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The General marched into the room, glairing at Wolf and Bat. "Listen up troops! Today we are going on a very important mission today. I have to get ready but when I come back, you better be on your best behavior!"
"What's the mission?" The Bat asked, raising an eyebrow. Generally, the missions were fairly straightforward and simple but an 'important' one was rare.
"I'll tell you after I finish getting ready..."
He turned and left the room leaving Wolf and Bat alone. Wolf laid down in his spot while Bat lazily looked at her nails. Their quiet moment was soon interrupted by a guttural scream coming from the bathroom.
"OW! My contact lens is stuck in my eye. Help me get it out." The General's demands were muffled by the closed door but could still be heard
Wolf nearly tripped on himself as he ran to the door. He stood outside of it so as to not disturb the General any further. "You wear contact lenses?"
"Of course I do! I may be death but I also have bad eyesight. These things are not mutually exclusive."
Wolf pondered this for a moment before coming to a new conclusion. "I thought bats were the blind ones..."
"That's a myth!" Bat called from her spot.
"That doesn't matter just help me get my damn contact out!" The General yelled.
The Wolf opened the door to see a shocking sight. Leaning close to the mirror, the General held open his eye with shaking hands. Tears streamed down his face from his reddened eye. He suddenly whipped around to look at Wolf.
"Well? You gonna help me soldier or are you just going to stand there like a sardine?"
Wolf hesitantly walked closer to the General. "How can I help sir?"
"Get. This. Out. Of. My. Eye."
"Yes sir!"
The wolf had no idea how he was going to do this. He may have agreed but that didn't mean he knew what he was doing. He carefully brought his paw near the General's face. His claws were almost touching his eyes, hovering right above the contact. The General backed away slightly but the Wolf just got closer to the eye.
"You know what? This is a horrible idea. Get away from me, mutt. I'll do this myself." The General pushed the Wolf out of the bathroom and slammed the door. Pouting, the Wolf went back to his spot and laid down in defeat.
About a half-hour later, the General emerged from the bathroom. He looked halfway decent, even going so far as to put on some of his special cologne.
Bat and Wolf exchanged worried glances. What had come over the General? Never in their entire existence had they seen the General actually try to look more in line with what humans deemed presentable.
"Alright troops! Today, we launch 'Operation: Meet hot singles in your area'. Any questions before we begin?"
Bat's hand raised.
"Speak your question soldier."
"I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what our mission is."
The General shook his head. "Have you not been paying attention? I have met a hot single in my area and I plan on marrying them."
"Okay," Bat began. "How was I supposed to get any of that by what you said?"
"It's simple! Listen to your commander when they speak!" He then began to pace in front of the perplexed duo. "Now, the mission is simple. I must attempt to make the hot single in my area fall in love with me. I need your help to convince them though. We must make this place look as romantic as possible!"
"I thought you hated love?" Bat questioned again.
"I do but it's an easy way to trap them so I can steal their soul!"
The wolf clapped his paws together. "You are so smart, so so smart."
"Thank you, Wolf. At least you know what's going on."
Wolf most certainly had no clue what was going on.
"Alright, clean the place up. This is going to be the greatest plan of all time."
As the two began to clean, leaving only the General's favorite spider webs behind, Bat began to grow less sure of the plan.
"So where did you meet this hot single?" She asked the General.
"I used the computer the two of you gave go me for Father's Day. An ad popped up that told me to meet hot singles in the area so I naturally clicked on it. Turns out that if you pay them money they will go on dates with you. The hot single is on their way right now so we need to hurry!"
Bat facepalmed. How could he believe such an obvious lie? "I'm pretty sure you're being catfished."
"Yum, catfish," Wolf said.
The General pointed his finger threateningly at the Bat. "No one is fishing me! I am about to go on my first and last date so don't mock me."
"No, it means they are tricking you-" Bat stopped herself, realizing the General wouldn't listen to her warning. "You know what? You're right. Please forgive me for not listening to you."
"You're lucky I'm feeling gracious today. You are forgiven. Go get a table, some romantic candles, and get ready to act as waiters. I told them it's a fancy restaurant."
Wolf saluted and ran off to drag a table into the room. While the Wolf struggled to pull the table all by himself, the Bat grabbed a few half-melted candles and set them around the room.
Everything was perfect. The General sat down in an old wooden chair, waiting for the hot single to enter his lair. He waited nervously, pulling at his jacket collar.
Wolf and Bat stood near the door, dressed up in waiter suits. Wolf disliked his very much. "Can't we just wear our normal outfits?" He complained.
The General threw a fork at him but missed. "Stop being a pansy! A troop never complains about his mission unless he wants to run laps!"
"I think I would rather run laps..." Wolf mumbled.
The Bat adjusted her bow tie. "Well, I quite like this outfit. It brings out my eyes."
They all waited on edge for an hour but no one came.
"Well, where are they?" The General boomed. A notification rang from the General's computer. All three went to the computer, watching the General furiously move the mouse.
The screen showed a chat log between the General and the hot single. At the bottom, a message flashed: 'I'm sorry, I can't come. If you give me money to fly out I'll be able to come next time.'
The General leaned closer to read the message. "Should I send money?" He asked the two.
Bat was the only one brave enough to speak. "Please, for the sake of my sanity, don't send the money."