*screaming* bc OH MY GOD BRANT YOUVE GOT SO MUCH PENT UP INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA AND WHATNOT IN YA SOFT LIL IRISH HEART OH DEAR GOD!!! Q A Q
oh my god i'm so glad this went where i hoped it would, i'm soooooo content, thank you for writing it!!!
specially loved the bit where Brant gets all clumsy and stupid and like "no no don't kiss his shoulder thaT'S GAY BRANT WHY U DOING THIS JUST HAVE SEX WITH HIM LIKE ALWAYS, ITS NOT GAY IF YOUR LIPS DONT TOUCH HIS SKIN!!" ayyyyy what a darling moron he is. ♥
i've really y'know wanted stuff to get better for Nash, seeing his dreadful unlived-in appartment and the horrible shit he has to put up with daily because apparently the english police force is a bottomless well of homophobic bullying fuckwads. So glad he's got his big dumbass NOT GAY mate Brant now. QuQ i'm like ... *yuuussssssssssssssssssss* *waves hands in the air*
AND THEN I'm so glad you liked this one, too! \o/ YAY THANK YOU AGAIN. MORE. :DDDDDDDD
Internalized homophobia just makes so much sense for Brant, and I absolutely love the thought that his relationship with Nash is what finally gets him to overcome it properly! So I'm thrilled you enjoyed how that played out, and especially that last sex scene, you summarized everything I was trying to do with that part PERFECTLY here and you are exactly right. :D OH BRANT, YOU IDIOT, bless. ♥
Haha, and of course it's a pleasure to think about Nash getting himself a happy ending, too, getting to share his awful apartment and have somebody around to punch jerks in the face for him. :D Seriously, though, I'm so delighted that you enjoyed this, and thank you so much ONE MORE TIME for both your comments, they totally made my day!
oh pls, i'm so glad you were so glad because of my comment, you know!! we're a couple of utter sillies! ^w^
it's really ... something that's prolly more common that we think, this internalized homophobia issues and stuff. to tell you the truth, i've always thought that people, everyone, at some point likes a person of the 'wrong' gender more than they would normally and that it gets confusing and weird and sometimes it's hard to cope with that if you were raised in places that don't approove of it. i mean, what even is love or attraction? it's hardly connected to people's genitals (well unless you fall in love on first sight in the middle of a nudist beach). we like who we like and sometimes they don't fit our 'type' or even the gender we'd normally prefer. i don't think it's all that uncommon really it's just, we're still so stuck up as a society and all that we don't say it out loud or, god forbid, act on it. :S and i supposed it gets VERY bad if it happens to someone who grew up with so much homophobia as poor lil Brant did. must give you some proper heebie-jeebies, to discover such deviant feelings and desires within yourself if you've someone like him. :/ i'm not sure where i was going with all this monologuing, i'm sorry! ^^' it's just sometimes i think of it and i wonder how many people held back from from pursuing this weird, culturaly unusual mutual attraction just because it didn't fit within their 'sexuality label'. in general i don't like labels very much, it creates too much of a stifling space and expectations and stigma... men probably have it even worse because it's less ''appropriate'' for them to touch platonically, let alone in some other context. kinda feel sorry for men sometimes. either you're openly gay and everyone mocks you or you're openly hetero and everyone expects you to be immune to the basic human needs for physical contact. :S i'm very glad our police boys don't have these issues (anymore). ^_^
:D Haha, well, it's such a treat to get such an enthusiastic comment, and especially on fics for a fandom as small as Blitz! SO I AM DEFINITELY SO GLAD, and if getting my enthusiasm all over you in my comments can make you glad in return, that's fantastic. ♥
Yes! Part of the reason I find internalized homophobia so interesting to explore is ... well, personal experience, for one, though not at all on the same level as Brant (thank goodness!). BUT ALSO because it's such an easy trap to fall into, I think, and even if you're able to come to terms with other people's sexualities, that doesn't necessarily mean you won't still struggle with your own, especially if it goes in directions you don't expect. So it's always made a lot of sense to me that even if Brant's comfortable, or at least not uncomfortable with Nash—able to work with him without harassing him, and calling him slurs mostly for a lack of other labels he feels able to use and not out of genuine hostility—it still wouldn't fit his ideas about himself, that he'd be capable of falling in love with a dude. It's just so easy to construct a self-image and then feel like you have to stick to it even when doing that is making you unhappy, and I think everybody has trouble with that to some degree. (But yeah, probably more so for men who are struggling to be perceived as "manly" enough, especially when expressing unhappiness and caring about your emotional state is treated as "girly". Oh, toxic masculinity, thanks for nothing. :P)
Haha, and I ended up rambling right back at you there, but yeah. :D It's difficult stuff to grapple with, so I'm really glad you liked this take on it with these guys, and thank you (ONE MORE TIME /o\ :D)!
it's such an easy trap to fall into, I think, and even if you're able to come to terms with other people's sexualities, that doesn't necessarily mean you won't still struggle with your own, especially if it goes in directions you don't expect. i haven't actually thought of that myself so i thank you for bringing it up because it's ExACTLY right. and also exactly what's going on in the movie with Brant. ^^ It's just like you said, you've got this idea of a person you're supposed to be and it's so hard to get beyond that, even if the whole person-construct is making you super unhappy. it's actually true for other things beside sexuality but i guess we struggle with sexuality the most because it's so intimate and seemingly important and the world is very tough the whole aspect of different sexualities. so yea i think stories that explore these things are very important. might make someone realize things more clearly, break out of their person-construct and live more freely.
oh hey you know what this reminds me of? that movie, Rocknrolla, have you watched it? if you haven't, it's a reasonably funny movie and everyone has a ridiculous british accent. :D
:D Yes! I'm just repeating myself now, haha, but it really is something I find interesting to think about and particularly plausible for some characters to experience, because in a lot of ways it's so relatable—whether it's sexuality or any other aspect of personal presentation/how you want people to see you or think they see you, a disconnect between that and your actual self is something a lot of people struggle with. And of course it's satisfying to get to write about characters figuring that out and finding ways to let themselves be more themselves, and wonderful to think it might be equally satisfying (and even helpful!) to read. ♥
:D I haven't watched it! But I remember hearing good things about it and will add it to my list—thank you for the rec!
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