1 - 20 of 1,078 Bookmarks by theoreticallychaotic
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"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness".
1 John 1:9
Edward Teach knows sin and guilt. He's got success and fame, a life that most would envy professionally, but his personal life is another matter entirely. He's shit at relationships, shit at finding happiness, in general, Ed's always been a bit shit. He knows he's floating through life, and eventually floats back into the same city he went to college. The same city he once crushed a sweet guy all for the sake of winning a bet.
And meets Father Stede Bonnet, a man who seems to see into his guilt-laden soul and offers to wash his sins clean.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
27 Jun 2026
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“All right,” he finally breathes, heart flying into a quicker rhythm as he meets Stede’s gaze. There’s a wild sort of excitement there, one matched by the sudden, frantic thrum of Ed’s blood through his veins, stepping into a dream he’s never even thought to have before this moment. “I’m—I’m a princess. Yeah.”
Stede fucking beams.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,287
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 85
- Kudos:
- 944
- Bookmarks:
- 187
- Hits:
- 6,595
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
13 Jun 2026
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And if I should falter (would you open your arms out to me?) by crimsonandclover1717
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
23 Jun 2026
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Stede and Ed are terrible at having a second anniversary, but are excellent at finding their way back to each other.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
13 Jun 2026
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Feels so good when I'm near you, holding hands and making love by veeagainst
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
04 Jun 2026
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Ed thinks about sex, and sex with Stede, across several sexual experiences between them.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
05 Jun 2026
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Summary
all mermaid stede related things, in a mostly chronological order
- Words:
- 20,798
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 1
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
02 Jun 2026
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All it takes is for Stede to sigh over the pair of stockings, and Ed is ready to burn the whole world to the ground to get him that pair of stockings. Luckily, he doesn’t need to do something that dramatic.
or
Ed buys Stede (and himself) a pair of stockings, and they fuck about it. Featuring period-typical lingerie and one not-so-period-typical butt plug.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,773
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 16
- Kudos:
- 49
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 446
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
31 May 2026
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“I think I—I think—I might be pregnant,” Stede stutters and the floor feels like it drops out from under Ed.
Whatever he was expecting Stede to say, that certainly isn’t it. Ed’s world stands on end, his mind skidding to an abrupt halt. His stomach flip flops like he’s just started the descent on a roller coaster picking up speed and he finds he’s unable to hold himself up any longer, melting down into a puddle next to Stede on the tile. His heart’s pounding in his chest so fast that it seems like time has slowed down. All while he feels Stede’s eyes on him, knowing he’s waiting for a response and trying not to have a full on melt down as he tries to process everything he just heard. He combs a hand down his face, and then something seems to break through his disjointed thoughts hanging on one word.
“Wait—you think or you are?” Ed asks.
Series
- Part 2 of Our Big Happy Family Verse
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
30 May 2026
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Stede discovers hammocks.
Ed discovers new levels of emotional endurance.Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
30 May 2026
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Stede’s been picking up on it for a while, Ed’s hesitance to share when he’s upset, or worried, or feeling hurt. They’ve managed to talk a few things out by now, namely that they’d give pirating a break, that they wanted to do it together.
That had been huge, actually. Still – he can’t help but feel that Ed’s walking on eggshells, as though the wrong words might spook Stede into fleeing.
Deep down Stede knows he won’t, neither of them will, but yeah – he knows the feeling. They’ve still got a lot of talking to do.
Just needs a little elbow grease.
“I love you,” he whispers, sliding even closer, lightly carding his fingers through Ed’s hair.
The forced smile relaxes into a real one, warm and pleased. “Love you.”
Or:
Ed and Stede have some work to do on the inn…among other things. They’re up for the challenge.
Series
- Part 1 of So We’re Innkeepers, Then?
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
20 May 2026
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Ed and Stede play dress-up, and maybe not so much.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
17 May 2026
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“I have nothing to admit, my darling.”
Ed scoffs, “Whatever, mate! It’s obvious to anyone who has fuckin eyes -“
“It is not!”
“It is so!” Ed retorts, leveling Stede with a seductive stare, “Admit it, Bonnet. You’ve got the hots for Applejack.”
…
Ever since Ed brought up the silly notion that Stede’s got a crush on their newest employee, it tumbled into something unexpected.
A sort of chase, if you will. A cat and mouse game.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
15 May 2026
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Ed Teach is a master tactician, but even he didn't realize that the consequence of asking Stede Bonnet to stab him would be waking up with Stede's hard-on pressed against his ass.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
12 May 2026
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- Words:
- 48,071
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 62
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
12 May 2026
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_____________
“My turn to tell you you’re not too much?”
Swallowing around the sudden knot in his throat, Ed gives a weak laugh. “Suppose so.”
Stede pushes himself onto his elbows with a little grunt as cool air touches his chest, running a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to tame his bedhead. “You are not too much,” he rasps. “You are exactly enough. And I like it very much.”
_____________
The Morning After the Night Before.
Sequel to Everything's Coming Up Rosés but can be read alone.
Series
- Part 2 of The Silk of Human Kindness
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
12 May 2026
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expect the unexpected (but the unexpected was meant to be impossible) by raspberryseashanty
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
16 Jan 2026
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At almost 40 years old, Anton pretty much has his life figured out-- so things go off track a bit when he suddenly presents as an omega, thanks to some dormant genetics passed down in his family.
He could be doing without this, honestly.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,316
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 7
- Kudos:
- 23
- Bookmarks:
- 3
- Hits:
- 291
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
11 May 2026
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“Please, Nanny!”.
“For the hundredth time, Master Stede, the answer is no.”
“I’m not asking you to pay for them! I can pay for them! I’ve still got my birthday money that my grandparents sent me!”.
“That’s not the point, Master Stede. If I were to help you buy those books, and your parents found out, I’d lose my job. You know what they think of such things.”
Stede knew, all right. He’d had his parents’ opinion of whimsical distractions like toys and art supplies and storybooks drummed into his head for most of his ten-year existence. But I have to have those books, he thought with desperate longing. I simply have to.
*****
At one point, Rhys said that he thought Stede’s favourite song would be “The Rainbow Connection”:
Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices? I’ve heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet song that lures the young sailor? The voice might be one and the same.
This story tries to explore that yearning for more that I think Stede felt from an early age.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
03 May 2026
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Summary
Edward Teach moved to suburbia for a change. He's been wanting a change for a long time, but so far nothing has stuck, instead he finds himself bored and tired, and most of all lonely. Until one evening there's a knock at his door and he opens it to a sleeping handsome blonde who asks to pick up his order for fries and a shake.
Night after night, Ed finds out his neighbor sleepwalks, and each time he sets his work aside and goes out to keep him company. And night by night he wonders what Stede might be like when he's awake. Because despite the fact Ed knows he's just another dream to Stede, he feels as if he's found a best friend he's never had.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
27 Apr 2026
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Summary
Stede’s first pitch, when he broached the subject, was that he would be a fearsome pirate captain and Ed a fiery tavern wench. Which, like— it’s not that Ed wasn’t up for it, he totally was, but maybe he did make a teasing comment that made Stede start worrying about looking like a misogynist, and he’s already tying himself up in some guilt-ridden existential crisis long before Ed can find a big enough gap in the conversation to point out that maybe there is not an unproblematic way to do a fucking ravishment fantasy.
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
16 Apr 2026
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Parry & Riposte by GayPirateAficionado, PolitestMenace (GayPirateAficionado)
Fandom Our Flag Means Death (TV)
10 Apr 2026
Summary
A modern sport fencing Ed/Stede AU, set in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Ed is a former professional fencer, current fencing club owner. Stede is a professor at the local small liberal arts college.
The amount of actual fencing varies. Low angst in Kiss Me, no angst in the rest; some are spicy, all are sweet. They may be Idiots in Love, but they are a set. Do Not Separate.
- Words:
- 133,130
- Works:
- 26
- Bookmarks:
- 75
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
11 Apr 2026
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Summary
Stede and Ed are meeting up in Phoenix after a week apart. And Stede has some excellent ideas for making good use of their time…
Can be read as a one shot. No prior knowledge of the series necessary!
Series
- Part 26 of Parry & Riposte
Bookmarked by theoreticallychaotic
11 Apr 2026