thegreenempty



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Summary

    A mostly crackfic series that asks, what if Shane and Ilya were slightly out of character? Shane is bitchier, Ilya is manic and philosophical, Cliff Marleau and the Boston boys take turns babysitting their crashing-out captain, and Shane finally gets recognized as the pretty, funny, sassy player he is.

    Nothing is too serious about this, it's a mix of show and book canon, and a healthy dose of fanon (himbo king Cliff). Ilya is allowed to catch feelings early, as a treat and Shane is allowed to let his inner mean girl out.

    Please enjoy these silly boys and their silly relationships! Four works so far with more to come! How much more? I don't know! They keep doing silly things and my brain keeps writing it down.

    Thanks for reading! 💕

    Words:
    36,681
    Works:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    1,591
  2. Words:
    1,156
    Works:
    2
  3. Words:
    45,865
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    24

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Right after Shane wins the 2011 Rookie of the Year award, he makes a wild suggestion: Ilya could spend the following day with him.

    They end up doing a few boring activities, like hiking, reading, or getting married.

    What follows is a long-distance, highly secret, frustrating, and completely loving married life, while still being arch-rivals to the rest of the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    84,239
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    603
    Kudos:
    2,062
    Bookmarks:
    755
    Hits:
    54,105

    18 Jun 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Secretly married, fully-in love Hollanov. The one where they take pictures of their shared trophies every year at the awards show. Out to Scott, Kip, Sveta, Marly WIP, waiting ch12

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    This is boring.

    The thought floated across Shane’s brain like one of those banners tied to the tail of a plane. Or maybe like a screensaver on a nineties computer, one that would have been in a separate room from the rest of the house.

    Or maybe he was just coming up with different descriptors for it to distract from how boring it was.

    The whole thing would be mildly more interesting if Shane were at all interested in cars or how they worked. But he wasn’t, no matter how much his husband tried to convince him to be, so a luxury car auction was not exactly his idea of fun on the first vacation they had had together in two years.

    Or, Shane attends at a high-end car auction, and sits next to the most handsome man he’s ever seen.

    That man is not his husband.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,424
    Chapters:
    2/4
    Comments:
    130
    Kudos:
    396
    Bookmarks:
    129
    Hits:
    4,653

    29 Jun 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Bratty trophy husband Shane cheating with billionaire Ilya? Yes, please. More, please. Oh? That second chapter hit like the second plane. THEY'RE IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR! YUM YUM YUM

  3. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “I’m trying to figure out,” Rose wonders aloud. “Are you always a complete prick? Just with women? Or just when you lose a game?”

    Ilya barks a laugh, shocked and almost delighted, and his smile spreads wide enough that Rose can see all those pearly whites of his that are so much nicer than she expected any hockey player’s to be. “All the time,” he grins, “all the time. However much of an asshole Hollander has told you I am, double it.”

    She answers truthfully, shrugs her shoulders in her tiny silver dress. “He hasn’t mentioned you at all.”

    After a shitshow of an evening in a Montreal nightclub, Ilya wakes up the next morning in Shane’s bed. Only, he’s not in Shane’s bed — Rose Landry is, and he’s in Rose Landry’s body, and she’s in his. Well, what the fuck are they supposed to do with that?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    109,980
    Chapters:
    13/19
    Comments:
    1,847
    Kudos:
    2,711
    Bookmarks:
    1,035
    Hits:
    66,943

    02 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Rose and Ilya body swap! Poor Ilya thinking, "cool he wants me but only when I'm not me, and when I'm not me he doesn't want me...cool, cool, cool." Rose is just out there fighting gender and any NHL player who steps-to. WIP ch14

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Shane joins a Russian dating website to find companionship, Ilya joins to find a green card. They both think the other person is catfishing them, but can’t stop talking to each other anyway and eventually end up on TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,738
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    1,060
    Kudos:
    4,224
    Bookmarks:
    1,102
    Hits:
    47,681

    12 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    90day fiancé AU - cute and fun! WIP waiting ch4

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ilya and Shane are broke roommates, until Ilya discovers streaming and starts making bank jerking off for the viewers
    Naturally, he offers his good friend Shane a chance at making money the same way
    And if they touch each other a little it’s only because of the tips, not because they are into each other

    ~~~~~~

    Shane and Ilya are both completely straight here
    #ISwearrr

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    70,196
    Chapters:
    7/9
    Comments:
    3,962
    Kudos:
    21,221
    Bookmarks:
    6,949
    Hits:
    591,857

    08 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    WIP - waiting ch8 - very fucking funny! It's not gay, bro, it's prly just a kink or something! Not bro behavior, bro.

Navigation