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An Idiot's Guide to Crossing the Road by who_la_hoop
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Feb 2013
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Snape can't really be alive . . . can he? But why is someone with his face lurking about around a certain lollipop lady? When Harry and Draco discover the truth, it's possible their lives will never be the same again.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
16 Jul 2026
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Salazar Slytherin was a parseltongue: one who can speak to snakes. Helga Hufflepuff was a tursitongue: One who can speak to dolphins and whales. Guess which founder Draco embarrassingly takes after?
Or: A moody, emo, puritan Draco visits the beach hiding a secret, and Hermione thinks he’s a tortured soul
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,948
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 61
- Kudos:
- 200
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 2,296
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
13 Jul 2026
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Two years after the war, and Harry’s content with his life. OK, so it’s a little annoying that he keeps winning Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelor award, and he’s really not looking forward to the unveiling of an enormous gold statue of himself, but he loves his friends, and he loves being an Auror. And if he yearns for something more, something he can barely bring himself to think about, well, he’ll probably get over it. No one’s happy all the time, are they?
But then everything changes, and Harry’s thrown into a new and dazzling world he’s not sure he can actually escape from. And as time goes on, he starts to wonder: does he actually want to?
AKA the one where Draco is a - sort of - Muggle pop star (it's complicated)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 118,607
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,304
- Kudos:
- 13,999
- Bookmarks:
- 3,950
- Hits:
- 320,501
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
13 Jul 2026
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Draco is very seriously entangled with someone he only refers to as Sir, or He in the privacy of his own mind. He's been entangled with Him - obsessively, impossibly - for years now, almost as long as he'd been out of prison. So what if he wasn't exactly happy? He was used to this life by now. He knew what to expect, and even if it wasn't always so great, at least he didn't have to think about Azkaban. He didn't need to be saved by some sloppy-haired git. He didn't need anything. Apparently, Potter didn't care.
Why, why must he always ruin everything?*All non-con elements and Dom-Sub tones are not between Harry and Draco.
*Rough references of abuse. Past and current non-con. Dark, dark, darkness. Then some light.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 271,940
- Chapters:
- 32/32
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 982
- Kudos:
- 1,608
- Bookmarks:
- 565
- Hits:
- 90,990
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
10 Jul 2026
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Where the Snow Lay Dinted by hoko_onchi for TheScarletCarson
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
20 Dec 2025
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Just Ron and Draco stuck in the arse end of snowy nowhere the week of Christmas. Add in a cursed box and some uncomfortable truths from a decade of working together and— baby, you’ve got a stew going.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,008
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 48
- Kudos:
- 211
- Bookmarks:
- 29
- Hits:
- 2,004
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
08 Jul 2026
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After a little misunderstood fiasco involving an innocent hug and a very gay Malfoy, the Daily Prophet outs Harry, who’s not yet ready to come out from that proverbial closet. He heeds the warning though, gets a girlfriend and lives a proper life until one particular night, when he meets one particular man, who changes everything.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
07 Jul 2026
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8th Years Potions class promises nothing but continued torture for Harry, until Headmistress McGonagall points it out to him that perhaps the best way to silence Snape is simply to prove himself to the professor. But if killing Voldemort wasn't enough, could Harry really impress the Half-Blood Prince with only brewing?
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Their Shared Language by offthemap for So_scarlett_maroon
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 May 2026
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Gregory Goyle is the strong, silent type. He gets lonely sometimes, and he just wants to find someone who understands.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,171
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 23
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 98
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
05 Jul 2026
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Paracelsus’ Theorem of Unknowing by CopperCatbird for Strangemagpie
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 Feb 2026
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Summary
“Who let this sociopath play darts!” roared Harry, holding his arm.
“Oh, relax, it’s only a flesh wound,” Draco tutted, taking aim (at the dart board) with his final dart.The Slytherins and Gryffindors have been brought together by romance (Pansy and Ginny), friendship (Hermione and Blaise), and a shared interest in quidditch (Ron and Millicent). Four years in, there are only two holdouts.
Everybody agrees that whatever their problem is, Draco and Harry just need to shag it out.
All that’s left? Convincing them. Luckily, Luna has a solstice ritual to perform, and she needs help.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,139
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 110
- Kudos:
- 358
- Bookmarks:
- 116
- Hits:
- 6,597
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
03 Jul 2026
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Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time by monsterleadmehome
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Jun 2020
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Summary
She scoffs. “If you must know, he ‘elected’ me because he thinks our shared animosity will keep you in check. He’s also not worried about you trying to shag me as a distraction.”
He leans back, stubbing out his cigarette on the banister. His eyes rove over her from crown to toe and back. She lifts her chin and tries not to shiver. “Well, he’s right about that.”
Lucius Malfoy hires Hermione Granger to whip his son into shape so he can find a pure-blood bride and receive his inheritance. What could go wrong?
Russian translation available here.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,092
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 22
- Comments:
- 517
- Kudos:
- 5,561
- Bookmarks:
- 1,613
- Hits:
- 148,757
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
02 Jul 2026
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Harry's dreams are haunted by the most perfect arse he has ever seen. He will not rest until he finds out whose arse it is.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
01 Jul 2026
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The Department of Underdogs and Lost Causes by what_alchemy for fandomlucky
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
12 Jan 2019
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Searching for a way out of her dead-end Ministry job, Hermione finds Severus Snape instead.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,869
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 295
- Kudos:
- 1,376
- Bookmarks:
- 460
- Hits:
- 24,479
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
25 Jun 2026
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15 years ago, Harry and Severus had a brief fling. Now, Harry returns to Cokeworth for a holiday. He's long forgotten about the fling, having not thought about it all this time, and he certainly doesn't hope to meet Severus again, right?
This is a simple story of a struggle with one’s self and a bid for survival.
Also, of mulberry pie and birdwatching.The story will be updated every Friday.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
20 Jun 2026
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Summary
This is a story about Harry meeting up with Draco Malfoy four years after the war. And a story about Harry, well, not hating his job per say, but it's not like he has much to compare it to and it seemed fine. His whole life seemed fine. Then Malfoy came along with and his flashy suits and fast car making everything seem dull in comparison, and Harry... Harry couldn't just leave well enough alone.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 103,372
- Chapters:
- 17/17
- Comments:
- 889
- Kudos:
- 3,866
- Bookmarks:
- 1,471
- Hits:
- 130,254
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
17 Jun 2026
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Your Evil Pet Butt Plug: A Guide to Proper Care and Handling by CopperCatbird for BlueBeards_Wife
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
20 Feb 2026
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Summary
What Harry wanted: to spend a lazy Saturday morning in the garden, with his cup of coffee and nothing to do. What Harry got: a cursed butt plug, sent by a vicious owl and accompanied by a threatening note. A cursed, semi-animate pet butt plug that hovered at arse-level and veered wildly between ominous and adorable.
Or: Harry avoids the embarrassment of going to his crush (one Draco Malfoy, a curse-breaker, who could certainly help him) by developing a new hobby as a sex toy investigator.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 63,454
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 108
- Kudos:
- 274
- Bookmarks:
- 56
- Hits:
- 6,066
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
13 Jun 2026
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Summary
Harry doesn't care about Snape beyond having to sit detentions with the man despite being of age. He doesn't. He asks him out for a drink just to get out of detention. So what if it's... nice? So what if they become friends? So what if Snape *is* lonely?
It's not Harry's problem - at least not until he realises he's accidentally befriended the man, and just how much he cares for Snape.
Well, shit.
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Harry Potter and the War That Never Was by Tobias444
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
14 Jun 2026
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Summary
Harry Potter has already lost the war once.
In 2024, with the resistance collapsing and Stella still impossible to defeat, a last, desperate potion sends Harry and the surviving members of the resistance back into their younger bodies.
The good news? They know what is coming now. The bad news? This time, they have two villains to defeat instead of one.
Harry changes his face, takes the name Gold, and returns to Hogwarts as the new Defence professor.
Severus Snape sees through him immediately.
Instead of exposing him... he steps closer. He knows the new professor is dangerous. But whatever Gold is—war mage, liar, sex god in leathers—Snape wants him anyway.
Meanwhile, Professor Gold partners Ron Weasley with Draco Malfoy for the entire bloody year.
This proves to be a terrible idea.
While Snape and Harry negotiate desire like diplomats standing over a bomb, Ron and Draco simply light the fuse.
All four of them are trying to survive each other in the middle of a war.
What could possibly go wrong?Warning: now featuring… terrible author notes and high levels of filth.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 292,047
- Chapters:
- 58/65
- Comments:
- 1,533
- Kudos:
- 956
- Bookmarks:
- 309
- Hits:
- 36,622
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
02 Jun 2026
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Summary
“I don’t know what your problem is with the man,” Draco said primly from where he had curled up on the back of the sofa, watching Harry and sipping tea from a saucer Harry had placed there. “He sounds lovely, if you ask me. Discerning. Elegant.”
“Caustic.” Harry said. “Snarky.”
“All very fine qualities indeed,” Draco said, preening a little bit. He slumped. “Is he really so terrible?”
Harry slumped too. “No, Draco’s … Merlin, I just wish he weren’t so fucking pretty.”
Draco jerked so hard that the saucer slipped and crashed to the floor.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
31 May 2026
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Summary
“So. How can I help you? Oh, don’t look so stricken; I’m not going to to tell anybody about your sordid little sex games, not that I think anybody cares. Anyway, who'd believe me? For that matter, do you really think my customers would continue to patronise my establishment if I was gabbing about them? Use your brain, Potter; I do know you have one.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, I think,” Harry said.
Malfoy crossed his arms. “It’s been six years; I’m out of practice. Now tell me what you need.”
Harry stood there for a moment. He hadn’t really thought this through before he knew that it would be Draco Malfoy he was talking to. He felt utterly unprepared for the conversation.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was there.
“Harry wants a prostate orgasm and his boyfriends are all terrible,” Ginny said.
Draco’s eyebrows shot up. Harry’s face got hot. Ginny made a face at him and said, “Look, it was going to take you forever to say that.” Then she turned and walked away, leaving Harry alone, with Draco Malfoy, who knew that he wanted to have a prostate orgasm.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
30 May 2026
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“Harry, you were half naked and holding fucking hands. I saw you."
Harry grips his mug tighter, resisting the urge to lob it at Ron's head. “Again. There was no room in there; it was a fucking coffin, Ron. And we thought we were going to die.”
Or
Harry gets trapped inside a coffin with Draco Malfoy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,491
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 148
- Kudos:
- 1,101
- Bookmarks:
- 270
- Hits:
- 13,559
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
29 May 2026