Chapter Text
Lilith grunted as she blocked an overhead swing of Shannon’s baton, biceps burning with the force behind it. After becoming Halo Bearer, their sparring sessions became significantly more challenging. Each strike had an almost supernatural strength behind it, more often than not leaving Lilith’s body aching and sore.
Hooking her foot behind Shannon’s ankle, Lilith pulled back while throwing her weight into Shannon’s baton and nearly cheered whenever she caught the other woman by surprise and succeeded in toppling her backwards only to have her feet kicked out from under her. Lilith’s back hit the training mat with a thud and all her breath was knocked from her lungs.
“Tie?” Shannon panted, holding herself up on her elbows and shooting Lilith a weary grin. The two had been going for over an hour now, starting slow and ending with the all out bout that ended with the both of them lying flat on the floor. Regardless of how rigorously they trained, it was enough for anyone to want a break.
“Yeah,” Lilith groaned, “It’s a tie.” The burn in her muscles was a satisfying one, something to focus on while she laid there to catch her breath. A small, selfish part of her was concerned about Shannon’s increase in skill. Lilith had always been at the top, the one no one wanted to go hand to hand with. For Shannon to be as good as her...Well. It made Lilith uncomfortable. (She was scared. Coming second in her childhood was unacceptable and even though her parent’s teachings were years ago, they stuck with her.)
After a few more moments of laying on the mat, Shannon and Lilith got to their feet. Replacing their batons on the weapons rack, the two made their way outside to the pavilion, walking quietly through Cat’s Cradle’s hallowed halls. Leaning up against the weather worn parapets, Lilith stared out across the landscape and let her eyes wander the surrounding hills. Very occasionally it was possible to spot the distant moving dots of ibex grazing the hillside.
“Have you heard?” Shannon broke the silence after a while, snapping Lilith back into focus. Well that was vague .
“Have I heard what?” Lilith questioned, brows furrowed and voice suspicious. Crossing her arms in front of her, she turned and leaned against the parapets and focused her full attention on the other woman.
“We have a new member of the OCS coming today. Father Vincent was telling me about her earlier.”
“Are we resorting to petty gossip to amuse ourselves now Shannon? What’s so special about another nun?”
“That’s the interesting part! She refused the vows.” Shannon spoke quietly, leaning a bit closer so they wouldn’t be overheard. Gossip wasn’t exactly encouraged.
Oh. Now that was interesting. It wasn’t unheard of for a member of the OCS to not take the vows, but it was rare. The OCS comprised mostly of nuns afterall. Still, anyone that managed to survive the elimination process to join was welcome. Another Sister to fight beside was never a bad thing.
“When is she arriving?” Curiosity finally slipped into her voice, unable to help herself as she dug for more information. It had been a while since their latest transfer and someone who’d refused their vows would surely be more interesting than quiet Beatrice. Not that there was anything wrong with the girl, in all honesty Lilith found her company surprisingly enjoyable. She always liked someone who could appreciate silence like she could.
“Supposedly later today.”
‘Later today’ ended up being right after dinner. It was the roar of a motorcycle, audible even inside the heart of Cat’s Cradle, that had everyone looking up in curiosity. Lilith was startled, distracted from the sudden knot in her gut, by Shannon nudging her with her knee.
“I’ll bet you anything that’s her, want to come with me to welcome her?”
“Sure...why not?” Lilith couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little bit before standing from the long table and climbing over the bench she had been sitting on. “Let’s go be the welcoming committee.” Her voice was undeniably sarcastic, but inside she was a mess. Normally she’d leave Shannon to play the welcoming Halo Bearer by herself but something told Lilith to go with her. She never ignored her instincts, they tended to be right.
The walk to the entrance hall didn’t take long and was silent between the Sisters, something Lilith was thankful for. The closer she got to the massive doors that opened to the outside world, the tighter the knot in her gut wound itself. Rather alarmingly, Lilith feared she was going to puke. Dinner had been standard and the cooks were always careful, after all, the OCS was useless if the whole convent had food poisoning. So why did she feel so off?
Opening the front doors, the sunlight blinded both Lilith and Shannon, forcing the two to raise a hand and block some of the light and allow their eyes to adjust. That was the downside of having the entrance hall pointed west, you were in for a rude awakening upon opening the doors as the sun began its descent.
Warily cracking her eyes open, ready for the burn of eyes not yet adjusted to the sun’s rays, Lilith didn’t register the change at first. It made sense for everything to be brighter, after all, the sun was directly pointed at the pavilion. What didn’t make sense was the fact that Lilith could see the last bit of blue in the sky, the majority a vibrant, brilliant orange. She could see the earth tones of the stonework around them and the sandy, shrubby hills that surrounded Cat’s Cradle and the town around it.
She could see the silhouette of an approaching figure. The knot in her gut had loosened and relaxed without Lilith even noticing. (Only now did she remember the vague memory of learning that upon close proximity to one’s soulmate for the first time, the human body would undergo extreme discomfort that would lessen until seeing one’s soulmate in an attempt to ensure a meeting.)
Her body was in a state of shock, steps faltering and a startled breath sucked into her lungs before being shakily exhaled. Lilith could see colors. Lilith could see colors. Without the Halo, the only way for her to ever see colors was to meet her Soulmate . Her soulmate, someone Lilith had long ago resigned herself to never meeting (After all, why would she, of all people, deserve to meet her soulmate? The only thing she was good at was fighting.) A new need bubbled up and took over the forefront of Lilith’s thoughts. She needed to see them. Lilith needed to see her soulmate, her ‘One’.
Lilith wasn’t disappointed (Not that she could have been, they were soulmates after all. Literally made for eachother). Her soulmate was gorgeous . Lilith’s normally quick mind had ground to a complete halt, stunned stupid at actually meeting her (The knowledge that her soulmate was a woman was comforting, she’d long ago accepted that men didn’t catch her interest in the slightest). Utterly entranced by the mere presence of the striking woman in front of her, now visible as the sun was hidden behind the Cat’s Cradle walls, Lilith hadn’t even realized that she hadn’t been paying any attention to what was being said.
The woman, ‘Mary ’, said some part of her brain that had actually been paying attention to her introduction, looked in as much awe as Lilith felt. Her eyes, ‘ a beautifully dark brown ’ her brain interjected again, wandered over Shannon and Lilith and the shivers that ran down Lilith’s spine upon being examined had Lilith breathless. She’d never been self conscious before. She was attractive and was well aware of the fact. But now? Lilith was desperately hoping that she lived up to any expectations Mary had.
Belatedly Lilith remembered that they weren’t alone and suddenly she jerked back in control of her body, desperately trying to calm her racing heart and her head turned to look at Shannon. Normally would take the chance to introduce herself but rather alarmingly, her voice was failing her.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mary.” Shannon’s voice was slightly off and if Lilith didn’t know her as well as she did, she never would have caught it. Narrowing her eyes slightly and resisting the urge to rather uncharacteristically snap, Lilith just about swallowed her tongue whenever she caught how Mary was staring at Shannon. The woman looked absolutely taken . An abrupt feeling of pure confusion drowned out any other thought. That look was for her . Lilith was her soulmate so why was Mary staring at Shannon like a dying man in the desert? “This is Sister Lilith.”
Mary’s gaze slid back over to her and the heady feeling of pure warmth spread back through Lilith’s veins, lighting her alight from the inside. “Welcome, Mary.” Her voice cracked slightly on the first syllable, mouth bone dry. The sheer surprise of the situation left her voice cool and slightly prickly, falling back on years of ingrained defense mechanisms. ‘When presented with an unfamiliar situation, remain on guard so you’re never caught unawares.’ Her old tutors voice echoed faintly in the back of her mind.
“Thank you, Sister Lilith.” There was intrigue in her voice, yes, but none of the breathless, slightly awestruck quality that part of her had been expecting (The part of her that had longed for this day, for finding the one person that was supposed to just understand her. For the opportunity to have someone firmly in her corner). Mary’s eyes remained respectful, not even little glances and flicks around Lilith’s face as though she were already trying to memorize the planes of her face and drink in every detail she could (Lilith already felt as though Mary’s face was stamped, no, branded, into her brain.)
Her second clue that something else was going on was the way that Mary’s eyes snapped back to Shannon’s as soon as was respectful and there were the wandering glances and the small part to her lips out of sheer awe. There was the slight lean forward, as though Mary couldn’t bear to stay separated much longer. There were the reactions that should have been Lilith’s.
Lilith’s blood was going cold and her heart beat an uneven rhythm in her chest. This wasn’t right. None of this was right. The tips of her fingers were growing numb as horror and heartbreak began to settle, lungs tightening with an unwillingness to draw breath. This wasn’t happening.
It was.
“I...forgive me if this is forward, but do you see them too? The colors?” Mary’s voice was hopeful with just the slightest undercurrent of anxiety. Her words were directed towards Shannon. Shannon, who’s face opened like a book and displayed a sudden shock. Shannon, who looked as though her breath had been stolen. Shannon, whose lips were curling in a hesitant, hopeful smile (She too had lost hope of finding her soulmate. Being the Halo Bearer ensured that finding her soulmate by herself was next to impossible. She already had the colors. There was nothing new.)
Abruptly, Lilith was seized with the overwhelming need to flee . She couldn’t watch this. She wouldn’t. Fists clenching at her sides, her nails bit deep into the flesh of her palm, grounding her back into this moment when all she wanted to do was retreat into her quarters and break (She couldn’t even remember the last time she cried. Something told her she was about to get a lot more familiar with it). “You seem to have this under control Shannon. I’m going to finish dinner.” Her excuse was paper thin. Dinner was already in the process of ending whenever the two had left, but in that moment she was beyond thankful that Shannon didn’t press beyond a concerned glance. A concerned glance that lasted seconds before her eyes (Shannon’s eyes were blue. A gorgeous, ethereal blue) were locked solidly back onto Mary’s.
Scratch crying, Lilith was going to be sick. Turning on her heel and striding back into the relative darkness of Cat’s Cradle, she broke into a full sprint as soon as she was out of eyesight and earshot of Shannon and Mary. Her breath was ragged, thick with emotion that she couldn’t repress. The pain in her chest, no, her body , was nearly crippling. Heartbreak. That had to be what this was. ‘Fuck having a heart then, if this is what it gets me, I don’t want it.’ Her thoughts were irrational as she burst into her room, fingers shaky on the knob before managing to turn the lock behind her.
Staggering to the bed and nearly collapsing on it, Lilith couldn’t hold back the whimper of agony ( ‘Fucking heartbreak’ ) as she curled in on herself. She hadn’t even bothered to remove her shoes, arms wrapping around her knees before ducking her head down and burying it in her arms. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. Panic welled in her chest and all at once the dam of poorly repressed emotions burst and deep, aching sobs escaped, the sound thankfully muffled in her arms.
‘ Of course. Of course I'd be one of the unlucky few who’s soulmate was unrequited. I don’t even know why i’m surprised.’
Sucking in desperate lungfuls of air, Lilith bit back another whimper that desperately wanted to escape. No. She wouldn’t cry any more about this. Enough was enough. Clenching her fists tightly once more, Lilith let the bite of her fingernails snap her back into focus and felt her body go numb. Enough was enough. So what, she wasn’t Mary’s soulmate. This was just one more obstacle for Lilith to overcome.
After all, Mother had always said that soulmates were dead weight.