PantryJesus
Fandoms
- Dead Boy Detectives (TV) (29)
- Teen Wolf (TV) (8)
- Merlin (TV) (4)
- The Sandman (TV 2022) (2)
- Jennifer's Body (2009) (1)
Recent works
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Summary
The sun is starting to set, and the lake water still clinging to them is cold, but there is warmth pooling between their bodies; blood running hot and close under their skin. Ilya sinks his fingers into Shane's soft hips, feeling it, and Shane shivers atop him. He stares into Ilya's eyes like he is stargazing, his own crinkled with his smile. Ilya loves him so much.
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A soft moment at the cottage.
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Summary
Edwin keeps goin’ translucent enough Charles can see the windowsill straight through his throat, before he shudders and takes a breath and—forces himself, it looks like, right back whole again.
“C’mon, mate,” Charles says. “Whatever that is can wait ‘til later, yeah?”
Series
- Part 10 of Brief Moments
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Summary
Jennifer had always been stubborn. Always had to have the last word. And god, hadn’t she managed that—sinking her teeth into Needy’s flesh and not killing her, not eating her, but shoving in the same evil that was charring her own soul from the inside out. Like she couldn’t die without making sure some part of her was stuck in Needy forever; shrapnel from the atomic explosion of their friendship.
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Summary
“This is highly unprofessional,” Edwin huffs, a few ticks after the cupboard door clicks shut behind them. “We are here on a case, Charles.”
Series
- Part 7 of Brief Moments
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An Excerpt from the Journal of Edwin Payne: Trust by PantryJesus
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
13 Feb 2026
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Summary
I enjoy exposing you.
It is incredibly uncouth of me; I know this, and there is a great measure of shame in me because of it.
Series
- Part 4 of To be so Known
- Part 9 of Brief Moments
Recent series
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Summary
Collected Dead Boy Detectives drabbles and ficlets, mainly but not exclusively Payneland.
- Words:
- 9,110
- Works:
- 10
- Bookmarks:
- 3
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Summary
After getting together, Charles and Edwin explore power dynamics.
OR: an unintentional deep-dive into submissive Charles and dominant Edwin.
- Words:
- 17,134
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 25
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Summary
A collection of Crystal-and-Niko-centric fics, set in miscellaneous universes in which Palasaki become roommates after Niko's return.
- Words:
- 3,308
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Summary
Or: A series of rescues conducted on Friday nights at an American university.
(A modern alive AU where Charles and Edwin meet and become friends at university in the States, along with Crystal and Niko.)
- Words:
- 3,704
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 4
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Summary
A collection of various disconnected Payneland AUs (mostly modern/alive AU, but not exclusively).
OR: Charles and Edwin finding each other in every universe.
- Words:
- 9,361
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
J.J. didn't hate Ilya Rozanov. No, he was just a major pain in the ass with a mouth on him only a mother could love. At least that's what he thought until a well-timed dinner where all the little scraps and puzzle pieces came together to form the thought: Holy shit, Shane is seeing Rozanov. Now J.J. has to figure out what the hell he's going to do, because his Capitaine has barely been out to the team a month and this secret is already making J.J. lose his mind, and it's only been three minutes.
(Or: A canon-divergent AU where instead of Hayden connecting the dots in 2018, it's J.J.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,963
- Chapters:
- 3/33
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 122
- Kudos:
- 911
- Bookmarks:
- 237
- Hits:
- 11,826
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
05 Jul 2026
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Summary
Shane’s brain cycled rapidly through a half-dozen celebrities, porn actors, Grindr profiles, every attractive bartender who’d ever served him a beer, trying to find a comparison for this level of outrageously concentrated beauty in one person, but he was drawing a blank.
The man—Ilya Rozanov, Facilities Attendant, his badge read—gestured around the supply closet. “I help you find something?”
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Canon-divergent AU set during the 2017-18 MLH season. Shane Hollander doesn’t have a single Cup to his name when he meets a very hot and very annoying janitor who works at the Metros stadium.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,862
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 651
- Kudos:
- 2,948
- Bookmarks:
- 1,044
- Hits:
- 25,462
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
05 Jul 2026
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Summary
When Ilya is seventeen, Shane Hollander shakes his hand in a parking lot in Saskatchewan. His skin is ice cold. Fucking Canadians, Ilya thinks, and then he fumbles in his coat pocket for his box of malbaros and the thought slips away into the freezing winter air.
Series
- Part 2 of falconer
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
04 Jul 2026
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Summary
The thing is, Hollander’s not a complainer. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Ilya’s seen him skate through cracked ribs, sprained ankles. Last season he finished a game with twenty stitches in his face, running on some unholy combination of willpower and sheer dedication. So if Hollander’s accepting the meds Ilya gives him, if he’s admitting that he’s in pain, if he’s telling Ilya that—
Something might be actually fucking wrong with him. Ilya bites the inside of his cheek so hard he tastes blood.
or; Shane gets sick, Ilya can't go with him to the hospital, and it's an awful time for everyone.
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
04 Jul 2026
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Summary
Guys moved for money, or for family. And if it was money, it wouldn't be to fucking Ottawa.
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
04 Jul 2026