OFMD is a sitcom
Funny OFMD fics that lean into the tone of the show. Usually lighthearted, not necessarily angst-free.
(Open, Unmoderated)
Random works
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Don't Call Me That, Don't Look at Me That Way by surprisepink
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
08 Nov 2022
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Summary
When circumstances made it necessary for Izzy to retrieve Stede Bonnet and bring him back to the Revenge, he'd expected the job to be an easy one: keep Bonnet in one piece, let him make up with Edward, and grit his teeth through their ridiculous little relationship. A chance meeting with an old flame threw a wrench in his plans, and Bonnet wound up in a duel for Izzy's hand that led to... a startling situation.
(Leave it to Bonnet to be greedy; to not be satisfied with just Edward. Leave it to him to choose Izzy Hands as the next target of seduction.)
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Summary
The British aren’t too happy about the contract being broken on the Act of Grace and this time Stede Bonnet gets to be the one coming to the rescue.
“Stede,” Ed says and then buries his head in Stede’s neck, his chin bristly against the soft skin. “This is real yeah? I’m not fucking dead or something?”
“No one’s dead,” Stede says firmly, petting his head. “Though that does remind me we are in a certain amount of peril right now.”
“Oh fuck, right,” Ed says, looking up. “So this is a rescue then?”
“Well, yes,” Stede says, trying not to feel offended. “Did you think it was a conjugal visit?”
Ed shrugs.
Series
- Part 1 of Red Sky At Morning
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Summary
This ship is weird, Ed thinks. He’s been here about a week now and he’s been paying attention. It’s odd. They’ve got a bit of down time today so Ed has situated himself in the crow’s nest sharpening his knife and enjoying the long view to the horizon, just having a think.
So, firstly, everyone is shagging, and that shouldn’t be weird - it’s not like Ed hasn’t taken some pleasure in a crewmate now and again, but this isn’t just people getting off with someone willing to lend a hand out of a small number of choices. Ed doesn’t think anyone would ever accuse him of being a prude, but there’s honest to god relationships going on here like they’ve met at a fucking dance or something. And that’s the least disturbing aspect of what he’s learned about this crew’s sex life.
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In which Ed muses on all the things which are just fucking weird about being on the Revenge, especially the cute, strange, lunatic captain.
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Summary
Captain Stede Bonnet recruits his newly minted first mate Oluwande and his scribe Lucius to write a letter of reconciliation to Ed. They get tanked.
OR
Three pirates share one braincell, and they dilute it with a lot of wine.
OR
Drunk dialing your ex, eighteenth-century style. -
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Summary
In which Stede and Ed are stuck ashore, and accidentally become pen pals. You've Got Ye Olde Maile!
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But what do you do Thomas, thats lefd you so wanting for a thrill that you need to spy thru a thiket of chiken scradch on the spelling atrossittys of strangers? Is Royal James a royal bore?
Random bookmarks
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In Bed, Asleep, Where They Do Dream Things True by atreus_von_swinburne
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
27 Jul 2022
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Summary
Through various machinations and plot contrivances, the crews of the Revenge and The Queen Anne's Revenge, in varying combinations, all end up sleeping in Stede's comfy bed, in a sort of easy peasy puddin' n' pie version of hot racking it.
Title from Romeo & Juliet, Act 1, Scene IV
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Ed realizes that wooden objects make Lucius happy and attempts to whittle him things. It doesn't go as planned.
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In exchange for Stede’s freedom, Ed offers himself up to the British and is sentenced to 5 years in prison. Thanks to a very intrepid mail delivery seagull, they’re able to exchange a series of increasingly stupid, silly, smutty, and romantic letters during their time apart.
Series
- Part 1 of Time in a Bottle
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“Gotta warn ya, mate,” Ed said in that same unusually-bright-given-the-circumstances tone from earlier, “rooms at these kinds of places are usually too small to fit two beds. We’ll probably have to share.” Ed punctuated the warning by whistling a few sing-songy notes as they arrived at their room and he fit the iron key into the lock.
“I see,” Stede said, feeling that thrill again. Likely from the authenticity of sleeping in close quarters, like a real pirate. Really thrilling stuff, that. “I suppose we could get a second room, if–”
“NO,” Ed interrupted loudly, startling them both. He cleared his throat and began again at a more location-appropriate volume. “No, the innkeeper said this was the only room left–” he turned the lock– “so we’ll have to make do with whatever’s here.”
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A subversion of the Only One Bed Trope, and a love letter to OFMD fanfic everywhere.Series
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Enemies, Two Lovers (And Enemies Again) by Jazzxdaffy
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
21 Aug 2022
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Summary
“...And it’s the fucking disrespect of it!” Stede ranted, pacing his room furiously. Edward leaned against the wall beside the locked door and watched him with rapidly decreasing patience, arms crossed, waiting for him to finish his tirade about Izzy Hands.
“Yeah, mate, he can be a handful sometimes. Anyway, speaking of handfuls, about your dick–”
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A subversion of the "Enemies to Lovers" trope, as told in three acts.Series