Chapter Text
Kitty woke up tangled in Benny's sheets, her head resting on his chest. She hadn't meant to come back to the Strip with him. Her plan had been give House the Chip and run for somewhere, anywhere but Benny's bed. This made it thrice now. The night she meant to kill him, Novac after Fortification Hill (although that had technically been her bed), and this.
Madness. Complete utter madness. Maybe the bullets truly scrambled her brains. She didn't even love him, damn it. Half his lingo flew over her head, she didn't approve of gambling, and she wasn't even sure she enjoyed the sex. He was just there.
"Morning, honey baby." Benny stretched.
"How old are you anyway?" She blurted. Not how she intended to start the day.
"Thirty seven."
She gulped. Fifteen years. Any older and he could be her father. Her mother must be turning over in her mass grave. A wave of shame knocked into her. She sat on her side of the bed.
"Pussycat, you aren't stupid. You already knew I was older than you."
"I--"
"Keturah." He cut off whatever she was going to say. "Look at me."
"Don't call me that!" She stood and started sorting through her armor. She could see everything besides her under things. Fucking shit. Where'd she put her glasses? "I don't even know why I told you my real name."
Benny held them out. "Honey baby, you're really going to start our first fight over our ages?"
"First fight? I'm pretty sure it takes a relationship for that." Where was his excellent people-reading skills now? Couldn't he see that she was mad at herself, not him? She pulled on Benny's boxers and forewent the bra. She didn't have much on top anyway. "I need air. I'm going to Freeside, seeing a friend about a dog. Don't wait up."
Pip-Boy, clothes, silenced pistol, switchblade, she'd get breakfast at the Wrangler later. Benny still sat on the bed. His hurt expression softened her anger. Despite her better judgement, she kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be back. I just need to think."
She didn't go get Rex right away. That had been half of her intention. Dixon raised an eyebrow. "I thought you got clean."
"Change of plans. Got any Med-X?" She'd been clean for awhile but damn it. A headache bloomed in forehead before she even left The Tops.
"Can't do it, nobody in Freeside will. Dr. Gannon's orders."
"I'll give you double." Damn you, Arcade.
"Nope. You got that 1st Recon friend. I'm not risking it."
At the mention of Boone, her chest started hurting. She wanted to march to the Old Mormon Fort and scream in Latin so only Arcade would understand. Instead, she let her anger propel to the School of Impersonation. Rex followed her to one of the rooms upstairs. The cyborg dog let her use his head as pillow.
Her Pip-Boy choose that exact moment to beep. New radio signal. "Howdy. This is Jed Masterson and I'm a caravan boss for the Happy Trails Trading company. If you're hearing this, I have a job offer for you. Happy Trails is organizing an expedition north into Utah, off the Long 15, and we need people. We're looking for caravan guards, prospectors. If you're used to humping it across the wastes straight towards trouble, we want you. If you got a Pip Boy, we definitely want you."
As soon as he said Pip Boy, something happened.
It felt like a voice. A firm, quiet, command, Go. How a voice could be an emotional feeling and not an auditory sensation was beyond her. She looked at Rex. Being a dog, he had no answers. He whined.
"Rex, do you think I could somehow arrange for a second Armageddon so I don't have to deal with this shit?"
Rex promptly removed himself from the room.
She sat there, back against the wall. One of her headaches started up, pulsing behind her eyes. She flipped the Pip Boy radio off and removed her glasses. Still, the voice-that-was-not-a-voice persisted. Go on the expedition. You'll find what you need there. She hadn't been aware she needed anything.
A bark brought her attention back to reality. Rex returned, bringing a blurry someone in a Follower's lab coat with him. She groaned.
"For an intelligent girl, you do some unintelligent things," Arcade said from above her. "Tell me you're sober this time."
"You know I've been cut off from the only substance I used. It was your doing." She slid her glasses back into place but closed her eyes again. "Ave, Doctor Gannon."
He sat down beside her."I need you to be honest with me, as a friend. Are you sleeping with the man who shot you?"
She sighed. "I don't see how that's any of your business."
"Because anything that threatens your health is my business. You're one of my patients."
"I thought you were asking as a friend." She rested her head on the wall behind her. "Look, I'm not going to deny it. I slept with him. I gave him my fucking virginity, but we're not seeing each other."
"Were you high?"
"No. I haven't had a hit since Boone dragged me in to you to sober up. That doesn't mean I was in my right mind though."
She heard the door to the room shut firmly. "Kitty, this isn't an easy question for me to ask. Dr. Usanagi has the most training in mental health."
Oh God. He thought she was crazy. She braced herself.
Arcade blurted it out. "Did he force or coerce you?"
"What?! No." She flushed. "It was sex not rape! I promise. He hasn't hurt me." Unless you count shooting me.. "I'm not sure why you would think that. He's a run-of-the-mill jackass, not a Legionarie."
"And you're done with him."
"I already know it wasn't a healthy whatever-it-was. I know I'm young, Arcade, but I'm not stupid." Boy she said that a lot. "There was nothing romantic about it. Sex is just a biological urge."
"And you're certain he won't hurt you now?"
"He will not get the chance to." She tried to sound firm.
"Is breaking up with him going to break your heart?"
"Can't break something that isn't there," she muttered darkly. She did not like to think about her time at Big Mountain.
"Kitty, should I be alarmed?"
"I have an artificial heart." She tried to wave it off. "It was before I met--" A sob caught in her throat.
"Boone?"
She nodded and pulled her knees up to her chest. She felt the pump-pump of the heart. "He's gone."
"How?"
"A ripper in the hands of the same Legionnaire that decimated my town. He's dead too." She took a deep breath. "I should have killed him sooner. He put my mother's head on a spike, my father on a cross."
"How old were you?"
"Same age I am now. I'm from Nipton."
"You're from Nipton?" The complete shock in his voice didn't surprise her. "But you--"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," Arcade mumbled to himself. "And I'll have to add the heart thing to her file."
"You have a file on me?"
"Standard medical procedure. Don't worry. No one besides me will see it without your permission. I have a password protected terminal."
She raised an eyebrow.
"You have an unnatural talent for hacking, Kitty." He rubbed her shoulder. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"
She nodded.
"If the urge gets to be too much, I'll be at the Fort. Please come get me yourself next time."
"Okay."
The voice came back as soon as he closed the door behind him. You need peace, it said.
That was about as likely as her finding a way to start the Armageddon she half-joked to Rex about. Between the NCR, the remainder of the Legion, House's robot army, and whatever the fuck Benny was going to do, peace in Mojave was a long way off. Maybe, if her brain was still in bowl, she and it could have a conversation. Instead, it was back in her head, damaged. Damn it and her glands.
Go.
"Alright, fine. I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask for more details."
She made the trek up to the Northern passage and sought out Mr. Masterson. Before she could get out so much as a hello, he said, "Wait a minute, I recognize you. Yeah, you're Alice McLafferty's rising star. What are you doing looking for work with a little company like Happy Trails?"
She shrugged. "Wasn't suited to the company morals. I heard you're going into Utah?"
"Yes. We've lost contact with New Canaan. We need to get through the Zion Valley."
She held up her wrist, showing off the Pip Boy. "I think I can help with that. It has a compass and everything."
"Good. Couple of ground rules." He tossed her a sack with the Happy Trails logo painted on it. "Put everything you're taking with you in that. It holds about seventy five pounds. Second rule, do not mention Joshua Graham to any of the New Canaanites. Think you can handle that?"
"Given that I have no idea who that is, it should be pretty easy." She smiled. Crazy voice or not, it would be nice to get out of the Mojave. And if anything, it would be easier to get around with less junk. "When are we leaving?"
"You not asking about the pay?"
She shrugged. "Caps aren't bad but I'm looking for some time away from the Mojave."
"You in some kind of trouble?"
"I don't think so," she said carefully. The Legion probably had a price on her head but it wasn't like they would find her up north. "I lost a friend recently and need some space."
"I get that. We leave in three days, at sunrise. You'll get half your pay then, the rest when we get to New Canaan."
"You have yourself a deal, Mr. Masterson." She shook his hand. "See you in three days." The world suddenly felt a lot lighter. She walked back to New Vegas feeling better than when she left.