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To Thrive and Grow Strong

Summary:

Technoblade found Tommy in his basement a while ago and has been living with him ever since. Looking for some peace and quiet, he sent the kid outside to play in the snow and the next thing he hears from Tommy is screaming.

--
In which Tommy is obviously struggling with… something.

Techno doesn’t have the whole picture, but he does what he can. He can only hope it is enough.

Notes:

can you tell that I wrote this and then abandoned it for months only to come back to it after taking a philosophy class?

TW: Brief flashback to exile (happens off screen)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

     When Techno sent Tommy out to play he didn’t really imagine that the kid would listen. He had expected arguing that was typical of the teenager with the sharp whine of ‘ I’m not a fuckin’ child, bitch”. Techno had told him to go play in the snow sarcastically with a flippant wave of his hand as he went to start the plans for the dog kennel. Phil had been bugging him about the piss-poor dog house Techno had made for the hound army. Techno argued that they were working dogs that were perfectly happy with the way they lived, but Phil wouldn’t budge as he cited ‘ They’re just baby puppies, Tech!’ (They weren’t, but whatever.). Tech hadn’t really wanted to spend another day with the kid following him around like a lost duckling, so he wasn’t particularly pressed when Tommy followed his instruction even if it was uncharacteristic of him.

      Techno had found Tommy curled up and half-dead in his basement about a week ago and he had not known an ounce of peace and privacy since. Techno spent those first few days on the floor next to the kid with a washcloth soaked in chicken broth, health potions, and regeneration potions. He had painstakingly used the cloth to drip the mixture into the kid’s mouth, absolutely desperate to get some nutrients into him. When he wasn’t nursing the kid back to health he was reading to him in a shaky voice from a large book of short stories that he had memorized long ago. Eventually, the kid’s eyes had opened right as the protagonist had made his grand escape from the dungeon of an evil wizard. 

     Ever since he woke up Tommy had been oddly docile with occasional bouts of anger followed by desperate apologies. Techno wasn't sure what had happened since he saw the kid last, but he couldn’t imagine it was good given the way the kid followed him from a distance most days. Tommy had always been a clingy kid, but he was practically stalking Techno. Besides, that didn’t even take into account all of the wounds Techno had watched rapidly scar over thanks to the regen potion.

     Naturally, Techno was thankful for a break from the beady blue eyes that bore into his back as he went about his daily tasks. He had spent about an hour or two laying the foundation for the dog kennel complete with redstone heat generators. Laying the floorboards down was a tedious job that kept the voices, who had been downright feral since Techno found Tommy, to a quiet murmur. Eventually the first hour of peace he had been gifted in days was rudely interrupted by a shriek he hadn’t heard in a long time. The repeater that Techno was previously lining up with his wiring fell to the ground and he moved with a gusto he hadn’t had to employ since he had resigned himself to retirement. 

     Techno didn’t slow down until he was practically on top of the kid as he stumbled to a stop. He should probably spend some time training with Phil the next time he visits. Retirement was no excuse to get out of practice. Especially if you have a child to take care of, an unhelpful voice supplied. 

     “Tommy,” His voice was gruff as he scanned the area for any possible threats that could have scared the kid. “Are you hurt? What happened?” His gaze dropped down from the tree line and he looked at the kid who seemed the same as when he left him. His blonde curls poked out from underneath the  gray beanie Techno had forced on his head before he wandered into the blistering cold this morning. It was one he crocheted for Wilbur long ago before he had gone and gotten himself stabbed by Philza.  His cheeks were nearly as red as the cloak, Techno’s spare one, wrapped around his shoulders. Tommy hadn’t had any clothes fit for the tundra so they were making due with Techno’s spares while the piglin made some more for the kid. The only real difference that Techno could see was the look of fear in Tommy’s face. His eyes were wide and he had pulled back into himself. 

     “I’m fine, big man,” Tommy, bless his soul, tried to lie to Techno. Apparently Techno’s unamused expression made it clear that his lie fell flat because Tommy huffed. “Really! I’m fine! It’s fuckin’ stupid!” It appeared Tommy wasn’t in one of his docile moods, which was a relief for Techno. The kid being loud was annoying, but it was better than the wave of cold anxiety that washed over Techno whenever Tommy was quiet for too long. 

     “Hm, don’t remember askin’ if it was stupid.” Techno drawled and plopped down next to the kid in the snow. He had done enough of his own studying of the area to know that there wasn’t any tangible threat. He could guess based off of the way Tommy was gripping at his forearms that he had probably scared himself by accident. That had happened a few times, mostly at night. The kid would see things that weren’t there when he got up to get himself water. Techno would hear his breath quicken as he moved  through the hall, desperate to avoid detection from whoever plagued his dreams at night.

      “What made you scream bloody murder, kid? I need to know in case I gotta up the security around here. Carl’s safety and all.” Carl was plenty safe, but Techno had found that Tommy would clam up in these situations if he didn’t approach it carefully. Often he kept the attention off of Tommy and stayed casual. Occasionally his efforts would be rewarded with some openness from the kid. 

     “It’s nothing that would hurt Carl, man. I said it’s nothing.” Tommy argued, but his voice was losing it’s bite. It was entering into the desperate whine Techno had grown accustomed to hearing when Tommy was lying. His shoulders slumped and he looked up at Techno and furrowed his brows together. Whatever he was looking for, he must have found somewhere in the piglin’s face because he pointed to his left. “The fuckin snowman.” He spoke in a voice so quiet that Techno leaned forward slightly to hear him, “The face I put on the stupid snowman. It reminded me of him. Of Dream, ya know?”

     Techno’s gaze followed Tommy’s arm and his heart settled into his stomach and shattered. “Oh, Theseus...” He muttered under his breath as he looked at the snowman Tommy made. It had a crudely made smiling face that vaguely resembled Dream’s stupid mask. He had no clue what Dream must have done to Tommy while he was in exile, but Techno did know that Dream was going to pay for it in blood. He pondered Tommy’s words for a few seconds before looking back at him.

     “I know it’s fuckin stupid and you came over here and probably thought it was a real issue and it’s not and I’m sorry I uh, I really didn’t mean it ya know? It’s real stupid of me and I-” Tommy rambled with frantic hand motions. He looked more desperate by the second as he spoke, and Techno had enough of it. 

     Techno pushed himself off the ground and walked over to the snowman. “This the guy that was botherin’ you, Tommy?” He asked as though he was talking about a real human and not a snowman that had been clumsily constructed. Really, the thing had a left lean and had been packed horribly. Techno was gonna have to show Tommy how to properly pack snow after this.

     “I mean, it’s a snowman, Techno. It just reminded me of Dream is all.” Tommy said slowly, seemingly confused by the other man’s actions. 

     “So he was botherin’ you?” Techno said, “I can take care of him for you. Look at him, he’s terrified of me Tommy. He’s quivering in his netherite boots. Snowdream doesn’t have shit on Technoblade.” Techno kept speaking as though he was dead-serious. Honestly, he wasn’t even joking that much. It didn’t matter if Tommy’s greatest fear was a homeless green psychopath or a shittily made snowman, Techno was going to steamroll them for the kid.

     Tommy looked at Techno as though he had grown a second head, but he must have been curious as to where Techno was going with this because he hesitantly nodded. 

     Techno didn’t hesitate as he promptly raised a single netherite boot and kicked the snowman in the face with as much force as he could. Snow exploded in every direction almost as though a bomb had gone off and it all fell onto Techno. The momentum knocked him off center slightly but he righted himself quickly and turned to look at Tommy. 

     Tommy was staring at him with one mittened hand raised to hide the beginnings of a smile. He held back a bout of laughter with a small ‘pfft’. 

     “Heh? What’s so funny?” Techno knew what the kid was laughing at, but he feigned ignorance just to see him laugh harder. The Blood God had just roundhouse kicked a snowman and was currently standing in its powdery remains. It had to be at least a little amusing to the teenager.

     The kid was cackling by now, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut. He was trying to catch his breath as Techno crossed his arms in playful annoyance. 

     “Really, Tommy, I just murdered a man for you and you’re laughin’ at me?” Techno drawled, a lazy smile played across his lips. He extended a single hand to the kid to help him up from the frozen ground. 

     Tommy looked at him as he began to calm down. Tears were in his blue eyes from laughing, and Techno couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pride over the fact that he had made the kid laugh that hard. He had seen the kid cry a few times over the past few days mostly when he was scared. He never commented on it when he heard Tommy crying late at night or when Techno would move too fast and the kid would tear up instinctually. But here his kid was, laughing over a stupid joke he had made.

     It didn’t warm Techno’s heart. Not at all. 

     Tommy took his hand with little hesitation and allowed Techno to pull him upright, “It’s just that you’re covered in snow.” He justified himself and at least had the sense to look slightly sheepish.

     “That snowman was weak, Toms. Really. I mean, that snowman was not a formidable opponent at all. We gotta improve your snowman making skills.” Techno again spoke as though he was completely serious. “Did you even pack the snow?”

     Tommy glared at the piglin and crossed his arms, “Fuck you! Look at how many snowmen I made! They’re all perfect!” 

     Techno gazed around at the small army of snowmen. There really were quite a lot of them. They all had a bit of a lean to them and looked oddly lumpy. A few of them had chunks of snow that had fallen out of their torso. “...Why’d you make so many snowmen, anyways? Were you making a government of snowmen in my yard?” He looked over to Tommy and cocked an eyebrow “Kid, that is going to absolutely destroy the property value of this place. Bruh.”

     “They’re my wives, Tech-no-blade!” Tommy separated each part of his name like it was a separate word. His voice got sequentially louder with each syllable. “My many wives are great for your property value, bitch! They are beautiful and awesome!”

     “Your wives are, like, falling apart.” Techno gestured at a random one, “That one’s got scoliosis.”

     Tommy huffed and kicked some snow at the piglin, “Fine! You make a perfect snowman then if you’re soooo good!”

    “Alright, c’mere so I can show you.” Techno tried to keep his voice at it’s usual hard monotone, but it softened against his will. “You gotta do it like this…”

--

     With some difficulty Techno eventually ushered the kid into the warmth of the cabin. It took a little bribery with the promise of cookies and hot chocolate but he got the kid in and settled at the kitchen table. Techno wondered briefly when the last time anyone had ever taken care of Tommy was, if ever. The kid seemed awkwardly out of place as Techno hung their cloaks above the fireplace and bustled around the kitchen as he made them food. 

     Tommy shifted in his seat every so often as his eyes followed Techno, “Do you, uh, need any help there, big man?” 

     Techno looked up from where he was delicately rolling little balls of cookie dough between his hands, “Based off your snowman making skills, no, Tommy, I’m quite alright.”

     Tommy seemed to huff at that, “Fuck you. My snowmen were the biggest ever.”

     Techno chuckled and rolled his eyes. His expression was horribly fond as he looked over at the blonde. “Suuure.” He drawled as the kid went suspiciously quiet. A quiet Tommy was almost never a good Tommy. Quiet either meant he was getting into something stupid or he was brooding. Techno slid the cookies into the furnace and turned to look at the blonde. Tommy was slumped against the table with his head in his arms.

     Ah, brooding, then.

     Techno washed his hands and let the kid be for a few moments. Tommy had his moments nowadays. He was moodier than he had ever been. Technoblade wished he could turn a blind eye to it and pretend it was teenage hormones, but he had an inkling that it was much more complicated than that. He wasn’t the best with emotions, but anyone could gander a guess that whatever had happened in exile had left its mark on the kid. Regardless, he liked to grace Tommy with some time to sulk in whatever he was feeling before stepping in and providing some sort of distraction. 

     Techno slid into the seat across from him and mirrored his posture, dropping his head into his folded up arms. There was something comical about the sight of the hulking pigman sitting across from Tommy. Tommy, despite Techno’s best efforts, was still a little thin and pale and the juxtaposition of the two was humorous.

     Tommy tilted his head to look at Techno. His blonde curls fell into his eyes and he blew them out of the way with an annoyed puff of air. “You are so fucking annoying.” 

     Techno snorted in response, “Is that wise to say to the person making you cookies?”

     “...fuck you.” Tommy responded and then fell silent again. Normally Techno could goad him into some sort of exchange that would get his mind off of whatever was troubling him, but today the blonde was quiet. 

     Techno, in his infinite wisdom, wondered briefly if the kid needed to, god forbid, share his feelings. Tommy wasn’t a closed book per say. If he was annoyed, he complained. When he was angry, he yelled. During spurts of happiness, he would celebrate. All of these emotions he shared loudly. Clearly, though, there were things that Tommy had pulled from the surface. Techno normally let him even if he wasn’t that convincing. Hell, to a point Techno even enabled him. He tried to walk an even line in between keeping the kid from becoming sedentary in his sorrow and gracing him with space to be sad, but Techno tended to overpack his own schedule to avoid bigger problems. He couldn’t be entirely shocked that his own coping mechanism had rubbed off on the kid.

     “... What’s goin’ on, Tommy?” Techno started. That was probably a good place to begin. 

     “Nothin’.” Nevermind. That got him nowhere. 

     “Bullshit.” Techno’s voice came out a little rough as he spoke, and he couldn’t place whether that was from frustration or worry. It could possibly come from a combination of the both. Techno wasn’t one to think too long about how he felt, but if Tommy needed that space he could make room. He winced slightly to himself as he saw Tommy avert his gaze to the table, “Uh, I mean, I uh. It just- it seems like you’re upset about somethin’.”

     Tommy’s left leg was bouncing wildly under the table  and he rolled his eyes in the exaggerated manner he used when he wanted Techno to see his annoyance instead of just hearing it. “God, man- fuckin’ dude. I saw shit that wasn’t there today! Of course I’m upset about something. I saw him and he wasn’t even there! And I was scared of him and I didn’t want to see him! But Dream is my friend! I’m not supposed to feel like that. I should have been happy that he even bothered to show up for something like me. I just. I saw something that wasn’t there…” There’s a pause where Tommy takes one of those shallow shuddering breaths that Techno has come to associate with panic, “Am I crazy, Techno?”

    And maybe there’s some irony in Tommy asking him of all people such a question. It squeezes something high up in his chest and Techno feels like he’s been wrung dry as he hears the words fall out the kid’s mouth. Tommy’s eyes are a desperate blue and somewhere in there Techno can see himself. Between Tommy’s visual disturbances and referring to himself as a thing ( an object, a weapon, his mind supplies unhelpfully) he can hear the ghost of his teenaged self in the subtext. He’s projecting and he knows it’s not fair to Tommy but he just can't stop. 

    Techno realizes he’s probably been silent way too long and rushes to speak, “No, kid, no. You’re not crazy, Tommy. And if you were crazy, it’s not a bad thing. I’d still care for you.” 

    Tommy gapes at him and this time it’s his turn to be silent for an awkwardly long period. It’s almost comical how Techno can see the thoughts going through his head like a fucked up game of pachinko. Eventually though the kid grins, “Ohhh you care about me Techno?” He teases in the way only Tommy can. 

     It should be offensive to Techno, the way Tommy takes his care and throws it back in his face as some shitty bit. But to Techno, it’s nothing short of a challenge. He squares his shoulders and looks at Tommy with the most serious expression he can. “Yes, I care about you. You, as a person. You’re not something to me Tommy, you’re someone. Friends don’t treat other friends badly.”

     Tommy once again falls into the silent stupor for a few moments before he responds. “Dream didn’t treat me badly, Techno, he helped me. Friends help friends.” There’s something tired in Tommy’s voice and Techno can’t help but sigh. Tommy sounds like he’s being worn thin and perhaps he is.

     “Tommy, there’s part of you that’s scared of him. That part of you isn’t wrong. I don’t really know what happened in exile, but I know you Tommy. You’re annoying and pushy and loud and you’re never scared. Not like this. The part of you that’s scared, I think he has just reason to be scared. I believe him, Tommy. I believe you.” 

      Techno’s barely done speaking and he’s suddenly got two arms full of a lanky blonde kid as Tommy moves around the table and barrels into his arms. He freezes for a moment and gives himself a second to bypass his natural fight or flight response before he wraps his arms around the kid softly. It’s awkward, Tommy’s head is pressed into Techno’s collar bone and the kid is half on the chair with him and half hunching over so Techno shifts them both so that they’re sitting on the floor of his kitchen.

     “You and your stupid fucking monolouges, man, fuck off with that shit. Fuck you. I’m gonna fight you.” Techno is pretty sure Tommy is crying against his chest based off how every word in that sentence is stumbled over.

     Techno can’t help but chuckle and shrug, “I’m suuure you will, kid, but for now how about we just stay here.” Tommy bonks his forehead against Techno’s chest but otherwise doesn’t protest. In fact, he seems to relax as Techno starts to rock the two of them back and forth. 

     “... I think Dream pretended to teach me good things because he knew I really wanted someone to follow. To trust” Tommy spoke up. His voice was muffled from his spot against Techno’s chest, but Techno could hear him clear enough. “Dream was a bad friend.” 

     Techno can appreciate how difficult that phrase must be for Tommy to say. It sounds like he’s never even dared to consider those words together in a sentence before. He rubs a hand up and down the kid’s back when there’s a new round of sobs and models some deep breathing. 

     “Dream was a bad friend.” Techno repeats for him in hopes that Tommy will learn his self-worth in this statement. There is something unspoken and intangible in that sentence. It is a greater declaration of what Tommy is not. If Dream was a bad friend, then Tommy must not be. If Dream was a bad friend then Tommy was nothing that Dream ever chalked him up to be. He couldn’t have been a burden or a nuisance because Dream was a bad friend. And maybe that was a logical fallacy but despite that it held truth and Techno could only hope that Tommy knew this. That Tommy fully understood that Dream was a bad friend. 

     Later, over cookies that Tommy burns his mouth on, Techno will offer to teach Tommy. He will offer to teach Tommy the skills he will need to protect himself so that he can stay free from the clutches of those who might use him. He will offer him the space to learn how to flourish within his own autonomy and perhaps even enjoy his day to day life.

     For now, though, Techno rocks his kid back and forth on the floor of their kitchen and lets Tommy cry.

Notes:

Thank you for reading this all the way I haven't written fanfiction in years and I cant believe people roleplaying block game is what got me back into it.

(PS. if you read the Dream is a bad friend paragraph but every time emphasize a different word in "dream is a bad friend" it changes the impact of the whole thing)