PatentlyAbsurd
Fandoms
- Fallout 4 (2)
- Fallout (Video Games) (1)
- Dragon Age: Inquisition (1)
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Summary
Perhaps, Cassandra thought reluctantly, it wasn't the light at all.
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When Preston asks, “Babe, are you okay?” his answer is predictable. He smiles, a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and says “Just a little tired, cowboy.”
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Dogmeat doesn’t bark that often, luckily, except when he’s fighting. Which is why Preston immediately reaches for his gun when he bolts upright in bed. Sturges, in the bed on the other side of the room, simply snorts in his sleep and turns over again. Sometimes Preston envies his ability to sleep through anything. When there’s a potential threat, he does not.
He doesn't take Oliver and his tendency to wake up early into account.
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Rather than give him the joint, Ilya takes it back between his own lips and sucks in a deep breath, the tip glowing as he does so. Then, before Shane can process it, he’s reaching up and sliding one large hand around the back of Shane’s neck, pulling him down so their lips meet.
Shane gasps softly, and Ilya takes the opportunity to blow smoke into his open and waiting mouth.
Oh, God. Are you there? It’s me, Shane Hollander. We’ve had our differences, but I think I’d like to convert for real this time. I’m ready. Open the pearly white gates. I’m coming up.
Shane goes to a house party, gets high, then gets on his knees. bon appetite
now a multi-chapter saga bc i couldn't help myself- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 93,547
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 2,335
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- 20,030
- Bookmarks:
- 7,391
- Hits:
- 480,337
Bookmarked by PatentlyAbsurd
14 Jul 2026
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Tour de Force by kooksie
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
24 Mar 2026
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Shane had told his manager, verbatim, that he “trusts her judgment” to pick the opener for his first ever world tour.
Her “judgment” shows up to soundcheck with a parking ticket in his hand and a crimson hickey on his neck. Her “judgment” is Russian DJ, Ilya Rozanov.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,347
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 654
- Kudos:
- 5,284
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- 1,564
- Hits:
- 80,025
Bookmarked by PatentlyAbsurd
29 Jun 2026
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"You do realise half of our fans want to fuck you?" Shane exhaled, watching the fireflies dance in the evening sky. Ilya shrugged.
"They want to fuck all of us, that's how it works. What, do you think they don't want to fuck you?" He lowered his voice, teasing him. "Because I read some interesting things on Twitter."
"Shut up."
"You are very popular with the girls. Good boy, bass player, good looks, gentleman, probably they think you are a beast in bed."
---Shane Hollander is the goody-two-shoes Canadian bassist of Ice Crawlers. Ilya Rozanov is their loud Russian drummer. As the band reaches unprecedented levels of success and fame in the early 2010's, these two can't stay away from each other - even though the last thing their careers need is a sexual scandal between two of the most popular rock stars of their time.
Rockband AU!
If you're like me and Hollanov hit you the same way Larry Stylinson did when you were 12, good luck and have fun.
Series
- Part 2 of The Ice Crawlers - Hollanov Rockband AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 315,662
- Chapters:
- 27/35
- Comments:
- 1,981
- Kudos:
- 1,930
- Bookmarks:
- 1,135
- Hits:
- 143,246
Bookmarked by PatentlyAbsurd
30 May 2026
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Fourteen ten by delagauchetiere
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
19 Jan 2026
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In which Ilya comes back to room fourteen ten.
Canon divergent from, and following directly after, s01e01 when Ilya leaves Shane's hotel room. Contains Ilya being a provocative dick, Shane being unable to resist rising (ha) to it, too much discussion of chicken, some David Attenborough, Shane negotiating his feelings and interpersonal relationships with all his classic suavity and skill, and as much sex as two nineteen year old professional athletes can fit into one evening.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,436
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 954
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- 5,568
- Bookmarks:
- 1,689
- Hits:
- 43,273
Bookmarked by PatentlyAbsurd
22 May 2026
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black dog by delagauchetiere
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
18 Apr 2026
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Ilya is not going to steal Shane Hollander's dog. That would be illegal. And wrong. And someone would probably find out and make Ilya give him back.
So. Not stealing.
But there is nothing wrong with giving Chernysh all the pats and treats that he deserves, is there?
Nothing wrong with encouraging Chernysh to spend more and more time at Ilya's house until he doesn't even remember who Hollander is.
Because Hollander is stupid and boring and does not deserve a dog as good as Chernysh. No, he doesn't, does he? Because Chernysh is the best boy in the whole world, yes he is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 68,349
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 3,383
- Kudos:
- 13,728
- Bookmarks:
- 5,268
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- 197,338
Bookmarked by PatentlyAbsurd
22 May 2026