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—START—
From the bottom of her heart she understood.
Not the situation itself nor the way that the girl in front of her was living, not her drive to push herself this much after all that has happened or even how recent events might have shaken her psyche.
What she could relate more than anything was that mask, that relentless purse of being somebody else different from the person they once were no matter how much they leave behind.
Their reasons might be different from one another as well as their approach to it, but fundamentally both herself and the student currently training under her supervision shared a simple reality.
Both of them were big liars that wanted to become someone else.
“Alright enough” Tazuna called out, her voice the same measured patience that she had for all students.
Two days ago administration had called for her, more specifically it was a call by Director Akikawa regarding the state of one of Tracen’s trainers as well as that man’s trainee.
Haru Urara, the girl she’d been tasked with picking up from a racecourse not too long ago due to some emergency circumstances was right then and there officially classified as an Umamusume without a trainer.
Inquiring some more about this topic taught her quite fast the reason behind this unexpected and rather problematic turn of events.
“Hospitalized?” Accidents and injuries were not uncommon amongst staff as well as trainees yet one occurring at the race itself where a trainer had no other task to do than make sure his Uma was ready stood out. “That normally means a downtime period for a Central Trainer, does it truly warrant retirement?”
Her boss sighed, a snap — most likely made by her fan opening — echoing through the phone. “Unfortunate! It was predictable that this would happen Tazuna” Energy in her voice despite it all. “His retirement had already been set due to the sickness that haunts him, yet remain he did for his newest trainee for two years…now his body has reached the limit”
She knew who the trainer was exactly, in fact he was closer to being a contemporary to her than most others within the Academy being Shizan’s trainer, a Tripple Crown trainer that was now long past his own prime yet still held on with a relatively strong team.
“I understand, his age has finally become a real hinderance to him” This wasn’t a young promise leaving early in their career but rather someone at the end of it.
“Still it weights in this one’s shoulders to not have chosen to act sooner” Another snap, now her fan was most likely closed. “Urgency! While an act for the trainer might be too late it is not for Haru Urara!” Passionately exclaimed the director. “A sudden termination of contract can be detrimental for a student’s morale and performance as such I ask you Tazuna to care for her while the troubles are resolved”
She didn’t have much trouble accepting that. “Very well” Haru Urara was one of the most well liked and hopeful Umamusume in this school, surely there wouldn’t be too much trouble.
Now today she stood on the other side of the track’s fence, observing as the small girl worked on a regimen that seemed completely insane and reckless for an Umamusume to do that no decent trainer would ever put their trainee through.
The loads weren’t strange, nor was it the repetitions or the kinds of exercises that she was doing, all of those could be considered normal — in fact some people could even call them light — albeit a bit taxing under some circumstances. But what she was seeing was not normal due to one simple fact, the rate at which she was going.
Every exercise was blown through, no breaks, no moments to rest her legs, no stretching between exercises as if her legs fragility meant nothing to Haru Urara. Once one repetition was over she went immediately to the next, with every stumble she’d just get back up and keep going.
It was as inspiring as it was horrifying to see. (We might need to do a proper medical examination…I can’t be sure her legs are in good shape if she does this everyday)
Fortunately the girl listened to her, when she was told to stop she actually did so and stretched without being told too, fully focused on the plan with little to no distractions. (There’s another inconsistency…classmates tend to refer to her as very scatterbrained that even a butterfly might pull all her attention away) Yet she had focused without wavering for hours.
Even with the forceful retirement of her trainer she still found the strength to smile and carry on forward.
All the kicking and crying she had on the first day — Which was surprisingly little for someone described as really childish by her contemporaries — was almost gone by today, turned into fuel for training.
This was exactly why she felt she understood Haru, even if she had no real proof. (Because someone is hiding in there, a different person that you are trying to change) Looking at her own hand Tazuna knew exactly what that was like.
A mask, a veil that you desire it becomes your face.
To stop being Tokino Minoru…to turn herself into Tazuna she’s burned her old self into nothing but a phantom. (It looks so similar at times) Her eyes couldn’t mistake what she saw every once in a while, it wasn’t surprising anyone else failed to notice though.
Of course Tazuna had no idea who Haru Urara was running away from, who she did not want to be. She also didn’t need to know to be willing to help her.
A mop of pink hair approached the secretary of Tracen. “Phew, that was good training!!” She smiled with radiance and joy, a rhythm to her step that spoke of enthusiasm. “What did you think miss Tazuna?”
Watching her really proved why the trainer had chosen to push back his retirement two years back. “Quite the showing, your determination is admirable” Each praise made the girl glow, as if the world had been handed to them.
It was incredible how quick she had recovered from the news of her trainer, the day she’d been informed her mood had been down the entire time.
Her gaze had been…unsettling with how intense if was, remaining still for minutes on end as her expression did not change. (Now I can tell she was trying to keep herself under control…but back then it felt so wrong to see) As if she’d just turned off everything about herself for a second to process everything.
Silence had reigned in the room, small changes to her expression were the only thing that told Tazuna what might have gone through her head and after 10 minutes she allowed herself to cry, like she was asking herself permission to do so.
And yet the next day Haru still presented herself for training, still ran her routine even if it was under her supervision this time and she did not crumble under sadness nor stress.
She wasn’t aright but she stood strongly and kept moving forward.
Hardship had come her way and Haru Urara had faced it with a smile.
“Really?! Yay!” Even just telling her that she did good seemed to please her. “I need to put even more effort now! For Trainer!” Haru Urara was a fire that Tazuna didn’t think anyone could put out. “I will get that win for him too!!”
Despite that she still noticed, she noticed the small imperfections in that relentless person, those small inconsistencies that hinted that someone else was hidden inside. It wasn’t easy to spot them nor was Tazuna fully sure if they were actually there some of the time.
“An admirable desire indeed” There was a want to confront her on this, to guide her with her own experience with her identity. “He will be thrilled if he hears of your victory and I will make sure news reach him” But she let it slide, for now.
“Thank you miss Tazuna!” She would not approach her on the topic, not until she had a proper way to convince her to talk.
So Tazuna let her go after training was over, still watching, still learning.
---
The administration was taking too long with finding a different trainer for Haru. It was an issue born from three factors those being availability, division, and of course personal choice.
Few trainers were available on the middle of the season, plans were prepared and executed according to their already recruited Umas from the start of the year or previous ones.
Of those few who could take her most weren’t willing to due to Haru being a special case in Tracen, for she was not in the central racing circuit but rather the local one and a central trainer wasn’t particularly interested in an Uma outside of the twinkle series.
Remaining only those who simply said no, despite being free to do so and not caring for division they still refused out of personal choice because despite Haru’s popularity and growing reach she was still an Uma with no victories.
So despite it all she was still rejected and time kept going.
Three weeks went by, three long weeks of a new added responsibility to her day in caring for Haru Urara. Jobs that mostly resumed to supervision and administration work but that nonetheless were something more to do in her already busy day.
Arranging things like this did help with her personal stake on Haru, giving her more than enough time to confirm that something was off about that girl and for her to think exactly how to approach her about it.
All which leads to today, the breeze of nightfall blowing softly as the last rays of the sun disappear on the horizon.
Cold biting at her skin as she waits for Haru to finish one last set of endurance runs uphill near Tracen’s nearby temple, sitting in a bench at the top.
Tazuna won’t give a chance for her to run from this.
So as she saw the pink haired girl finally reach the top through the up hill she knew it was time. “That would be all” Using the stopwatch she was holding she paused the time, a slow one comparatively to a central runner but decent for a local one. “Good work as always”
Radiance reflected on her smile Haru finished running all the way up to her. “I am really tired after that haha!” Wiping the sweat off her brow she took a seat in the floor close to her, a routine Tazuna had gotten used to her doing after each heavy exercise. “But I can feel myself getting faster! Next race I’ll go woosh and I’ll win it”
“I have confidence that you will” Smiling politely Tazuna answers…and then the smile drops. “But there’s something I’d like to talk with you first”
It was hard not to miss the change, not to notice that the older woman was much more serious now. “Is…is it about trainer?” Fear, deep rooted fear that something might have happened to the man that took her in surfaced.
Haru had felt so much guilt over the man’s current state, due to her desire he’d stayed active two extra years when he should have returned, it was thanks to her that the old man had pushed his health down in his priorities.
And now he was forced to be at the hospital longer due to her selfishness.
Seeing her expression slowly morph into fear Tazuna knew it was time to bite the bullet. “Do not fret he is recovering fine, this is not about him” Her hand moved, pressing her finger against Haru’s chest. “But about you” Taking deep breath Tazuna made sure to look at her directly in her eyes. “And the fact that you are trying to hide something from everyone…something about yourself that’s clearly affecting you”
Haru froze on the spot, her beath hitched and her ears and tail shot up completely straight — almost robotically after her lungs acted — yet her expression remained unchanged safe for some tension in her eyes. “Miss Tazuna what are you saying?” Her voice didn’t waver, playing it like she’d just made a funny comment. “Why would it hide anything”
The smile might have been believable had she not spent this long gauging Haru’s reactions, observing her each time she failed in some manner, how much more genuine everything felt when she was interacting with some friend of hers.
Right now this smile was an excuse. “I do not bring this up in any kind of reprimand, quite the contrary I desire to help you” With patience she attempted to breach that wall the girl had built.
“I’m as healthy as I can be” Her upbeat movement as she tried to get up, hitting her chest like some form of declaration did not mean anything when panic had clearly taken over. “Trainer’s situation is sad but I can get through it as long as I don’t give up! Miss Tazuna shouldn’t worry too much about me”
Unwaveringly she put her arms on Haru’s shoulders before she could fully get up, the contact was wet due to the sweat but she didn’t mind. “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it” Pushing her back into sitting. “Haru…it’s fine to confide in someone, and I understand that with what you might be feeling it’s scary”
“You…you aren’t making much sense miss Tazuna” Her smile was crooking, denial dripping of every word. “I’m perfectly alright!”
“Haru…little one, it’s alright to not be fine” With as much care as possible, closing a distance that Tazuna had always kept from anyone since she’d began working here. “I understand what’s like to try to be someone else other than you”
That was the wrong thing to say. Haru’s words becoming erratic for the first time.
“Eh? Hehehe miss T-Tazuna don’t jok-ke like that” Any good act she might have been able to put were gone, Haru was scared and no longer could keep her composure. “I’m me, I-I’m Haru Urara, always have been!”
This was what Tazuna figured out above all else that made her slip. “I’ve never stated the contrary” Questioning her like this felt incredibly wrong, like she was making a mistake and hurting her.
But this was something she felt like only she could tackle, worried for her mental health due to her own experience with what she perceived as similarities to her. “But I’ve noticed that you keep yourself hidden, that you…aren’t exactly who you-”
“I AM!” Louder than Haru wanted it to sound and also than Tazuna expected she screamed. “…Haru Urara is my name…” Her beathing was becoming erratic, she was panicking but her hold was too strong for the girl to let herself out as she struggled. “It’s who I am, it’s me, I’m me…I-I” She was repeating herself.
Panic, fear, terror or whatever else Tazuna could have called it wouldn’t have made honor on the expression she was being looked at. Her grip on Haru’s shoulders lost as the girl thrashed backwards, rolling on the floor while trying to get away.
Unfortunately Tazuna was fast, very fast.
Every ounce of decorum and restraint gone as she got up, accelerated, and practically grabbed Haru by the arms as she was getting up.
Her hat lost to the wind.
“Haru listen to me please” She keeps her steady with her arm wrapped around her, still trying to softly break into her shell. “I do not know who you try to hide or why…that is not what I want from you” Even with the struggle of the movement she got her to look at her, pink eyes looking right at her. “My worry is about your feelings, your health”
Tazuna’s ears twitched the erratic breathing of the student in front of her being too loud. “I want to help you because I understand you” Kneeling on the ground Haru finally gets one good look at Tazuna.
Umamusume ears on top of her head as the woman smiles at her worriedly but with a closeness nobody had seen from the woman before.
“I know what is like to want to be someone else, I know the horrid split it created within yourself” Smooth but desperate her voice carried through the air. “I understand what chasing that means and how hard it is” Letting go of her arms she moves to wipe the small tears forming on Haru’s eyes. “I’m not asking for explanations or who you do not want to be”
Haru Urara progressively stopped struggling, she had listened despite it all to every single word Tazuna had given her, to the secret Tazuna had revealed to her and the care that seemed to exist in the woman.
Her head dropped, tears now much more prominent while the woman holding her did her best to wipe them. “I’m sorry I was this…spontaneous about it” Feeling her speak with as much comfort as possible Haru just let herself be held. “I knew you wouldn’t want help, but I had to try because I understand”
“I know how lonely that truly is” The path, the search for the ideal self was not without it’s own hell. “So allow me to ease your burden somewhat”
(The secret…is still safe) Tazuna might understand but she was missing information and Haru knew so, her entire persona was not blown and she was still perceived the same.
But someone had seen her and she wasn’t sure how to feel.
There was a gap between the truth and what Tazuna knew and that was good enough for Haru Urara, she could still chase that ideal without regret but maybe…just maybe someone by her side to dull the pain.
“I…I-I…Alright” So she let it happen, the Lie wasn’t blown nor broken but somebody now knew it was there. “Just…please, please…let me be the Haru I want to be”
Like a twisting knife to the gut Tazuna felt the request touch something forgotten to herself. “Of course…it was never the intention of letting you be anything else” With one final move she pulled the girl closer to herself tightly in a hug. “Just tell me of who you want Haru Urara to become and I will assist you on every step of the way.
A brief period of silence remain.
Then Haru began to talk exhausted both physically and mentally.
—END—
—Mystic—
