Archive of Our Own

2009 - Summer

The summer before senior year, Adam learned two things: Scott Lombardi's '85 Camaro was the most beautiful car he'd ever gotten to touch with his own two hands, and Adam's dick was suddenly super into the idea of dudes.

Or, at least, it was into the idea of Scott Lombardi.

The first thing wouldn't have surprised anyone who knew Adam, given that he had been obsessed with classic cars since he played with Hot Wheels.

The second thing was a very recent and unexpected discovery, and Adam didn't know what the hell it meant.

~~~

The guys weren't around much for the last half of the summer. Chris was a camp counselor at Green Lake, and they didn't even have cell service out there. Nick's family had gone on a cross-country road trip for the entire month of August. And Ortu was really into the band he'd formed with two guys who lived on his block. They were called Rage Turnip, which Adam privately thought was a pretty dumb name. Spending one afternoon hanging out while they practiced in Ortu's basement was enough for Adam to look for other ways to spend his time.

He didn't have a job that summer because his mom agreed to pay him to look after Lindsay during her morning shifts at the hospital. At first, Lindsay resented the fact that she had a babysitter at age 9, but by August she'd mostly mellowed out. She wanted to spend her summer building Lego, watching Disney Channel, and going to the pool with her friends. At least the Lego part had been kind of fun.

The less said about the pool, the better.

So when Adam ran into Scott at the corner store and Scott told him that his dad had given him a Camaro that needed some work, Adam had been embarrassingly eager to volunteer. It had been easy to say that he'd taken an auto shop elective in junior year, and to ask if Scott wanted any help.

Scott's mom let them work on the car at her place. It was hot and stuffy in the garage, so they pulled the car out into the driveway in the afternoons while they tinkered with the engine. They both worked up a sweat pretty quickly. Scott wore dark-coloured tanks that showed off his tanned biceps and forearms, and Adam's cheeks got hot as he compared them to his own lanky frame and thought enviously about getting into upper body workouts so he could build up his shoulders like that.

Scott didn't know as much about cars as Adam did, but he let Adam take charge of the engine without being macho about it. The car was beautiful, even if it had lost some of its shine: bright canary yellow, with sleek curving lines made for speed. They had to pause a lot to look up YouTube videos or car forum posts on Scott's laptop, or to page through the falling-apart manual from the glove box.

In the last week of August, Adam had just finished washing oil off his hands at the garage sink, grateful for the rush of cool water, when Scott handed him a root beer. They sat down shoulder-to-shoulder on the concrete garage floor. Adam popped his can open to take a gulp, the soda fizzing in his mouth. He let out a sigh, licking his lips, and became suddenly aware of Scott's bare arm pressed up against his. When he glanced over, Scott was looking back at him, his mouth parted and his eyes dark.

Scott leaned forward towards him, and Adam thought, suddenly, He's going to kiss me.

When he'd thought about it at all, Adam had figured that he was what his mom affectionately called a "late bloomer." His friends were really into boobs and porn, both of which were, you know, fine. Mostly, Adam thought that his time was better spent hanging out with the guys than dating a girl in case she maybe, eventually, one day let him touch her rack.

He'd gone on a few dates with Dorothy Cuda, and even taken her to junior prom. She was really pretty and definitely way cooler than him, and she was good at kissing. But when it came down to thinking about driving Dorothy out to the ridge where people hooked up in their cars or playing street hockey with the guys in the parking lot behind the middle school — well. It hadn't been that much of a contest. She'd broken up with him before summer vacation started.

Sitting in the dark, humid corner of the garage, Adam was hyper aware of the heat of Scott's bare skin, the smell of motor oil and sweat, the way Scott's tongue crept out of the corner of his mouth.

Scott kissed him, the tang of root beer still in his mouth, and Adam's stomach exploded in butterflies.

Yeah. So that was it. They stopped pulling the Camaro into the driveway after that.

Scott stole a fan from his bedroom and set it up in the garage when they worked in there. It didn't help enough with the heat, but Adam didn't care, since in the privacy of the garage they could make out in between working on the car. Adam wanted to put his hands on Scott Lombardi even more than he wanted his hands on the engine of the Camaro, and that wasn't a thought he'd had about anyone before.

A few weeks ago, Adam had been desperate for Chris and Nick to get back into town, and for Ortu to drop his obsession with drumming in his terrible band. Now, with school starting in a week, it felt like the hot, sweaty days in the Lombardis' garage where he got to make out with Scott without having to think about the rest of the world were numbered.

"Hey," Scott whispered, the day before Chris was due back in town. He was kissing Adam's shoulder. "You know I'm not gay, right?"

Adam froze, and felt his stomach drop. The word gay hung in the air, suddenly out in the open between them.

"What?" he managed.

"I'm not, like, gay or whatever," Scott said. "I mean — you aren't either, right?"

Adam stared at him.

Until Scott had kissed him, Adam had never even thought about it as a possibility. There was only one gay kid at his high school, and he was in show choir. Adam was into hockey, dumb action movies, and messing around with cars. He'd had girlfriends. He'd taken Dorothy to junior prom.

But for the last week, the word gay had been blinking constantly in six-foot-high neon letters at the edges of his brain, where he'd been trying very hard not to look at it.

"No! No, of course, I mean —" he got out. "Nah, man."

Scott smiled at him. "Yeah, great," he said, and stuck his tongue in Adam's mouth.

So Adam liked to make out with Scott against his awesome classic car. And sometimes exchange handjobs. Scott wasn't gay. That didn't make Adam gay, either.

Right.

~~~

Unfortunately, make outs and handjobs with Scott must have triggered some kind of gay hormone bomb in Adam's brain.

Going back to school for senior year, the gay hormone bomb made him hyper aware of every guy he looked at, every time he looked at them. Before this, he never used to think about what Kevin in his English class looked like with his shirt off. Or get a humiliating stiffie watching Eric Wong eat an ice cream. Or catch himself staring at Chris' butt —

Anyway.

Adam blushed and stammered so much during the first two weeks of school that even the guys noticed.

"Dude, what's up with you?" Nick said when Adam had barely been able to pay attention to their conversation about fantasy hockey because the varsity football players at the nearby table were getting their hands all over each other in a really distracting way.

"Nothing! Nothing," Adam said, his gut clenching up tight. "What did you say?"

"You were totally eyefucking the cheerleaders," Ortu pointed out.

"What? No I wasn't."

The guys gave him unconvinced looks. Adam's cheeks heated up as he realized maybe looking at the cheerleaders could have been a decent excuse.

"I wasn't," he said again.

Chris was giving him an intense look. "You okay, man?" he said. "You've been kind of, like, spacey."

"No, it's nothing," Adam said again.

"Good!" Ortu put in, clapping his hand on Adam's back. "Cause we need you in peak physical health for the hockey roster this year, sniper!"

Nick rolled his eyes. "Look, you want in on this or not?"

"Sure," Adam said, and kept his eyes on his food for the rest of lunch.

~~~

Adam, Chris, and Ortu made the senior hockey team, so they had to be up for early morning practice most days of the week. Ortu magnanimously withdrew from Rage Turnip for the sake of the hockey season, and then got furiously pissed when his former band members invited a new drummer to the band almost immediately. Nick got a girlfriend for a month and then got spectacularly dumped before Halloween. Chris was taking AP classes and getting intense about college applications. Adam had a pile of information about auto mechanic programs on his desk that his dad kept wanting to talk to him about.

He was careful not to look at guys on the hockey team or in his classes or in the cafeteria. It wasn't like he'd wanted to look in the first place. And if he didn't look, then the gay hormones wouldn't get set off, and everything would be back to normal.

So he didn't look and he didn't look, and eventually he managed to carefully and intentionally pack away the gay hormone bomb until it was small enough to tuck away in the very back of his brain where he never had to think about it.

Scott kept inviting Adam over after school to work on the Camaro, so Adam kept saying yes. It was getting colder in the evenings and the garage was chilly, but Adam didn't mind that, as long as Scott didn't.

His parents and the guys thought he was really into the Camaro. And he was — it was a sweet car — so it wasn't like that part was a lie. Plus, after all, he and Scott weren't gay, so it wasn't like there was anything else to say.

~~~

2014 — Winter

It was a little weird and lonely not having someone on Valentine's Day. Just like it had been weird and lonely to be single on New Year's Eve when everyone else had someone to kiss at midnight. But at least on New Year's, he'd been at a party with the guys and there had been tons of people around, even if he didn't have someone to kiss.

Valentine's Day was objectively worse.

Last year, he'd had Courtney. They'd been pretty good together for a while, and Adam had really liked that he'd had a girlfriend to spend holidays with and plan dates and vacations together. He'd really loved that feeling of having someone.

He didn't want Courtney back or anything — they'd broken up for good reasons. But he missed the couple-ness of being with Courtney.

This year, Valentine's Day was on a Friday, and it seemed like he was the only one who was single out of everyone he knew. Ortu and Melissa were obviously gooey and inseparable, but Nick and Chris had dates this year, too. Even Paul had a Valentine's date with his on-again off-again girlfriend, which he'd described to Adam at the garage that morning in lurid detail.

Adam had even resorted to texting his sister, but Lindsay had plans, too — she was going to some kind of anti-Valentine's party to watch horror movies with friends.

Instead, he was on his couch with a cold beer, half-heartedly catching up on the replays of the Winter Olympics events, and trying not to look at his silent phone. It wasn't cool to be completely consumed with self-pity, but he just wanted someone to cuddle with.

Earlier in the day, Nick had sent him the link to another NSFW video, accompanied only by the spurt of water emoji. It might be kind of depressing to sit on his couch and watch porn by himself on Valentine's Day, but also maybe he would feel better if he could blow off some of his depression with an orgasm.

He opened the link. The woman had pretty nice tits, which Adam assumed was why Nick sent it to him. It was fairly standard to start out, and it wasn't doing a whole lot for Adam, until his eye caught on the guy and he froze.

It obviously wasn't Chris, but he looked enough like Chris that Adam scrambled to pause the video to look again at Nick's text. Did he send it as a joke? Hey, guys, found Chris' porn look-alike?

The link still sat there with no more context than the damn water emoji. Maybe it was a prank on Adam. Like — haha, made you jerk off on Valentine's Day to the porn I sent you that looks exactly like your best friend!

God. Adam sucked in a breath. He was being paranoid. Nick was a raunchy porn-addict, but he was also a pretty straightforward guy. That wasn't his style.

Cautiously, he started the video again to double check. A firm stubbled jaw, handsome features, brows that pulled down slightly over bright blue eyes. This guy had a lankier build than Chris, and his hair was lighter. But — yeah.

Adam didn't always watch the videos Nick sent him, and he definitely didn't always jerk off to them. Porn didn't always do it for him. But oh, wow, his dick was sitting up and taking notice of this one.

This time, he let the video keep going.

On screen, the woman was on her knees, giving fake Chris a blowjob. His eyes kept catching on the guy's red cock, the cut of his hips, the hair on his muscled thighs. He had a flash of memory of the first time he'd blown Scott Lombardi up against his bright yellow Camaro, and his breath caught in his throat.

God. Shit. He pressed a heel down on his dick as lust and guilt rolled over him. But it wasn't like he was watching Chris. He wasn't even thinking about Chris. It was just Porn Chris.

He slid his hand inside his boxers and curled it around his dick, stroking slowly to start, watching the flex of Porn Chris' stomach muscles. Without consciously deciding to, he thought about being on his knees in front of a guy, his fingers digging into hips or wrapping around the base of a cock. He'd liked the weight of Scott's dick in his mouth that time. His hand moved faster, thinking about what it would be like to get his mouth on Chris' — on Porn Chris' dick. How hot it would be to suck the head into his mouth, feel a hand in his hair. If Chris would suck Adam afterwards, his soft pink lips wrapped around Adam's dick —

Adam came in his boxers, panting.

Fuck. He flopped back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

Okay. So. He'd definitely been thinking about Chris when he came. Obviously it would make sense for a person to think about Chris when they jerked off. Chris was a good-looking guy. And Porn Chris was a good looking guy, too — no substitute for Adam's Chris, of course, but still. You know. An attractive dude.

Adam got off the couch to wash his hands, change his boxers, and get a new beer. Then he had to face some cold, hard facts.

He'd jerked off thinking about Chris.

On Valentine's Day.

His dick was already interested in the idea of doing it again.

That was, objectively, pretty gay.

Adam took a long swig of beer.

Adam sometimes thought that people made too big a deal about sex. He'd had sex with Courtney, and it had been okay — good, even. They'd both enjoyed themselves in bed just fine. But his vivid memories about the intensity of the sex in Scott Lombardi's garage and how he’d felt on the couch just now were forcing him to make some stark comparisons. Maybe it wasn't just teenage hormones that had made the garage sex seem so hot. Maybe it was because — because Scott was a dude.

Maybe it was because Adam was gay.

He drained the beer and put on Fast and Furious 6 so he wouldn't have to think anymore.

~~~

He didn't feel any more or less gay in the morning. So that was something.

"Gay," he said out loud, experimentally, in front of his coffee maker. "Gay. It's me. I'm — gay." He paused when the coffee maker beeped, poured himself a cup, and tried again. "I'm gay. I'm really gay. I'm really, really gay. I'm Adam and I'm gay. I'm Neil Patrick Harris gay. I'm Anderson Cooper gay. I'm Adam gay. I'm gay Adam. I mean — "

He stopped. I'm gay Adam, he mouthed out loud to himself. God, he was an idiot.

"I'm gay," he said again.

It made him feel weird and self-conscious to say it out loud, but not — not bad. In fact, it made some things make sense. Courtney. Scott Lombardi. Dorothy Cuda. Being a late bloomer.

Chris. Porn Chris, anyway. Well, maybe.

But at the same time, it seemed impossible, and he felt monumentally stupid. How had he not realized until the age of 23 that he was gay? That was so old to be realizing something so fundamental about yourself. How had he missed the glaringly obvious signs — like spending months making out with a guy in his garage? How had he convinced himself that noticing guys in high school had just been due to a gay hormone bomb in his brain?

He didn't even know a single person who was gay. How did gay people find other gay people to date, even if he wanted to date someone?

And even more than that, how was he supposed to tell people in his life? The guys. His parents. Lindsay. Ronnie and Paul at the garage. The guys on the pick-up hockey team he and Chris had just joined.

His stomach clenched, and he put down his coffee mug on the counter with a loud thunk.

He didn't have to tell them anything. Not yet. Not until he could figure out how to make sure that everything was going to be okay — that nothing was going to change.

~~~

The guys met that weekend to watch the early rounds of Olympic hockey, and Adam picked up heavily discounted Valentine's chocolate from the corner store to bring along.

Chris gave him a wide grin and a bro hug when he arrived, and Adam's heart sped up in his chest. Chris' arms were ripped, and he smelled like cologne and beer, and his eyes were so much bluer than Porn Chris' were.

Okay, so maybe he'd thought about Chris in a not-buddies kind of way. That wasn't just because Adam was gay — it was the fault of Nick and his stupid porn. It didn't have to mean anything.

Chris ate three chocolates in rapid succession, and moaned in a way that Adam immediately tried to scrub from his brain. He failed. Chris' pornographic moan was now burned into his brain for eternity.

"Be my Valentine next year," Chris said, looking appealingly at Adam. "I love chocolate, and my date didn't get me anything."

"Oh," Adam managed, trying not to think about Chris accepting a box of chocolates and then pushing him up against the wall with his ripped arms and his upper body strength and his abs. "Bummer."

"Dude, be your own Valentine," Nick said, and helped himself to several chocolates. "Take responsibility for loving yourself."

"His date did not go well," Ortu said in a dramatic stage whisper to Adam.

"Ah," Adam said.

On the inside of Adam's brain, the gay hormone bomb from the beginning of his senior year of high school had suddenly started ticking again, as though it had been given glitter-filled rainbow-y free reign. Except this time, Adam knew it wasn't a gay hormone bomb induced by make outs in Scott's garage. It was because Adam was gay, gay, gay.

Also, this time, it was laser-focused on Chris.

Why was Chris wearing such a tight henley? It pulled tight across his shoulders and showed off his muscles in a way that made Adam want to bite them. The collar was pulled down far enough to expose the skin of his collarbone and show off the long line of his neck. When he bent down to get more beer from the mini fridge, Adam had a prime view of how his jeans showed off his ass and thighs.

Chris couldn't always have been this hot and fuckable. He was Adam's best friend. Adam would have noticed.

"I'm talking drinks dumped over his head and rejected out of hand," Ortu went on, waving a hand at Nick, who sulked back at him.

"Bro," said Chris sympathetically. He met Adam's eyes with a grin at the corner of his mouth. Adam smiled back helplessly.

"It's a night for individual self-actualization, not romantic coupling," Nick said. "Loving yourself is the true message of St. Valentine."

"Ha!" Ortu laughed. "Yeah, I bet you spent all night loving yourself."

Chris cackled. Nick waved his hand in languid agreement. With vivid memories of his own recent self-loving starring a fantasy version of his best friend, Adam flushed and ducked his head.

"Hey," Nick added, and panic rose in Adam's gut as if he somehow knew exactly what Nick was going to say. "Adam. Did you watch that video? With the —"

He made a gesture that Adam figured referred to a part of the video that he hadn't got to.

"Uh," he said.

"Fucking right, he watched it," Ortu said, clapping him on the back. "All alone on Valentine's Day? Jerking it is basically self-care."

"Uh, yeah, sure," Adam said, and gamely took the ribbing the guys gave him for that, grateful that none of them seemed to have noticed the starring role of Chris' porn look-alike.

Later, after they'd switched from watching hockey to some kind of badass ski jumping, Chris knocked his knee companionably against Adam's. They were sprawled next to one another on the couch, and the heat of Chris' thigh burned against Adam's, even through their jeans.

"Hey, man," Chris said, and gave Adam a soft look. "I bet you anything you won't have to be alone next Valentine's Day. If you don't want to be, I mean."

What Adam wanted in that moment was to lean over to Chris, rub his cheek against that chiseled stubbled jaw, and kiss him. He also wanted to get his hands on that round ass, to press up against those unreal abs, to see those blue eyes blinking up at him around a mouthful of his dick.

But, also, it meant something that Chris had noticed Adam feeling left out and lonely. Chris was pretty great at stuff like that. He was pretty great generally.

Because beyond the out-of-control sparkly hormone bomb in his brain, Adam also wanted to curl up next to Chris and hold hands while watching hockey. To bring him discount chocolates and spoil him on Valentine's Day. To wake up in bed with their legs tangled together, and have early morning coffee and those frozen blueberry waffles that Chris inexplicably loved.

He was gay for Chris. He was Adam gay and he was very, very gay for Chris.

But, of course, Chris was straight. He was Adam's best friend. And Adam could never, ever tell him.

He didn't want anything to change.

Adam swallowed, and smiled back at Chris' earnest expression. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah. Thanks, man."

~~~

2015 — Fall

The best part about Chris and Rachel dating, other than the fact that Chris was way happier with her than he'd ever been when he was sleeping with Jess, was that Adam got to hang out more with Rachel's brother, Brett, and his boyfriend.

Adam had been on a couple of dates now with Kayak Guy — Matt — so that was now three gay people Adam knew, all at the same time. He wasn't even sure he'd ever been in the same room as three gay people before now. Well, except for that night when they'd gone dancing at Rocks. But these were three gay people that he knew.

Rachel's brother Brett was pretty nice, and he invited Adam to a party one day after they met for Sunday brunch with Chris and Rachel.

"Queers only," he'd said, winking at Adam. "That means no bringing along your straight boy harem."

"My — my what?" Adam said, mouth falling open.

Brett's boyfriend Steve rolled his eyes and patted Adam's arm. "Just come on your own," he said. "It's low key. You'll be fine."

He was feeling a little anxious about planning to go to a party full of — of other queer people, like Brett said. Going on a date with a dude he'd met from Dudemingle had felt scary and self-conscious, especially at first, but it was still only one other person. And the time the guys had surprised him with dancing at Rocks, he hadn't had time to feel anxious in advance. And besides, he'd spent most of the time there dancing with the guys rather than meeting other people.

It was just a party, and he really shouldn't be feeling so nervous.

"He's going to his first gay party!" Ortu said. He mimed wiping away a tear. "They grow up so fast."

"You're not wearing that, though, right?" Nick put in, looking him up and down skeptically. "As a certified member of your straight boy harem, I have to object."

"What?" Adam said, looking down. He was wearing a new plaid button down and dark jeans, which seemed pretty normal.

"Adam!" wailed Nick. "There will be gay guys there! Well, I mean, maybe bi and pan guys, too —"

"And queer guys," added Ortu.

"Basically, there will be guys who like dick at this party!" Nick exclaimed. "They will be looking at your hot mechanic bod, dude!"

"C'mon, guys," Chris said, slinging his arm over Adam's shoulder. "He looks great. Don't be idiots." Chris turned to him with an earnest expression. "Adam, seriously. You look great. You've totally nailed the deep brown eyes and the casual but hot and muscled lumberjack look. Guys who like dick will totally be into this."

Chris' casual compliments always had the power to rattle Adam's brain.

"Lumberjack?" he managed.

Chris wrinkled his nose. "Not hot enough? I said muscled!"

"Outdoorsman!" Nick suggested.

This set off Nick and Ortu exchanging hot takes on Adam's clothes and general appearance. Adam rolled his eyes and let them blow off steam. He wasn't going to go home and change at this point, anyway.

Chris grinned at him over Nick's head, and winked. Adam ducked his head and grinned back, giving himself a pat on the back for not being completely weird when Chris touched him and told him he looked like a hot lumberjack with deep brown eyes. The process of getting over someone was hard when they were your best friend and in your space, like, all the time. Sometimes it was unavoidable that the feelings welled up in Adam again. He knew that he'd really screwed up that time on the couch with the almost-kiss, and he didn't ever want to do that again. Chris was too important to him.

So. He'd patched things up, and reassured Chris that it wouldn't happen again and that he didn't feel anything for him except as a brother. Chris seemed to believe him now, since he'd relaxed around Adam again and was treating him the same way he used to. Adam was holding onto that with all of his might.

Now he was planning his fourth date with Matt — well, as soon as Matt finally texted him back — and Chris was happily dating Rachel, and Adam was working on getting over this unfortunate falling-in-love-with-your-best-friend thing.

The guys made him pose for a prom-style photo on Ortu's basement stairs, and Adam rolled his eyes, but accepted it gamely and then headed out to meet Brett and Steve.

Steve argued with him about the Sabres' offense for the whole car ride, while Brett ignored both of them in favour of his phone. The hockey talk made Adam forget for a while that he was even nervous about anything, and he smiled at Steve in gratitude.

The party was at someone named Arjun's place. It was a bit fancier than Adam's place or even his parents' house, but it was cozy in a busy sort of way. There were a bunch of people there — not just guys, which was what Adam had been half-expecting — laughing and chatting. Some of them were drinking cocktails, but a few were drinking craft beer that Adam recognized and for some reason that familiarity made him relax a bit.

"Hey, come on," Steve said. "I'll introduce you."

Arjun was an older guy with hair going a distinguished silver, who greeted Brett and Steve with smacking kisses on their cheeks, and then smiled crookedly at Adam in welcome.

"How lovely to meet you, young Adam," he said. "Do you live around here? I cannot countenance that you've never found your way here before."

He wasn't being overtly flirty or anything, but Adam found himself going pink under Arjun's gaze. "Yeah, I grew up around here," he said. "I, uh, I wouldn't have been invited before."

Arjun raised his eyebrows, and Steve put in, "He just came out."

"Ah!" Arjun exclaimed. "Well, then. Welcome to my home, welcome to my monthly extravaganza, and welcome to the wonderful world outside of the closet."

"Um, thanks," Adam said, and smiled back at him.

"Come and meet my better half," Arjun added, and pulled him along into a huge kitchen where several people were eating fancy snacks and a man in a flowery apron was stirring a pot of something that smelled like apples and cinnamon.

"Darling, I've a newbie for you to meet," Arjun said. "Adam, this is my husband, Marcus."

"Hi," Adam said.

"Welcome, honey," Marcus said. "Hot apple cider?"

He was nice, too, and soon Adam had a mug of apple cider with a generous shot of rum and was on a whirlwind tour of meeting people. A person with a "they/them" pronouns button explained the Great British Bake Off to him and laughed at his cake puns. A really attractive guy with nice shoulders and green eyes flirted with him for a bit about football and, after he found out Adam was a mechanic, proceeded to argue about ranking the movies in The Fast and the Furious franchise.

Adam found he was having a pretty good time.

He'd been nervous, but it was actually kind of awesome to be at a party where he could flirt with a guy without worrying about getting punched. Everyone here was queer, or bi, or gay, or whatever. Normal people. And everyone knew. So it was kind of — freeing.

"How did this all, uh, happen?" Adam asked Marcus, during a quiet moment when they were both sitting by the fireplace. There was an antique clock on the mantel along with framed photos of Arjun and Marcus. A cozy fire was going in the grate, which no one in particular seemed to be tending. Adam had been tempted to pick up the poker a few times, but he wasn't sure if that would be overstepping or something. Or if he was feeling a bit sensitive about the whole hot lumberjack/outdoorsman thing.

"Arjun started holding monthly queer parties a few years ago," Marcus said. "That's how we met actually. I'd just moved to the area and didn't know anyone. I went on a terrible date with a very arrogant man, and thank goodness I didn't ditch him when I first wanted to, since he brought me to the very first one Arjun ever threw."

"Huh," Adam said.

"That's right," Marcus said, grinning. "I think that man thought it would be an orgy. Whoops! Was he ever wrong!"

It had not even crossed his mind that Brett and Steve might be taking him to an orgy, and Adam felt himself going red and ducking his head.

Marcus went on, "Anyway, Arjun told me to come back next month. So I did. And here we are."

"So, it's every month? For, just, like, anyone to show up?"

"Anyone who's LGBTQIA+," Marcus corrected. "It's a space for us queers to gather. You know what small towns can be like sometimes." Adam nodded. Marcus regarded him for a moment. "I don't know what your family's like, honey," he said, "but not all of us have families we can count on anymore. It means something to have a group of people who are there for you. People who get what it's like."

Adam nodded again, jerkily. "Yeah," he said. He glanced at Marcus, then back to the fire. He thought about some of the recent dinners with his parents, which still came to awkward pauses sometimes when someone forgot to say or boyfriend. Lindsay was a pretty fierce defender, though, which Adam hadn't really expected, but which was pretty awesome. She texted him gay memes, now, all the time.

And despite the awkwardness, he was still as welcome as ever at family dinners. His mom pestered him about dating a nice boy now instead of a girl.

"That's not exactly my situation," he said. "I mean, it was rocky for a bit, but they're okay now. They're very supportive. They're just —"

"Straight?" Marcus said drily.

Adam huffed out a laugh. "Yeah."

"Yeah, honey," Marcus said, grinning back at him. "Those of us here know all about that."

After Marcus left, the fire gave another sad flicker. This time, Adam gave into the urge to poke it and put another log on. Arjun caught him at it, and laughed at him.

"A first-time guest and here you are, fiddling with my fire," he said.

"Sorry!" Adam said. "It was dying out."

"Lies!" Arjun exclaimed, and a woman standing next to Adam laughed.

"Don't listen to him," she said. "He's overprotective of the fire, but he's too busy being a social butterfly to pay attention to it."

Arjun drew himself up. "I," he said dramatically, "am the host, not a social butterfly."

"Social butterflies can't also host parties?" Adam said, and the girl laughed again while Arjun gave him an outraged look and then grinned at him.

"Such sass in one so young," he said. "And such an ass, too." He winked as Adam went red, patted the woman on the arm and disappeared to talk to someone in the next room.

"Eve," the woman introduced herself. Adam shook her hand, and learned she was a bartender and going to school for nursing. She was bi and had been coming to Arjun's parties for about a year. "They're pretty chill," she said. "I like meeting other queer people, you know?"

"Yeah," Adam said, nodding.

She told him to drop by the bar sometime. "We have good beer on tap," she added, and that got them into a conversation about local IPAs.

The night wound down with someone playing a low and quiet tune on a violin that gave Adam unexpected shivers. He loved it.

"So," Steve said, as they bundled into a cab. "What did you think?"

Adam's head was spinning, and he felt a bit giddy, even though hadn't even had very many drinks. Could you get drunk on being queer?

"It was great," he said, and then grinned. "It was amazing. I don't think I've ever been around that many queer people in my life."

Brett and Steve laughed. "You should come again next month."

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah. I will."

Once he got home, he checked his phone to find that his group text with the guys was in the double digits. Matt still hadn't texted him back but, full of up with feelings about queer parties, Adam didn't even feel bad about that.

Grinning, he texted the guys: 1. no, i didn't hook up 2. no, i didn't get any digits 3. it was great

seriously no dates?? Nick texted back immediately.

it wasn't about that

i told you not to listen to chris about your dumbass lumberjack chic

Chris texted a row of grumpy faces, and then added, Adam, I bet you killed it.

Adam flopped back down on his bed, and ignored Nick's multi-text screed in response. "Yeah," he said out loud. "Yeah."

~~~

He and Matt went out a few more times in a kind of casual way, and then spent a weekend in bed together which was pretty great. Matt was kind of hung up on his ex, though (the owner of the other kayak), and when it seemed like there might be a chance for them to get back together, he broke it off with Adam. In the end, Adam wasn't too messed up about it — he figured he was still working on not being hung up on his straight best friend, anyway, so that was all for the best.

He still wanted to meet someone, and to get to the point where he had someone for dates and holidays as well as regular everyday mornings. But he wanted the right someone. He didn't feel that aching sense of loneliness anymore.

He thought about going again to Arjun's parties, and couldn't stop smiling.

The next week, he met Chris, Rachel, Brett and Steve for drinks. It was kind of cool, Adam realized, to be sitting around a table with friends, and for the gay people to outnumber the straight people.

"So you're telling me that you're one hundred percent sure it's not an orgy," Chris said, eyes bright.

"You're hyper focused on this supposed orgy," Rachel said, grinning and tilting her head in Chris' direction.

"Hey!" Chris protested. "I'm very happy living orgy-less!"

"An orgy every month might be a high orgy ratio for a town this size," Brett said, raising his eyebrow.

Adam grinned and poked Chris' bicep. "It's not about, like, picking up or meeting guys," he said. "It's just other queer people. Together. Unlike the rest of the time, you know? It's cool."

Chris was quiet for a moment. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I get that."

Adam nudged him again as Rachel and Brett started an incomprehensible sibling conversation about the placement of table salt that had Steve rolling his eyes. He stole a fry off the side of Chris' plate, and Chris smiled at him a little crookedly.

"You seem happier," Chris added. "Happy, I mean. You seem pretty happy."

"Yeah," Adam said. "Yeah, I guess I am."

~~~

2016 — Summer

Chris was in a weird mood from the moment he arrived at Ortu's for poker that night. He seemed distracted and he didn't pick up on any of Adam's dumb jokes about the olives that were missing from the pizza.

"At least olive the other toppings made it," Adam tried again, but Ortu was on a beer run, and Nick was too annoyed about the missing olives to laugh at olive puns. Chris just nodded at him and managed a slim smile.

"Hey, everything okay?" Adam asked, and Chris just nodded again. He still looked a bit pinched around the eyes, like he was anxious about something, but Adam knew from years of experience that pushing further wouldn't help.

Turning the conversation to Papa Ortu's upcoming Fourth of July party seemed to lighten everyone up a bit, though. Nick had a girlfriend he'd been seeing for a few weeks, so, unusually, he was the only one of them other than Ortu who was bringing a date. Unfortunately, this was a fact he didn't hesitate to bring up at any possible occasion.

"More of those ribs for us," Adam said, nudging Chris' arm, after they'd endured a long monologue about Nick's girlfriend.

"You'll get your fair share of ribs as long as you RSVP!" Ortu exclaimed, hefting the beer onto the table. "Please, just RSVP. How many times, for the love of fucking God —"

"Hey! I RSVPed this year," Nick said. "With a plus one!"

"And let's not even get into the state of my wedding RSVPs, you fuckers —"

Adam pulled a face at Ortu. "Oh, shit. I meant to bring that, man. It's on my fridge," he said.

"I RSVPed for that, too!" Nick crowed. "Also with a plus one!"

"Yes, Nick, fuck, we know you have a date!" Chris snapped.

There was a pause. Adam stared at Chris' tight expression.

"Aw, c'mon, let him have this," Ortu said.

Chris deflated. "Sorry. Sorry, man," he said to Nick, who waved a magnanimous hand.

"You can talk about it with us," Nick said. "It's not gay to talk about your feelings. Normalizing talking about feelings is part of dismantling a culture of toxic masculinity."

It was two weeks after Adam's birthday, which made it just over a year since he'd come out to the guys. Sometimes when they had conversations like this one, it really hit home for him how much had changed in a year.

"Besides, Adam rarely talks about his feelings," Ortu pointed out. "And he's the gay one."

Before Adam could offer a token protest about that, Chris snapped, "Well, maybe he's not the only one!"

Adam's brain shorted out. There was a deafening silence.

"What," Adam managed.

"What the hell, man?" Nick said.

Chris raised his gaze to Adam, his expression pleading. His eyes were a bright, familiar blue. "I think I might — not be totally, completely, one hundred percent straight," he said.

"Dude!" Ortu exclaimed. "Being gay is Adam's thing!"

"Hey!" Nick said. "Adam is so much more than being gay. His sexual identity does not define who he is." He huffed. "Sorry about him, Adam, he hasn't read any queer theory yet."

"I'm not gay," Chris broke in, still looking at Adam. "I like girls. I think I might like guys, too. Well, one guy."

One guy. Adam felt light-headed. Chris had met some guy and suddenly he was — was what? Curious? Moving up to a one on the Kinsey scale?

"Sexuality is a spectrum," Nick began, and then shut up when Ortu elbowed him.

"Adam," Chris said softly.

Adam started breathing again. "Wow," he said, trying to sound sincere. "Wow, Chris, that's awesome. Thank you for telling us."

Chris' face did something complicated. "You're welcome?" he said, and then stopped.

Adam's brain was still trying to catch up. God, was this worse than when Adam had come out to them? At least no one had puked yet.

"I think it's great," Adam insisted, and tried giving Chris a smile.

"We're totally gonna support you on this journey, bro," Nick put in. "I can give you some reading recommendations."

"Oh shit!" Ortu said. "This means you could totally go to Adam's secret gay party! Aw, man. I'm having gay orgy FOMO."

"I don't want to go to the secret gay orgy party!" Chris said. He sucked in a breath. "Fuck. Uh. Wow. Thank you, guys, for your support," he added, earnestly. "And for dismantling toxic masculinity with me. It's really touching. But I'm, uh, kind of freaking out here. Adam, can I talk to you?"

Adam nodded dumbly, and then cleared his throat. "Oh, yeah. Sure, um. Yeah."

"Great," Chris said and stomped up the stairs.

Adam gave the guys a look and got confused shrugs in response. He followed after Chris and found him sitting on Ortu's front step, staring down at the cracked cement.

"Hey," Adam said. He sat down next to Chris in the dusky summer twilight. It was still warm from the heat of the day, and the neighbourhood was quiet.

"Coming out sucks," Chris said.

Adam huffed out a laugh. "Yeah," he said. "I mean, it's great to be able to tell people. But yeah, it sucks. Remember the infamous sausage at my mom's house?"

Chris glanced up to smile at him. "Father O'Malley's expression of confused horror is still burned into my retinas, man," he said.

Adam knocked his knee against Chris'. "But you did it! You came out. You did great."

"I dunno," Chris said. "I think I messed it up."

"Well, if this was all about coming to the gay orgy, you're definitely out of luck. There is no orgy."

"No," Chris said. "I mean I should've told you first."

Adam sucked in a breath. "Oh," he said. "I mean, I don't think it —"

"I should have talked to you about it first," Chris went on. "But, uh. I didn't want you to think I was bringing up all that from, uh, last year."

Last year. When Chris didn't speak to Adam for weeks because Adam had misread what it meant when he leaned over. Because Adam was an idiot, and his gaydar was terrible.

Of course Chris wouldn't want him to think that Chris being into guys had anything to do with Adam.

"Right," Adam said slowly. "I know you wouldn't bring that up again."

"But I've been thinking about some things," Chris went on. "And then after Rachel and I broke up, I thought about more things."

"Things like your sexuality?" Adam said.

"More, like, romance stuff," Chris said, and made a face. "Like, if I had feelings for someone."

"Feelings for someone? Who? The only people you hang out with is us and those girls from your office who get you drunk on sangria."

"Yeah," Chris said, and then didn't say anything else.

Adam stared at him, baffled.

Finally Chris said, "Were you — did you tell me the truth last year? At the Fourth of July party. When you said —"

When he'd told Chris it was like kissing a brother. Shit. He didn't want to lie to Chris' face. Again. "Look," he said. "I'm not gonna —"

"Because it didn't feel like that to me," Chris said.

Adam choked. "Uh, what?"

"I wanted to, like, be sure about this," Chris said. "So it took me a while to work some stuff out."

Adam felt like the conversation was a runaway train and he had no idea where it was going or how to get off. "Okay," he said, trying to reorient them. "Okay. So kissing me made you realize that kissing a dude wasn't such a big deal. And then you met someone and realized your new bro crush was less bro-like and more romantic-like than you thought?"

"What?" Chris said. "No! I mean, sort of, sure. But no. I didn't meet someone. I realized I had less than bro-like feelings for you."

Adam must have misheard him. "What?" he said.

"You're my best friend, so it took me a long time to realize it," Chris said, looking up at Adam. "If you aren't — I know you might not feel the same. But I want to try kissing you again."

I want to try kissing you again.

Adam's heart was racing. "Chris," he said, and cleared his throat. "I don't know if I can do this again with you."

Chris' expression crumpled. "Okay," he mumbled.

Adam felt like an idiot. I want to try kissing you again was reverberating in his skull, over and over. It was what he'd secretly wanted to hear in the deepest part of his heart for years, but — His heart wouldn't be able to take losing Chris over this. He was probably going to kick himself later, but he knew he had to hold this line.

"It was too hard to get over you," he said.

"Over me," Chris repeated in a monotone, and frowned down at the cement. "Yeah, of course."

Adam fisted his hands in the fabric of his shorts. "I can't be, like, your bisexual kissing experiment," he said firmly. Then he added, quickly, "But I totally support your bisexuality — or, or, or whatever identity feels right to you."

Chis was quiet for a moment.

"You're not an experiment, Adam," he said at last. "God. You'd never be an —" He shut himself up. "Anyway, yeah. Got the message. You're not interested."

Adam stared at the side of Chris' head. Not an experiment?

"I didn't say I'm not interested," he said finally, and Chris' gaze snapped up again. "What did you mean, if you didn't mean an experiment?"

"Like, boyfriends," Chris said.

Adam gaped at him. "You want to be my — my boyfriend?"

"Well, yeah," Chris said. "I mean, it doesn't have to be right away, not if you don't want to. I'd take you out first. Woo you."

"Woo me," Adam said faintly.

"Hey, I have some excellent wooing skills!"

Adam was having trouble catching his breath. "So, you're proposing we try kissing again and then, bam, boyfriends?"

"Is that something you're interested in?" Chris said, watching him closely.

Adam thought back over the last year. He'd spent a lot of time trying to stop thinking about Chris as anything more than a friend. That hadn't been super successful in the long run.

He'd also spent a lot of time figuring out what it meant to be gay, and to have a queer friends and a network of queer people he could turn to. That was pretty awesome, and nothing he ever could have imagined when he'd first thought about coming out. He was a regular at Arjun's parties now, and he was a member of some very lively group texts. He went out for beer with Eve, and last week he'd brought Chris, Ortu, and Nick to hang out at her bar. He still texted Steve about hockey, even though it was months since Rachel and Chris broke up. He'd gone on a few dates, including one on Valentine's Day. He and Lindsay had plans to go to NYC for Pride at the end of June.

He was still looking for someone he wanted to spend all the holidays and regular everyday mornings with.

Chris had said that he wasn't proposing that they try to kiss again just to test a theory or something — he wanted to be Adam's boyfriend.

Adam's head spun. He felt the grin creeping across his face, giddy and hopeful. Could you get drunk on happy gay feelings?

"I have to tell you a secret," he said.

Chris paused, responding to his grin with a tentative smile of his own. "Okay," he said.

"I have shitty gaydar."

"You do?" Chris said, looking confused.

"Yes. I mean, mostly, anyway. I don't always get the signals, you know?"

"Right."

"So. My gaydar is shit. And I've already fucked this up with you before. Which means I want to be crystal clear here. Christopher, is it okay if I kiss you?"

"Talk about wooing," Chris said, grinning crookedly, and then met Adam's eyes to say, very clearly, "Yes, you should definitely kiss me."

"I'm not talking about a brotherly peck, I'm talking full-on sticking my tongue down your throat," Adam added.

Chris went pink, but his smile deepened. "Bring it on, then, baby," he said.

Baby. Adam's heart thudded in his chest.

He leaned forward, and Chris bent towards him, eyes wide. His gaze dropped to Adam's mouth, and then flashed back up again, cheeks pink and lip caught between his teeth. It made something flare in Adam's gut, as though that surreptitious glance at Adam's mouth was proof that Chris did actually want him this time. Proof that Adam wasn't messing everything up again.

He reached out to cup the rough stubble of Chris' jaw and tilt his head. Chris' breath was coming faster. He let his thumb drag over the high arch of Chris' impossible cheekbone.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," Chris said, and then Adam kissed him, soft at first. But Chris opened his lips on a soundless gasp, and Adam was immediately caught up in the shocking wet heat of Chris' mouth and tongue that made every cell in his body flare up.

A little later he pulled back, breathing hard, and bit lightly on Chris' bottom lip. Chris let out a soft almost-moan that made Adam's dick twitch. This was good. It was really fucking good.

Chris curled his hand around Adam's shoulders, tugging him closer. Adam leaned in, suddenly desperate to be pressed up against Chris' warm muscled body. Shit, he couldn't wait to feel up those abs.

He might have said that part aloud because all of a sudden Chris was trying to muffle a laugh against his throat. "Please," he managed. "Be my guest. Mi abs es su abs."

Adam grinned at him. "Is this that wooing I've heard so much about?"

He took Chris up on it, though, sliding his hand under Chris' T-shirt to the soft skin of his belly and his stupidly defined abs. Chris shivered under his touch and made a sound into his neck. God, his mouth against the sensitive skin of Adam's throat was making him feel a little wild. He arched his neck to encourage Chris to kiss him more.

"Guys, are you ever gonna — oh shit!"

They scrambled apart and twisted back towards the door to see Nick and Ortu's shocked faces.

"Dudes!" Ortu exclaimed.

Chris got to his feet, and Adam hastily stood up too, hoping it was too dark to make out his hard on.

No such luck when you were friends with Nick. "Stiffie spotted!" he yelled, pointing in outrage at Adam's crotch, and then swinging dramatically over to point at Chris'. Adam glanced down to see that Chris' skinny jeans were unable to hide his obvious erection, and he couldn't help grinning. He met Chris' gaze, who was smiling back at him.

Chris reached out to grab his hand. "Adam's my boyfriend," he said cheerfully.

Adam choked on a laugh. "Technically, I did not agree to that."

"He totally did," Chris said to the guys. "He said okay to kissing and boyfriends. We kissed, and, ta-da! Bam. Boyfriends."

"Dude, that is not how boyfriends happen," Ortu said, examining Chris with judgy eyes.

"Oh, I'm gonna woo him, too," Chris said.

To be honest, Adam wouldn't mind a little wooing.

And then maybe sometime soon he'd bring Chris to Arjun's party and introduce him to everyone. It would probably be nice for Chris to meet other queer people.

"I'm open for wooing," he said to Chris.

"He's open, he says," Ortu said, and scoffed. "I'm happy for you guys, I truly am, but I have some sudden and urgent rules about sex acts in my basement that we need to go over. Right now."

"Oh, like you and Michelle haven't fucked on the couch," Nick said.

"I don't want naked butts that aren't mine on my couch, okay?"

The screen door slammed as they went back inside, arguing.

Adam smiled, his heart full inside his chest. "Hey," he said, and squeezed Chris' hand. "When I came out, I had some pretty great friends who helped me figure stuff out. Don't forget you have us, too."

Chris' eyes softened, and he leaned over to press his mouth to Adam's, a slow lingering kiss full of promise. "Thanks, baby," he said. "Luckily I have a hot boyfriend, too." He shot Adam a crooked smile. "Maybe he could help me figure out this one gay thing I've heard about? Giving blowjobs?"

Adam's cock twitched, and he felt himself going red, but he pulled Chris close to kiss his smile. "Don't worry," he said. "I've got you."

"Yeah, you do."

They went back in for the rest of poker night. Adam couldn't stop staring at Chris' face and grinning, and Chris didn't seem to be much better, so Nick and Ortu kicked them out early.

Maybe it was for the best, Adam thought, as Chris drove them back to his place, his hand tangled in Adam's over the gear shift. They had plans, after all.

~~~

Chris fumbled his keys at the door to his place, glancing up at Adam and grinning. Adam smiled back, and reached out to touch him: his shoulder, his bare arm, his waist.

"That's really distracting," Chris mumbled, and finally wrenched the door open.

"You want me to stop?" Adam said, grinning.

Chris rolled his eyes. "No, I do not want you to stop," he said, and took hold of Adam's hand to tug him inside, shut the front door, and kiss him.

Adam closed his eyes and leaned into it, curling his arms around Chris' shoulders. One of Chris' hands was in Adam's hair, lightly pulling in a way that Adam was really into, and Adam made a noise around Chris' tongue.

Finally, he pulled away, panting. "Bedroom."

Chris was staring at his mouth, and Adam wondered if his lips looked as obscene as Chris' did, red and swollen and kiss-bitten. "Yeah," Chris said, and stepped away enough for them to toe off their shoes and head down the hall to Chris' bedroom.

Adam had been in Chris' room a lot of times, but this time felt different. There was a brand new context, and that context included sex with his best friend. His new boyfriend.

Adam was still reeling a little about that fact, but in the meantime, Chris wasn't wasting any time and was pulling off his shirt and shucking his shorts. He tugged impatiently at Adam's T-shirt while Adam was momentarily distracted by the sight of Chris' shoulders and chest, and the bulge in his boxers.

It wasn't anything he hadn't seen in the hockey dressing room before. Just. Again. The context was suddenly different.

"Sorry," he said, getting with the program and pulling his shirt off. "You're just — really hot."

Chris grinned at him, and did some kind of flexing thing that made his biceps pop.

"You're really hot, too," Chris said in a blatantly admiring way that made Adam pull his shoulders back a little and blush. He undid his zipper and stepped out his jeans, down to just his boxers. Chris' eyes flared and he pulled Adam in to kiss him. "Fuck. Your arms. Do you know how much gay mechanic porn I've watched in the last few months?"

Adam choked, and pulled away. "What?"

Chris grinned, and licked his neck. "While I was, you know, figuring out my shit."

The idea of Chris thinking about him while watching gay porn — gay mechanic porn — was making Adam's dick rock hard. He pushed himself against Chris' body again, suddenly desperate to be touching as much of Chris as possible. He buried his face in Chris' neck, and ran his hands down the wings of Chris' shoulderblades and the muscled planes of his back, to the dip at the base of spine. Every inch of warm skin felt amazing under his fingertips.

Chris drew in a sharp breath. "Fuck," he said. "You're way hotter than those porn mechanics."

Adam let out a short laugh. "I have a porn story of my own to tell you about," he said, thinking about watching Porn Chris on Valentine's Day a few years ago. He nudged Chris over to the bed and pushed him down onto this back. "Later."

"Oh my god, that's so rude," Chris said breathlessly, staring up at him with bright blue eyes. "Teasing me with porn stories."

"Gotta keep you interested," Adam told him, grinning, and climbed onto the bed to straddle Chris' thighs.

Chris' hands came up automatically to his hips, and then slid down to cup his ass. Adam leaned down to kiss him and feel up Chris' unreal pecs.

"Don't worry, I'm very, very interested," Chris told him earnestly.

Adam bit his lip lightly. "Yeah, you are," he said. "Ready for that blowjob lesson?"

Chris' eyes went wide. "Fuck," he said.

"So?" Adam added, pleased. "Condom?"

Chris scrambled for condoms, kicked off his boxers, and sat back against the headboard while Adam shouldered his way between Chris' thighs.

"Fuck, Adam," Chris said thickly.

"This is your practical demonstration," Adam said, grinning up at him, and wrapped his hand around Chris' hard cock with a small squeeze.

"Oh, fuck," Chris said, wide-eyed.

Adam rolled on the condom, and bent to kiss Chris' stomach, stroking one hand up Chris' inner thigh, the sensitive skin quivering under his fingertips. He wrapped a hand around Chris' dick, and gently put his mouth to the tip, a slow, sucking kiss.

He glanced up. Chris was staring at him, his eyes wild and mouth open. The view made Adam's own dick twitch against his thigh.

"Adam, baby, oh my god," Chris managed, and Adam sucked him into his mouth.

Chris was a polite blowjob recipient who, from the way his hips jerked in an aborted way, seemed to be doing his best to restrain himself from fucking up into Adam's mouth. Adam appreciated that, but he also reached out to pull Chris' hand down to his head. Chris' fingers twisted almost immediately into Adam's hair, tugging with perfect pressure on his scalp, and Adam moaned around the hard length of Chris' cock.

It wasn't long before Chris was pulling more urgently at his hair, saying, "Shit, shit, I'm gonna come —"

Adam had time to pull off, strip off the condom, and jack Chris' cock one more time before he was tensing up and coming across his own belly and abs.

"Shit, that is so hot," Adam said, staring down at the white streaks across Chris' body. Belatedly, he heard the roughness in his own throat.

"Fuck," was all Chris said, and he pulled at whatever parts of Adam he could reach until Adam lay down beside him where Chris could kiss him. "Fuck," Chris said again, fervently.

Adam kissed him back, open-mouthed and wanting.

When Chris pulled back, blinking at him, he said, "That was quite a demonstration."

"Yeah?" Adam said.

"My turn, then."

Adam said, quickly, "I'm not expecting you to — I mean, not if you don't want to. Handjobs are good, handjobs are great, in fact —"

Chris twisted around until he was sitting on top of Adam, settling his weight down on Adam's stomach. Surprised, Adam blinked up at the muscled spread of Chris' torso towering over him.

"Adam," Chris said earnestly. "I've been thinking about this."

"Oh," Adam said, weakly. "Well, I mean, if you've been thinking about it."

Chris grinned at him, and leaned down to kiss Adam's neck and then down his chest, scraping his teeth lightly against Adam's nipples, and pressing sucking kisses to the sensitive skin of his belly. Adam's skin felt like it was buzzing, hyper sensitized under Chris' mouth and teeth, and he pushed helplessly into it.

When Chris was seated between Adam's legs and finally reached out to touch Adam's cock, he was leaking already. Chris' first stroke from base to tip was a little hesitant, but it sent shivers across Adam's skin and made him gasp.

Chris flicked a glance up at him. "Okay?" he said.

Adam nodded vigorously, and let his thighs fall open even further while he watched as Chris rolled a condom over his dick, and bent down to suck him in.

Fuck. Adam twisted his hands into the sheets, muscles tensing and straining at the feeling of his cock inside the wet heat of Chris' mouth. He shuddered helplessly and let out a low moan.

Chris glanced up at him, his blue eyes wide and watering slightly in the corners, and Adam moaned again, unable to look away.

Chris was kind of unpracticed in the art of giving blowjobs, but he was enthusiastic, and Adam was desperately into it. It was Chris, after all. His best friend. Chris, who he'd been in love with for years. Chris, who had said Adam was hotter than the mechanics in gay porn, who had called himbaby, who had said he had un-bro-like feelings about him, who had already told the guys he was Adam's boyfriend —

Chris pulled off, coughing, but that didn't matter, because Adam was coming, arching up and shooting into the condom, panting Chris' name desperately.

"Fuck," Chris said, and this time his throat sounded rough in a way that made Adam's over-sensitive dick twitch helplessly.

"Yeah," Adam managed.

Chris flopped down next to him, his breath still coming fast. "Well," he said. "That must be a pretty solid case of bam! Boyfriends."

Adam choked on a laugh. "It was not this easy for me to get a boyfriend when I came out," he said, tying off the condom.

Chris' eyes softened, and he reached out to cup Adam's jaw. "I'm sorry it took me longer to get here," he said.

Adam smiled. "You were worth waiting for."

"Yeah, I was," Chris said, and he leaned forward to kiss him.

~~~

In the morning, Adam woke up to his legs tangled in Chris' and a sleepy, morning-breath kiss. Eventually, after an extended stay in bed and then a detour to the shower, they had freezer waffles and black coffee for breakfast, and tangled their legs under the kitchen table.

Adam couldn't stop smiling. It was going to be a great day.