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“-and that’s why I pay you the big bucks to take care of this shit.” Tony snaps, running a hand back through his hair. “You should have told me the production line was down and I would have had it fixed yesterday.” He mentally runs the numbers, but Pepper’s usually the one on top of things like this. He tries not to be bitter about the fact that her honeymoon coincides with one of the busiest times at Stark Industries. He knows she and Happy are having a fantastic time, they’re on an island for crying out loud, but he wishes she’d left someone more competent in her place. He lets the man simper for a moment longer and snaps at him to get his shit together before he hangs up.
He needs to take a walk and cool off. He pulls off the street into the first available parking spot and throws his phone down into the cup holder as he kills the engine. His mind immediately goes to the bottle of whiskey in his penthouse at the Avengers Tower, but he knows that’s a terrible idea. He’s trying to be better about the drinking and be a little more reliable now that he’s no longer dying. There’s a team that relies on him from time to time and he never knows when the next mission is going to call. He’s learned the hard way that he can’t be intoxicated trying to fly around and save civilians.
He forces himself up and out of the car, grabbing his phone at the last second. The car chirps behind him while he crosses the street, keys buried in his pocket now as he meanders through the streets of Brooklyn. He doesn’t have any destination in mind, all he knows is that he needs to keep moving and find a way out of this headspace. He ducks into the first clothing store he can find, grabbing a too large hoodie in black that he pays for in cash. The teenage girl behind the register doesn’t even blink, popping her bubblegum as she hands over his change. He rips off the tag and tugs it over his head, grateful he’s kept his sunglasses on. The last thing he wants is some stranger deciding to approach for a photo op and an autograph when he’s like this. Public opinion hasn’t mattered much over the years, but he’s trying for the sake of his team. God, he’s trying.
He’s made it six blocks before the hair prickles on the back of his neck. Instinctively, he rubs at his left wrist and tells himself the ache is nonexistent. It’s the one weakness he refuses to acknowledge these days. Shrapnel nearing his heart every day? Stopped only by the arc reactor living in his chest? He’s damn proud of it. But his arm? It’s a weakness he can’t afford anyone knowing about. He’s fairly certain he can act quick enough to stop a pursuer, but then he remembers Ivan Vanko and grimaces. Maybe not.
He casually glances over his shoulder. The shadow moves fast, but he’s still sure he saw someone only a few steps behind. He shoves a hand down into his pocket, thumbing his phone and weighing the need to call backup. It’s probably nothing. Bruce is at a conference in Connecticut, Clint and Natasha are undercover in Central America, and Steve is chasing down ghosts of Hydra in Eastern Europe. He tries to tell himself backup isn’t needed - he doesn’t even know if there’s a threat stalking him - but he adjusts his watch and readies his gauntlet around his wrist all the same. The weight is familiar in his palm and his shoulders relax incrementally as he continues to walk.
The next time he looks over his shoulder, he catches a glimpse of a fugitive in the wind and frowns. Why the hell is James Buchanan Barnes walking around downtown Brooklyn?
-
Tony tiredly scrubs a hand over his face before picking up his cup, shaking a couple of ice chips out onto his tongue. He’s been sitting outside one of Brooklyn’s cafes for the last two hours, hoping for another fleeting glance of the man who has been shadowing him for the last week. He has no idea why the Winter Soldier is dogging him so closely, but he’s felt the solid presence every time he’s left the tower over the last few days. At first he thought maybe he’d been imagining it, but he’s certain he’s seen the man twice at a reasonable distance. He’d even triple checked the files Steve had shared with him after the fiasco in D.C. just to make sure.
Steve. Tony knows he owes him a call, but he’s still not sure what he should say. ‘Hey, I think your old war buddy is following me and I don’t know why’ doesn’t seem like a great conversation starter. Besides, if this guy wanted Steve to know, then he wouldn’t be hanging around downtown Brooklyn. He would have walked into the tower on his own and asked for Steve. He doesn’t know why he decides to protect the man’s privacy, but he supposes it’s the least he can do after decades have been stripped from the soldier.
So he waits.
Another hour crawls by and there’s no sign of the man. He doesn’t doubt he’s in the vicinity, but wherever he is he must be hidden in plain sight-
“Oh.” He huffs a quiet laugh to himself, pretending to check his phone. He checks the apartments in his peripheral and sure enough, he catches a glimpse of silver in the reflection. “Sly dog.” He murmurs, getting up at last. He throws down a tip for whoever will clean his table, tossing a mouthful of ice chips onto his tongue before heading to the run-down building where his mysterious stalker awaits.
Barnes is waiting on the top floor just outside of his apartment, arms crossed over his chest. He doesn’t say anything, merely jerks his chin over his shoulder and Tony accepts the invitation inside. The apartment is practically empty. There’s a small side table that’s holding a lamp and a journal resting on top of a coaster, a small TV on the floor, and a mattress that’s seen better days covered in a threadbare blanket. Simplicity at its finest.
“Is this all dumpster diving gets you these days?” Tony asks, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his day. “You need to pick a better part of town to get your furniture.”
“Funny.” The man’s lips actually do lift up briefly at the corners as Tony glances at him. Tony’s kept himself at an angle and Barnes hasn’t turned his back. They’re both laden with trust issues.
“Is now the right time to ask why you’ve been following me?” He raises an eyebrow and Barnes has the decency to look embarrassed. “You’re a terrible spy, by the way. Saw you coming a mile away. How on earth did you stay hidden for decades?” He says it as a joke, but the clarity strikes a split second later. “You wanted me to know.”
“Guess you are as smart as they say.” He says flatly.
“Why are you asking around about my intelligence?” He considers crossing his arms, but he doesn’t want to appear closed off. Something tells him this is hard for the soldier and he needs a chance to collect his thoughts. Tony’s not soft with anyone by any means, but he is trying to be less of an asshole.
“You should be able to figure that out.”
“Cute.” Tony doesn’t hide his eye roll. “What do you want me to call you? Stalker? Wannabe bodyguard? The Terminator? Hey, I kind of like that one.”
“James.” He flicks his tongue out over his lips. “I’m not…I don’t know if I’m Bucky anymore. James for now.”
“James Dean, got it.” Tony can’t help the quip and smirks as James gives him an unimpressed look. “You know, your old war buddy is off in Europe right now chasing whispers of you.”
“I know. I left a trail for him to follow.”
“But you didn’t want him to know you were stateside. Why?”
“Not yet. Hydra…it’s never going to be fully gone. I sent him to take care of some bases that were still operational. I wasn’t even sure I wanted you to know I was here.”
Tony studies him as he talks. His hair is longer now, just brushing the tops of his shoulders, and there’s a few days worth of growth happening on his face. There are bags under his eyes that rival Tony’s own. But what really keeps his attention is James’ left arm. It’s hanging at an awkward angle and he’s shying away from it like it hurts to put any pressure against. He tilts his head in consideration, thinking back to the pictures he’d seen.
“How bad is the damage?” He nods toward the appendage and knows he’s hit the mark when James tenses up. “You’re talking to a guy that has shrapnel in his chest.” He says bluntly.
Slowly, James removes the black jacket he’s wearing. He grinds his teeth as he works to free his arm and Tony sucks in a breath. The metal is mangled all around his shoulder, as though something attempted to rip his arm off and couldn’t quite get the job done. The metal fingers twitch briefly and Tony pretends not to notice the man’s grimace. “Ended up on the wrong side of a fight,” he says by way of explanation.
“Did you bully a zoo gorilla?” He asks, extending his hand and waiting until he gets a nod of approval. There’s a quiet laugh in response.
“Something like that.” He goes completely still as Tony closes the distance between them and delicately probes the metal.
“Might have been better if they’d taken the whole thing off. Are you able to feel any sensations like hot or cold?”
“No-“ James sucks in a breath as he touches a piece of metal embedded in the man’s shoulder. “That’s the only area where I feel anything.”
“Rudimentary at best.” Tony says with a sigh of disdain. Hydra had been ahead of their time in some ways thanks to the Tesseract, but still basic in others. “I’ve got a state of the art lab in the Avengers Tower and-“
“Not there. Too many people will notice.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. Fair enough. “I’m building a new compound anyhow. State of the art labs and all kinds of new toys for me to try. It’s out of the way and no one has access except me and a handful of construction workers at the moment. Why don’t you swing by tonight?”
“Do you even have strong enough metal?” James asks, withdrawing his arm to put his jacket back on. “The repairs-“
“I can handle getting my hands on what I need. Tonight. 9 if you decide to show up. I’ll bring takeout.” He steps out of the man’s space and slides his hands into his pockets. “Try not to go near any gorilla enclosures in the meantime.”
“I won’t.” James snorts. “Don’t…” He seems to wrestle with himself for a moment and Tony takes the hint.
“Never saw you. Steve doesn’t need to know.” He says simply. He turns away, putting his back to the former weapon, and makes his way to the door. “Maybe I’ll see you later.” He leaves it open as an invitation, hoping that the man won’t take it as an order. He’s got freedom now and Tony doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize whatever fragile trust there seems to be. He doesn’t understand why James is coming to him, but he’s smart enough to understand its significance. He just hopes he doesn’t screw this up.
-
He’s three coffees in when the lab door quietly opens. Honestly, had he been engaged with his work, he wouldn’t have noticed. But he’s been anxiously looking at the clock for the last three minutes and has become hyper aware of every noise in the vicinity. 9:03. “You’re late.”
“Hardly.” James snorts quietly, slowly making his way over to where Tony’s cleared a space to work. “Traffic.”
“You drive?” Tony asks, pulling down a screen so he can check the parking area. There’s a classic older motorcycle resting there and he hums his approval. “Not half bad.”
“Sorry if it don’t impress you, I don’t have the access to your kind of money.” It takes a moment to recognize he’s making a joke and then Tony laughs, bright and warm.
“It’s a start.” He gestures to the table and pulls down another screen. “Sit on there and I’ll do some scans. I’ll talk you through every step of the way and if you want me to stop, all you have to do is say the word.” He regards the soldier for a moment. “I mean it. I’m not going to judge you if you need to take a break.” He softens his tone a little. “Once the scans are done, I can start working with the vibranium I got my hands on. You were in luck. My father got his hands on a little more after the war. I think he was hoping to make another shield for Steve, but they never found him in time.”
“Sounds like Howard.” Lips twitch in a faint smile. “I changed my mind, by the way.”
“About fixing your arm?” Tony raises an eyebrow.
“No,” he snorts. “You can call me Bucky.”
“Terminator is still my favorite, but I’ll take your suggestion under consideration. Why the change of heart?”
“James doesn’t fit the way I wish it did. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the Bucky that he knew, but I’m learning to be okay with that. Read through more of his journals today. I can’t…I don’t remember much of it. Snatches sometimes.” He hops up on the table and carefully shrugs out of his jacket. He’s unable to mask the pain he’s in, but Tony doesn’t comment on it.
“You think it’s better you don’t remember?” Tony asks before he can help himself.
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I asked, keep up.” Bucky gives him an unimpressed look and he sighs. “You know my story?”
“Enough. Kidnapped, tortured, you built a suit and made your escape. Nearly died in the alien attack on New York.” Bucky ticks off the highlights. “Heard about Ivan Vanko, too.”
“He was nothing.” Tony rolls his eyes. “I remember most of my time being kidnapped. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t.” It’s something he doesn’t admit to, but he knows from the Winter Soldier’s file that he went through some pretty fucked up things, too. This doesn’t put them on even footing, but it’s a sliver of common ground. Maybe he can get Bucky to trust him. Get him help and outside of his shitty apartment in Brooklyn.
“I don’t know if it’s better to remember or forget.” Bucky says with a small shake of his head. “You need me to stay still during this?”
“No, it won’t disrupt the scanning.” Tony says. “You okay for it to start?”
“Yeah.”
They both go quiet again as Tony instructs JARVIS to do his bidding. It takes two hours to get the scans finished and a prototype 3D printed, but he’s feeling pretty damn good at the end of it. On cue, the takeout arrives as Bucky sets down the sample arm and they take a break. Tony knows that this first arm won’t be perfect, but he offers regular maintenance and upgrades as he takes a hefty bite of lo mein. He’s surprised when Bucky agrees after a moment of consideration and bites down on his smile. Everyone’s gotta start somewhere.
-
It becomes a habit. Twice a week, Tony sits down at a cafe in Brooklyn and after the first hour passes, Bucky joins him. The first two times, Bucky is completely silent and withdrawn from him. He’s not sure what changed their dynamic, but something tells him it involves the dark circles under the man’s eyes. It’s only halfway through the second week when Bucky sighs, slouching into a more relaxed position and resting his arm on the table. “It’s too heavy.”
“Yeah?” Tony stops chewing on his straw and tosses it into his empty cup. “I can fix that. Is there a specific part that’s too heavy? Wrist? Elbow? At the shoulder?”
“All of it.” Bucky shrugs and looks away, clearly uncomfortable despite him bringing it up. Tony hums in consideration and scratches his goatee.
“Come by the compound tonight and I’ll take a look. I’ve got some other options.” He offers.
“You don’t have enough vibranium to make me more of these.” Bucky says flatly.
“I can repurpose some of this arm and give you a different prototype in the meantime. It won’t be as sturdy, but you should be fine until the new arm is ready.”
“Why?” Bucky asks, leaning back in his chair. Tony doesn’t buckle under his scrutinous gaze, but it’s a damn near thing. He’s used to being under the microscope, his name is always in the press, but this feels different. “Why are you doing this?”
“Sometimes we all need a helping hand.” Tony drops his sunglasses down over his eyes, giving himself a chance to hide. “I’m not big on charity. Never really needed it. When I got back from overseas, people were always trying to help me. I resented it at first. I didn’t want their pity, didn’t need their help, and managed to piss off everyone I cared about. I built my armor as a way to protect myself. I never wanted to be a superhero, all I wanted was to get my weapons out of the hands of the wrong people.”
“Cute. Is this going anywhere?”
“Relax, James Dean. I’ll cut to the point.” Tony drums his fingers along the table and sighs. “Point is, I pushed away the people I cared about because I was scared to let anyone in. Especially once I found out someone I trusted was behind my kidnapping. But I can’t do everything alone. Nearly died a few times because I stubbornly thought it was my way or the highway. Lesson learned.” He presses his lips into a thin line. “I’m not saying you need my help, but I’m offering it. No strings attached. This doesn’t have to mean anything and when you’ve got the arm right where you want it, you can disappear again and I’ll never tell a soul. Scout’s honor.”
“You weren’t any kind of scout.”
“Ah, so you’ve read up on me.” Tony smirks and Bucky rolls his eyes.
“Something like that.” Barnes taps one gloved metal finger against the table. “Thanks.” He walks away without another word and Tony nods, watching him go.
-
It’s another two weeks before he sees Bucky again. He knows the man has been watching him, but he’s stayed away and out of sight. Tony knocks on the apartment door with a poppy seed bagel and a cup of hot chocolate, waiting for the door to finally swing open. “Got you some things.” He thrusts the items into Bucky’s arms, sauntering past him into the apartment. “Where have you been?”
There’s no response at first and the hair prickles on the back of Tony’s neck. It’s the only warning before he has the gauntlet wrapped around his hand, extremely grateful the tech is incorporated into his watch. He deflects the wild punch, heart slamming into his ribs as he turns to find the soldier reeling back. Bucky spits curses in Russian and German, flying quickly between the two languages, and Tony’s head spins as he tries to keep up. He takes his own step back, hands raised in a non threatening manner, and tries to keep his voice steady.
“Bucky. Hey, you know me.” He says, waiting for a flash of recognition. The multilingual curses slam to a halt as the man cocks his head. “It’s okay. I'm not here to hurt you and it’s just me, no one else.” He slowly lowers his hands, keeping them in sight as Bucky tracks the movement. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”
“You shouldn’t be here.” Bucky grits out between his teeth. “Why are you?” His voice is rough, betraying the lack of sleep along with the heavy circles under his eyes. Worry strikes Tony’s heart and he frowns, unsure of the best way forward.
“Came to check on you and the arm. I haven’t seen you in a while.” He settles for the truth and runs a hand back through his hair, or makes an attempt. Bucky’s entire body goes tense and Tony freezes midway through the motion.
“You should go.” Bucky snaps the words out, his breath still coming a little too quickly for Tony’s liking.
“Or maybe I shouldn’t.” He glances from side to side, and decides he might as well sit on the floor, leaning back against the wall. Bucky eyes him with mistrust, still standing by the open door, and Tony gestures at the opposite wall. “Relax, Tin Man. Have a seat.”
“You’ve got a death wish.” Bucky growls out. He doesn’t sit, but he does lean against the wall after a moment and Tony counts it as a win.
“Everyone tells me that.” He leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes. It’s a dumb move, but he’s got a whole arsenal of those at his disposal.
“Maybe you should listen to those people.” Bucky snorts softly.
“Maybe. Don’t ever tell Pep that I said that, she’s never let me hear the end of it.” He chuckles to himself. “Best friend. She’s kind of my Steve.”
“Fiery redhead in charge of your company. I’ve read all about her.” Bucky says.
“You do research on everyone or are we just special?” Tony opens his eyes again and rolls his head to the side a little as he regards Bucky.
“You’re not special.” Bucky drawls out, a ghost of a smile appearing. “You’re full of yourself, you know that?”
“The best people are.” Tony quotes his father and immediately grimaces.
“Howard used to say that.”
“Yeah, an unfortunate thing I picked up from him. He wasn’t the world’s greatest father. Certainly not runner-up for any of those kinds of awards either.” Tony says humorlessly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Tony’s voice sharpens a little and ends the discussion. He drags a tired hand over his face. “You’re all holed up here on your own. You lonely?”
“Sometimes.”
“Me too. You’d think that I wouldn’t be because I’m surrounded by people, but I am. It’s why I keep finding myself in Brooklyn of all places.”
“Thought you came for your morning bagel.”
“Cute.” Tony scratches his goatee and brings a knee up to his chest, draping an arm over it. “You don’t have to be alone. I can set you up in the Avengers Tower. Better yet, the compound. They’re getting ready to finish one of the wings. It can just be yours until you’re ready.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t try.” Bucky hums in response and they both go quiet again. Tony doesn’t press, knowing they’re at some kind of crossroads. He doesn’t expect Bucky to take him up on it, but there’s plenty of time to figure things out.
-
“Goldilocks.” Tony doesn’t even look up as the door to his new lab slides open. “I’m almost done with arm number three. Have a seat.” He gestures at the table where Bucky normally sits and glances over as he hopes up. “You finally decide which room is yours?”
“I never said I was moving in.” Bucky’s lips pull at the corners and Tony chuckles to himself, turning back to his schematics. “What are you working on?”
“Suit upgrades.” Tony swipes on the screen and waves it off. “Always finding kinks in the system. Upgrades help me stay on top of things.”
“What kind of upgrade are you doing this time?” It’s the most interest Bucky’s shown on his inventions in weeks and he’s all too happy to start explaining the developing nanotech that he’s eager to incorporate into his suit. He’s starting small, the technology isn’t there yet to apply everywhere, but it’s a step in the right direction. As he talks, Bucky unbuttons his shirt and removes it so Tony can start poking and prodding at his arm.
For once, silence doesn’t fall between them. Bucky asks questions about modern day technological advancements and Tony’s eager to show off. He runs calibrations on the arm while they talk, urging Bucky to test his range of motion and the weight of it. He knows he will inevitably make a new arm, but he looks forward to the challenge. The first was too heavy, the second was too light, but he doesn’t expect the third to be flawless. Still, he’ll work at it for however long it takes. Ever since Bruce up and disappeared, Tony’s been longing for company while working in the lab. Bucky’s a nice distraction and, if he’s being perfectly honest with himself? He isn’t bad on the eyes.
Nothing can ever come of those thoughts. Bucky’s from a different time altogether and dating men is probably a little too advanced for him. Not that Tony shies away from the subject. No, he’s thrown his bisexuality into conversation twice now. Bucky has only hummed and nodded along, but he’s never acknowledged it or asked what it means. Tony wonders if it’s just another thing the man has researched on his own time. He knows Bucky keeps a mental list of terms that he doesn’t understand and looks them up when he’s got time.
“You okay with me staying here tonight?” He asks when they’ve finished their takeout and cleaned up the lab. He normally wouldn’t bother, but Bucky’s got a habit of picking up the trash Tony scatters in his workspace throughout the week.
“In the lab?” Bucky’s brow wrinkles and Tony laughs quietly.
“Maybe.” He admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “My bedroom was technically the first one done here. I thought I’d use this place a lot more than I have been. I like the solitude, it helps me get more work done. At the tower, everyone always needs something from me.” He confesses.
“Your place. You can come and go as you please.” Bucky says, shrugging his good shoulder. “You won’t be the thing that keeps me up at night.” It’s the closest he’s come to admitting he has nightmares and Tony’s filled with a burst of pride.
“It’s mutual.” Tony says, keeping his gaze of the now spotless table he’s wiping down again. “You won’t be the thing that keeps me up at night either.”
“Good to know.” He risks looking up then and finds Bucky smiling a little. Good.
-
Tony wakes drenched in sweat, his heart hammering against his ribs as bile crawls up his throat. He barely makes it out of bed, vomiting on the floor only a few steps from his bathroom. Shit. He wipes the corner of his mouth and steps around the problem he’s made for himself, moving into the bathroom to splash water on his face and rinse the acrid taste from his mouth. Checking his watch, he sees that it’s only just past 1 and he knows he won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon.
Once the floor is cleaned up and he’s showered, fresh clothes are thrown on and he wakes his way back to the lab to work. He’d been there only a couple of hours ago working on the latest batch of upgrades for Bucky’s new arm. He settles in at his workbench, bringing up scans and schematics for half a dozen projects. He swipes through each until he finds something that will keep him busy enough and sets to work, rolling out the tools he needs and opening all the files on his current project.
It’s still not enough to settle his mind. He flinches from every noise he hears, every muscle in his back tensing as he waits for the inevitable. His body is turned so he’s facing the door, determined not to be caught off-guard like he was the last time, so he’s not surprised when he sees Bucky’s legs shuffle toward the door. Still, he doesn’t speak as the other man enters the room. He stays focused on the task at hand, grunting to acknowledge his presence, and tries to steady his hands a little more while he works. He can’t afford to fuck this up.
“Coffee?” The word jars him for a moment and he looks up, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t look at me like that. You want a cup or not?” Bucky gestures at the high tech machine across the room. Tony nods, holding his gaze for a split second before he gets back to work. He knows maybe he should offer some kind of explanation, ask why Barnes is even there, but he still feels fragile and raw right now. Their conversation might be better in the light of day when he’s not flinching from every shadow.
A perfect cup of coffee is set down within his reach a few minutes later. Bucky doesn’t say anything at first, content to sit at a table a few feet away, and Tony feels a little more settled with someone there to watch his back. He drinks the coffee slowly between tasks, determined to finish this project, and Bucky refills the mug when it’s empty. Better than Bruce who would also chastise him for drinking too much of the stuff. He tightens the next screw, reaching for a pair of pliers at the end of the table, and Bucky finally speaks.
“I’ve been thinking about moving out of my apartment. Lease it almost up.” Bucky says, his voice a low murmur that soothes Tony as he listens. He doesn’t respond, but he angles himself so that the other man knows he’s being heard. “I’m not too attached to anything there. The furniture is falling apart anyhow.” Tony huffs a quiet laugh in agreement. He’s been saying that for weeks now. “Thought maybe I could be more permanent here. I’m still not ready to see him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready. This feels like the right move.”
“You’re welcome to do whatever you want.” Tony finally speaks, dragging his tongue over his lips before he clears his throat. “I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t do.”
“I know.” Bucky says quietly. “I know.”
Silence settles between them again, but the sliver of tension is gone from the air. Tony doesn’t have it in him to strike up another conversation, but that’s okay. Bucky talks enough for both of them. He steers clear of anything remotely triggering, highlighting a few places around the world he’s visited and things he’s been catching up on. They stay like that until the sun comes up, chasing away the last of Tony’s ghosts. He doesn’t thank Bucky, but he doesn’t think he needs to. Maybe they both needed this. They’re both a little bit broken, but somehow the fractured pieces fit together. Something settles in his chest and it feels a lot like love.
-
For the next few weeks, they fall into a pattern. Tony’s not sure how it happens, but it feels like gravity keeps pulling them in the same direction. In the middle of the night, when the shadows are too long and the memories are too much, they find themselves in the workshop. Sometimes neither of them has the bandwidth to speak. Tony likes those nights the least. He prefers the ones where Bucky starts talking about the things he remembers from his childhood or dumb stories about his buddies from the war. And when Bucky’s lost in his own head, Tony talks about his college days and early career with stories about the dumb shit he did. They refill their coffee mugs and for just a little while, it’s just the two of them housed in this bubble.
Tonight’s a rough one. Tony can’t get his hands to stop shaking and he’s frustrated. He snaps, cursing at himself every time he makes a mistake, and swears up and down that he should scrap the project and start over. Bucky’s saved the schematics from the trash twice now, trying to soothe him with reassurances that he’ll figure it out. He knows he will on a good day, but today isn’t one of those and he doesn’t have the patience for it anymore. He throws a tool across the workshop when a piece of it snaps and watches with no satisfaction as it clangs against one of the metal tables before sliding across the floor.
“I think you’re done.” Bucky murmurs from behind him. He turns, lip curled in anger and ready to spit venom at the other man, but something in Bucky’s expression makes him halt. He shudders, forcing himself to take a deep breath, and drops his gaze as a flicker of shame comes to life.
“Sorry.” He swallows around the word that’s been foreign to him for most of his life.
“Don’t be. I tried to kill you once. Probably more than once.” Bucky shrugs one shoulder. “Do you trust me?”
“What?” The question completely throws Tony as he looks back up. “If I didn’t trust you, you wouldn’t have access to my lab. That was an accident and I didn’t read the situation right.”
“Not what I’m talking about. In general.” Bucky gestures around them. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” He doesn’t hesitate and a surprised, pleased smile dawns on the other man’s face.
“Then come with me. We’re going to try something.” He steps away and Tony follows, curiosity winning over anything else in the moment. He’s surprised when Bucky leads him back to the soldier’s bedroom, gesturing for him to lay in the bed.
“Sex is your brilliant idea?” He asks before he can help himself. Bucky snorts, shaking his head as he pulls back the sheets.
“Just lay down.”
“Okay.” He hesitates for only a second before he takes off his shoes and slides under the covers. He starts to face Bucky, but the other man shakes his head and pushes him to roll over. “Bossy, I like it.”
“Dork.” Bucky shuffles closer until he’s pressed against Tony’s back. He doesn’t wrap an arm around him or anything like that, but he’s slotted in perfectly behind Tony and his weight is reassuring. “Steve used to have nightmares all the time. When they got too bad, we would do this until he’d fall back asleep. He’d do the same for me.” His voice is soft and vulnerable, fragile in a way that Tony hasn’t seen. So he leans himself back fully into Bucky’s chest and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“Hard to imagine the star spangled man with no plan having nightmares.” As soon as he says it, he regrets it. Steve is no stranger to the horrors of war. There’s bound to be things Tony’s never considered that plague the other man’s mind. Thankfully, Bucky doesn’t comment on it beyond a quiet chuckle that he’s certain is directed at the nickname.
“Get some sleep, Tony.” Bucky’s chin settles on top of his head and he relaxes further. He feels…safe. So he lets himself sink back into a dreamless oblivion and for the first time in weeks, he rests.
-
Cuddling at night has become a habit. Tony’s not sure when he stopped going to bed alone, all their weeks together are blurring together, but he has a new nightly routine. He lays down on his side, facing Bucky while the man gets changed into sleepwear, and slides his arm under his pillow. “You ever regret this?” He asks as Bucky peels back the covers.
“Regret cuddling?” Bucky’s brow furrows in confusion and he chuckles.
“No. Maybe a little. But no.” He traces his thumb against the pillowcase. “Coming to me and not Steve.”
“No. Steve…I know he deserves to know.” Bucky begins, his mouth pulling down at the corners. “I wasn’t ready. I’m still not and I’ve realized…I don’t know if I ever will be. That doesn’t mean I won’t tell him, but it’s hard to think about. I don’t want to let him down. I’m not the man that I was, the one he knew all those years ago.”
“He’s not the same either. People grow and change all the time, Bucky.” Tony says gently. He reaches over, tapping a finger against the man’s chest. “You’ll learn who the other person has become and build something new.”
“Something new, huh?” Bucky asks, reaching up with metal fingers and covering Tony’s hand. He’s a little breathless under Bucky’s considering gaze as their fingers lace together. “Is that right?”
“Something like that.” Tony doesn’t remember moving closer, but he’s barely a breath away as he looks up into Bucky’s eyes. He’s not sure what he’s searching for, but he finds it all the same. Their lips connect and he breathes out, eyes slipping shut while he tilts his head. Bucky’s tongue traces the seam of his lips before he breaks away, leaning in to rest their foreheads together.
“Wondered if you were ever going to do that.” Bucky murmurs.
“You could have said something sooner.” He accuses lightly, poking him in the chest.
“Nah. I’m a gentleman, gotta wait for you to make the first move.” Bucky’s laugh warms his lips and he kisses him again.
“Guess we’d better make up for lost time then.” He murmurs, brushing their noses together. “Thought something like this would give an old timer like you a heart attack.”
“You’re hilarious.” Bucky says flatly. “I’ve been bisexual longer than you’ve been alive, I just didn’t have a word for it.”
“You never said when I brought it up.”
“I thought that was your way of telling me you knew.” Bucky chuckles and kisses him again. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
Tony shakes his head a little, trading lazy kisses with the man beside him. There are a million other things that they have to figure out, but that’s a tomorrow problem. Right now, he focuses on exploring how Bucky tastes and the things that make his breath stutter out of him. He’s not sure when these feelings developed, but he doesn’t really care to put a date to any of it. All he knows is that he’s happy now and has someone he can trust, someone who appreciates him. There will be more bad days ahead for both of them, but neither will have to face them alone.