Chapter Text
The first time Lilith heard of soulmates, she was six and it was an accident. The consequence of an overheard conversation between two tutors. She didn’t understand, not really. One person, out of all the people on the planet, specifically made for someone else? And this person would let her see colors? Even at six she knew that the chances of anyone meeting their soulmate with those odds was slim. Still, she was six and the concept was swiftly forgotten.
The first time Lilith was formally introduced to the idea of actually having a soulmate she was fourteen. Her mother’s delivery was cold and clinical before going back to criticizing her daughter. “Everyone has a soulmate Lilith, but they’re not necessary. You’ll get your colors when you get the Halo. Don’t waste your time dwelling on ‘what if’ and focus on yourself, you don’t need the dead weight of a soulmate, you’re already sloppy enough. Josiah tells me that you leave your left side open to attack when sparring, fix it.”
At the age where girls typically get their first crush, Lilith spent her days with stuffy tutors (All the good ones were sent away the second Lilith started to get attached) and martial arts instructors (She’d gotten over crying about bruises years ago. Now she just took the bite of pain and learned to dodge).
Her days were spent training for the inevitable day where she would join the OCS and take up her rightful mantle as Halo Bearer...at least, for the most part. During quiet moments Lilith couldn’t help but daydream about ‘the one.’ Would they be strong? Tall? Maybe even funny? She didn’t even know what she wanted, not really. Not having choices in life does that to someone.
By the time Lilith finally joined the OCS (and got out from under her parents thumb), thoughts of her soulmate, whoever they were, rarely crossed her mind. She had more important things to worry about, like wiping the floor with Shannon again .
“Round five goes to me. Again.” Lilith teased, a faint smirk curling the corner of her lips. Sure, bragging wasn’t entirely fair but Lilith was nothing if not proud of her skills. Moments later her smirk turned into a small smile though as she offered Shannon a hand, maybe it was soft, but Shannon truly was her only friend. The other Sisters were kept at an arm's length, never allowed too close.
“I’m starting to think you’re enjoying this, Lilith.” Shannon groaned, stretching her ribs before prodding the bruise that was surely forming on her side after being thrown to the ground so roughly. Accepting the offered hand, Shannon grunted as she was hauled back to her feet. “C’mon, let's take a breather. Lord knows I need it.”
Accepting the offered water bottle, Lilith settled on one of the pews beside Shannon. The training room was empty save for them, most of the other Sisters training outside. The water was cool going down her throat, quenching a thirst she hadn’t realized she felt until that moment. The silence between the two was comfortable and Lilith was thankful. She’d never been the most talkative person, even as a child.
Unfortunately, all peace is broken at some point and now was no different. “Hey Lilith?” Shannon asked, voice quiet and thoughtful. “Do you ever wonder what it’s like?”
Glancing over, Lilith furrowed her brows in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Y’know...colors. Having a soulmate.”
Well. Did she wonder what it was like? Occasionally, when her mind was hazy with the fog of sleep and her thoughts wandered of their own accord Lilith would dream up a warm arm slung across her waist and wonder at what it would be like to see dawn in all its glory. There had to be something about colors that had those lucky enough to meet their soulmate so excited about it. Could something as simple as colors really change so much?
“No. I don’t.” A liar, Lilith was a liar . But soulmates were a weakness, or so her mother had always said. Maybe she’d be better off without one. She didn’t need a soulmate to see color anyway. Whenever she got the Halo, Lilith would be able to see a whole rainbow of them.
“Really?” Shannon couldn’t help but sound surprised. “I wonder if I think about it more than I should, considering we’ve taken the vows. I just can’t help but be curious. There’s someone out there that God made for us Lilith. How can I not find that beautiful?”
Shannon got the Halo. Shannon got the Halo .
Shannon got the Halo and fury burned through Lilith’s veins, a sick burn of jealousy (Fear, it was fear. Her mother would not be kind about her daughter losing the Halo. Truthfully, Lilith was relieved) settled low in her gut. It was more than that. No Halo meant no colors.
Sure, she had a soulmate but the chances of finding them among all seven billion people on Earth? Lilith wasn’t holding her breath (Even if some small, lonely part of her hungered for the chance to be with them). If she had been asked the day before, Lilith would have scoffed at being asked if she cared about colors. Now? Now that her chance had been stolen? She wanted nothing more than to be able to see the world in all of God’s glory, colors and all.
“Lilith?”
She knew Shannon was behind her before she spoke. If Lilith’s years of training hadn’t sharpened her senses and awareness, then the golden glow cast from behind her would have clued her in real quick.
“Sister Shannon. I trust you’re adjusting to the Halo nicely?” The politeness gnawed at her and Shannon winced. She hadn’t been called Sister by Lilith in a while, she was always just Shannon.
“Can we talk?” The newly minted Halo Bearer was nervous for this conversation, anxious in a way she never was. Shannon wasn’t stupid. She and everyone else at Cat’s Cradle knew about Lilith and her bloodline. They all knew how badly she wanted to be Halo Bearer. It was the worst kept secret in Andalusia.
“Of course.” Shannon settled on the pew next to Lilith and joined her in staring up at the stained glass windows, neither comfortable with eye contact at that moment. They were in uncharted territory, one that stepped firmly on the harsh truth of Lilith’s childhood. She was born to be the Halo Bearer. Nothing more, nothing less.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take the Halo out from under you. I hope you know that.”
That’s the difficult part. Lilith was well aware. It wasn’t in Shannon’s nature to power grab like that, not that it was in any of their control. Shannon’s shock at being chosen as the new Halo Bearer was genuine.
Releasing a deep sigh, Lilith closed her eyes for a moment and willed herself to let her anger and jealousy go (What was she even jealous about anyway, she never wanted the Halo as a child anyway). “I know. I...apologize if i’ve treated you any differently.”
“Everything is forgiven.”
A silence stretched between the two, both lost in their own thoughts before Lilith suddenly broke it.
“What’s it like?”
“What do you mean?”
“The colors. What are they like?” Lilith didn’t know why she asked. Nothing Shannon could say would be of any comfort. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know what she was missing.
“They’re beautiful.”