Chapter Text
when are you coming home to visit?
a text flashes across the phone screen, snagging zanka's attention away from the textbook he'd been meticulously highlighting. with a sigh, zanka straightens out his horrific posture from being hunched over a book for hours and feels a twinge in his neck. he begins to rub the knot out and uses it as an excuse for a much needed study break.
zanka grabs his phone where it sits just out of reach, already anticipating the message to be from his friends. leaving them on read for hours wasn't completely out of the normal for him, but silence was only acceptable for so long before his friends took it upon themselves to blow up his phone.
so, zanka thinks it's just them checking in when he taps the dark screen to life. his eyes flick through the notifications, expecting riyo or rudo's name at the top. but the name he reads instead dunks his body in a icy dread.
mother.
his body tenses as he blinks down at the screen with the simple question glowing back at him. a simple question that fills him with nausea and submerges him in an unwarranted fear.
zanka sits frozen in shock until the screen dims to reveal his petrified reflection staring back at him. the sight shocks him into motion, and he quickly slams the device into the carpet, screen down.
all thoughts of studying leave his mind as a buzzing, nervous anxiety takes over. with it comes a flood of unwanted memories that flash across his mind in scattered pieces. a cup shattering across the floor into a million broken pieces. lips curled in disgust. eyes squinted in disappointment. the sharp, final sound of a door slamming in his face.
abruptly, zanka stands. the textbook slides off his lap with a dull thud before his panicked, uneven breaths fill the silence. his trembling hands remain useless at his sides while he battles the onslaught of corrupted thoughts that threaten to fill his head.
the carefully locked compartment in the back of his mind labeled family, full of memories he wished to forget but never could, was finally open again. free to bombard his waking mind and no longer bound to appear in just his nightmares. against his will they filter back into his conscious thoughts, bubbling up to the surface to threaten his oh so carefully crafted sanity.
zanka squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to block the incoming flood, but the images paint the inside of his eyelids as a cruel reminder.
he needs to clear his mind. he needs to forget.
when he blinks his eyes back open, his blurry vision catches on a bright object lying on the coffee table. a lighter lies forgotten and unused, but the sight brings an idea to zanka's desperate mind that he's all too eager to test.
before he can think it through or fully process just what he's about to do, zanka grabs his phone and keys then abandons his apartment. there's only one destination in mind that can offer him a semblance of peace. a way to escape his own brain and forget the harsh reality that he lives.
he cleanches onto his phone, ignoring the buzz of another notification as he flies down the stairs. the device is tossed face down into the passenger seat, but the gentle rumble of the engine is not enough to drown out the subsequent messages that he can't bring himself to read. with each vibration zanka digs his nails deeper into the leather steering wheel. he tries to banish any wandering thought of what texts await him, but the conjured images just keep trickling in.
the pit in his stomach grows heavier with each imagined message. he slams his foot into the gas and uses the thrilling rush to center himself. it's a cheap distraction, but the relief he is rewarded with is all too real.
he doesn't think to send a head's up text until he has his fist raised against the door. but it's a little too late for that, and he'll do anything in his power to never use his phone again.
zanka's knock rings out loud in the empty hallway, and after a moment he wonders just how stupid he is to believe that anyone is waiting for him on the other side. sour acid curdles in his gut as a wave of disgust rolls over him. his own foolishly naive actions led him here. he digs his nails into the meat of his palm while a phantom whisper of his father's displeasure echoes in his ears. the ghost of pain doesn't silence his mind, but the sharp points keep him grounded.
a creak from the other side of the door completely snaps zanka back to the present and a flicker of hope warms his chest. the sound of a lock unclicking has zanka sagging in relief when the door opens to reveal jabber. the words on the man’s lips freeze as he takes in just what he’s seeing. a surprised grin stretches across jabber’s face, then zanka finds the door opening wider.
”zanka? what are you doing here?”
zanka bites the inside of his cheek and schools his features into something that is hopefully believable. “sorry, i should’ve texted first.” the apology comes too fast, easily falling from his lips in a weak attempt to lighten the weight that burdens his shoulders. it does nothing to soothe the anguish burning in his chest.
jabber hums in the doorway while looking a little unsure of zanka’s sincerity. “well you got luck today, i’m not mobile.” the explanation has zanka nodding quickly, maybe he wasn’t such an idiot. “anyway, come in.”
zanka doesn’t need to be told twice. he gratefully steps inside the warm apartment, inhaling the familiar scent of sticky weed and jabber’s rich cologne. he slips his shoes off before following jabber into the living room.
“so,” jabber begins. zanka suppresses a grimace as he sinks into the couch. jabber is never one to beat around the bush or hold back questions, so zanka silently braces himself.
“why’d you show up at 5:37 pm on a tuesday with no warning?”
zanka scoffs at the question, some tension bleeding from his shoulders at jabber’s direct way of communicating. but it's that stark difference from riyo's leading statements and knowing gaze that led him to jabber instead of her. at least here he can dodge the truth without being outright caught in a lie.
“why’re you asking me weirdly specific questions?” he fires back. his tone comes off as indifferent, but it's so far from the truth of what he's feeling.
jabber tilts his head to the side, easy grin slipping away to reveal something more sober that zanka can’t quite decipher. “answer the question.” it’s not a command, but it may as well have been. the sudden unfamiliar seriousness has zanka shifting uneasily.
zanka swallows and hopes the click of his throat isn’t audible. he drops his gaze to the coffee table in avoidance, pretending to show interest in the scale and neat piles of weed packaged up in cute goody bags.
“‘s nothing,” zanka finally mutters before shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. “i just got bored of studying, ‘s all.”
he risks a glance up and feels his stomach twist when he meets those dark magenta eyes. zanka keeps his expression neutral. he didn’t come here to talk this shit out, hell if thats what he wanted then he would've responded to riyo’s text. he stubbornly keeps his eyes locked with jabber, silently daring the man to push further but simultaneously praying he won’t.
over the last several months, their hangouts have never consisted of more than some lighthearted banter and sex. the mutual lust and attraction did not require anything more, and they both seemed to get what they wanted from the arrangement. so why was jabber deviating from the script? they did not need to be doing this, and yet zanka watches with dread curling in his gut as jabber purses his lips.
"so you just decided to pop over and visit your dear friend jabber?" the sarcasm in jabber's tone rubs zanka the wrong way. like the other man has already figured him out.
"yes," zanka says, unable to stop the frustration from bleeding in.
"without texting me first?" jabber continues to push, eyeing zanka's phone that now lies abandoned next to him.
"yes," zanka grits out between clenched teeth. "i forgot to send one."
jabber stares back, unimpressed. "right. so are you actually going to tell me what's going on?"
"nope," zanka replies quickly. he crosses his arms against his chest like it will defend him against jabber's propbing.
"but-"
"leave it." zanka snaps. it comes out a little harsher than intended, but it does the trick. jabber deflates back with a childish roll of his eyes but drops the topic.
“okay, fine,” jabber says easily. the previous tension in the air slips away and zanka lets himself relax. there’s no way in hell that jabber believes zanka, but at least for now, he won’t push it. he breathes a sigh of relief, thankful that jabber isn’t willing to cross that line.
the peace lasts maybe thirty seconds as jabber allows zanka to sink into a false sense of security. zanka watches jabber’s phone buzz against the coffee table, screen flashing a message he can’t catch, but the other doesn’t react. instead, zanka startles slightly as warm fingers gently grasp his chin, lifting his head to meet jabber’s face that is suddenly much closer. stunned, zanka nervously flicks his eyes over jabber’s features, searching for some kind of insight as to what is going through his head. but all he reads past jabber's easygoing mask is a hint of amusement.
”what do you need, zanka?” the sudden deepness to jabber’s voice leaves zanka stunned. like a fish gaping in water, all zanka can do is stare with jabber’s words echoing in his head.
what did he need, and more importantly, why did he come here?
instead of answering any of the questions, zanka redirects the conversation. “you’re working,” he states, like that means anything, like that changes anything.
jabber hums. “yeah there’s a couple more pickups scheduled for tonight,” he agrees. “but,” jabber continues, the grip on zanka’s chin tightening when he tries to look away from the intensity shining in those irises. “that doesn’t mean i can’t take care of you first.”
zanka feels his face twist with bewilderment and a warm heat flushes down his core. he’s speechless for a moment, mind running a hundred miles a minute as he scrambles for a response. before he can think it through, zanka quickly disentangles himself from jabber, pushing the hand away from his face so he can finally dodge that all knowing gaze and catch the breath jabber is oh so good at taking away. he takes a moment to himself to school his features into a calm lassitude, hiding the flutter of emotions swirling inside.
“gimme a blunt,” zanka commands in a voice that doesn’t sound as strong as it should. he doesn’t risk looking up until jabber moves, fingers adorned in rings find an unopened backwoods on the table and quickly gets to work. zanka watches him work, gratefully welcoming the distraction. sometimes he forgot how intense jabber could be until he was seeing it with his own two eyes. but at least he hasn't had a moment to dwell on the texts awaiting him ever since jabber invited him in.
jabber skillfully dumps grounded kush into the parted cigar, he brings it up to his mouth and licks a stripe along the edge of the paper, peeking up at zanka as he does. this time, though, zanka is ready for his games. he responds by arching a single eyebrow.
is that supposed to impress me?
jabber huffs out a laugh as he rolls the blunt together then offers it out to zanka. “this should fix your attitude.” instead of bickering back, zanka takes the blunt and wordlessly holds his other hand out for a lighter. “sheesh, you’re awfully demanding today.”
and yet, a lighter finds its way into zanka’s palm. he rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore jabber’s sass until he’s sufficiently stoned. the lighter clicks to life and zanka brings the perfectly made blunt to his lips, greedily inhaling the smoke into his lungs. he feels bright eyes studying him while he holds the smoke in his chest, letting the fiery warmth lick at his lungs until the tickle in the back of his throat forces him to exhale.
“better?” jabber asks with a tilt of his head. zanka nods, sucking in another lungful of smoke.
“better.” he agrees with smoke curling out of his mouth. the earthy flavor coats his lips, and as zanka offers the blunt back to jabber, he feels just how quickly the weed is working. his body already feels lighter, like all his problems have suddenly melted away, reduced to nothing. it takes him a moment to process that jabber hasn’t pulled the blunt from his fingers yet.
zanka shoots him a questioning look, causing jabber to wave the blunt away. “nah, it’s all yours.”
the red hot tip of the cigar wrapper continues to smoke in between them until zanka takes another drag with a shrug. “if ya say so.” instead of leisurely smoking, zanka continues to take long inhales with short pauses in between, determined to get as high as possible as quickly as possible. the room fills with a haze at the lack of airflow, and zanka distantly wonders if he should crack a window.
jabber types away at his phone, so zanka drags his gaze towards the television that has been playing in the background. it’s some shitty reality tv, nothing zanka would willingly turn on, but the dramatic scenes keep him enthralled as the smoke absorbs into his bloodstream. he stares at the screen and slouches deeper in the couch, head feeling fuzzy trying to keep up with the argument playing out.
there’s movement beside him that pulls zanka’s focus away. a hand comes into view, then fingers are carefully extracting the still smoldering blunt he’d nearly forgotten about.
“you're dripping ash all over yourself,” jabber says teasingly, tapping the end over an ashtray on the coffee table before taking a long drag himself.
zanka snorts, remembering jabber’s previous words. through all the times they’ve hung out together, zanka has yet to finish his own joint, blunt, or bowl. mostly because his tolerance has never been allowed to develop, but he still finds it funny that jabber believes it will.
a cloud of smoke blows into zanka’s face, causing him to lazily swat at the air. “c’mon man,” zanka whines petulantly. jabber just rolls his eyes, taking another long inhale with his eyes shining playfully.
zanka finds that he can’t look away, but he also doesn’t want to. the sounds of the tv fade away. jabber pulls the roach away from his lips and zanka watches, in a trance, as jabber leans forward until their noses bump together. he moves without thinking, arms crawling up jabber’s chest until his hands are hooked over the other man’s shoulders, dragging him closer until their lips just barely brush.
but instead of the kiss zanka craves, jabber’s lips part against his in a hot exhale. he swallows the smoke instinctively, chest twitching with a cough when he can’t quite breathe it all in. with a cut off choke, zanka jerks his head to the side in dry cough, lungs burning. he feels jabber’s shoulders shake with a chuckle and retaliates by grabbing a fistful of dreads and tugging. the laugh is cut off with a gasp as zanka finally recovers enough to face the man, and the sight that greets him sends a pulse of want throughout his body.
jabber’s plush lips stay parted, eyes half lidded and pupils dilated so large that they almost shadow out the dark pink irises. his neck is still craned from zanka’s unrelenting grip, forcing him to gaze down at zanka. jabber stays obediently still, panting softly, waiting for zanka to make the first move. so he does.
zanka crushes their lips together in a bruising kiss, feeling like he’s waited long enough for this. that he’s shown enough restraint to finally give in. thankfully, jabber is just as eager, hot lips moving against his in tandem, easily meshing together in a rhythm that comes so naturally.
the roach is forgotten somewhere, hopefully the flame is put out, but zanka honestly doesn’t care. the heat brewing in his gut threatens to consume him with the way jabber cups his cheeks and pulls him impossible closer, chests pressing flush against each other. zanka licks into the mans mouth and feels jabber shudder against him.
”c’mere,” zanka groans roughly, voice already wrecked from a combination of the smoke and jabber’s shameless display of need. jabber doesn’t need to be told twice, pushing at zanka’s chest until his back meets the cushions behind him. now settled between his legs, jabber leans over zanka, a curtain of dreads falling around them to block the rest of the world out.
heart hammering away in his chest, zanka stares up at the beautiful man. the weed in his system makes him lose all sense of time, so there’s no telling how long they gaze at each other. but he’s oddly content to just lie here and trace the features of jabber’s face, like there’s nothing else that matters.
several breaths pass, zanka’s heart slows, and he finally reaches up, cupping a hand around jabber’s neck, pulling him down into a soft press of lips. it’s much more tender than any of the kisses they’ve shared before, but surely it’s just from the high and the heat of the moment. the slow slide of their lips causes something to flutter awake in zanka’s chest, the movement foreign and surreal.
his whole body feels limp except for the rapid stutter against his sternum, gentle yet also threatening to burst zanka apart. instead of focusing on the feeling and the rush of thoughts that come with it, zanka arches up into jabber, feeling the warm press of a steady body against his. the movement is enough to electrify them, zapping the heat back into the kiss when tongues slide against each other.
zanka melts into the couch with jabber blanketing over him. he should feel pinned, but instead zanka is centered by the weight, keeping him present and from drifting. he slides his hand through the tangle of locks, nails scratching over jabber’s scalp to elicit a hum that vibrates against his mouth. zanka repeats the motion and is rewarded with a sharp nip of teeth to his bottom lip. the gasp he lets out is quickly swallowed as jabber sucks the flesh into his mouth, soothing the sting before releasing it with a wet pop.
a pulse of heat travels south when zanka meets jabber’s hooded gaze, magenta irises practically glowing back at him. his face feels flushed from the unwavering attention jabber gives him. something he both loves and hates. his skin prickles when several breaths pass with no spoken words, only the sounds of their soft panting and the distant television fill the air.
zanka opens his mouth to say something, anything to kick them back into motion, when a knock on the door takes the words away from him. jabber raises himself up on his forearms and zanka immediately misses the hot press of a body against his. he resists the urge to cling onto jabber’s tank top, to slide his hand down the toned muscles decorating the man’s arms, to feel the cool metal of ringed fingers as jabber untangles their bodies.
“still on the clock,” jabber murmurs regretfully, patting zanka’s cheek with not quite enough force to qualify as a slap. the momentum is like a splash of unexpected cold water, shocking his system but also working to keep zanka from drifting and spiraling into his thoughts.
another aspect of their situation that makes it so unique is what pain means to the both of them. what it does to them. that's what makes this so appealing, the mutual want and the thrilling push and pull of his relationship with jabber. it keeps him coming back, and it makes him want more.
jabber carefully extracts himself from the couch, standing with a stretch that causes his tank top to roll, exposing the smooth skin of his waist. zanka’s eyes fall to the divet in jabber’s back like a moth to a flame, tracing the flesh greedily before an idea pops into his head.
with jabber’s arms still raised to the sky mid stretch, zanka uses the opportunity to get some payback, and also some control over the situation. he bites back a grin then silently rolls onto his side so he can pull this off. zanka bring his leg beg to get enough force then skillfully sends a kick into jabber’s ass. the payoff is instant as jabber, completely unaware of zanka’s tricks, immediately crashes into the coffee table with a loud clatter and curse.
the laugh that hiccups out of zanka’s throat is loud and has him gasping for air before jabber can even properly right himself. tears spring to his eyes at just how easy jabber had turned his back, fully trusting and exposed.
the look of disbelief jabber wears sends zanka into another fit of laughter. “yer fucking face!” he cries in between breaths, clutching his stomach as his muscles spasm.
“it’s not that fucking funny,” jabber grumbles, pushing the scale that had been dangerously close to tipping off the edge of the table back to the center. none of the weed had hit the floor, but the organized piles were all jumbled and mixed together now.
zanka wipes a tear from the corner of his eye without an ounce of guilt for his action, still grinning. jabber’s grumpy facade melts at zanka’s gummy smile, his own lips quirking to the side in amusement.
the moment is broken when another knock raps against the door. whoever’s standing on the other side surely heard all the ruckus and was losing patience.
zanka huffs when jabber doesn’t immediately move. “duty calls,” he reminds, poking his foot into jabber’s thigh to get him moving. with a dramatic sigh, jabber grabs one of the pre packaged goody bags and heads to the door. zanka listens to the uneventful exchange, still feeling light from the endorphin rush caused by all the laughing. maybe also from the pot.
the haze in the room is more noticeable upon sitting up. he’s been sitting in it for so long that the smell no longer bothers him, but zanka still cringes at the reminder that his hair surely reeks of smoke. his clothes too. the thought is a painful slap back to reality. a reminder that tomorrow will come, and that consequences for his actions will follow.
fuck, maybe this was a bad idea. the realization dampens his mood, but does nothing to sober him up.
with a sinking feeling that swirls with regret, zanka bites down hard on the inside of his lip, dragging the flesh into his mouth. if he leaves now, high still buzzing in the back of his brain, vision still fuzzy at the edges, then what would the come down do to him alone? the breath in zanka’s chest freezes.
what would he be capable of doing in a state like this?
a loud creak jolts zanka out of his stupor, jumping to the source of the sound to find jabber finally opening a window. the result is instant, with a cool, late fall breeze pushing it’s way into the room to dilute the stale, smoky air.
“the haze made it look like i was getting high off my own supply,” jabber explains, coming back over to the couch and plopping himself down.
zanka swallows and shoves down the thoughts that were filling his head. worrying about the future and what ifs were going to drive him crazy. he tries to absorb some of the easy nonchalance jabber displays. “aren’t you?”
jabber snorts, bumping his shoulder into zanka’s with a sly grin. “not yet, but they don’t need to know that.”
”right,” zanka agrees with a visible roll of his eyes. jabber leans into zanka, his warmth bleeding into zanka from shoulder to knee.
“ready for round two?” the playful competition glinting in jabber’s eyes is a familiar challenge that zanka refuses to back down from. consequences be damned.
with a cocky grin and a false air of confidence, zanka laughs. “bring it.”
---
despite how much zanka will forever deny it, he loves to touch, to feel another person’s skin against his, to be held. it’s a strange want that has always itched under his skin, a scratch that was never satisfied as a child that’s now festered into a painful, longing need. one that zanka will never admit to. one that he’s spent most of his life actively denying.
but now that he’s the highest in the room, zanka doesn’t have the energy to care. he blames it on the open window and the freezing air that’s been seeping in. but he wouldn’t change it for the world because clinging to jabber soothes an old wound that never got the chance to heal. it brings him an unfamiliar peace that works wonders on the tension in his body, slowly bleeding out from his posture with each breath.
zanka is tucked into jabber’s side, legs curled up on the couch in an attempt to conserve some heat. both arms are wrapped around jabber’s bicep that’s held firmly against zanka’s sternum, fingers absentmindedly tracing the taut muscle decorated with smooth ridges of scar tissue. he rests his head against jabber’s shoulder, eyes glued to the television that is now playing some anime he’s never seen with a truly awful dub that he can’t stop hate watching.
time is almost lost, but zanka distantly knows that the time between each pickup is getting further and further away. each time jabber gets up, zanka finds himself fighting off the surge of cold that creeps its way back in. but the tv is a good distraction that numbs his brain until jabber returns.
his head is quieter now, with his brain too stoned to put coherent thoughts together. it’s tranquil and perfect, especially with jabber’s lazy chatter that keeps zanka gently floating above the clouds. his eyelids are heavier but he stubbornly keeps them open, not ready to sleep this serenity away.
“only one more pickup left,” jabber murmurs softly, voice a gentle rumble that zanka’s ears finally interpret. zanka hums in acknowledgement, content to remain like this forever.
this is not how zanka imagined the night would go. when he’d rushed over to jabber’s he’d imagined flushed bodies and mindnumbing pleasure. but this was fine too, maybe more than fine. he decides not to think too hard about it.
a yawn fights its way out of his mouth, causing zanka to finally release his grip on jabber’s arm so he can stretch and shift positions. without putting too much thought into it, zanka takes the opportunity to lay his head down in jabber’s lap and use it as a pillow. he doesn’t look up to see the other man’s reaction and instead keeps his unfocused gaze firmly on the tv.
a moment passes before a hand settles on zanka’s head, fingers carefully carding through the strands with a strange tenderness. the motion causes any remaining tension in zanka’s body to bleed out. he relaxes further into the couch and finds his eyes slipping closed with the steady, repeated motion of jabber’s fingers against his scalp.
at some point zanka must fall asleep because he’s jolted awake by a firm knock at the door. the hand in his hair stills, but the weight remains a steady grounding presence.
“fucking asshole didn’t have to be so loud,” jabber grumbles, making no move to shove zanka off.
mustering up some energy, zanka reluctantly props himself up on his forearms. he blinks the sleep out of his eyes and turns to jabber with a drowsy upward tilt of his lips. the soft expression on jabber’s face causes him to falter, stunned by the raw display of adornment, but only for a moment until he regains some composure.
“go on,” zanka murmurs, then with a hint of teasing, “duty calls.” he sluggishly nudges jabber and is pleasantly surprised when the man listens. zanka falls back into the couch, rolling onto his back with the memory of jabber’s impossibly tender gaze burned into his retinas. those familiar magenta eyes that used to be so foreign and difficult to read are now something zanka can crack and decipher. it’s a realization that he quickly shoves down at the sound of the front door closing for the last time tonight.
sleep still tugs at the corners of his eyes, urging the muscles of his eyelids to relax closed and slip into the promise of a dreamless sleep. but something else lingers, keeping zanka stubbornly awake. a flicker of want burns at his core, a flame that has been tended to and smothered throughout the night now sings with the hope that this longing anticipation is finally over.
zanka’s stomach clenches eagerly at the sound of jabber’s footsteps growing closer. he turns his head to the side to catch a glimpse of baggy sweatpants hanging low on jabber’s hips before his field of vision is filled with jabber. he welcomes the familiar weight of jabber’s body on top of his, letting the other man crawl his way up the couch before smothering himself over zanka.
warm hands slither up zanka’s chest and neck, curling over his shoulders and back until he’s encircled in a tight embrace. jabber slots his head into the side of zanka’s neck, nose brushing the sensitive skin there and releasing puffs of air that send shivers down zanka’s spine.
like a moth to a flame, zanka’s cold fingers blindly find their way to the exposed skin of jabber’s waist. he runs his hands under jabber’s tank top, feeling the smooth expanse of flesh and using it as an excuse to greedily leech off the body heat the other man produces. the open window that was still letting in the fresh but chilly breeze could probably be closed now, but it’s not like zanka was gonna shove jabber off just to close it.
any lingering idea of getting up flies out the open window at the softest, slightest pressure of lips gently kissing a trail up the side of zanka’s neck. jabber makes a slow, lazy ascent up the curve of zanka’s neck, taking his sweet time to lick and suck where he pleases, almost like this isn’t the exact moment they’d both been waiting all night for.
in an attempt at patience, zanka continues to rub along the expanse of jabbers back, humming in approval when teeth bite into a spot just below his ear. the sharp sensation is smoothed over with wet kiss that leaves zanka wanting more. an impatient groan leaves his lips when jabber’s mouth latches back onto his neck, sucking a mark that was sure to be purple by morning.
“c’mon jabber,” zanka murmurs, tired of all the foreplay. jabber’s lack of a reaction spurs him into abruptly dragging his nails down the flesh of jabber’s back, earning an immediate hiss of air against the damp skin of his neck.
finally, jabber’s head pops up into zanka’s vision with a teasing grin and pupils blows so wide his eyes look black. “someone’s impatient.”
zanka rolls his eyes with a huff. “wow, it’s almost like i haven’t been waiting all night just for this.”
jabber hums, grin stretching into a knowing smirk that has heat pooling at zanka’s core. “hmm, but you like waiting, don’t you?” the deep and sultry delivery does nothing to help with zanka’s sudden loss of words and warm cheeks.
“not tonight!” zanka eventually sputters with an embarrassed flush, melting into the couch as jabber chuckles warmly. why did jabber always have to talk about it? zanka’s too stoned to coherently negotiate kinks right now.
he inhales through his nose and exhales through his mouth to calm down as jabber’s breathless giggles continue to jostle the couch. “look,” zanka begins, and despite not wanting to talk about it, he decides to be the mature one. “i think we’ve both waited long enough tonight, yeah?”
jabber sobers slightly, looking down at zanka with a curious mix of delight and tickling. “well yes,” jabber agrees, and for a blissful moment zanka thinks he won. but then, to his irritation, jabber continues with a mocking drawl. “but you could wait longer.” the sentence is punctuated with a playful poke to zanka’s cheek, but jabber’s eyes are half lidded and full of desire.
as insufferable as jabber is currently being, he’s also right. it’s not something zanka ever plans on verbally confirming or denying, though. even if the way jabber’s looking at him has him more aroused than he’s been all night. zanka lets out a long, dramatic sigh and is pleased to see jabber perk up in excitement. but he won’t give in that easily. even if it means fueling jabber’s mostly accurate suspicion of zanka’s kinks.
“next time,” zanka offers with a raise of his chin in a silent challenge.
jabber purses his lips in thought, idly tapping at zanka’s cheek as he weighs his options. “promise?” jabber finally responds, voice full of hope that zanka doesn’t have the heart to turn down. even if next time he’ll have to face a part of himself that zanka’s not yet ready to acknowledge.
“promise,” zanka affirms softly. the weight of the spoken commitment is quickly forgotten at jabber’s gleeful, hiccuping giggle. the pure joy radiating off jabber makes zanka’s initial reservations seem fickle in the grand scheme of things. jabber’s mood is infectious and has zanka snorting.
“mm, i can’t wait,” jabber finally says after he’s caught his breath. zanka’s lips slide into a small, victorious smirk. he’d somehow managed to flip the situation and now jabber was the one left on hold. jabber doesn’t look impressed, but a win is a win.
zanka loops his arms around jabber’s neck and kisses the expression off jabber’s face. there’s a moment of stubborn resistance before jabber melts into him. there’s no way of hiding the smug grin that tugs at zanka’s lips, but deepening the kiss seems like a good enough distraction. he loses himself in the feeling, dragged in by the hypnotizing push and pull of jabber.
it’s amazing how easily zanka gets sucked into jabber, and maybe a little concerning. for the umpteenth time that night, zanka manages to forget his boner. the still present high distorts his senses and amplifies every touch, drawing zanka’s attention away from the swell of heat pulsing at his core to the light drag of fingers along his jaw. the sensation sends pleasant tingles through his face, and combined with the slow, sensual kisses, zanka is mesmerized.
maybe if he were sober he’d be more worried about how content he is with just this. but for now, zanka is on top of the world. something about going from the lowest low to a high like this must also contribute.
he’s rudely brought back down to earth by a sharp pinch to his earlobe that has zanka hissing out a breath of annoyance. jabber pulls back with a cheeky smile and soothingly rubs his fingers over the spot he’d pinched.
”we doing this your way?” jabber shifts his weight just right and suddenly zanka is reminded that he does in fact have a dick that he’d very much like touched.
“my way,” zanka confirms with a nod. they stare at each other as zanka searches his mind for how he wants this to play out. jabber questionably arches a single eyebrow when zanka doesn’t move, forcing zanka to pluck an idea out of the air and roll with it. with no lube in sight and the heavy drag of sleep still tugging at his limbs, zanka taps at jabbers chest. “up,” he murmurs.
jabber, obediently for once, raises himself up until he sitting on zanka’s hips. it’s an improvement, but the angle isn’t quite right for what zanka has in mind. he sits up and shimmies himself back, leaning against the arm of the couch with jabber now straddling his thighs. better.
“what are you planning?” jabber asks curiously, looking down at zanka with hungry anticipation. warm, eager fingers slip under zanka’s hoodie and splay out across the expanse of skin on his stomach, sending a flutter of excitement straight to his dick. he let’s jabber push up the edge of the hoodie and continue mapping out the skin of his abdomen.
“you’ll find out,” zanka responds flatly, sucking in a sharp breath when jabber dips a finger below the waistband of his sweatpants. jabber watches zanka’s face closely, testing to see how far he can push zanka before the other man steps in. for now, zanka allows it. he’s content to see just what exactly jabber thinks zanka wants tonight. he wonders if jabber could even guess it.
at no pushback from zanka, jabber rolls the waistband down, slowly inching the fabric lower and lower until the tent in zanka’s briefs is revealed. jabber pauses at the sight, licks at his lips, then looks back up to zanka for permission. instead of verbalizing it, zanka raises his chin up just slightly, but it’s enough of an acknowledgement for jabber.
the teasing patience and restraint jabber has been showing melts away to reveal a desperate neediness that leaves zanka breathless. eager hands curl around the waistband of his underwear and spare not hesitance as they roughly tug the fabric down his thighs. zanka’s cock springs out, twitching as the flushed skin meets the chilled air.
jabber makes a soft sound of awe, gaze drifting between zanka’s face and cock longingly, like he can’t decide which one deserves more attention. a swell of pride blooms in zanka’s chest and he struggles to keep his expression from mirroring it. he must do a decent job because after a long, tense moment, jabber decides zanka’s hard on is more interesting.
zanka’s plan for the night is temporarily forgotten once jabber drags a palm across the marred skin of his hip. his stomach tenses in anticipation, all of his attention falling onto jabber and the oddly somber glint that shines in the other’s eyes. fingers trail a path along the bumps and ridges of old scars, creeping over the words forever carved into his upper thigh before finally ending at the spot zanka needs him most.
the breath he’d been holding releases in a hot rush when jabber finally palms his needy cock. the motion is nowhere near enough, but offers some relief from the bundle of emotions growing inside him that zanka refuses to put a name to. jabber strokes him once and zanka finds himself relaxing further into the arm of the couch, mesmerized as jabber uses his other hand to hold zanka’s hip reassuringly before repeating the action.
jabber’s strokes become more confident at the lack of push back from zanka. the illusion of control keeps him temporarily sated, along with the pleasure blooming in his gut. the drag of jabber’s calloused and ring adorned fingers is dry, not quiet uncomforble but no where near as slick as it could be. a muscle in his abdomen twitches when jabber experimentally twists his wrist, body involuntarily jerking at the rough drag of movement.
zanka breathes unevenly, not completely unaffected. he’s always been quiet when it comes to expressing himself during sex. but that fact continues to be tested by jabber. the other man possesses some foreign power over zanka, one that, to his embarrassment and disbelief, makes him more vocal. it’s that little piece of control jabber has over him that drives zanka crazy. and it keeps him coming back.
to zanka’s surprise, and horror, it’s not jabber’s increased pace that has a sound slipping past his lips. the hand that had previously been caressing the marks carved into his upper thigh abruptly scratches down, nails biting into untouched skin and forcing a choked moan out of zanka.
jabber pauses at the rare sound before a shit eating grin spreads across his face. zanka’s cheeks flush traitorously and he tries desperately to will the blood to flow anywhere else. before jabber can react, zanka moves quickly, determined to regain some control over this situation. he grabs both of jabber’s wrists firmly with a new idea coming to mind.
“aw come on,” jabber groans as zanka pulls his hand away from his weeping dick. the disapointment in his voice only fuels zanka’s ego and solidifies the plan in his head. he pulls jabber by the wrists before planting a ringed hand on each of his shoulders, forcing the other man to lean over him.
“keep your hands up here.” zanka murmurs lowly, not missing the way jabber’s face pinches into a displeased scowl.
“zanka-“ jabber tries to protest, fingers curling into the fabric of zanka’s hoodie as he stares down with magenta irises blurred with need.
“no.” zanka responds coldly, voice barely above a whisper but it might as well be a gunshot for the way jabber snaps to attention. the single syllable causes a palpable shift in power and a new tension bleeds into the air. the silence is heavy, but jabber listens and obediently sits still. “my way, remember?” zanka gently reminds when jabber’s gaze clouds over.
he watches in real time as jabber’s eyes focus back on him, whatever emotion that was swirling to the surface is pushed back down. “fine,” jabber sighs.
jabber keeps his hands loosely fisted in zanka’s hoodie, a hint of disapproval still present in the pout of his lips, but he stubbornly submits to zanka’s request. zanka knows how much restraint the other man is showing and decides to be kind for once and reward him for it.
zanka keeps his gaze locked with jabber’s as he blindly reaches down, ignoring his own aching cock in search of the bulge that rests against the unmarred skin of his good hip. a flicker of interest flashes across jabber’s face when zanka palms the bulge through the thick fabric of jabber’s sweatpants. his palm fits snug against the curve, cupping the imprint and squeezing just so he can watch jabber’s expression twitch.
“zanka,” jabber drawls lowly, almost like a warning. it brings a cheeky smile to zanka’s face. he consideres indulging and continuing to tease the other man, but he relents at the feeling of jabber tugging a tasseled earring in some sort of sadistic warning. one he chooses to follow.
he slides his hand under the stretchy waistband, wasting no time in finding the familiar shape of jabber’s erection and stroking. jabber jerks forward slightly with an exhale, both hands returning to zanka’s shoulders to grasp the material of his hoodie. the other’s dedication to zanka’s request is admirable and he can’t help the flicker of pride that burns in his chest or the smug grin tugging at his lips.
he sets a steady, thorough pace for jabber and is continuously delighted by the rare show of restraint from jabber. warm palms continue to wander the line of zanka’s shoulders, heat seeping through the fabric as they creep across his neckline before finally finding the exposed skin of his collarbone. the gentle press of fingertips singes the pale, chilled skin and forces an involuntary shiver down zanka’s spine.
jabber catches his eye, lips parted around a breathless pant and cheeks flushed. he looks so fucking perfect leaned over zanka like this. the dreadhead may be forced to keep his hands in somewhat safe territory and stare down at zanka like this, but instead of the ideal picture of submission, he’s defiant. it shows in the glow of his mauve eyes and proves to zanka that even if this position or plan for tonight isn’t ideal, jabber will relent.
“that all you got?” jabber challenges with an air that screams unimpressed. even if his voice is unsteady, chest rising and falling unevenly, and hips jerking in time with zanka’s strokes, he’ll still always find a way to turn this into a competition. and zanka’s not one to back down without a fight.
“hmm,” zanka hums leisurely and abruptly slows down his pace, revealing in the way jabber’s hips immediately stutter. “this ain’t enough for you?”
“fuck no,” jabber gasps when zanka stops entirely and gives the base of the man’s cock a teasing squeeze. nails embed themselves in the dip above zanka’s collabones, biting into the skin as jabber’s earlier confidence melts into desperation. maybe he shouldn’t find so much satisfaction in controlling jabber like this, but it’s not a thought zanka ever plans on properly digesting. not when they’re both able to adapt to each other’s needs so easily.
instead of indulging jabber, zanka patiently decides to test how obedient jabber truly is. he stares up at jabber with a faux pout of sympathy. “aw baby, do you need something more?”
jabber groans at the petname and scratches the blunt edges of his nails down, stretching the collar of zanka’s hoodie and leaving inflammed, stinging flesh behind. the nickname seems to scramble jabber’s brain, seeing as the words to respond escape him and only an urgent, needy desperation remains. zanka’s now loose hold on jabber’s cock comes back to bite him in the ass when jabber impatiently decides to rock his hips forward. the half second of pleasure is immediately cut short by zanka’s quick reflexes, hand clenching closed roughly just below the head of jabber’s cock to stop the disobedient movment.
the whine that leaves jabber’s mouth visibly rips through his body. zanka watches in awe as jabber lurches forward, body curling in at the stunted relief. he keeps the merciless hold on jabber, having learned his lesson. of course he should’ve expected that if jabber saw an opportunity to defy him then he’d take it, but it’s that unpredictable nature that keeps this so interesting.
zanka doesn’t have to look down at his collar to know that the fabric is stretched and misshapen. jabber pants unevenly as his fists curl into the once pristine hoodie, holding on for dear life and surely leaving wrinkles behind that zanks will never get out. he doesn’t have it in him to care, not when he almost misses the slight tremble to jabber’s form. the sight leaves zanka hungry for more.
”fuck you,” jabber grunts after finally recovering enough to speak.
zanka huffs a laugh in return and before he can respond feels the grip on his hoodie loosen as a hand wraps around his neck. there’s a dangerous glint to jabber’s eyes that zanka knows all too well. one that indicates it’s time to end these silly games. but zanka’s never one to shy away from a threat.
the hold should keep him frozen, and he’s sure all jabber wants right now is for zanka to quit fucking around and get him off. but the weight of the hand encircling his throat, a heavy warning that is also a promise, sends a thrill down zanka’s abdomen and straight to his aching cock.
instead of appeasing jabber or acknowldging the threat wrapped around his throat, zanka gives jabber’s dick a cheeky squeeze before releasing his hold just to see what will happen next. he catches jabber twitch before the pressure around his throat increases. ringed fingers expertly dig into the sides of zanka’s neck, avoiding his windpipe, for now, and creating a delicious ache that has zanka’s lips parting on a breathless exhale.
“zanka i swear to god,” jabber grumbles, he keeps the steady hold on zanka’s neck then brings his other hand up to roughly grip zanka’s chin. the hold forces zanka to extend his neck and the movement causes jabber’s tightening hold to finally press against the front of his throat. zanka’s next inhale is strangled, the air is just barely able to slip past jabber’s now crushing grip. he tries to swallow and finds that he can barely get the muscles to work.
zanka should feel threatened, but instead it only excites him further. he could easily pull jabber off of him and end this, but instead of making the more logical choice, zanka musters up a wobbly grin and raises his left hand to delicately cup jabber’s cheek. he drags his thumb along the line of jabber’s cheekbone and watches as the severe expression sobers. all at once, the pressure around his throat releases and zanka takes a well deserved deep breath.
“of course you fucking liked that,” jabber concludes with disbelief. the dangerous edge to the other man is gone, now replaced with a stunned awe.
zanka takes another breath, treasuring the exchange of air that was momentarily ripped away from him, before responding. “don’t fucking kink shame me,” he bites, voice noticeably more ragged and rough.
jabber’s eyebrows shoot up as he scrambles to defend himself. “it’s hot! i wasn’t—! “
zanka snorts and pats jabber’s cheek twice. “relax, i’m just fucking with you.” tension bleeds from jabber’s body with a groan.
“why’d we always gotta play these games zanka? can’t we just fuck?” jabber’s hands are back at the ruined collar of his hoodie, weakly attempting to smooth the fabric out with a pout.
“you’re the one who started it,” zanka fires back, refusing to take responsibility. jabber’s face twitches between annoyance and exasperation.
”well if you hadn’t—“
whatever he’s about to say is cut off as zanka finally gives jabber what he wants. they could argue back and forth all night, and they’ve both danced around this long enough that zanka decides its finally about fucking time someone orgasmed. zanka reaches down and curls his fingers around jabber’s length, pulling the erection down before using his thumb to hook around his own flushed cock. he lets out a hissed breath at the slightest contact of jabber’s hot dick brushing against his and feels jabber twitch above him.
the angle is awkard and zanka barely manages to wrap his palm around both of their blood swollen dicks. the first stroke is clumsy as he fumbles to keep both cocks in a firm grasp, but the pleasure that shoots through him is worth it. he repeats the motion and is pleased to see a dopey grin stretched out across jabber’s face.
“oh, zanka,” jabber drawls before gently petting the side of zanka’s neck. the way jabber says his name causes something to twist in zanka’s gut. the feeling isn’t quite uncomfortable, but it’s strange and new. he distracts himself from naming that emotion by jerking his fist faster. the movement is dry, with only a dribble of precum lubricating the rough drag of his palm, and it borders along painful.
without a thought, zanka temporarily releases both of them and raises his open palm up between them. he makes sure to stare up at jabber through half lidded eyes as he spits a healthy glob of saliva into his hand. jabber’s cheeks flush and his lips part around a breathless pant before he glances down at zanka’s hand still lingering between them, then follows in zanka’s footsteps.
zanka never thought being spit on would be so fucking hot. he’s not sure what his face is doing, but his dick twitches eagerly and jabber’s eyes glow with a swell of mutual affection.
“fuck,” zanka growls, wrapping his moistened hand around their cocks and relishing in the slick slide that makes it easier to pump with the sole purpose of cumming. jabber hums in approval then cups zanka’s cheeks and drags him into a messy kiss. he works up a steady pace as jabber shoves a tongue into his mouth, licking the roof and causing a choked sound to bubble up zanka’s vocal chords.
his wrist twinges with fatigue but zanka powers through by sucking jabber’s tongue. the faint taste of smoke and cigar paper floods his tastebuds, reminding zanka of just how long he’s been wanting this. of how long he’s needed this.
the already messy kiss devolves into shared pants as the delicious slide of their flushed cocks sandwiched between zanka’s fist crescendos. he feels it first in his abs as the muscles twitch in warning. jabber presses their foreheads together and zanka peels his eyes open to stare up at the man. his vision blurs at the edges but focuses in on jabber’s blown pupils then to his glistening, kiss swollen lips.
“just like that,” jabber encourages in a wrecked moan that has zanka faltering for less than a second before he continues with full force. the praise combined with the soft, glowing expression on jabber’s face is too much. zanka squeezes his eyes shut and relents to the fast approaching finish line.
his wrist aches and the pace becomes desperately sloppy, but jabber doesn’t complain. the uneven puffs of breath against zanka’s parted lips are accompanied by soft, punched out groans that indicate jabber’s just as close.
it happens so fast that zanka doesn’t know who cums first. he just knows he wasn’t quick enough at biting his tongue and a rough groan is punched out of him. it’s thankfully overshadowed by jabber’s much noisier orgasm and zanka finds his already damp hand now dripping in semen.
the release leaves zanka boneless. he lets his heavy hand drop onto his stomach, smearing the spilled seed onto his already ruined sweatshirt. that already present sleepiness creeps back in at full force, so he blinks his eyes open to fight it off a little longer. jabber’s now slick forehead still rests against his, and opening his eyes reveals that jabber is just as disheveled as zanka feels.
jabber blinks down at him and lazily flashes his canines. “worth the wait?”
instead of responding, zanka tilts his chin up and gently presses their lips together. it’s more tender and raw than what he was going for, something he’ll dissect later, but jabber surpises him again by returning the feeling. jabber kisses him back slowly, dragging his ringed thumb across the soft protrusion of zanka’s jawbone.
actions speak louder than words, and zanka can’t shake the feeling that jabber’s screaming something at him, but his ears just can’t interpret the sounds. he lets the kisses continue, following jabber’s lead when he angles his head so the kiss deepens, but keeps its same easygoing pace. he anchors himself by gripping onto the thin fabric of jabber’s tank top.
they continue like that until zanka’s lips are numb and his chest is flooded with warmth. he lies pliantly on the sofa and succumbs to jabber’s will. when they finally stop, zanka feels betrayed by the way his lips instantly miss jabber.
“you’re staying the night, right?” jabber thumbs the swell of zanka’s lower lip, pupils flicking between his mouth and eyes hopefully. and how could zanka say no?
“‘course,” zanka promises easily. the call of jabber’s bed is too sweet, and zanka doesn’t know how he’d make it home without falling asleep at the wheel.
“good,” jabber grins, leans down to peck zanka’s lips one last time, before climbing off the couch. he takes a moment to tuck himself into his pants before outstretching a hand towards zanka. “c’mon.”
zanka is thankful for the help getting up. his loose limbs are uncoordinated and his head is buzzing as jabber drags him into the bedroom.
he drags his eyes across the familiar room. the sheets are disheveled but it looks like there was a half assed attempt at making the bed. the neat line of shoes next to the closet.
“hey,” jabber murmurs and zanka finds that they’re now standing in front of the dresser full of drawers packed too full. “ya sleepin’ in that?” jabber nods down at zanka’s cum stained sweatshirt.
“naw,” zanka drops jabber’s hand and tugs the cloth over his head, snagging his shirt in the process and pulling both off. there’s a mysterious fleck on the waistband of his pants, so zanka slips out of those too. the air isn’t as chilly in the bedroom, but the feeling of jabber’s eyes dragging over him causes goosebumps to prickle along his skin.
hands on his waist pull zanka in and he easily falls into jabber, succumbing to the soft press of lips. he palms over jabber’s abs and the thin fabric of the tank top, indulging in another lazy kiss. he curls his fingers under the tank, rolling the cloth up as jabber attempts to deepen the kiss, only for zanka to step back and pull the fabric over jabber’s head, tossing it on the floor. jabber steps forward, arms outstretched and clearly planing to pick up where they left off, but zanka stops him with a hand against the firm muscles of his pecs.
”sleep,” zanka reminds, fighting back a smirk when jabber deflates with a sigh.
“fine,” jabber relents. he tugs off his sweats while zanka climbs into the bed, rolling onto his back and sinking into the plush mattress with heavy limbs. jabber turns off the lights then slides in next to him, throwing an arm over zanka’s chest and curling into his side with a pleased hum.
“‘night,” jabber murmurs, content.
zanka places his hand over jabber’s where it lies against his diaphragm. “‘night,” he mumbles back. the last thing he remembers before falling into a dreamless sleep is jabber lacing their fingers together.