Work Text:
Men In Love
“It is real to me. It is made of me, for me. I feel through it, thanks to the implants. “It reacts to hormonal surges and arousal. It fills with my own blood.” Jim stated, bluffing his usual confidence. He laid it down on his bedside table, and turned back to Spock. “I want you to know me, Spock. I mean, you do, but I don’t want to have to try and hide anything from you. That thing is me. I’m still me, but part of me, my story, is this; it is my body as you see me now. Though, I hope you can see that I was able to have some of the gender affirmation genital surgeries; although I opted for the prosthetic as it is more realistic than Phallo and Metoidioplasty; short of actually having my chromosomes resequenced, and having even more implants than I already have! It would constitute genetic engineering, which we don’t need to be reminded, is illegal. Not having illegal surgeries though; It leaves me like this, if ever I have to take the prosthetic off.” Jim gestured to his body.
“Jim, if it makes you feel more comfortable, Ashayam, put it back on.” Spock said carefully.
Jim stepped forward, and touched one of Spock’s arms. “What about you?” He paused. “Are you comfortable?”
“Of course I am, Jim. I hold no prejudice. Being Trans makes you no less a man. Very likely more so. You have fought for your standing.” Spock levelled his gaze on Jim’s intense hazel stare.
“I fathered David with the help of the prosthetic. Doctors placed sperm created from my eggs inside it. The spend was implanted in my dick, with the usual fluid some of the implants encourage my body to create.” Jim explained tiredly. “And after all that, after me going to a fertility clinic and telling even more people my truth, she” Jim spoke of Carol, “decided I wouldn’t be a good enough father. I didn’t dispute her assumption. I let her bring up our child without me.” Jim wiped tears from his eyes, visceral and angry.
Spock took Jim into his arms. “Ashayam, you are better, far better, than Carol said then, and better than, who in her grief, she believes you are now. She will see she is wrong, in time.”
“I don’t know that she is wrong! I didn’t insist on taking custody of Peter when Sam and Aurellan died. I let him go and live with his cousins.” Jim reasoned.
“Precisely because he wished to live with them and with Aurellan’s sister, the Aunt who reminds him, as you know, so much of his mother. You are a good uncle to Peter. You stay in touch with him. You visit each other whenever Enterprise is in dock near or around Earth.” Spock held Jim in his arms, as they spoke.
“I usually fight to prove people wrong, Spock! Why the hell didn’t I? How did I ever let my son grow up thinking I didn’t care?” Jim looked up to meet Spock’s eyes again.
“Perhaps because children who grow up around parents who do not get on, are often caught in the middle and anguished as a result.” Spock reasoned.
“Yes, but I still made the wrong decision, adun.” Jim noted.
“He knew you loved him, Jim. The video com. call you’ve been replaying, of David, it speaks of how you two were building your father and son relationship.” Spock reminded Jim.
“Perhaps.” Jim tried to agree. He shivered, and held on to Spock more tightly.
“He would not have rejected you, Jim. David was too much like you to let old prejudices stop him from being glad you’re his father.” Spock noted.
Jim just stood there, and tried not to be cry again.
“Come to bed, k’diwa. You need the warmth of some blankets.” Spock ushered Jim in the direction of the captain’s bed.
“I’ll put it back on, too.” Jim snagged his sweater and his prosthetic.
Spock, carrying blankets, turned back to Jim.
Jim smiled, or tried to.
Spock put the blankets over Jim’s bed, and pulled back the bed covers, so that he and Jim could climb in to it.
They did so, and Spock caressed Jim’s face. “I love thee, James, and I desire you more than I have ever before desired anyone.”
Jim surged forward, gripping Spock’s biceps, and then, his shoulders. “I thought I knew the utmost heights of desire - and then, we admitted how we feel, and you opened up all these other levels!” Jim’s smile caressed Spock, bringing a blush of green dusting across the half Vulcan/half human’s complexion.
They kissed. Rearing up to meet each other’s lips, grip each other’s fingers, press each other’s body.
‘You still love me.’ Jim thought, as he looked in to Spock’s eyes.
“I love thee unreservedly.” Spock paused, and held Jim’s face in his hands, verbalising his emotions for Jim. “Do you understand me? Do not question the depths of my devotion; whatever duty to Starfleet could make us do in the future - whatever fate throws us, and we must abide by; I would be as bereft without you as you were without me. Your son gave us the planet that gave me life again, and this chance to be with you. I adore you, Jim. The strength of love you inspire, surpasses every measurement of sheer magnitude imaginable. We are T’hy’la. Forever. Regardless of all else.”
“Tu Dena Val. "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.” Jim breathed, speaking Vulcan for his treasured T’hy’la; revelling in the heat and freedom of being allowed to love Spock at last.
“Ashau nash-veh tu, ashal-veh.” Spock directly told his darling Jim that he loved him.
They kissed, and began to make love yet again. Closer than ever.
The End?
24.7.26