Comment on go ahead touch

  1. susiecarter Sun 02 Dec 2018 03:59PM UTC

    /o\ :D So you already know a little bit how glad I am that you liked this, BUT you also know how weird I am about replying to comments. ;D And I just can't leave these here without taking the opportunity to say how thrilled I am that you liked this, and also that I WAS TOTALLY SUBTLE *shakes fist* and anyway this is your fault because you handcuffed me to a chair and made me watch Blitz in the first place. :D ♥

    Like, it feels a little weird to say that I'm so glad it was claustrophobic for you, haha—but it really means a lot to me to hear that the denial and repression and all felt that immediate, and really conveyed a sense of him as genuinely trapped by them. Like I mentioned in my notes, I wanted to write you SOMETHING because it had been ages since I'd given you a Blitz fic, and I'd jotted down some notes about trying FWB while pining, but of course "undercover gay" was also a great option ... and then, I don't know, I got struck by lightning or something, because SUDDENLY it was obvious to me that if I just combined them I'd have the makings of a GREAT internalized homophobia plotline, and obviously I couldn't possibly resist!

    SO YEAH. I'm delighted you enjoyed all Brant's efforts to treat all this as totally fine, and not meaning he has any sort of tremendous thing for Nash at all, ha ha, what, no, surely not. He just fucks Nash and falls asleep in his apartment after and likes waking up there, and definitely has no personal investment of any kind in bashing cases; that's Nash, as you can clearly see! :D And naturally it seemed only right that Brant's idea of helping Nash deal with his feelings is to go out all unauthorized and find the guy so they can punch him in the head. ;D

    And as ever, I'm thrilled that this managed to really sound like Brant to you, too! My very favorite thing about close POV like this is really trying my hardest to get the character's voice right, and it's always fantastic to think I've been able to pull it off. \o/ UNDERCOVER TOUCHING is second only to MISSION KISSING in my affections (which, I'm sorry there was none of the latter in there, but I couldn't make it work and keep the single kiss at the end the way I wanted it /o\), and I figured you wouldn't mind it too much. ;D

    AND THEN I was so pleased when I realized I could ALSO work that jealousy/possessiveness freeform in there, if only just a little bit. :D So I'm delighted you enjoyed that little scene, too! (And that Brant's thinking of everything in terms of a potential fight and of himself being threatening—because I don't know, I also loved the idea that even as he's doing all this to maintain "cover", he's still not quite able to imagine a guy in a gay pub looking at him and seeing ... another guy in a gay pub, instead of some scary macho dude who clearly doesn't belong there. OH BRANT.)

    Someone clearly needs to fuck Nash against a wall one of these days

    #accurate

    Haha, and I'm glad you enjoyed the aftermath of them finding the guy, too—which, again, I just really liked the idea that in the context of Brant looking like a "poofter" who certainly can throw a punch, a line that would otherwise come off differently really does just sound like self-aware friendly advice. :D Despite Nash's misgivings, bless.

    /o\ :D And just *clenches fist* that you enjoyed that whole conclusion, everything spilling over despite Brant's best efforts, and that it really came through as desperate and intense in all the right ways, is just the absolute best! \o/ I'm so, so thrilled you liked this, and that it really was what you were looking for on so many levels (and I'll never say never, because Nash definitely had lots of feelings about all this that didn't get in here :D). I just absolutely loved the idea of Brant having stumbled into sex with Nash, and then stuck with absolutely no idea how to ask for more, not that he'd have allowed himself to ask if he could work out how—and I hoped you'd like it, too, and I'm so glad I was right. :D ♥ ♥ ♥ It's always such a joy to write you a gift, and this time was no exception (and thank you, as always, for your amazing requests and comments)!

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