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Mike had his forehead pressed to the glass, watching the sunset as they drove through the desolate desert. The sky was filled with shades of red pouring across the horizon like an oil spill and lighting the van up with hues of orange like the hollowed-out body of a jack o’ lantern.
Aside from Argyle’s constant commentary, they’d been driving in silence for the past few hours. Well, until he fell asleep in the passenger seat. The rest were too stressed or tired to talk and there was a tension in the van that nobody dared to break. It was Mike’s fault. Since that painfully awkward reunion at the airport, Will had been looking at him like a kicked puppy and Jonathan seemed about five seconds from stomping his head in at all times.
It was wholly deserved though. With the thick silence and long car ride, Mike had a lot of time to think. He was trying to be something he wasn’t and it was killing him. He was trying to be what others wanted him to be… ‘good’ and ‘normal’ but he knows now that it just isn’t possible to change like that. Maybe he’s broken. Perhaps this broken part just can’t be fixed no matter how hard he tries and continuing to desperately hide from it is hurting everyone else. His continuous attempts had made his girlfriend break up with him back in Cali. It was a mutual, peaceful breakup but it still hurt to be dumped. It felt like he’d been dropped into the deep end of the pool with barely any knowledge of how to swim. His facade was falling apart quicker than he could piece it back together.
He pressed his forehead closer to the glass, chest feeling tight as he kept his eyes purposefully away from Will, hiding his face from the other boy entirely and appreciating the cooling sensation to his racing thoughts, but just as he closed his eyes the van jolted and he was shaken, smacking his head against the window, “Ow…” He winced, pressing his fingers to the sore spot.
“Shit.” Jonathan started to pull over, poking his head out of the van window before hitting the steering wheel in frustration, “A flat.”
Mike turned to Will, “A flat?” He repeated, “But we can’t call for help without being found, how will we get to El we’re in the middle of nowhere?!”
Jonathan grit his teeth, grabbing his wallet and climbing out of the van as Argyle snored in oblivious bliss, “There is a tire shop about an hours walk from here, there and back.” He sighed, “If anything happens, just run okay? Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back in a bit.”
Mike sat back as Will’s eyebrows furrowed in worry, “Should I come with you?” He asked, but Jonathan shook his head.
“No no stay here, I’ll be back.”
Will slumped in his seat, crossing his arms as Jonathan shut the door and began to walk away. Mike watched his figure get smaller and smaller until he disappeared into the darkening sky.
Finally. He thought just a little guiltily before leaning forward to hover over Argyle in the passenger seat, rolling his eyes at the man completely passed out before grabbing the joint from behind his ear and in his pocket and the lighter in the cup holder. Eddie would be proud.
“Woah what are you doing?!” Will exclaimed, suddenly sitting up and grabbing the door handle and the seat as if Mike was doing something oh so terrible.
Mike spared him a glance as he placed a joint between his lips. Every time he looked at Will it hurt as if he was looking at a bulb that was too bright. Every time Will touched him it burned.
He felt so lost. He wanted what he couldn’t have so badly, he yearned for it and that terrified him. He shouldn’t want… it made him feel gross . It’s… wrong. That’s what everyone says.
Mike took a shaky breath as he wordlessly looked away, leaving the van and shutting it (with perhaps a little too much force) behind him.
He lifted the trunk and took a seat in it, bringing his knees to his chest as the warm, desert air wrapped around him like a blanket. Sticking the other joint behind his ear, Mike took the lighter and pressed down a few times until a frail flame emerged, this lighter was really close to running out and so Mike hurried to light his joint as the other van door slid open.
Will had been frozen in shock for a few seconds until he finally left the van too, sliding the door closed and rounding it until he found Mike sitting in the trunk, lighting a joint like he’d done it before, “What the hell are you doing?” He snapped.
Words tumbled out of Mike’s mouth before he could stop them. They were defensive, guarded and made to push whoever was confronting him away out of reflex, “Painting a picture.” He huffed, speaking around the joint. He inhaled, “Go back inside.”
Will watched, waiting, almost hoping to see Mike cough and get embarrassed but he didn’t, he leaned back and closed his eyes instead, “Since when were you a smoker?”
Mike recoiled from Will’s harsh tone. It was filled with anger and disappointment. He could handle that from anyone, but he could never handle it with Will. His disappointment always had a different sting to it than anyone else’s, one he couldn’t just brush off and forget about. It lingered like a wasp sting.
“You’ve heard about Eddie? The dude we met when we joined high school?” Mike asked as he exhaled away from Will, turning back to see him nod, “Well since around that time. I don’t do it often so you can stop looking at me like that.”
Will shook his head, sitting next to Mike and just watching him for a bit, “What happened?” He asked, his voice unexpectedly a lot softer and Mike turned back, furrowing his brows in confusion, “When I was gone? You’re not the same as when I left…”
Mike suddenly had an aversion for looking at him again and faced away, shrugging, “It has been…weird. In Hawkins without you.” He said slowly, his free hand fiddling with his jeans, “Without you there it… the town feels empty. Lonely.”
Will sighed, holding his hand out, “Give me the other one.” He said and gestured to the joint behind Mike’s ear, who raised his eyebrows in surprise, “I’ve done it before with Jonathan. Once. Now give it.”
Mike chuckled, “Yes Sir.” He grinned, handing over the lighter as well, but it seems he used the last of it on his own joint and any flame Will managed to coax out died before he could bring it to his lips.
Shaking his head, Mike straightened and took the lighter, throwing it aside, “Come here.” He said, looping his hand around the back of Will’s neck and pulling him in until the end of his lit joint lit Will’s too.
Will froze for the few seconds they were close. His eyes flickered over all of Mike’s little freckles, he could count each one of his eyelashes. Mike’s eyes were entirely focused on the two joints but Will couldn’t look away from the reflection of the fire in them. When Mike pulled away it was like time began again and Will gasped softly.
He hadn’t coughed the first time he tried it, not much anyway so he didn’t expect to this time but he was so caught off guard by the sudden proximity that the moment Mike pulled away he choked on an inhale and coughed so hard it felt like he’d hack up a lung.
Mike laughed, patting his back even if his own cheeks felt hot, “You’ll get used to it.” He said smugly and Will glared at him.
Deciding to change the topic, Will sat back, “You’re lonely?” He asked, continuing their conversation.
Again, Mike looked away, shrugging, “Yeah. I suppose. I mean there’s Lucas and Dustin and Max, and they’re great but… they’re not you.”
Will’s heart skipped a beat, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as his cheeks heated up. He pinched himself, reminding himself that Mike didn’t mean it the way he wished he did. He plucked away the butterfly’s wings and cleared his throat, “What about El? And I’m just a phone call away.”
“You never answer.” Mike said before he could stop himself, wincing at Will’s gasp, “T-The line is always held up.”
Will paused. He’d been so hurt when Mike barely called him but it never occurred to him that Mike hadn’t been getting through because of Joyce, of course, he’d stop calling so often. Of course, he’d stop trying.
“Besides,” Mike pulled the joint away from his lips and leaned back, his shoulder brushing Will’s, “El and I… we broke up.”
Will’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Like,” He blinked, staring at the lack of emotion on Mike’s face, “For good?”
Mike nodded and Will couldn’t help himself, he took Mike’s hand, “I’m sorry.”
Mike squeezed his hand, but shook his head, taking another drag, “We should’ve broken up a long time ago.” He murmured, traces of guilt flickering in his eyes like the weak spark of a lighter, “I held on for way longer than I should’ve.”
Will frowned, “What do you mean?” He asked as he brushed his thumb over Mike’s prominent knuckles.
For a while, Mike didn’t answer. He kept his eyes locked on the sinking sun, but just as it was peeking above the border, he laughed suddenly, pupils large and a smile on his lips, “You know Eddie?” He asked, though he knew the answer so he continued rather quickly, “He’s gay.”
Will blinked, a little shocked and unsure of how this was relevant but a thrill swept through him at the thought of finding someone like him, and perhaps confiding in someone, finally, “Oh?” He frowned.
Mike sat up, his smile dying a little, “What do you think of that?”
Will pursed his lips, unsure of what to say. What if he said something positive, or even indifferent and Mike looked at him funny? “What do you think?”
Mike’s eyebrows turned down, lips twisting in frustration, “I asked you first.” He said and once again, Will made a face of surprise.
“Well…” Will stumbled over his words a little, “I-I’m guessing you don’t hate this Eddie guy.”
Mike neither confirmed nor denied that. He just huffed like a pouty child, “Would you hate him for it?”
Will straightened his posture, leaning away, “I-I don’t know!” He exclaimed, “Why are you asking these questions?”
Did Mike know?
Mike sighed, sinking in his seat again, “No reason.” He shrugged, “I-It was just a surprise when I found out. He’s very open about it you know, would that make you… u-uncomfortable?”
Will shifted awkwardly, “Well, no not really.” He shook his head, “I don’t have a problem with it… do you?”
Mike seemed to slump a little, exhaling rather heavily. It almost sounded like relief, “No. I don’t.”
Once again, a silence stretched. Secrets weighed heavily on the tips of their tongues, begging to be set free and so they kept their mouths shut until the urge passed.
“So… if someone close to you was… g-gay, would that be weird for you?” Mike whispered and the hair on Will’s neck stood up, he totally knew.
“...No.” Will eventually said, “I’d accept them. W-Would you?”
Mike nodded, “Yeah.”
He sat up again, his curly black hair swaying a little in the wind as he turned to face Will, back to the desert, “What if that person liked you?”
Will flinched, heart dropping. Mike must know, was he trying to coax Will into coming out to him? Telling him that it’d be okay? Or was he trying to trap him?
At the look of horror on Will’s face, Mike flinched too, okay so that was a no.
Okay so it was a, I’m okay with it so long as you stay away from me, kind of acceptance.
Mike shook his head, turning away as his throat squeezed a little, “Forget it.” He muttered, lifting his joint to his lips again.
Will was stiff though, staring at the back of Mike’s head like a scared animal that wouldn’t return to normal until whatever scared it was out of sight, “W-Why are you asking me this?” He asked, voice trembling.
Mike half faced him again, looking down at his feet as he took a final inhale and let the joint go, stomping it into the ground. Maybe it was the joint, but he had a sudden wave of courage and a now or never feeling stirring in his head. So even if his heart was heavy and thumping rapidly in his chest, the words trickled weakly from his lips, “Because I’m gay.” He whispered, eyes stinging. Fuck it . He’d lost Will anyway, they barely even spoke so who cares if Will never wants to see him again, they never see each other anyway.
Will was quiet. He was so shocked that even the beginnings of tears rolling down Mike’s cheeks and sobs in his throat couldn’t snap him out of it. Mike Wheeler, the boy he had been in love with since before he even knew the meaning, was gay too?
Mike refused to look at him. Unable to bear it if it was disgust reflected back, “And I think I’m in love with you.” He sobbed, tears beginning to rain down his face, struggling through his words, “I’m s-sorry I didn’t choose this- I-I didn’t want it. J-Just tell me you hate me,” He begged, turning to Will with his eyes drowning in tears.
Will’s own eyes stung, “M-Mike-”
“Tell me you hate me! Tell me I’m disgusting, tell me you wish we never met! Break my heart so I can move on please-”
“Mike!” Will yelled, his own voice strained with tears as he shuffled forward, taking Mike’s face in his hands and wiping away the stream of heartbreaking tears, “Don’t cry.” He pleaded, he’d never been able to stand it when Mike cried, it hurt too much.
Mike shook his head, trying to push Will’s hands away. Somehow they hurt more than what he’d asked to hear, “S-Sto-”
“Mike.” Will cut him off, heart in his throat, “I love you too.”
He pressed their lips together before he lost the courage, catching Mike by surprise for a few seconds. It was clumsy and new, but it was perfect. It was like they were made for each other, they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle or the opposite sides of a magnet.
Mike closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks as he kissed back, grasping eagerly at Will’s shirt. His stomach filled with butterflies as arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. The feeling in his chest was euphoric, like every wish he’d ever made was coming true. It felt like the crushing weight of this secret, at last, tumbled away and his heart could finally rest.
Will scrunched his fingers into Mike’s shirt instead as they broke apart for air. Mike ran a hand down Will’s cheek, pressing their foreheads together, “If this is a dream I never want to wake up.” He whispered, and Will smiled, pinching his waist and laughing when he yelped.
“Ouch!”
“It’s not a dream.” Will teased, leaning away.
Mike gaped, picking up the joint Will had placed down on the end of the car and leapt on him, putting it between his lips as he pinned Will down, vengefully tickling him, “Well we better make sure you’re not dreaming!”
“Mike!” Will squealed, kicking his legs.
Mike tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and tears were squeezed out of the sides of his eyes, until his muscles grew weak and he could barely push back. Only then did he relent, the two high on their loud laughter.
“Oh my god.” Thud.
The two spun to look up, seeing Jonathan standing shocked after having noticed the crushed joint and the one currently being shared between the two. The tire he dropped rolled past the van before falling.
Mike and Will turned back to each other, their eyes meeting for a few moments before they burst into laughter again.
“You are helping me put this tire on!” Jonathan yelled, but that only seemed to fuel their laughter.
He huffed, “Teenagers.”