Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

20 Years Ago

Kaveh stood in front of the door that led into his parent’s bedroom, heart pounding harder than he would ever be able to knock on that wooden surface. His thoughts plagued his mind, chanting the same sentences over and over.

She doesn’t want to see you. Everything is your fault. You are the worst son in existence. Your father would still be alive if it weren’t for you! She hates you for what you’ve done.

His hands wrapped around the doorknob as he pressed his ear against the door, listening in on what was happening inside. He was met with dead silence. It was like there was no one on the other side of the door.

Kaveh took in a deep breath, pushing back the voices in his head before he gently rapped his knuckles against the wooden door.

“Maman,” Kaveh softly called out to his mother. “May I come in?”

He could hear the faint sound of something shuffling inside the room before a quiet voice answered, “Yes.”

Kaveh opened the door and stepped inside, adjusting his eyes to the darkness. Despite the dark lighting, he could make out the contents of the room. The entire thing was in disarray, blueprints and clothes strewn about. Lying on top of the bed was Faranak, curled into her sheets as she sobbed quietly. His heart sank at the sight.

In the months since his father’s passing, it seemed like it was a Snezhnayan Roulette to see what state his mother was in. Some days she seemed perfectly normal, meeting with clients and working on her proposals. The only hint she gave on her grieving state was her smile that didn’t reach her eyes, and the loss of light in them. Most days, her grief consumed her to the point that she barely could get out of bed. If she did manage it, she spent the entire day in her room, staring out the window with her hands shaking as she murmured out to her late husband.

Approaching his mother, Kaveh reached his hand out to feel around in the dark before sitting at the foot of her bed.

“I made dinner if you’re up for it,” Kaveh announced.

“...Not tonight.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been eating leftovers all week, maman.”

“...I’m sure sweetheart. Just put any leftovers in the fridge.”

Kaveh remained silent for a moment before he plopped down next to her. He wrapped an arm around his mother, holding her into a tight embrace. This was something he used to do when he was younger, seeking attention from his mother. Back then, she would wrap her arms around him and pepper his face in kisses telling him how much she loved him. In recent months however, she never reacted, remaining still as Kaveh tried, and failed, to console her.

Kaveh held back his tears, his head beginning to hurt as his thoughts plagued him once more.

Why do you even try? She’s better off without you. You are the reason she’s like this. YOU are the one who tore your family apart.

20 Years Later

Kaveh hummed to himself as he cooked, the aroma of spices wafting in the kitchen air. Alhaitham was going to be coming back from work any minute and it would make him a bad roommate if he hadn’t prepared something for him. Afterall, this wasn’t his house; it belonged to Alhaitham and he was merely a guest staying for the foreseeable future. The very least he could do was make himself useful and make his presence in the house as painless as possible.

He was just about done setting the table when he overheard the front door open.

“Kaveh?” Alhaitham called out.

“I’m in the kitchen!” Kaveh yelled as he took off his apron and set it back onto the hook.

The door to the kitchen swung open and entered Alhaitham, his face neutral as he scanned the room.

“You cooked dinner again,” Alhaitham pointed out.

“I got home early so I figured I should do something before I finish my work tonight,” Kaveh explained. “We still have some wine from the crate you brought in the other day. Care to join me for a drink?”

“I’ll have a cup,” Alhaitham said before he pulled out a chair and took his seat at the table.

“Okay, l’ll pour you some then.” Kaveh grabbed a bottle and two cups before returning to the table, placing one cup by his plate and the other by Alhaitham’s. He uncapped the bottle and poured the wine into the cups before finally sitting down.

“How was work?” Kaveh asked as he lifted his cup and took a sip.

“Nothing special,” Alhaitham shrugged. “How was your day?”

“Had a meeting with one of my more difficult clients today,” Kaveh answered.

“Do tell,” Alhaitham perked up in interest as he began to serve his food.

“You remember the client that wanted the entire building to be in this shape,” Kaveh demonstrated the shape with his hands, “with the triangular roof and the doors that were impossibly big, right?”

“I remember.”

“I showed him the draft of the blueprint and all his complaints about the design are just impossible to fix. He asked if he could get rid of a pillar that holds up the entire foundation of the house because he thought it was in the way. Had to explain to him all the structural issues and safety violations I would be committing if I bent to his every wish.”

“I still think you should drop him as a client.”

“Unlike the others, he does back off once I tell him no. He’s great otherwise. Besides, if I drop him, then how am I going to pay this month’s rent?”

“You’ll figure something out.”

“Uh-huh, I can sense the sarcasm in your voice,” Kaveh pointed out as he crossed his arms.

“I’m serious. The opportunity might even land itself on your lap.”

“Regardless, I’m not dropping him. He’s not bad enough to make me dread working with him and since he’s away for the next couple of months we’ll only be communicating through letters. He’s much more tolerable in his writing than in person.”

“Speaking of letters, we got mail today,” Alhaitham said. “I left the ones addressed to you on the counter.”

“You couldn’t bring them over to the table?” Kaveh complained as he got up and retrieved his letters.

“Why would I do that? Bringing them over to the table might get them dirty.”

“And is the counter really better for that?”

“Since there’s no food on the counter, yes.”

“We’re not even having soup tonight, it’ll be fine,” Kaveh insisted as he returned to his seat.

Kaveh took a moment to sort through his mail, eyes scanning across each and every address to see who sent them. He had a letter from a client, some junk mail, a letter from a prospective client, and finally…

“Oh! The Fontaine Research Institute sent me something!” Kaveh exclaimed as he tore open the letter. “I wonder what they want…”

“If the letter is in Fontainian script, I can help translate,” Alhaitham offered.

“No need,” Kaveh replied as he skimmed over the contents of the letter. “They wrote it in Sumerian.” He looked up from the letter to grin at Alhaitham. “They want to invite me over to teach a small course on architecture.”

“All the way over in Fontaine?”

“Uh-huh, you know how the Akademiya sometimes hosts those events where they invite some big-shot to talk about their area of expertise? It’s the same thing, only they’re trying to get people from other nations to come to their institute as well.”

“So the Light of Ksahrewar has been invited to teach some courses on architecture in Fontaine,” Alhaitham mused to himself as he crossed his arms. “What an achievement.”

“Hey, it’s a cool opportunity and I haven’t left Sumeru in years,” Kaveh defended himself as he continued to read. “The pay isn’t bad and they said they’ll cover the expenses for the stay.”

He turned the letter around and showed it to Alhaitham, pointing toward the section that stated it. Alhaitham nodded in approval.

“It doesn’t seem bad.”

“Doesn’t seem bad?! They’re offering me more than what I get in a month and they are paying for my stay. It’s amazing! This is like a paid vacation!”

“How long is the course?”

“The course itself is five days, but I think they’re offering to let me stay for a week.”

“Are you going?”

“I think I will go. I’d be a fool if I turned this down, right?”

“You should go,” Alhaitham nodded in agreement. “This could be something good for you, and you can never go wrong with a change in scenery.”

Kaveh was surprised that Alhaitham was agreeing with him. Normally, he would question Kaveh’s decisions, bring up counterpoints or even outright tell Kaveh that he did not believe the decision was good, but for once none of that was happening. In fact, he was even encouraging it. It was like the person before him was someone else entirely, and Kaveh immediately grew suspicious. Alhaitham was an opportunist who only engaged in things that benefited him. So this begged the question: what could this opportunity have in store for Alhaitham?

“You just want the house to yourself for a few days again, don’t you?” Kaveh asked as he lifted an eyebrow in suspicion.

“I do not take as much joy being alone in this house as you may think I do,” Alhaitham answered as he went back to eating.

“You say that as if you’ll miss me,” Kaveh teased as he too returned to his meal.

“Is that hard to believe? That I’ll miss you when you’re gone?”

Kaveh’s face reddened as his eyes trained onto his plate, refusing to look Alhaitham in the eye. How did Alhaitham manage to say the sweetest things in the crudest way? He wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or frustrated.

“Speaking of people who miss you, your mother lives in Fontaine, right? Are you going to see her?”

At the mention of his mother, Kaveh felt his heart drop. It had been some time since they last saw each other in person. Kaveh terribly missed her, and yet, he still hesitated.

Kaveh opened his mouth to respond but stopped, realizing he didn’t know how to explain his feelings to Alhaitham. He wasn’t even sure if Alhaitham would understand the complicated jargon jumbled up inside his mind. Part of him wanted nothing more than to see her again, but another part of him was still that little boy who was convinced that everything was his fault. Did he really want to subject his mother to the sight of him again?

It seemed like he didn’t need to vocalize his thoughts anyway. Noticing Kaveh’s struggle, Alhaitham nodded in understanding. “You haven’t spoken to her in a while, haven’t you?”

“I don’t want to bother her, and she has a family to look after.”

“And you’re her family too,” Alhaitham pointed out. “I’m sure she has the same reservations you do and is waiting for you to be the first to reach out.”

Kaveh laughed half-heartedly. “You’re saying I should reach out?”

“You’re her son, any mother should be delighted to see her son again. Worst case scenario, she’s busy.”

“Worst case scenario, she’s busy,” Kaveh repeated.

He needed to hear that reminder. The cursed thoughts in his head had to be dispelled. Alhaitham was right after all. She would love nothing more than to see him again. But then again, it had been years since they last saw each other. The last time had been her wedding and Kaveh left the next morning as he did not want to overstay his welcome. What if she had completely moved on? What if she was only sending those letters out of mere obligation and not because she truly desired to speak with him?

Kaveh fought his spiraling thoughts. He had to pull himself together. He knew better, so why was he still plagued by them?

With a sigh, Kaveh offered Alhaitham a smile. “I’ll send her a letter and ask.”

“Then I hope you are able to see her again,” Alhaitham replied as he lifted his drink.

For a fleeting moment, Kaveh thought he caught a hint of a smile on Alhaitham’s face before it was hidden away by his drink. Kaveh couldn’t help but smile back, excitement for what was to come flowing through his veins.

Kaveh would send the letter to his mother after dinner and spend the next two weeks fretting over it. Though he had checked the contents of the letter three times and then a fourth for good measure, his nerves were still eating him from the inside. It was two weeks with Kaveh checking the mail every time he stepped inside his home in the hopes that his mother’s letter would be in the mailbox. Two weeks with Kaveh nervously pacing around his room as he thought about his mother wondering what her reaction to the letter would be. Would she be happy? Excited? Disappointed? Annoyed? Every scenario Kaveh came up with was no help. Nothing was satisfying him, and he was pretty sure his nerves were only aiding him in misconstruing things.

Just the other night, he spent about ten minutes pacing back and forth in the study as he tried (and failed) to come up with something to fix his project. Though he never saw it, he felt Alhaitham’s worried gaze on him as he paced around the room and mumbled to himself before finally sitting down and tackling the task at hand. By the time Kaveh dared to turn and look at Alhaitham, his roommate was back to his reading, eyebrows scrunched together in concentration as his eyes scanned over the text.

The letter came when he least expected it. He was in the living room, sitting on the coffee table with tools laid about, as he ran a quick maintenance check on Mehrak's system when Alhaitham stepped through the door.

“Welcome back,” Kaveh greeted as he continued working on Mehrak. “How was work?”

“Nothing of note happened today,” Alhaitham replied. “Is dinner ready?”

“Yeah, I cooked something simple for you, it's on the stove.”

He thought Alhaitham would leave to have dinner but instead, he remained in the foyer, staring at Kaveh in bewilderment as he asked, “You’re not having dinner?”

“No, I ate something earlier so I’m not hungry right now.”

Kaveh did not miss the disappointment in Alhaitham’s voice as he replied, “I see.”

Once more, Kaveh expected Alhaitham to walk away but to his surprise, Alhaitham crossed over to the table and placed something on top of it. Kaveh turned, meeting Alhaitham’s gaze to question what he was doing when Alhaitham silently pointed at the object he dropped.

“It’s from Fontaine,” Alhaitham explained.

Kaveh’s mouth formed into the shape of an ‘o’ before he grabbed the envelope and looked at the address.The moment he laid eyes on the address, his heart started racing. It was undeniably from his mother. His mother sent him a letter.

With trembling hands, he tore open the envelope and took out the letter inside, unfolding the creases and straightening it out before reading the content on the sheet of paper.

“What did she say?” Alhaitham asked in curiosity.

“She wants to see me before the course starts.”

“That’s great. Will it just be the two of you?”

“No.” Kaveh shook his head. “My step-family will be there too.”

“You don’t know them very well, do you?”

“Well, I met them before but it was years ago. I think Sylvie was only seven and Louis was nine. They’ve got to be teenagers by now.”

He barely got to know his step family when he was last there. Between the wedding and other family members present, he was positive he never even got a moment alone to properly bond with his step-siblings. The entire time he was there he felt like an outcast as if he didn’t belong there, and that he was the blemish to an otherwise perfect family.

Seeing them again wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he’ll finally get to know them. But it had been so long since they met and his siblings were already starting to grow up. Seven years is a lifetime to children, and he would have missed so much in that time. What would they think of their elder brother who was never around? Would they even be interested in forming a relationship with him?

Alhaitham’s eyes remained trained on Kaveh as he stepped forward, eyebrows knitted together as he said, “I know you can handle it on your own but being surrounded by people you barely know and are expected to treat with familiarity won’t be easy for anyone. If you need a familiar face around for support…” Alhaitham paused, hesitation spreading across his face before stating, “I can come with.”

Alhaitham looked at Kaveh with so much gentleness and care, it made his heart skip several beats.

“I…” Kaveh’s face grew hot as his words escaped him. “I don’t know…”

“It’s just an offer, you can reject it if you don’t want to,” Alhaitham assured him. “I’ll let you think about it for a bit. In the meantime, I’m going to have dinner—

“Wait.”

Alhaitham remained standing where he was, peering down at Kaveh in surprise as he tilted his head as if to say go on.

“It would be nice to have you come with me,” Kaveh stated. “The Institute did say they will cover the expenses of a plus one if I brought somebody with me and I do owe you something after everything you’ve done for me.”

Alhaitham snorted as if he wanted to refute the statement but remained silent, allowing Kaveh to continue.

“And I’m not taking your offer just because I want a familiar face around, it’s also because I’m not opposed to the idea of you coming with me. Not having you around will make me feel…” Kaveh twiddled his fingers together as he thought of the appropriate word to finish his sentence off. “Well, let's just say things would feel strange if you’re not there.”

He wasn’t sure how he managed to maintain his gaze on Alhaitham after his confession but he did it, fighting off every urge to look away in order to save face. At first, Alhaitham could only stare at Kaveh in shock, teal eyes blown wide open as he processed Kaveh’s words. Then, Alhaitham’s lips quivered into something that could only be a smile. A teasing one at that, the kind of smile that made one’s eyes crinkle with mirth as they held back a laugh.

“Kaveh, are you saying that you would miss me in the time you would be over there?”

“No,” Kaveh quickly denied, turning his head away as the blush on his face spread to his ear and neck. His eyes darted between Mehrak and Alhaitham as he quietly added, “And if I did, you’d never get that out of me.”

Alhaitham hummed in an amused tone, clearly not believing Kaveh’s words. “Then it’s settled. We’re going to Fontaine next month.”

Kaveh watched as Alhaitham walked over to the kitchen, his steps surprisingly more animated than usual. After he disappeared into the other room, Kaveh closed his eyes, willing his heart to calm down.

He was going to Fontaine. With Alhaitham. Somehow, the idea of it left him feeling excited more than anything.

He hoped the excitement would outweigh the storm of anxiety he knew he was going to have when the time for the trip came.