vampire_snoopy
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Harry Potter and the fact his life can't get more fucked up by Awkwardaxalotl
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
11 Jun 2026
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Summary
NOT AN UPDATE - CHAPTER HOPEFULLY OUT THIS WEEKEND
Harry sees that playing the hero in his first year gets him dumped back at the dursleys with a pat on the back for literally murdering a man and decides fuck it I live like I want now. He goes to gringotts gets an inheritance test finds out he has a reluctant soulmate and that dumbledore is a prick. Shenanigans ensue. This is purely self indulgent and my first attempt at fanfic .
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 153,122
- Chapters:
- 76/?
- Comments:
- 2,335
- Kudos:
- 9,330
- Bookmarks:
- 2,738
- Hits:
- 359,718
Bookmarked by vampire_snoopy
10 Jul 2026
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Summary
Will Graham has a stalker.
Unfortunately for him, Jack Crawford takes that problem far more seriously than he does. After burning through an impressive number of bodyguards, Will is convinced the newest one won’t last any longer than the others.
What he doesn’t expect is Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
Surgeon. Bodyguard. Apparently impossible to lose. Will is determined to make his life difficult.
Hannibal finds the challenge fascinating.
Bookmarked by vampire_snoopy
01 Jul 2026
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Summary
A horcrux did not stop one from aging. Oh it slowed it down, that wasn’t indisputable but if Lord Voldemort wished to live forever, he would need something far more substantial.
Horcruxes alone, he had long since realised, were not perfect. The soul was tethered, yes, but the body still yielded in its slow decay. Rot had no master, only time.
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There was something wrong with Harry Potter.
At first, no one noticed. The boy grew as he ought to grow, small and underfed in Privet Drive. But there was something, deeply, off kilter about him. The Dursleys not only locked his cupboard door on a night, but also their bedroom doors as well. Not because of the magic, though they feared that too, but because sometimes the boy watched them at night, eyes glinting in the dark when they forgot about the cupboard....
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A teenage vampire seeking his Sire. His loyal dog. Dead rats. And a babysitting Barty Crouch Junior.
Series
- Part 1 of Corruption is creation
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 165,812
- Chapters:
- 22/?
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 1,534
- Kudos:
- 2,179
- Bookmarks:
- 696
- Hits:
- 64,254
Bookmarked by vampire_snoopy
27 Jun 2026
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Summary
Lord Voldemort pushed through with all magic and rage and apparated while following that pull of magic inside him that screamed Harry Potter.
He landed in the middle of a bright, sunlit street filled with almost identical houses in a suffocating muggle place. Voldemort turned around, hissing at a child playing in their garden and making her run inside with a scream that might have delighted him any other day.
His official return to the wizarding world was supposed to be dramatic, planned to perfection as the historical moment it was. Now his first official sighting was scaring children like some common ruffian. As always; his plans were utterly destroyed by Harry fucking Potter.
OR
After Nagini's attack on Mr Weasley in 5th year, Harry sneak off and steal the Prophecy without anyone noticing.
Instead, Harry is safely behind the wards on Privet Drive when Voldemort realise he has the prophecy.
If the summary seems familliar, it is because this is a re-writing of my older fic: If I cannot be loved I must be feared
Cannon compliant up til christmas holls in 5th year.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,411
- Chapters:
- 12/?
- Comments:
- 392
- Kudos:
- 1,593
- Bookmarks:
- 581
- Hits:
- 30,311
Bookmarked by vampire_snoopy
25 Jun 2026
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Summary
Voldemort figures out that Harry is his horcrux during the graveyard scene and lets him go. As a result, Harry gets blamed for Cedric's death and is expelled from Hogwarts. Stuck at the Dursleys and having his letters ignored, Harry has nobody to turn to when he starts getting odd dreams.
The Wizarding World doesn't realize that Voldemort is back until Dumbledore is defeated, but by then it's too late.
Or: Through a series of dreams, Voldemort convinces Harry that they are soul mates.
Series
- Part 5 of Completed HP Stories
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 188,001
- Chapters:
- 31/31
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 856
- Kudos:
- 1,346
- Bookmarks:
- 346
- Hits:
- 66,387
Bookmarked by vampire_snoopy
24 Jun 2026