leaving her, a sound of approval, only turning Tai on more, if that was even possible at that point. she closed her lips around Van´s fingers for a moment and shamelessly sucked them off, an act so perverse and untypical for her that Van could only watch and try not to black out, it was not something she´d planned on, and yet it got to her the way few other sex acts had, the way Tai seemed to want it to hurt almost, having her in her mouth like that, the way she shut her eyes for a moment as she felt the fingers that had just made her cum sliding over her tongue, savoring the final act of taking all of Van´s orders. after a while of indulging in it, Tai let go and saw Van stepping back as she took her hand back, slightly stunned by her own audacity, by her ability to take charge in that way.
for a moment there was just silence, no eye contact, just the two of them in the quiet aftermath, Tai with her hands on her knees after she´d buttoned up her jeans again, bent down, Van with her eyes closed, taking a deep breath, in a way that said “what the fuck just happened to me”. it didn´t take long for them to break out of their own thoughts and look to the other person to gauge their state of mind, and the moment they looked at each other, both of them smiled in a way that they hadn´t been able to in years: satisfied, smug, glowing with pride, with relief, with a cocktail of intense hot feelings that made it impossible not to laugh, to shake their heads in unison, utter disbelief about what they´d done, no trace of regret.
Tai looked at her as she stood up straight and got some of her composure back. “I take back what I said yesterday, you have changed. jesus fucking christ.” Van took that as a compliment, she could hear in the way she said it how stunned was by her shift in energy, how much she´d liked it, a shrug, a sly grin, “well.”. Tai returned the grin, “suits you. being a bit..”, “a bit more like you?”, Van joked, eyeing her with self-satisfaction written all over her face. “yeah.” Tai admitted. “who knew you were as easy to break down as me” a teasing remark from Van, she knew she´d hear some protest, and a second later it came. “okay easy, that was an exception”. “was it?” Van asked, stepping closer again, her hands behind her back, a self-assuredness that was achingly hot to Tai. “you wouldn´t let me do that again, no?” Van knew the answer, she was getting cocky, and all Tai could do was let herself be stunned by how intense Van could be, it wasn´t the same intensity as back then, it was darker, it was solid and calm. “what the fuck happened to you??” Tai uttered, unable to mask that she liked being caught off-guard like that, a lot.
she was unsure for a moment if she wasn´t secretly submissive at heart, spiraling into a brief crisis of identity as she got flashes of Van taking her time to really destroy her, which made her feel hot all over, the image of Van doing the things to her that Tai usually did to others: making her beg, making her take more than she thought she could handle, savoring every cry, every plea, it turned her on, to imagine Van hurting her a bit, sexually, saying slightly degrading things like “yeah, that´s what I thought” after hearing her moan, she tried to stop thinking about it as she felt Van´s gaze burning a hole into the side of her face, clearly able to read some of those thoughts in her expression, taking note of it without commenting, leaving Tai to deal with those feelings on her own.
“okay” Van said eventually, shrugging off any previous sensual energy, returning to her usual way of speaking, her guard back up again, as if nothing had ever happened, “gotta get it together now or won´t make it out of here in time”. Tai snapped back to the present moment then, trying to act as casual as Van did, unable to mask her true state of mind as well as Van could, mumbling “right, yeah exactly.” a moment of disappointment then as she remembered the outside world, the way their time alone together would run out pretty soon.
Van gestured over at the creek, “oh, look, we can clean ourselves up a bit, what a luxury”. Tai needed a moment to realize what she meant but of course she was referring to the mess of sex still lingering on them in some ways. Tai did not join Van in kneeling down once they were down by the water, so Van glanced up at her, a questioning look. Tai held out her hands to signal that they were clean but Van pointed at her own mouth and chin “yeah, I didn´t mean your fingers, obviously”. Tai was well aware what Van had expected her to do but she didn´t want to wash herself clean just yet, she didn´t want to lose the scent she´d just gotten back, the one she wanted to savor for a little longer, so she shook her head, nonchalantly, “hm no, I´m good”.
Van thought she didn´t hear her right at first, she´d expected a response like “oh yeah right” but not that. “excuse me?” she said, disbelief written all over her face. Tai crossed her arms defiantly and smiled, dripping in audacity, so Van gave her a stern look, her voice low and commanding, “Tai. you´re gonna wash your fucking face now”, but the woman wouldn´t move, wouldn´t listen, so Van submerged her right hand in water, abruptly stood up and held Tai by the neck as she wiped her palm all over her mouth, aggressively, without regard for Tai´s comfort, trying to wash her own taste off. Tai predictably got a rush out of being attacked like that and just smiled at Van once she was free again, unwilling to surrender, even then, “well, I can still taste you, so.”, licking the water off her lips. Van gave up then wiping her damp hand against her jeans, admittedly kind of into it, that Tai seemed to be so eager to have a lingering memory of going down on her, a hint of a blush to Van´s cheeks then, “okay, you win. freak”.
they had about an 40 minutes left to kill, so they decided to sit by the shore of the nearby creek, it was idyllic enough to spend a while there.
once they sat down, somewhat comfortably, their shoes almost in the stream of water, Tai turned to Van and her gaze lingered on her neck, the indents of her teeth, the faint bruises, still red that would turn into purple later, for a second too long, so Van caught the concerned look and immediately knew the reason, a brief touch to her neck “no Tai…” clearly stressed out by the idea of others seeing all of that. “oops..”, Tai said, her voice low, her shoulders a bit hunched, apologetic but not very convincingly, she didn´t feel sorry, not really, “how bad is it.” Van asked, wanting the truth, no sugar-coating, “uh well. they´re not that easy to overlook…”, her eyes widened “they? multiple? oh great” head in her hands then, breathing out, “hey in my defense you bruise very easily” Tai held her hands up but her satisfied smile gave away that Van´s sensitive skin never made her go easier but harder, she´d always had a thing for it, a memory came back to her then, that it quickly became a running gag for the others on the team to ask “damn, what animal attacked you?” whenever they got undressed in front of each other and Van was covered in little bites and marks, Van saying things like “a hot one”.
“yeah, not like you knew that before or anything” Van answered, gingerly pressing down on her neck to feel where the bruising was at its worst, part of her enjoying the slight ache and tenderness of her skin as she did this. Tai watched her do this and put a hand on her knee, trying to assuage her, “hey, you can just lie and say you had a hookup the day before I came, easy, nobody has to think it was me”, Van turned to her then, a dry tone, looking at Tai intensely, “who says it would be a lie?”. the moment she said that, Tai´s smile dropped in an instant, she looked scandalized almost, no chance of masking her genuine horror at the idea of Van having had someone over mere days ago, “what??”. Van let her sit in that feeling for a few seconds, toying with her a bit, her expression unmoving, solid, until she eventually broke into a smile, “I didn´t. but you´d be jealous, huh?”, Tai shoved her then, realizing she´d given her exactly the reaction she wanted, yet again, but she wasn´t in the mood to deny the accusation, “clearly yes, and you´d want me to be”, “who, me?”, Van said, feigning innocence, Tai shook her head, nudging Van´s leg with her own, “save the whole coy act, I think we´re past that now, I have some fresh memories of you being very vocally into me”, “uh, same here, miss”, “well, I´m not the one denying it”.
Van threw a stone into the water, laughing to herself, “god. 40 years old and worrying about people seeing hickeys on my neck. I really have some growing up to do huh”, Tai protested, “no, I mean in some ways for sure, but here I gotta disagree. if we were still together I´d still be doing this, I don´t care how old we are, that´s not just for teens, I refuse to leave that joy to them”. Van was amused by her calling the act of marking her up a “joy”. “oh really?”, “yes, absolutely. but I´d be a bit more discreet than this though, I won´t lie, this was more reckless than I´d usually be”, “right, only where I could see”, Tai smiled “exactly. you get it”. for a moment the flirty, fun mood shifted into something more earnest as they both got flashes of what their life as a middle aged couple might have looked like, trying to deny that it pleased them, the image of them being all passionate even that many years later, being the kind of couple that others look at all awe-struck like “how do they seem more in love every time we see them? what is their secret?”.
Tai looked around where she was sitting and started messing with a patch of grass and flowers nearby, focused on a pair of purple ones, eventually ripping them out, gently to leave them intact, turning to Van, tucking her hair behind her ear to place the dainty flowers there, adjusting them a bit before leaning back and smiling at her work, “there, looks good with your hair color”. Van was not expecting an unabashedly romantic gesture like that, at all, so she just stared at Tai for a moment, sensing that it was entirely genuine from how soft Tai´s expression had gone, cocking her head as she studied Tai´s expression, partially to memorize it well, “you´re still high on endorphins, huh?”. Tai was swaying back and forth a bit, smiling, “maybe. enjoy it while it lasts”. they both knew that wasn´t why, Tai didn´t need to have any kind of chemical spike to look Van´s face and feel the need to be gentle and affectionate, it was an instinct she´d suppressed the day before, but in that moment she felt the need to let it show, at least a bit, and Van was finally willing to let her, leaving the flowers there, instead of following her initial instinct to remove them. somehow being out there with nothing around to remind them of their regular lives, it was easier to relax and enjoy how naturally it all came to them, being lovers.
for a few minutes they just sat there, listening, soaking it all up, the first time of being back in a forest, really back not just passing through, somehow soothed by it, not as freaked out as they´d suspected, a strangely familiar feeling to being so small in comparison to your impressive surroundings, trees as tall as buildings, for a moment they fell into the mindset of “I wouldn´t mind just living in a place like this for a while. basic necessities covered, just leaving everyone and everything, all the chaos, being unreachable”. it was easy at the point in their lives to romanticize the better aspects of their time out in the wilderness, it was easy to want some of it back, it was easy to sit there and have the urge to never go back out into the world again. they were both worn out in their own ways, and for once, they felt full of life, so it was only natural, to want more of where that had come from, even though it was so far from what they should be dreaming about.
after a while, Tai broke the silence, “do you think that-”, she started but cut herself off mid-sentence. “what?” Van inquired, sensing the apprehension, wondering what she could possibly feel ashamed of saying after everything that just happened, “your car didn´t break down before this, ever?” Tai asked, which threw Van off for a moment. “what? uh, no, first time today”. Tai gave her a look that said “are you picking up what I´m putting down here?”, a low, drawn out “well..”, which made Van realize what she was actually saying, a laugh from her, “oh wow and I thought I was the weird believer. you really think some entity made my car break down so we´d come here?”. Tai shrugged, “maybe. kinda. it´s a pretty odd coincidence at least, right?”.
Van wasn´t entirely opposed to that way of looking at it, even though she´d sworn off all that spiritual stuff years and years ago, “sure yeah, I see what you mean. are you trying to pull me back into that mindset, Tai? because it´s kinda working”. Tai smiled, linking arms with Van then, squeezing lightly, “is it? well perfect, I´m prepping you for Lottie, she´ll have a very easy time weaseling her way back in there” a tap to her forehead, but Van shook her head, decidedly, “oh no, I´ll stay out of whatever the fuck you´re gonna do there, that´s not for me”. “oh sure” Tai said, “one look into her pleading eyes and you´ll fall right back in line”. Van played along then, “well, watch out, maybe she´ll steal me away”, Tai didn´t love that image, not at all, not even as a joke, a seriousness to her response, “oh no, I can fight”. a few moments of silence before Van said, “look at us, all that old stuff, still right there”, “we´re predictable aren´t we?” Tai mused, “boring even” Van joked, a faint smile from Tai, her eyes on the ground “hm, so boring”.
neither of them wanted to ruin the mood with discussing consequences or difficult feelings they might deal with in the coming days, they were too at ease, too relaxed, too happy, so they abandoned those thoughts and focused on the present moment instead, the sound of the water flowing steadily, the chirping of a small bird nearby, the rustling of the leaves above them, that smell that had intoxicated them from the moment they´d made their way into the forest, deep breaths as they felt at peace for once in their life, somehow neither of them had ever been able to write the woods off as a place of horror, as an entity that had trapped them, for Tai and Van they had always also been a place of love, a place of lust and freedom to express it, the woods were not just a malevolent entity to them, they couldn´t be, sitting there in that moment, they felt held and shielded by them, not judged but witnessed.
they weren´t that spiritual but they liked the idea that their moment of passionate reuniting would stay out there, would somehow be absorbed into the soil, or the plants, the air, would remain in the world, the same way the ghost of their adolescent love still remained out in those endless woods, like a spirit dancing around the trees, people who walked near that area decades after their crash, swearing they could hear the giggles and laughter of two teenage girls, even though they couldn´t see anyone.
for the remainder of the time they were softer with each other than before, kissing again for a while without commenting on it after, touching each other more freely, it was a quiet, comfortable kind of intimacy that was only possible because they´d already expressed the violent and carnal kind; their sexual encounter had opened up the possibility of being casually affectionate, in a way that was unthinkable just the day before. Van was the one to finally announce that they had to go pick up her car, even though she would have loved nothing more than to abandon all that and just stay there until sunset, an admission from Tai as they walked back, “I really don´t wanna go back to my fucking life.”, a sort of touching childishness to it, that stubborn desire to stay where your fantasies lead you, where you felt safest from harm, it resonated with Van, “yeah, me neither. but we´ll manage, we always do”, linking arms with Tai as she said this, sensing that she was the stronger one in some way at that point their lives, extending that strength in the form of some optimism for the both of them. it didn´t go unnoticed by Tai, that someone as jaded as Van was giving up on cynicism for a moment to show her some grace in her less than fortunate situation.
before they did anything else, they stopped at the gas-station right next to the auto-shop and stocked up on snacks and drinks, both of them grinning to themselves when they saw that they both still had the same preferences as back then: Tai reaching for the Coke, Van reaching for the Dr.Pepper, Tai reaching for hot chips, Van reaching for sour candy.
once they got Van´s car running again and got back onto the road they downed their drinks within minutes and just sat in comfortable silence for a while, their limbs exhausted from walking and other activities, the windows down, a cool breeze as Tai leaned her head back and closed her eyes, Van messing with the radio until she found as a song she liked, both of their faces frozen in a smile, a glow to them that would have been impossible just a few hours ago, the kind that was shameless, considering all the implications. in that shameless joy, they found a way back to their younger selves, who would have been giddy and excited, impressed by themselves, could they have looked into the future and seen that the bond they´d created out there was so strong that it could be severed for decades and grow back like that in one single afternoon, could bring them together in such an undeniably erotic way. for the rest of the day, Tai and Van walked with their heads a bit higher, aware of how powerful and hot they´d looked out there, even though nobody could confirm it for them.
they knew it in their bones, that despite everything that had gone wrong with them, everything that might still blow up in their faces in the future, they were about as perfectly matched as lovers could get, and out there they could feel it, that the wilderness still agreed, still favored them in some way, would always be there to offer them a place to escape the world if everything crashed and burned and they needed a moment to come together again. two girls, two women, two hungry, tired beasts, forever bound by their willingness to be devoured when the other was starving, for tenderness, for care, for passion, for anything. they´d never let each other die of that hunger, they´d never lose the instinct to hand over their bodies and say:
have me. use me to survive. tell me how sweet I taste, how glad you are to sink your teeth into the depths of me, that only you can reach. tell me that the pain of loving and losing me was worth it and then tell me you will bear it again, to have me back for as long as the world will allow it this time. because I will.