ineffableswift



Recent bookmarks

  1. Rec *

    Tags
    Summary

    Jane
    Are they both bad?
    Do you hate them?

    Ilya
    Have been having a mild breakdown, sorry
    You see, my boyfriend sent me two photos of himself wearing glasses when he knows that this makes me insane man

    Jane
    Oh come on
    You literally see me in them everyday!

    Ilya
    I do
    And I have had an orgasm every day for the last 421 days
    You see the connection, yes?

    Ilya does lots of boring things with Shane. They are his favourite things in the world.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,074
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    170
    Kudos:
    5,355
    Bookmarks:
    550
    Hits:
    51,327

    22 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    ILYA:
    No one is allowed to question the bride on her wedding day!! You just do what I say!!

    TROY:
    How is that different from literally every other day?

    Or: it's Hollanov wedding day!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,628
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    374
    Kudos:
    10,174
    Bookmarks:
    1,123
    Hits:
    72,037

    17 Jun 2026

  3. Rec *

    Tags
    Summary

    Bood
    what have you given her before?

    Ilya
    A fucking, mostly

    Bood
    CHEAP
    CHEAP GIFT GIVER

    Ilya enlists Bood & the Ottawa WAGs to help brainstorm ideas for his first proper Valentine’s Day with ‘Jane’.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,287
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1,982
    Kudos:
    23,303
    Bookmarks:
    4,620
    Hits:
    246,674

    15 Jun 2026

  4. Rec *

    Tags
    Summary

    It’s not going viral because Jane’s true identity was exposed—or even because Ilya was blatantly sexting in public. That part’s as expected as Shane doing yoga or any human being on earth breathing.

    No, the texts are going viral because no one can believe how bad this “Jane” is at sexting.

    The women of the world are outraged. The men of the world are baffled. No one can understand why Ilya Rozanov, whose abs have their own fan club, is wasting his time on ‘a piece of cardboard that wished to be turned into a real girl’ (this particular joke has 300k likes and counting).

    Or: After a social media trend mocks Shane's sexting skills, he tries to improve them. It goes about as poorly as you'd expect.

    Now available in Russian

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,196
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,565
    Kudos:
    51,037
    Bookmarks:
    10,552
    Hits:
    336,475

    11 Jun 2026

  5. Rec *

    Tags
    Summary

    When Maya Hollander has an emergency, she does exactly what her dad always told her to do: call the fire department.

    The problem? The emergency is her Russian homework.

    Or: one phone call, one very confused dad, and an unexpectedly helpful firefighter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,534
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    188
    Kudos:
    7,183
    Bookmarks:
    722
    Hits:
    34,715

    11 Jun 2026