1 - 20 of 30 Bookmarks by Alixie
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Summary
Cas is sick and Dean finds a journal that Cas kept about his time alone as a human.
This fic is a retelling of first half of S9 from Cas's POV (via Cas's journal). Lots of Cas angst/loneliness and a correspondingly equal volume of Dean guilt. Sick fic, hurt/comfort, journal fic, and a Christmas fic too.
NO SLASH but the entire thing features a strong Cas/Dean friendship.
Destiel readers: This entire fic can be read as pre-Destiel (or not, as you prefer), and if you would like to read it that way, I also wrote an optional, explicit, Destiel epilogue chapter just for you guys. :)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 64,314
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,074
- Kudos:
- 4,630
- Bookmarks:
- 1,745
- Hits:
- 117,582
Bookmarked by Alixie
05 Jan 2022
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Summary
Dean is nineteen, and his dad dumps him at Bobby’s for a few weeks to get his head on straight.
Series
- Part 2 of silver linings
Bookmarked by Alixie
04 Nov 2021
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It’s nice not to feel sometimes. Maybe that’s why Cas doesn’t delve too deeply into figuring out what this absence of feeling must mean, because he secretly desires that cold, distant nothing feeling. The more likely reason is that Cas already knows what’s wrong with him. He’s not looking it in the face, not acknowledging the truth of it that sits heavily on his shoulders, pinning him to the earth with its undeniable presence.
See, Jack brokered a deal wherein Cas gave the Empty his grace in exchange for a life back on earth and Cas was wiped clean of every angelic notion to the very dregs. And in its place, there is nothing.
Cas is graceless. Cas is soulless.
Series
- Part 1 of the story they tell later
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,845
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 236
- Kudos:
- 735
- Bookmarks:
- 219
- Hits:
- 12,734
Bookmarked by Alixie
01 Nov 2021
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Castiel slips from his chair to kneel at Dean’s feet. He takes Dean’s hands in his, and there on the floor holding something with devotion, he understands Communion. He understands Eucharist. He understands believing in someone so deeply that to shelter a piece of them within yourself is an act of untempered faith, love and prayer and deep-wide trust.
*
Cas comes back. Dean can’t stop touching him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,365
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 441
- Kudos:
- 10,612
- Bookmarks:
- 2,392
- Hits:
- 78,134
Bookmarked by Alixie
22 Oct 2021
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Summary
I promised, long ago, to revise and expand my Purgatory series and consolidate it into one fic. Et voila.
Adding, because I always meant to: https://www.tumblr.com/unbefreakinlivable/tagged/runsinthefamily
Rikke did a series of fanart for this fic, for which I am so honoured. I absolutely LOVE her stuff.
Series
- Part 21 of Purgatory
Bookmarked by Alixie
01 Oct 2021
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Summary
Survival in Purgatory has some weird aspects.
Series
- Part 1 of Purgatory
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 905
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 16
- Kudos:
- 227
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 4,534
Bookmarked by Alixie
29 Sep 2021
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Summary
“I wish I could stand,” Cas says.
“Yeah,” Dean says.
Cas holds up his hand, flexes it, stares and then drops it.
“This weakness is unsettling. I can’t—I can’t even hold a pitcher of water, Dean.”
Dean makes a small sound in his throat, a non-committal hum.
He’s done soaping up Cas’ hair. He grabs the sponge at his side and starts to scrub at Cas’ skin, up along his arms, his neck, down his chest. When he runs it up his legs, to his thighs, Cas shudders and then there’s a hand cupping Dean’s cheek, cold and dripping water and soap, and Dean falters, looks at him for the first time.
“Will you sleep with me?” Cas says. “Tonight?”
Dean swallows.
He says yes.
After Lucifer's possession, Castiel stops talking.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,970
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 340
- Kudos:
- 2,338
- Bookmarks:
- 494
- Hits:
- 37,718
Bookmarked by Alixie
25 Sep 2021
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Summary
It’s September 18, 2008. Castiel is being deployed to rescue Dean Winchester from Hell.
He lands in Dean Winchester’s motel room in 2003. Things go from there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,546
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 920
- Kudos:
- 11,826
- Bookmarks:
- 3,798
- Hits:
- 160,372
Bookmarked by Alixie
19 Sep 2021
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Summary
Charlie sets her beer down hard on the counter, making him flinch. “Are you trying to invent a problem?” she asks incredulously.
“What? No, dude, I’m telling you—”
“Your boyfriend turned down sex twice, once because you were concussed and your arm was broken, and once because he was about to drive out of state to help your brother,” Charlie summarises, brutal and unrelenting. “And you think that, what? You can never ask him for sex again because of that?”
Dean’s been playing catch-up his entire life, and he’s still figuring out the whole “asking for what I want” thing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,299
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 273
- Kudos:
- 3,266
- Bookmarks:
- 964
- Hits:
- 50,814
Bookmarked by Alixie
17 Sep 2021
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Summary
Dean wakes Castiel up in the middle of the night to do some stargazing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,059
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 11
- Kudos:
- 223
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 1,114
Bookmarked by Alixie
17 Sep 2021
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Summary
“How the fuck do you know my name?” Dean hisses.
The man doesn’t look scared. He is watching Dean like there is nothing else worth watching, lips a little parted, eyes a little soft. And blue. Real blue, like the ocean on a postcard.
The ice spreading down Dean’s spine makes him shiver.
“I suppose you could say I’m your guardian angel,” the man murmurs. His breath fogs pale between them. All of him is unnaturally warm, like Dean’s touching somebody with the sun sewn up beneath their skin. “I have known you, Dean Winchester, for a very long time.”
*
Dean meets an angel who says he's from the future. It all gets a lot more complicated from there.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,872
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 1,596
- Kudos:
- 14,910
- Bookmarks:
- 4,872
- Hits:
- 227,562
Bookmarked by Alixie
14 Jul 2021
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Summary
Victor lives. In the ensuing years, he's found his own way to make the world a better place.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,240
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 97
- Bookmarks:
- 11
- Hits:
- 454
Bookmarked by Alixie
12 Jul 2021
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Summary
God is dead. Sammy finally has what he always wanted. The kid is alive again and trying to figure out the whole human schtick. Cas – Cas is complicated, like always. And Dean is barreling headfirst into a mental breakdown. It’s the end of the road so far, and the future never looked so frightening.
“I can’t,” Dean stammers into Cas’s chest. “With you – I can’t.” And Cas goes very still, stops rubbing his hand up and down Dean’s back. But I want to. Please, Cas, don’t leave me. Because I want to.
“Dean,” Cas says, still not moving. “I can tell you’re praying to me, but I can’t hear you. I’m sorry.”
An alternate ending to the series, focusing a lot on *feelings* and *mental health* and *processing trauma* – because, you know, what’s better than that?
Series
- Part 1 of carry on 'verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 91,862
- Chapters:
- 18/18
- Comments:
- 396
- Kudos:
- 1,269
- Bookmarks:
- 369
- Hits:
- 30,922
Bookmarked by Alixie
05 Jul 2021
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Summary
After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.
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Summary
Dean looks at Jack, and he sees Cas in him, and he thinks: I can't fuck up the way Dad did. So he asks Sam for some advice.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,395
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 55
- Kudos:
- 1,013
- Bookmarks:
- 210
- Hits:
- 5,717
Bookmarked by Alixie
02 Jul 2021
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Summary
Dean doesn’t just remember Hell; he remembers being raised from it, too.
Bookmarked by Alixie
22 Jun 2021
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In which Sam and Eileen are not the comedy duo they think they are, a new board game is invented, and Dean and Cas learn a valuable lesson about the perils of ice skating.
Bookmarked by Alixie
04 May 2021
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Summary
Castiel falls, and falls, and falls. He comes home to Sam and Dean – he tries to learn, to accept, to adjust – but a former angel will always be out of place.
This is humanity, as defined by a fallen angel, and feelings you didn’t know had a name.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,620
- Chapters:
- 24/24
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 714
- Kudos:
- 2,314
- Bookmarks:
- 625
- Hits:
- 28,970
Bookmarked by Alixie
29 Mar 2021
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Summary
It takes a village to raise a child, but a cabin perched on some foggy coast isn't anything like a village, or the bunker, or any kind of home Dean knows.
Bookmarked by Alixie
10 Mar 2021
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Summary
They say in Heaven love comes first, but Heaven sure ain't a place on earth.
Bookmarked by Alixie
10 Mar 2021