ScarletJoke



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    [Seven members of the Ottawa Centaurs stand in the backyard of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. Each of the men holds a bag of candy as they joke with each other while Harris Drover sets up the shot. The sun is beginning to dip in the sky behind them, and the Stanley Cup sits on a makeshift stand made out of a cushioned lawn chair. Shane hovers close to the cup, and can be seen eyeing it with concern as Ilya watches him with amusement.]

    Shane: That doesn’t look very stable. We could have at least dragged the patio table out here.

    Ilya: It’s fine, sweetheart.

    Shane: I know, but it’s my day with the cup, I don’t want anything to happen to it.

    Ilya: Bood seasoned jerk chicken in there, yesterday. I think it will survive a little trauma candy salad dump in our backyard.

    Shane: That feels like a famous last words kind of scenario.

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    13 Jul 2026

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    [Scott Hunter]: thanks

    [Shane]: I meant it.

    [Scott Hunter]: I know

    [Shane]: Please don’t have sex in the locker room.

    [Scott Hunter]: lol

    (or: four moments throughout the years, as seen through the eyes of the camera)

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    09 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
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    09 Jul 2026

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    [Ilya Rozanov yawns and stretches shirtless in his kitchen. Pajama pants hang low on his waist, and his hair is rumpled from sleep. He smiles and waves at the camera, and when he comes closer, he leans down so his face is level with the camera, his eyes bright even though he’s obviously tired.]

    Ilya: Good morning! It is ass o’clock, and I hate that I am awake, but today you are going to spend the day with me and my boyfriend. And I know what you are thinking, ‘what man could possibly be worthy of you, Ilya?’ and I get it. I ask myself this every day, but my boyfriend is very wonderful, even if he is much, much less famous than me and not nearly as good at hockey, and I think it’s about time you all get to know him. So, yay boyfriend reveal! And now I’m going to make him his disgusting breakfast smoothie, and then bring you along for our day together because my friend Harris Drover says I need more content on the internet, and what better way to do that than to tell you I’m bi, and that I have a boyfriend, and show you how disgustingly in love we are?

    [Ilya straightens so that his bare torso is the only thing in the frame, his abs flexing as he reaches over to turn on the blender.]

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    08 Jul 2026

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    Shane: Hello?
    Unknown Caller: Is this bird professor?
    Shane: …uh yes?
    Unknown Caller: Cool. Do humming birds have legs?
    Shane: What?
    Unknown Caller: Do humming birds—
    Shane: No, I heard you. Yes they have legs.
    Unknown Caller: [loud cheering in the background] I win! Thank you bird professor.
    Shane: …uh you're welcome?
    Unknown Caller: Goodbye.

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    02 Jul 2026