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When the Ministry guts funding for her Muggleborn Integration Programme, Hermione Granger has three months and twenty days to conjure twenty thousand Galleons—or watch seven years of work die in its cradle. Legitimate channels are closed to her. Then Ginny Weasley proposes something deliciously scandalous: bottle sex memories, price them obscenely, and let wealthy witches and wizards lose themselves inside their pensieves. All Hermione needs is a wizard who can be trusted to stay discreet. Anyone but a stranger.
Enter Draco Malfoy—haunted by his two years in Azkaban and cold to nearly everyone. Counting only Theo and Harry as his closest friends. He’s spent two years orbiting Hermione at a careful distance, wanting what he shouldn’t.
What begins as a favour becomes something far more dangerous: the terrifying possibility of being loved—and, worse, forgiven.
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Orion's in trouble at school again and as usual, Henry’s there to clean up his little brother’s mess. The parentals are Owled. Draco shows up with Beezles and then all hell breaks loose (literally). Headmaster Charlie Weasley just wants everyone to get along. More than a decade has passed since the end of the Infection, but familiar tensions still abound. Not everyone is a fan of Muggle-Magical integration, and although the post-Infection world is safer now, for some young survivors, old wounds take time to heal. A post-post war contemplation featuring the Granger-Malfoy family.
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Located on Level 9 within the Ministry of Magic, there is an extremely mysterious department. And, within this extremely mysterious department, there are frustratingly enigmatic rooms. And, within these frustratingly enigmatic rooms, are hidden deliciously inexplicable secrets…
…and, when an invitation to join this extremely mysterious department is extended to Hermione, the notion of uncovering these deliciously inexplicable secrets is too tempting to pass up…
…However, this thirst for knowledge leads her down a profoundly unexpected path. And this profoundly unexpected path leads her to an absolutely impossible encounter. And this absolutely impossible encounter leads her to an astonishingly unexpected fate.
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“Here we go.” He tossed the first folder aside in favour of flipping open the next. “A woman filed a report after her parents returned from a trip to…Willowsea? Wherever the fuck that is. Apparently they…oh.”
Granger leapt forward, reaching for the folder. “Let me see.”
“No, I’m reading it.” He turned away from her. “It says here that they’ve lost their magic.”
“What?”
In the small coastal town of Willowsea, strange happenings occur. Magic vanishes, memories fade, and an odd young couple have an unfortunate habit of asking too many questions.
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Draco Malfoy is Afflicted.
Love—the blessed (and cursed) thing—will do that to you. It eats away at you slowly, until you’re nothing more than an animal, really. Primal instincts only. A dog one must train to sit. To stay. To get down, so to speak. And the problem is, no one has ever loved anyone the way Draco loves Hermione Granger. If ever a man has Yearned, it is him. Draco Yearncius Malfoy, who bears the aforementioned Affliction willingly, and without complaint (mostly).
That is, until he wakes up one day and no one in the entire world—including his wife—remembers that he’s married to her.
In this particular Scenario, he complains a lot.
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A Schitt’s Creek inspired fic based off the question: What if the Malfoys lost everything?
After being stripped of all lands, titles, and inheritances as reparations for the war, the House of Malfoy is left with only a single asset to their name: a town named Great Tit Bottom that Lucius won in a drunken game of cards.
Inspired by a reddit post by u/yoyoyoyoyoyogo, I decided to give this idea a try! You'll notice a lot of parallels between chapters and episodes of the show, especially in the these first few chapters as I get my footing for this kind of writing style. Even so, there's a lot that's so specific to the world of HP that I can tell it's not just going to be a Schitt’s Creek retelling.
And general PSA: "Lively, yellow-and-black Great Tits brighten backyard gardens, parks, and woodlands with their cheery songs and bold behavior. This large tit’s size, yellow breast, black head, and bright white cheek patch help set it apart from other tits in Europe." This official description alone is enough to have me cackling because I have the emotional maturity of a middle school boy, apparently.
Enjoy <3
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It’s eighth year, Draco Malfoy is on probation, and Hermione Granger has a magical problem that turns casual sex into a Statute of Secrecy violation. When Draco needs a sponsor and volunteer hours in Muggle London to satisfy the terms of his probation, and Hermione needs help having a one-night stand that won’t end up on the cover of Witch Weekly–the two of them can agree on one thing only: what happens in Hampstead Garden stays in Hampstead Garden.
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“Oh, hello, you,” Hermione said softly. It was a little frog, no bigger than the hollow of the palm of her hand. Gently, she scooped it up in her hand and smiled. It really was very cute.
Then it opened its mouth and said: “What the fuck, Granger?”
That was when she screamed and threw the frog straight back into the plants.
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In which Draco Malfoy is accidentally—and possibly irreversibly—turned into a frog, and he relentlessly
antagonizescharms Hermione Granger as she attempts to help him. -
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Hermione looked up at the wall of books before her and wondered how many more impossible contradictions existed on the shelves when a wand slammed into the side of her throat.
She dropped the book and moved to grab her wand but her attacker was too quick. She was bashed face first into the shelves, a hand on the back of her head shoving her cheek against the spines.
“Who are you?” a voice demand. Familiar but also not.
“Hermione Granger,” she gasped, fear twisting through her veins.
“You ought to think of a better lie. Granger’s been dead for ten years.”
Hermione Granger, head of the Department of Magical Creatures, has enjoyed a comfortable life post-war until she is pulled through a looking glass leaving her stuck in a world where the war was lost and Death Eaters reign supreme. Her only lifeline is a version of Draco Malfoy she doesn't know and doesn't trust.
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Hermione Granger was reborn into something she never wanted.
A bond she had never asked for.
Draco Malfoy had become her protector, but he also answered to the Dark Lord.
Dumbledore was dead and the war had begun.
Hermione knew she had to fight in this war, but would Draco give her up so easily?Series
- Part 2 of Bloodline Curse
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There was a ghost at her door. It was the only explanation for the man standing there.
“Hi Granger. Care to invite me in?”
A boggart, perhaps. Because quite frankly, there was no other explanation for how Draco Malfoy had appeared at her doorstep, two years after he went missing.
“You’re supposed to be dead,” Hermione said flatly.
“Ah,” he said. It was a soft, contemplative sound. “Well, I am here. And I came so very far to find you. Invite me in, if you please.”
or
Sometimes, the only thing you need is a creature of the night.
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Without A Trace by AWKwardPatronus, Slytherquills (HeyItsAReader)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
16 Apr 2026
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It’s 1999. The war is over.
The world has moved on. Hermione Granger has not.
She arrives in Brisbane a shadow of herself—adrift in a city that is not home, with parents who do not understand her, waiting for letters that never come. She has been unraveling, slowly and methodically, and not a soul has noticed.
Until she sees him.
Draco Malfoy. A war criminal. A fugitive. Working in a Muggle pub under an assumed name, carving out a quiet, anonymous life at the edge of the world.
The chances of them ever crossing paths again were infinitesimal. He should have run the moment she recognized him. But he doesn’t.
And he just keeps showing up.
It isn’t simple. It isn’t safe. But against all logic, it becomes something that will leave traces on them both forever.
A slow-burn enemies-to-lovers story about exile, identity, reinvention, and the messy, painful, nonlinear nature of healing.
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The Secret Life of Hermione Granger by swift_knight
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 May 2026
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“I’m leaving,” Hermione responded, turning on her heels and walking back the way her son had come from as she clutched him close to her chest.
The boy watched them over his mother’s shoulder, and Harry’s stomach dropped.
He had seen this blonde-haired, grey-eyed child before. One week earlier, in a picture sitting on Draco Malfoy’s desk. The same Draco Malfoy who had spent the time since the war ended living in France. And Malfoy never named his wife.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Hermione Granger married Draco fucking Malfoy and had a kid with him.
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At 11 years old, Hermione’s life is abruptly turned upside down when she is forced to make an impossible choice: trust either Bellatrix or Severus, both of whom are strangers, and both of whom claim they want to save her from the other. With no idea what to do, Hermione puts her trust in the only other person present, a small boy with white-blonde hair and, unbeknownst to her, seals their fate for the foreseeable future.
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Well Informed by genuinearticle for blueberrysandwich
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Jul 2026
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“My eyes are up here, Granger.”
Hermione’s gaze snaps back up to meet Malfoy’s amused, quicksilver stare. Her cheeks continue to burn.
“Let’s get this over with,” she snarls.
“Of course,” he says, voice smooth as the whiskey he downs with an elegant flick of his wrist. The glass lands on the mahogany coffee table with a thunk. “I’d ask if you want to start with business or pleasure first, but considering the way you were eyeing my cock—”
“I was doing no such thing—”
“I’m going to assume pleasure.”
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Auror Hermione Granger is so done dealing with her insufferable informant, Draco Malfoy. If only he didn't keep her so... well informed.
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Three years after the war ended, Hermione Granger is found wandering the streets of Knockturn, wandless, alone, and freshly obliviated. Fortunately, a recognizable face stumbles upon her and whisks her away to his Manor. He only wants to help, of course. But, if Draco wants to help her, why is she wearing shackles?
And why won’t he let her leave?
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“We can pretend,” she whispers, tugging on him. “Like we used to.”
Or: a step-sibling incest AU.
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Public Bookmark 489
Mystery Work
Part of MyDelphiHidden
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!