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CELEBRITIES LIVE ON BROADWAY!
At Broadway, a massive project was in order. “Celebrities Live On Broadway”, a variety show featuring sketches and musical acts. It was a charity event against M. S.
Starring in this production was an all star cast including: Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Megan Fox, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Seth Rogen, Anna Kendrick, Aubrey Plaza, Brie Larson, Saoirse Ronan, Channing Tatum, Margot Robbie, Melissa McCarthy, Rebel Wilson, Amy Schumer, Milla Jovovich, Michael Fassbender, Alicia Vikander, Zac Efron, Jonah Hill, Bradley Cooper, Michael Cera, Dakota Johnson, Ireland Baldwin, Chloe- Grace Moretz, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Aly and AJ Michalka, Rooney Mara, Shailene Woodley and many other surprise guests.
Musicians include Taylor Swift, Jessie J, Rihanna and Justin Timberlake.
Hosting this show was none other than the mighty Bruce Campbell, chosen for his bombastic, announcer voice.
“Well, it is an honor to take part in this charity,” said Bruce in his interview. “Also to be surrounded by such beautiful women……….. And men.”
Most of the sketches were either written by the cast or other writers.
Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone and Amy Schumer will be in a sketch written by Jennifer and Amy, where Jen and Emma pay two 11 year olds who discover something belonging to Jen’s mother, played by Amy.
The sketch takes place in the 90’s, due to Jen and Emma being 90’s kids. The art department also helped find 90’s memorabilia such as a Spice Girls poster, a PlayStation, VHS tapes, a small 90’s TV, a tape recorder plus cassettes and CDs.
Jen and Emma also tried on 90’s clothes and just really dug into the 90’s spirit.
Brie Larson wrote a sketch called “Slumber Party Musical”, where she, Saoirse Ronan, Aly and Aj Michalka, Rooney Mara and Shailene Woodley play 16 year olds having a Slumber Party which they turn into a musical at the end of the sketch. Justin Timberlake makes an appearance at the end.
Brie, Aly, AJ and Justin wrote the song that will appear at the end.
“I never had a Slumber Party or a musical,” Brie said in her interview. “So, put them together and you’ve got……..y’know……..”
“She got the idea from Grease,” said Rooney.
“Yeah, only we’re not being assholes in it,” replied Brie.
Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza were doing a sketch called “Misheard Lyrics” where they take songs and make fun of some lyrics that sound like something rude or silly.
Laughter could be heard in their writing room. After a few hours of listening to songs and spotting odd lyrics, they decided to leave the room to get some food. But really they were up to something else.
Jennifer and Emma came back from rehearsing their sketch.
“Hey,” Aubrey called to them. “We’re gonna go stalk Milla Jovovich, you comin’.”
“We were actually going to do that right now,” replied Emma.
So all four of them made their way to Milla’s dressing room. But when they got there, they saw that Brie, Saoirse, Rooney, Aly, AJ and Shailene were outside the door listening to what was going on inside.
“Hey, you bitches,” exclaimed Anna.
“Yeah, well, snooze, you lose,” replied Shailene.
Anna, Jennifer, Aubrey and Emma placed their heads on the door and heard Megan Fox inside.
Megan Fox, Ireland Baldwin and Milla Jovovich were all doing the “Barbarella” skit. Megan was playing the role of Barbarella and Milla was playing the evil scientist Dr Digma. Ireland was playing her right hand robot woman.
"It's a real honour to be working alongside Milla," said Ireland in her interview. "As a model, I've admired Milla for many years, and now I get to play her right hand woman. It's awesome."
Ireland also worked with a mime coach to learn how to move like a robot.
But anyway, back to the room:
Megan was inside the dressing room talking about working with Milla.
“It’s really cool, cos we all grew up watching Milla’s movies and seeing her kick ass. Now I actually get to fight Milla in this skit. It’s an absolute privilege. It is also a privilege to be interviewed by her daughter.”
Milla’s daughter Ever was holding onto her video camera filming Megan as she was talking to her.
“Thank you, Megan,” Ever said with a smile.
Then Megan gave her a big hug. Milla just stood there with a big smile on her face.
“And can show that to all your friends,” Milla told Ever.
“Can I meet Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone?” asked Ever eagerly.
“I think they’re busy rehearsing,” answered Milla.
“No we’re not,” said Jennifer from behind the door.
Megan walked over and opened the door to reveal Jennifer, Emma, Brie, Saoirse, Shailene, Rooney, Anna, Aubrey, Aly and AJ standing there with their autograph books at the ready.
“Milla I love you so much!” cried Jennifer.
“Your daughter is so cute!” squealed Emma.
“Milla, if you need someone to look after your kids when you’re busy…….” began Brie.
Milla laughed.
“Okay, you can have my autograph, if you give yours to Ever.”
They couldn’t believe it. The daughter of Milla Jovovich wanted their autographs.
“I think I’m gonna cry,” said Aubrey.
So they all gave Ever their autographs and Milla gave them all hers. After signing, they all wanted to talk to Milla and tried to impress her.
“Milla, who’s your favourite out of all us,” asked Anna.
“Oscar winners and nominees don’t count,” snarked Aubrey.
“Well, you’re all beautiful and talented actresses,” answered Milla. “And you really deserved those Oscars and nominations. Now if only I could get one.”
“Well, you just need to do that one movie that is going to grab everyone’s attention,” replied Emma.
“Yeah,” said Milla. “I know my movies aren’t………… you know………..”
“Good?” replied Anna.
“Yeah,” laughed Milla. “If only I can do indie dramas like you guys. I envy all of you.”
Jennifer whispered in Emma’s ear.
“Milla Jovovich actually envies us! Holy fuckballs!”
“Emma?” Milla asked her.
“Milla Jovovich asked me a question,” Emma whispered into Jennifer’s ear. “Yes, Milla?”
“How is Taylor coping with this act of hers.”
Emma frowned.
“Not so good, to tell you the truth,” she answered.
“I’ll go talk to her,” said Milla.
“Can we come with?” asked Aubrey in desperation.
“No, this only requires two people,” answered Milla.
Milla went to Taylor’s dressing room. She knocked on the door.
“Taylor?”
The door opened and it was Taylor.
“Hi, Milla,” she greeted nervously.
“You okay?” asked Milla.
Taylor let her into the room. They both sat on the sofa.
Taylor was nervous because she was doing an Adam and Eve segment. Which meant that she, and the male model playing Adam were to be stark naked in front of thousands.
“I really wanna do this skit, I mean its Broadway,” began Taylor. “But I am just so fuckin’ nervous and I don’t wanna let the team down. How did you do it, Milla?”
“Well,” answered Milla. “For me, it’s kinda like going on a rollercoaster. You’re terrified, but excited at the same time. And when you’ve conquered the roller coaster, you feel awesome.”
“Mmm,” replied Taylor. “Milla, I do have an idea though.”
“What is it?” asked Milla.
“And cue the fart smoke."
On stage, Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson were rehearsing their sketch. Melissa had a harness under her clothes with wires coming out. She also had a small smoke machine that was strapped to her waist. The machine was on her ass so no-one could see it in front of her. The machine activated with brown smoke coming out of it.
Anyone who has seen “Bottom Live: The Number Two Tour” might understand.
The smoke appeared to be coming out from Melissa’s behind. The whole cast were all in the audience chairs laughing their asses off. It was so funny.
“And lift!” instructed the director.
The grips lifted Melissa off the stage and 10 feet into the air. It looked as if Melissa's fart smoke was lifting her off the stage.
Melissa then crossed her legs and held out her arms in front of her. She then touched her fingertips with her thumbs, as if she was meditating.
This made the cast laugh even harder.
“I am a genie, so I shall grant you three wishes,” said Melissa.
“I wish for you to stop farting,” called Saoirse.
“Sorry, that doesn’t work,” answered Melissa. “Try another one.”
“I wish for Trump to disappear!” called AJ.
“If only,” sighed Melissa.
“I wish for every video game from my childhood!” cried Margot.
“Your wish is granted!” replied Melissa. “Go to ebay and amazon and you will find them.”
Just as Melissa finished her sentence, the smoke ran out and she was just in mind air. The whole cast roared with laughter.
“This is like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon where he hangs in mid-air and falls down a cliff,” said Melissa.
Milla arrived and walked over to Asia.
“Well?” she asked.
“She wants to do it now in front of everyone,” answered Milla.
Taylor had her nude body painted with makeup. She walked out of stage in her bath robe. Also on stage was the male model playing Adam.
The whole cast all sat there looking at Taylor.
"C'mon, Taylor, take it off, take it off!" sang Jennifer to the tune of 'Shake it off'.
Taylor walked out to the front of the stage and took a deep breath.
She now disrobed. She sexilly let the robe slide down her body as she revealed it to the whole cast. She completely nude except she was wearing tape on her nipples and a patch downstairs.
The cast all whooped and hollered. Then they wolf whistled.
“Well done Taylor,” said Milla.
Taylor was feeling really nervous and giddy. There she was naked in public. She then walked backwards to the Garden of Eden set.
"Why is she moonwalking?" asked Rooney.
"So no-one can see her ass," said Milla. "It's a trick I learned."
The guy playing Adam was also naked. Some of the girls lusted over him.
“Hey Taylor, twerk!” cried Shailene.
“No!” cried everyone else.
“There is to be no twerking in this show what so ever,” demanded the director. “That’s why Miley Fuckin’ Cyrus and Nicki Fuckin’ Minaj are not in this show.”
Brie then began to laugh.
“What’s so funny, Larson?” asked Aubrey.
“Have you guys ever seen the Nicki Minaj Anaconda Fart Remix?” asked Brie.
They all laughed.
“I fuckin’ pissed myself when I saw that!” cried Jennifer.
“I don’t like fart jokes, but the way they edited that video, GENIUS!” said Emma.
“What about my farting?” said Melissa putting on a sad face.
“Your farts are funny too cos of the smoke,” said Emma.
Taylor got into position.
“Could I do this?” Taylor asked the director.
She reached her legs out and placed her foot on the male model’s chest. The cast exclaimed.
“Ohh, very sexy,” said Milla.
“That’s right, seduce him,” said the director.
Taylor let her sexiness take over. She was enjoying this. That was until she looked down at the male model and saw something.
“Er……. uh oh……..”
The male model felt embarrassed. Asia got on stage and walked over to them. The male model was naked but had a sock on his, erm......... And it was rising. The director then faced the rest of the cast.
“If any of you fuckin’ laugh……………!” she warned the rest of the cast.
The cast didn’t laugh at all. Their lives depended on it.
Then the director looked at the male model.
“Don’t worry. If that does happen, you will cover it up with the hedge.”
Jessie J arrived on stage. She saw the male model’s rising sock.
“Looks like I arrived just in time,” she said smiling.
Jessie was dressed in a skin tight leotard that resembled a snake’s skin. She was playing the role of the serpent. In the act, the serpent seduces Eve into eating the apple. That was no problem for Jessie J.
“Jessie, she’s already sexy and seductive,” the director said in her interview. “Why not have her seduce Eve into eating the apple. It’s hard to resist the sexiness of Jessie J.”
Taylor and Jessie have written the song for the act, “Temptation”.
“Seduce Taylor Swift?” Jessie said in her interview. “I’m living every guy and bisexual/lesbian girl’s dream. I also wouldn’t mind seducing that male model.”
Taylor wasn’t the only one getting naked in the show.
Channing Tatum, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Gerard Butler, Taylor Lautner and Michael Fassbender were all doing the “Magic Mike” routine.
"Well, it is for charity," Chris Hemsworth said in his interview. "Plus I like getting my kit off."
"It's really a contest of who has the best abs," said Gerard. "That would be me. I was cast in 300 for a reason."
"I have to disagree," said Michael. "It is mine. Alicia says so"
"No," said Chris Evans. "C'mon guys, Captain America."
"Actually," said Taylor. "No contest. The younger, the better."
"Hey, I was the star of Magic Mike for a reason," said Channing.
Later, they were all in their rehearsal room working with the choreographer.
Anna Kendrick was peeping through the keyhole.
“Ahem!”
Anna saw Alicia Vikander standing beside her.
“Oh hi, Alicia,” said Anna nervously.
“Scrappy Little Nobody?” began Alicia. “Perverted Little Nobody, more like.”
“Erm, er, you got me,” said Anna.
Alicia was holding onto a tray of six full coffee cups. She knocked the door with her free hand.
“Alicia?” asked the choreographer.
“Yes,” answered Alicia.
The sound of unlocking could be heard and the door opened. Alice walked in with the tray.
Inside, she saw the shirtless Channing, Chris’s, Taylor and Michael. She looked at them flirtatiously as she very slowly walked over to the table. She set the tray on it and smiled at the boys.
“Goodbye, Alicia,” they all said.
She winked at them and seductively left the room. As she exited, the choreographer closed the door and locked it.
“And that, Miss Kendrick is how you pervert,” said Alicia as she walked away.
Alicia was doing a sketch with Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Dakota Johnson and Zac Efron.
Since she was fan of Superbad, Seth wrote a part for her in this sketch. It all takes place in the cinema and you will see what she does in it later.
Taylor and The “Magic Mike” boys weren’t the only ones doing a sexy performance in the show, Mary Elizabeth Winstead was doing her sexy “Make It Happen” dance. She was going to reenact that sexy scene where she wore the suit and tore the trouser legs and took of the jacket whilst doing that erection causing dance.
And there was going to be a whole lot more to her performance.
Another performance will be Margot Robbie's gymnastic routine, due to her background. She had a red and blue one piece bathing suit on.
"It's red and blue cos I'm an Aussie," she said in her interview. "Also it's the colours of a certain character I played."
Also, she and Cara Delevingne would do a knife throwing act. With Cara throwing the knives, of course.
"We're very good friends," said Cara. "It's is a sign of our friendship, the knife throwing."
In the Barbarella sketch, Milla was playing a one armed character. Her character has a bionic arm. She had to hide her real arm behind her back and an animatronic one was used. Milla and the effects team had fun picking up objects with the bionic arm. They also helped Milla scratch her face with it and at one point, tried to use it to pick her nose. But she said no. She also said she didn't want to use it when going to the bathroom.
Most of the young cast were honoured to work with the mighty Bruce. He would often tell them funny stories about the movies he shot and also his teenage years.
The cast were howling at an embarrassing story he was telling about his 13 year old self:
"So my mom said 'Right, Bruce! That's enough! I'm coming in!' I'm like 'Oh-no!'"
"Oh fuck!" laughed Seth.
"She opened the door and the chair that was blocking the door just moved across the floor," said Bruce. "So I'm really fucked. She saw me lying in bed, completely naked. 'Would you believe it?! Bruce, I don't believe it, I really don't!' I'm like 'Mom, I can explain!' She goes 'Oh no! You can't fool me! Why do you have that photo of Jane Fonda? But most of all, why do you have lube?' I just slap my hand on my forehead. 'Shit!'"
The cast roared with laughter and Bruce just shook his head.
"So that was that," said Bruce. "I never did see that photo of Jane Fonda again."
So, after 3 months of rehearsal, the entire cast was ready.
The show was going to go live on HBO one Saturday night.
And when that night arrived at 9 O’Clock……….
Queues upon queues of people all collected their tickets at the box office and then entered the Gershwin Theatre. They all took their seats and saw the orchestra and TV camera operators were ready.
The entire place was packed and the cast were nervous as fuck.
So was the director, who was in the TV room.
“This is always the worst part,” said Bruce Campbell. “The fucking waiting.”
Since he was the first person to go stage, he got himself ready. His heart pounded, his bladder was full (even after 4 visits to the toilet in one hour), his palms were sweaty, but his confidence was off the charts.
It was 8.55.
Not long left!
Everyone in the production control room were nervous as well.
8.59.
The cast all watched the seconds tick away on the clock.
45 seconds.
Not long.
Bruce took a deep breath.
30 seconds.
“This is it, Motherfucker!” said Seth.
“Good luck everyone,” said Jonah.
Jennifer and Emma hugged Taylor.
“You’re gonna rule this night, babe,” Jennifer told her.
“I could run naked on that stage right now!” replied Taylor.
15 seconds.
The audience were excited.
9 seconds.
Millions of viewers all over the US and Canada were ready.
5 seconds.
This was it!
3 seconds.
Here we go! thought everyone.
1 seconds and………….
The HBO logo appeared on every television screen.