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Two weeks before the premiere of the biggest film of Dave's career, Bro kills himself.
“Dead,” Dirk repeats over the phone. “Bro is D-E-A-D, dead. The apartment is a shithole. Even though the man of the hour is staying in Chez Morgue Drawer, he did a number on the place first. I wouldn’t be asking if I could handle it myself.”
“Just call the Hoarders people. He’s your guy. I didn’t even know him.” Despite being iteration ten thousand, the lie feels less natural than it usually does. “I don’t need to be there. Neither of us do.”
“Totally.” Dirk sounds like sidewalk. “Yeah, no, that was my first thought, but then I slept on it and applied a modicum of critical thinking. In that 'Puppet Fetish Porn Studio Unearthed in Childhood Home of Indie Darling' is gonna boost neither of our ratings.”
Despite the tags, this is a comedy. Or is it?
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Dirk looks at you for a long moment, during which you trust he is carefully considering your points and assembling a rebuttal. Finally he sighs, mutters, “Whatever, Reaganomics. Trickle down these,” and heads to the guest room to unpack. This might be the first family argument you’ve ever won.
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>Dave: survive three years on this rock by MadSeason (naive_wanderer)
Fandoms: Homestuck
18 Aug 2020
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Growing up on a flying meteor is hard work. You know this from experience.
TG: dude what is this piece of shit you just sent me
CG: TO PUT IT IN YOUR HUMAN TERMS:
CG: IT’S A FUCKING LOVE STORY, DAVE.Well, it's a bit more than that.
- Language:
- English
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- 61,007
- Chapters:
- 11/11
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- 2
- Comments:
- 349
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- 2,810
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peak, tbqh. idk davekat you know how it is. post-retcon meteor trip fic which is unique
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My first time ever joining kinktober! My works will mainly include Cancer, Gemini and Aquarius trolls, although I have also written other ships. Different ships can equal different universes/timelines, though not always. Not all fics are related or happen in the same universe as others, so please keep that in mind!
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9, 10, 12, 13
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With the rousing success of the previous livestream, a boy is made to expand on his display of skills. The boy, of course, is rather reluctant to do so, but why should that matter?
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Jake tries to heroically catch a shoplifter. The end result does not leave him feeling very heroic.
(The one where Dirk is a trans teen dad living on the streets)
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hi, im a transman who went through experiences that are SCARILY, downright almost EXACT experiences like this. I dont have anything to say that i can express in words that make sense, gosh. i love you
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and your life is unremarkable. Take today: you woke up, performed your ablutions, spilled coffee all over yourself because Dave accidentally jumpscared you from behind, bitched him out thoroughly, went out to do the grocery shopping, and came home to find him talking to himself in the ablution block mirror. Completely unremarkable... until you hear what he's saying.
Karkat overhears Dave practicing his confession.
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so frikn cute OMG IM GONNA CRY
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Dave Strider just wants to feel pretty.
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NEED FHAT
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== > Be Jake
Your head is swimming and pulsing with adrenaline, you’re pretty sure you ended up getting shot during the fight, but your body hasn’t registered it yet, so you’ll keep going as long as you can. You’ll need to get back to headquarters soon. But first, you need to make sure this villain is on his way to jail. You have been working non-stop to catch Ult, and it seems like you finally have. It’s been hell trying to catch someone whose speed outmatches your trigger finger and the way he warps reality, sending your bullets back at you.
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==> Be Dave
Slowing it down, until the bass is almost unnoticable, forcing down your feelings of fear, keeping your heart beat unheard so you can focus on the next incoming strike. Slowly moving the records back to a normal pace, the base line of a beating heart. A skip in a beat. Brown eyes boring into your soul, messy black hair pushing underneith a beanie. Red, pulsing ribbons of blood grabbing a hold of a threat. A savior. The beat picks up, scared and frantic, jumbled and messy, uncertain and unknowing. Then, nothing. Your hands are hovering over the records, frozen in place.-- -- --
Hero!Stuck DirkJake and DaveKat AU
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We're All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We're Sick Of Your Shit) by LandOfMistAndSecrets for treeprince
Fandoms: Homestuck
30 Aug 2018
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It's been about a year since the big Fast Forward, and sure, things on Earth C aren't perfect for everyone. But they're fine. Really. It's fine. Everything is super fuckin' swell, and that's that.
It's not like one night is going to change anything.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 67,428
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 242
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- 1,181
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- 255
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- 21,249
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There's a girl standing at his turntables, her back to him. She's scratching at them like a pro, her head bobbing to the beat she's mixing. She's got a honey coloured tan and she's wearing a midriff-baring off-the-shoulder white T-shirt and daisy dukes.
Also, she has a tail. What.
It's like a horse's tail, and it matches the same colour of her messily cropped hair (which is two-toned electric blue, what the fuck, he'd say it's a wig but he can see the part in her hair and there is no way that is a wig. Talk about an expensive dye job. It has to be dyed. Right?)
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/988885
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FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR MAKING ME WATCH SBAHJ: THE MOVOVIE OR HOWEVER THAT DUMBFUCK SPELLED IT. I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING POSITIVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS MOUNTAINOUS PILE OF GARBAGE. DROWNING IN LITERAL SEWAGE ROTTING IN HUMAN HELL WITH NARY A CHAINSMOKING SUBWAY RAT TO SAVE ME WOULD BE MORE PLEASANT THAN WATCHING THIS FUCKING MOVIE.
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Aka famous movie director "D Strider" pays Karkat to review his shitty movies, and Karkat grows increasingly alarmed that they actually mean something under all of the mind-numbing bullshit.
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Ch,2
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Dave and Jade work together to banish a harmful space anomaly that’s been consuming humanities positive energy, and they do so by using the most powerful spellcasting technique known to man— sex.
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“It isn’t me that wishes to talk to you, Kanaya. He is merely using my dream as a stage on which to meet with you.” She smiles again, but grimly this time. “He has been searching for you for a while, I believe.”
“He?”
“Come and see.” She takes your hand, her own oddly chilly, and leads your unprostesting self toward the ruin. -
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Arrested for negligence, discovered to be an impostor, and jailed for life. That was your fate had Dave Strider not bailed you out and taken you home with him. You don't know what his true intentions are, but your only way of escape is to do what you were hired to do.
As his private matchmaker, you'll do everything you can to find Dave a partner.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,331
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 6
- Kudos:
- 85
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- 12
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- 685
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Dave asks Dirk where babies come from.
TW for inc*st, the word p*doph*le and intrusive thoughts
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bro whats ur fragrance🤤 by davesportdavesportdavesport
Fandoms: Minecraft (Video Game), A ReGect - Zabooboo3 (Web Series), Homestuck, Something is Knocking at Your Door - ThatMob (Web Series), Splatoon (Video Games)
24 Jun 2026
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ze realizes hes gay thru acting out an old tiktok trend from 8 billion years ago heart emoji
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John and Dirk are definitely just bros. Nothing more to it than that.
Roxy thinks these boys are hilarious.
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Kk and Dave fuck and that's about it. Now with angst.
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"So, just to be clear,” Dave began, the second the door had closed behind him. “This is a sex thing, right?"
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,784
- Chapters:
- 1/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 117
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- 12
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- 1,400
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Early Handmaid: An Interesting Proposition by Yoshigalxy (Your_Mexican_Reader)
Fandoms: Homestuck
26 Jun 2026
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> John: Stop narrating in the way you have been doing so far.
He ignores the command, mainly because he's unable to know what you mean, dear reader, but sure, I'll comply for the rest of this story.A what if scenario, as is with many.
How would you want the story to be told?Series
- Part 2 of Early Handmaid